Bipolar Check-In #91

My psychiatrist appointment went well. He’s decreasing the trileptal to 600mg for two weeks then once those two weeks are up, increasing the Lamictal to 200mg (up from 100mg ). Said to leave the Thorazine the same for now and is keeping my other meds the same too.

I have another appointment with him in mid August and we should be able to get me off the trileptal entirely then.

He mentioned a vocational rehab thing they have associated with the office because my therapist mentioned to him about me looking for a job and he that I should look into it at some point because he said I shouldn’t be doing cashiering or applying to cashiering jobs if I hate it. He said since I volunteer with animals maybe look into becoming a vet tech or even office work at a vet office

I'm always behind these days, but it's good this thread is active! I'll have to try to catch up later today. Life has gotten busy for me or not really busy or different just maybe feeling less need for support myself...and I could use it to stay that way!

I slept around 8 hr. and went for a jog. Read with my lamp, had breakfast, did laundry and painted. Today I painted a boba tea. It was a lot of fun! I might go back and redo that one at some point to get a lighter purple for the drink itself to contrast better with the beads at the darker left side of the drink.

I'm going to the library with my daughter this afternoon if I can get her to wake up! She stays up so late at night, but as she's 17 years old, I pretty much let her regulate her sleep.

HUGS to everyone! I'll go back and try to catch up later today.

Love your painting @Blueberrybook ! I am glad you are feeling good these days and are keeping busy. That's very important. I am glad your psychiatrist appointment went well @Blue_Bird - The beeping finally stopped! My landlord sent someone to change the smoke alarm - thank God!

I have been basically taking it easy today. Watched a bunch of time travel stuff for my Coffee Talk tomorrow and a bunch of Superman stuff for the Superman movie tomorrow too. I am also meeting with my sponsor so it will be a really busy day.

Currently watching "Hot Tub Time Machine" because I never saw it, and it's really ridiculous, but really good, lol. I hope everyone is having a good day!

I feel like a new person now that I have my zofran back. I'd be cool without surgery if this continues but my mom is just like "well..." She has said before I'm stubborn about my health and getting help when I need it. I guess the lab work and the doctor rescheduling is what she means.

But if meds can control this. Idk. I heard strictures don't get better but I don't want to spend 3 days in the hospital.

I got a bunch of popcorn and other stuff from the grocery store. I've just been cleaning and listening to music for most of the day.

My stomach was hurting and so I just took a compazine. I thought I'd give it a second chance. I can't tell.

I gave power of attorney to my mom yesterday For health stuff. I'm trying not to worry. She wanted me to and I said yeah.

My stomach is acting up. I'm supposed to be going out of town next week. I kinda just have to deal with it.

The fire alarm is watching me. I took a gabapentin. I really want to but won't because this therapist is new to me. I don't want to go to the hospital. I may cope in a socially acceptable acceptable way that's still not healthy.

Morning! At least it’s morning here.

I have to make one more cup of coffee then I’m off to polish the lounge and dining room tables. After that I need to clean all the windows in the lounge. Do I feel like it? Oh heck no! But with my son coming for a sleepover tomorrow night I want him to think I live in a tidy house.

Spent my day with like minded people making posters for a protest. Not certain I’ll be joining them tho as it might be on a hill. Gotta check that out, my back doesn’t do hills. But our little group is growing. It’s a good feeling to be part of a group.

Can’t wait until tomorrow my potions and lotions for my neck are supposed to get here. The pins and needles in my arm are driving me batty. Not sure the potions will help with that. I think only the exercises for my neck will alleviate the pinching of my neck nerve.

Tomorrow I can relax and do nothing but Sunday I’m not looking forward to. Got to get to the park early to set up. That means getting my big box of supplies down the elevator and into the car then somehow down the sidewalk into the pavilion. Hopefully my nephew will be there early and he can carry it. Can’t bow out because I have the essentials supplies. My back is not looking forward to it but the socialization will be nice. I only see my cousins once a year now and I grew up with them.

What a workout! Deep cleaning is not for the faint hearted! I’m bloody exhausted. Sitting down with a nice cup of tea!

Relaxed today and worked on my social skills. Had one relatively successful interaction with a woman who said i was funny. But she was edging away and dashed for the elevator. She didn't seem to want to spend time with me. Most people don't.

I feel sad that i am so overwhelmed by my bipolar and don't experience all life has to offer. I feel sad that at 58 i don't have very good social skills. I missed so many of the developmental milestones in building a social skill-set. I am considering just accepting my isolation.

I feel like I'm having a repeat of Wednesday 2AM But I just have to deal with it. Not sure what else I can do but try to sleep through it.

I don't get these people who fake medical conditions. I just want a ****in bowl of plain noodles but I can't keep anything down and I'm terrified of being in the hospital and not being in control of my meds.

My mom thinks I might be dehydrated. But I can just sleep it off.

Didn't do much today. Boredom and isolation led to bad habits. Did something "twice" today that I feel such immediate guilt for. I feel like I am going to be punished badly for it. I am in such fear right now.

Today was rough. I had therapy in the morning then I was alone for 6 hours. I'm vaguely thinking the fire alarms are watching me. I had to buy a shaving razor. I got a safe one but it was really hard because I wanted a regular one. I'm trying to get ready to go to my parent which don't have AC. so I need clothes that are able to withstand 90+ degree weather.

I'm home from my breast clinic appointments. I don't have mammogram results yet so I guess I'll find out Monday. Usually they tell me the results before I go. I'm not sure why it was different this time. She did take one extra view on one side ad that's usually not the best sign. I'll see what happens Monday.

Next time I have my MRI and doctor visit. I always spend a few days in the city for that because it can't all be done in one visit. Next time I'll be spending my birthday in the city. Maybe it will be nice enough I can go out and do the art museum or something. I've never had a lot of luck with weather in December-January up there. So chances are good I'm going to turn 50 all alone. No big deal, we'll just celebrate it late but still will be weird.

Now I just want to sleep. I'm trying to make it until 10:30 or so but I'm fading fast.

Oh, and good news. All of our feral cats are present and accounted for. I can't remember if I mentioned that but we have 6 cats/kittens we feed and most/all had been missing for a few days after the chicken fiasco. My mom saw them all this evening. I'm so relieved.

My mom has gotten me all freaked out over Chatgpt. I googled my last name and hers and my highschool and a friend who died and now shes freaking out I gave out all this info that could do something bad. I reassured her I only looked up names. But she has me worried.

Dinner and the pasta didn't happen. My stomach was a mess for a bit this afternoon

I have decided to accept my life. For the first time since last year i feel at peace.

I’m going to my partners mom’s house in probably over an hour. I don’t enjoy going but I feel obligated to go with my partner every few weeks. She just yabbers on and complains about how hard it is. I can’t get a word in sideways. I have a headache from cleaning. I think it’s the chemicals I was using. And I’m so tired. Slept 11 hours but feeling exhausted. Tried to nap but the noise of my sons iPad made that impossible.

I feel drugged. I hate gabipentin. I have to go to bed soon because they are going to come tomorrow.

Can I please sleep through the weekend? I don't want to deal with my birthday. I got a cake but don't want it.

Hello again, 1AM… there are people across the street spying.

Well it wasn’t so bad there. She offered cakes and what not but I couldn’t eat any. It made me so hungry I came home and ate a hard boiled egg. Yum! Will eat some pineapple later on.

I woke up at 11 feeling really weird. I got back to sleep but now I'm up with bad stomach pains. I took what I could. I'm keeping track of the 2 things I'm on for nausea and pain. One is every 6 hours and one is every 8 hours.

I don't know whats going to happen.

I've been up for an hour and a half. Tomorrow is going to be a huge test for me but Hopefully it'll be a good day It's weird having therapy on different days.

Got my blood work done this morning. God, I slept again last night, but I look like shyt. I don't really do make-up but I'm trying to look up how not to look like a racoon. Have a coupon for a dollar store good just for today too.