Bipolar Check-In #91

Saw N3 and gf for an hour or so this morning. That was nice. Their place looks nice since they’ve arranged it and put stuff away. Haven’t seen it in person yet- just pictures. We got together at Panera.

My mom is going to pick up my rugs this afternoon and wash them. Always nice to have clean rugs!

I hope the maintenance people won’t come until after I’m home from my appointment with my primary doctor. I probably will put the cat in her carrier while I’m gone so she doesn’t get out in case they do come while I’m gone.

Few pics from yesterday; you'll have to excuse my hair. The humidity outside & in the rainforest pyramid really frizzed up my hair!
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Couple more jellyfish pics:


The fish tanks didn't photograph very well. Sort of got the lionfish:

Oh, beautiful pics. Your hair doesn’t look bad.

Awesome pics Blueberry and you look great!

Fantastic photographs 😊

This is awesome! I really like this quote!

I got my groceries picked up and put away. I was finally able to paint a decent avocado; it really helps when you have the right color paint for the skin! Nothing too fancy, but I wanted to paint one again using the paint from tubes and also getting the right skin on it!

My mother just came over “to get the rugs” and ended up complaining the whole time!!!! At least an hour! And she’s demanded that I clean my bathroom floor and kitchen floor but I’m exhausted now. She says she’s coming back with the clean rugs in an hour and expects my bathroom to be clean. Well the toilet is clean and so is the cat box. I really do need to sleep! . Fml. She can’t understand that my apartment got dirty because I have been too exhausted to clean for the last 3 weeks.

I’m so nervous I feel like my hands are shaking. Leaving for work in 40 minutes after a 2 week break. Period 1 I teach my horrendous class. At least I get them out the way for the day but still. I’m scared af.

I guess she’s not coming over! She just texted.

Went in to my support group's drop-in and had THEE BEST TIME EVER connecting with a guy i've know for years. Turns out all this time we've had beaucoup in common and never knew it. We both had brothers who died young and the experience transformed us and we both had rage-aholic fathers. Wow.

Also, he's become Ba'hai so he has a very interesting spiritual life and it was so cool to hear about it. He's also into multi-culturalism and African culture in particular. He says i look good and "exceptional" when i wear my African dresses. We exchanged numbers and talked about getting together for coffee.

We'll just proceed as friends now as i am done with romance for this year after all my misadventures and i know he swore off romance decades ago because of his bipolar. It will just be nice to have a friend whose life parallels mine in so many ways and is so very educational and elevated spiritually and can introduce me to the Ba'hai and African gospel communities.

@Crazy Hitch I hope your tough class wasn't to bad! And, that your first day back goes well overall!

1 hour and 15 minutes until I teach that class. I have my Alepam (benzo) right here next to me. About to take it in 15 minutes.

Today is moving slow, but going okay so far. Due to a low mood, I just couldn't get myself out of bed this morning so I adjusted my morning plans to stay in bed a bit. I went for a nice drive and was able to get in an outside walk because it is only in the 90s and is cloudy. It even sprinkled a bit (rain is a rarity where I live). It is supposed to be around 110 in the coming days so it was nice for a rare "cooler" summer day. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the rest of my day. I should read, but I don't feel up to it. I should try to read at least a chapter though.

I have 6 hours to eat solids and then the only "solids" I can have until Wednesday afternoon are gummi bears and green Jello. I don't even like green Jello....But I'll be glad of anything with consistency I'm sure. I bought a lot of apple juice and white grape juice and 7 UP and Gatorade and I'll pack tea and bullion cubes. It just will be a long 2 days then Wednesday I finally have the procedure.

(For those who haven't had a colonoscopy don't be afraid of my 2 days of fluid thing. It's just because I had an incomplete clean-out last time. Usually it's one day).

The trip to the hotel near the hospital will be fun with all the liquids I've had. I'll have to stop a few times to pee. But it is better than doing prep here and trying to get 2.5 hours away with the prep doing its' thing.

Just ate tuna with mayo. It’s been years since I’ve eaten tuna as I thought I was allergic to seafood!

Tuna in salad is the BEST! Next to avocado of course!

I'm feeling crappy today but I'm not sure why.



So I'm kinda worn out right now. I feel a bit down though.

@BeyondtheRainbow - Hope all goes well with your colonoscopy prep. I have one scheduled in early August, and I am not much looking forward to it.

Thanks @Blueberrybook It's definitely not fun but I am determined that this time I will have a complete prep. And it's good to have it done and know everything is ok. I was hoping to get to do cologuard this time and I'd already talked to my family dr about doing that when I turn 50. But I'm 49.5 and need the whole thing. So maybe next time I can do cologuard. It's hard to believe that I'll be 55 in 5 years (and 6 months). I remember when this colonoscopy seemed to be so far in the future and it's actually been about 6 years.

Is this your first one?

I’ve done all my Sunday routines, a long shower, doing my pill containers, not wearing hearing aids or interacting with humans. My day off helps me much. Been playing a new mahjong game, no ads! It’s been calm and peaceful. Had an old fashioned, just because.

Rainbow I have my colonoscopy next month. Not looking forward to it. Last time I had to drink Gatorade with an additive, that wasn’t bad and cleaned me out just fine. I’ve been given a huge gallon sized jug and lemon flavor to drink, this time. Ugh. Wasn’t bad last time. This time though! Need to give up my dinner of salads as I have to do low fiber for a week.

Tonight is PBS, got to enjoy it while I have it. Tonight is Patient, a murder mystery with an autistic character as one of the main leads. Then grantchester a cozy mystery with a Victor and a cop.

What a weekend! I am so glad I got out and got so much done. Went to mass this morning and then did my Legion of Mary visit to a 96-yesr-old, retired doctor and gave him communion - it is so rewarding doing this work - he was so grateful when we went and sat with him for an hour.

Then I went to visit my mom and dad - I was really tired, so they understood that I wanted to leave early. My mom made so much food for me - it will end up lasting me all week, I am so blessed for them, I love them so much.

So glad you enjoyed mass so much @Blue_Bird - for a while I didn't know when to kneel or stand either, I just followed along, usually I will get a smile from someone if I stumble, but everyone is usually so kind.

@Blueberrybook - you are so beautiful! Your hair looks lovely! I love all your pictures, I am glad you had such a good time! Your avocado looks really good too. You know how I feel about Walmart too girl, I dread it every month, as a matter of fact I always call it the dreaded Walmart.

I am absolutely worn out from this weekend, so I am going to spend the rest of the evening playing Wylde Flowers or Lego Star Wars - did my reading for the night, I finished my first Star Wars book of my trilogy and am reading two graphic novels called Batman and Superman: World's Finest - and Justice League: New Frontier. I am getting myself ready for Galaxy Con Friday, yay! Also going to go to the movies Thursday and see Fantastic Four.

Hope everyone is having a great Sunday! Hugs to those who need it today.

@Nammu I have the big jug of stuff with lemon flavoring. I'm not sure I'm going to use the flavoring though. Last time I was told to add Crystal light to the solution and that did help. I don't remember if I used or had a flavor packet then. I guess you can't mix it with sugar but I bought a lot of off-brand lemonade and that should help. I hope. I so wanted to do the gatorade prep but I was told I can't because of my incomplete prep last time.

I'm just really hoping this is my last one ever. Probably too much to hope for but I'm going to anyway!

I don't know about the guy i connected with today. I'm feeling triggered about my brother. Maybe we are TOO MUCH alike? In a lot of ways, i like to socialize with people who are dissimilar to me. Young people who have no baggage and haven't been broken by life yet. Those who do not know, and do not care. I have no plans to call him. He probably is too scared of me to call me.

I thought i wanted someone to know my heart. Now that i've found a friend who could, i'm not so sure. It's so much easier with someone where an intimate connection is not possible, and i can steer the whole relationship. I felt i was too vulnerable today. It makes me uneasy.

Well, at least i was mindful, and hastily excused myself when i started to feel exposed today. It was sort of inappropriate to talk so intimately in the drop-in. I don't know. Maybe i'll see if there is an activity around town for us to do. I'm not really interested in coffee with him. I don't want to get into the dead brothers again.