Bipolar Check-In #91

@Victoria'smom They were discharged many years ago so that's not the issue. I just can't think of a thing I've done differently.

Rainbow I googled it and it said, applying for a new credit card, using more of your available credit, paying off a loan( that seems wrong) a mistake by the credit report, closing a card, or a late payment. But it sounds as if you’ve already ruled those out? I know my credit went down when I paid off my car early. I don’t know of anything else.

@Nammu yeah, none of that applies. I have credit cards and I use them to maintain credit but I pay them off within a month. I don't have a car payment or mortgage and neither of those have changed in years. I have a long credit history and plenty of available credit. I just have no idea what happened.

Today was so so. I had my virtual study group which tends to leave me feeling lonely because it's not in person. Soon enough, it will be though. It was "only" 101 out so I went for a short 15 minute walk outside. I needed to get out of my studio and it helped a little bit. Because of my POTs, it's not something I can do often in this heat though, especially since it will be getting hotter again in the coming days.

I'm not really looking forward to the weekend. I'm worried about how heavy this loneliness is going to end up feeling. It's so hard not really knowing anyone.

My bible study with @Blue_Bird went excellent today!! I am loving it so much.

Playing my games to keep me distracted. Reading a lot too. I am doing really well workwise, I have a Microsoft Copilot presentation to do tomorrow and I am nervous, we will see how it goes. I watched a really bad Hercules movie tonight with my best friend that was really entertaining.

I am holding tightly onto my heartstrings, I am still grieving how much i love my ex, and it still hurts a lot. I am pushing other guys away because of it. I hope tomorrow is a better day, I wish it didn't hurt this bad sometimes.

Just hating the fact I’m back at work on Monday after a lovely 2 week holiday!

I woke up an hour ago with nausea a headache and feeling like I had pink eye. I didn't really do anything yesterday. I took a pepcid but my head feels like its going to explode.

I have nothing of nutrional value in the house so I ordered some stuff.

I've been up for hours. They are tracking my sleep. 2 hours until I talk to T... I'm so nervous.

Your T just wants to help. it will be ok <3

I'm having a hard time today. My stupid period won't end, I'm nauseous and hot and just feeling on the edge of panicky. My nerves feel fraught, I don't even know how to begin to describe it.

Painting sucked today. I painted a popsicle finally, and I guess it will be okay once I clean up the edges. It's just not much fun today.

Reading is meh. I couldn't even use the SAD lamp for long, feeling too hot and like I need to get under a fan ASAP despite having AC.

Sorry you’re having a hard time today blueberry.

Aw, I am sorry that you aren't feeling good @Blueberrybook - your painting still looks great compared to what I could do, lol. Periods are the worst, I am dreading the vengenance of mine whenever it decides to show up - I have been so irritable and its nowhere in sight, I am worried.

I am feeling better this morning. I got an email from my guy really early, which means he fell asleep early last night when I was in the middle of my drama. I need to learn to relax and live my life, I have so much to be grateful for. Everytime I get dramatic over things, I just have to remember to be grateful. My homeles friend in NYC is so amazing for kicking me in the butt and reminding me - when I was crying last night over this, he simply sent me this: "BREAKING NEWS: Today you woke up, someone else didn't - Be grateful for your life" Simple. Straight to the point. Just what I needed.

Just going to go forward, and remember that all this complaining I am doing is futile. A lot of my study with @Blue_Bird is about becoming a disciple of Jesus - by following Him more than just reading about him and being just a fan, but to actually be more like Him. It feels daunting, but I think it's the only way I can find peace.

One way is to do a good deed for the day, and that would be bringing a pizza over to my friend's house who just had a new baby so she didn't have to do dinner, it's the least I could do.

So I'm a bit anxious today. I did get my weekly shot so I'm hoping that does something soon. My therapist says I've been tired lately. I don't feel tired but I have been sleeping at night more then normal.

I have to get through the weekend and Monday before stuff starts up.

I think I was weirding out my therapist. She was all like "just contiune with the deep breaths." I didn't have my camera turned on me so maybe I was stareing at her too much? Idk

I think I read something similar to the Colbert situation in Farenheit 451.

Good afternoon, had a great Bible study with @LadyShadow yesterday! It was so fun and I’m learning a lot

Got up and had a productive morning. Now I’m just relaxing with a cup of Irish Breakfast tea and watching some episodes of Pokemon.

Painted the second layer of the background for a jack-o’-lantern painting I’m doing.

Took the trash out for my neighbor

Next Monday I’m going to go see the new “ I Know What You Did Last Summer” movie in theater, excited about that.

Tomorrow I’ve got to pick up my meds from the pharmacy.

I’m doing well

My therapist said I was fine. She just had Friday brain fog and she meant to say something different. She thought the mixup was funny and said I was great.

I got a bit annoyed an hour ago mainly because of my med situatuion. I did what I could and ate a salad.

Some people in the world right now are just a horses ***.

Does this look bad? Left knee vs right knee. Left knee hurts like a ***** right now

Yeah I know how hairy my legs are.

T tried to put it in prospective for me. He says I have to forgive myself to do affirmations but I'm glad that I can talk to someone professional about that symptom. He thinks I should get a dog sooner rather then later. So we changed up our 5 year plan a bit. He wants me to cut soda because I'm knowingly using it to be unhealthy. He wants us to meal plan and do alarms for meal time. I ordered a curkil to try that because I don't like plan water. I'm going to try this until I see him Tuesday

My mother called again to threaten me saying “I’m not helping you. You have 24 hours. If you don’t want the bed…”. Just mean!

I am exhausted. I slept all day. Also she’s making me depressed.

Thanks everyone. I'm doing a bit better this afternoon. Feeling a lot better physically other than cramps. Still bleeding and so ready to be done with this stupid 2 week period already!

I felt well enough to go with my daughter to the library during her volunteer hour and picked up my library holds.

Hopefully, I still feel well in the morning. Tomorrow my 2 sisters & I are having our annual Sister Day where the 3 of us hang out together. We're planning to go to an aquarium/rainforest park and maybe stop at a cookie store on the way back to my sister's house depending on the time and how we (probably "I" not "we") feel.

Good morning everyone

Saturday morning here. Not sure what I’m doing today. Maybe a cafe. But I do have to go grocery shopping because I’m low on a lot of food. Money is tight because I’m trying to save for my wedding but I’ll be fine!

This morning I had to get up early because they were coming to snake the sink. They just have an approximate time of when they’ll get here. I washed up the dishes and cleaned out the cabinets under the sink. As was ready for them by 9am. They came at 11:30 and it took all of 10 minutes.

When I was downstairs I was told the fire alarm went off at 10:30. I never heard a thing! That’s sort of scary. I know I can’t hear it without my hearing aids but I had them in today, I should have been able to hear it. When Sir was here he’d alert me to sounds and people at the door. I never trained him to do that he just did it. But I don’t really want to deal with a litter box again! And forget a dog, taking them outside in 30 below weather! Winters are too cold here.

The grocery stores is back to using independent delivery people, I hate it. From my first alert that they were on the way until I actually got my groceries was 50 minutes! I liked it much better when the store employees did the delivery.

Oh well 1st world problems. I can’t wait until I get a parking spot then I can do my own delivery.

Oh, blueberry that sounds fun, have a good time.

My fire alarm has lights that flash when the alarm goes off can you ask if they can install a fire alarm that does that.

I should. I had an alarm like that in Texas. I need to make myself a note, or I’ll forget.

Managed to get a shower and put on clean clothes.