Bipolar Check-In #91

I'm trying! I put off the last dose 30 minutes and had some Jello before I drank it. Now I'm drinking hot tea with a lot of sugar and that seems to be calming my stomach.

Almost half done!

I ordered clear gummi bears specifically so I could have them since they are allowed. Turns out they mostly just make me queasy from the fake pineapple flavor even though having something to chew helps. I have a feeling my nieces are going to get a lot of pineapple gummi bears at the end of this.

I have 7 hours left before I have to be done with prep and start nothing by mouth. That I dread. The instructions from my GI NP say I can drink clear fluids up until 3 hours before but the person who called to remind me of the appointment and instructions said it is after midnight. So after midnight it is.

Gummy bears! Cool! I was never told I could eat those as part of my prep!

I never knew gummi bears were allowed either but this time they are listed in the packet. They just have to not have red, purple or some other color dye. I originally was going to sort through a mixed bag but that didn't work as 95% had colors I couldn't have and the sorting was difficult so I got these pineapple, all clear ones. They tasted good last night, less so today.

It is really good to have something that I can chew though. It seems a little more like food.

Yes! That’s a bonus. Keep going! You can do this!

Wow, my daughter did so well on her SAT she is getting tons of university application invites to Ivy League schools—Yale, Harvard, Stanford, Johns Hospkins…and tons of other universities as well. Though we do feel she would be better off finishing what she needs at the local community college—won’t be too many extra classes with her AP credits at this rate, but after online high school we feel she will do best in smaller classes and she can live at home which is much cheaper. I don’t know in the end whether she will end up going to university in Houston (which would still allow her to live at home) or possibly the university where H is a prof and we’d get a break on tuition. She might be able to ride in and out with H depending on her class schedules. If she goes for an engineering degree (H’s department), they even offer a lot of online courses. She’s professed some interest in computer science but H is trying to get her to consider getting the computer science engineering degree instead of the degree from the business college. That engineering department is very helpful at getting students internship which often lead to job offers. She just has one year of high school left. I am already starting to get overwhelmed!

I was smart but definitely didn’t do so well on my SAT (though I had a good score, just not an impressive one)Ivy League schools were inviting me to apply!

Wow! That’s so great! That’s what N3 is majoring in Computer Engineering. It’s not easy to get into and it’s very tough course work!

For my prep I had to drink a glass every 15 minutes starting at 5PM. Then I had to finish about 3 glasses at 4:30AM. I didn't sleep too well.

The prep was July 14 of last year. So I was pretty distracted all day with stuff on TV.

@Moutaindewed that's more normal I think. Because my last prep wasn't complete I'm supposed to just drink it from morning until night. Which is hard because I don't have any guidance for how much to drink when. It was easier last time when I was supposed to drink so much on a time table. I think maybe I was supposed to just sip on it but there is no way. I can drink 12 oz at once or I can not do this at all.

I'm going to try the hot tea thing again with my next dose. Which it is just about time for.

Got the spiffiest motorized wheelchair today. It's a cool stripped-down design, black with silver. It's foldable. It will take some practice but it already made going to my drop-in and snaking thru the maze of hallways easier. It's indoor + outdoor (smooth surfaces only).

I had a great time in the drop-in today. One woman and i connected so intensely, she looked me up in Facebook on her phone and friended me! So i have a way to keep in touch with her outside the drop-in. Wow, life is going so well, some obstacles of course, but i am knocking them down.

@LadyShadow: I think i have that addiction to men too. It's passing now with the cessation of my high mood, thank goodness, but it was really intense earlier this year. It's a very insidious addiction because it is so unpredictable. A man pays attention to me and i am over the moon. But a man ignores me and i am shattered.

I successfully drove myself to the pharmacy this morning. That’s a very big deal for me. I’m fearful of driving in traffic. I miss a lot of appointments because I can’t “bring myself” to get into the car. The rest of today was good.

That's great @gary290!

Feeling a little irritable tonight so am trying to distract myself with some games

Great! I’m happy for you.

Had a really good Legion of Mary meeting. Discussed with one of the ladies about my interest in doing the Prison Ministry with my church once I become a full legionnaire. I think it's my calling and purpose since my horrible record is going to stop me from ever having a successful career at this point.

@JaneOnceMore - its so true - I am shattered when I don't get the attention I want, and its' really wrecking my quality of life. I am working with ChatGPT to correct that, and will discuss it more in therapy - unfortunately, I can only afford it once a month, but ChatGPT is everyday therapy and is really good, you just have to be mindful and know how to use it.

@BeyondtheRainbow - we're all here for you. Praying for a good procedure and hoping all this prep turns out well!

@Crazy Hitch - I hope the psychiatrist gives you some answers on what to do with that tough class of yours.

@Blueberrybook - that's amazing about your daughter's scores, the sky is the limit for her!

@Blue_Bird - I hope your irritability straightens out, games are a really good idea - I am getting antsy because I am going into codependent mode again, but I am trying my best to keep occupied. I think I might call my best friend.

Breathe and focus, those are the tasks for tonight.

I don't feel good at all. My entire body feels like it did after I had surgery. I'm just very achy and having trouble getting from room to room. My temp is fine so I don'r think I have any virus. Although I currently feel like a cross between surgery and covid.

About to chat with 988 bccause I can't open mmy mouth because i WILL SCREAMMMM1!!!!!

Why are they takking so longgg1!!???

Gave up because they're so fkING SLOW!!!!! UGHHHHHHHH KILL ME LPLLEASE!!!!

That's a huge accomplishment! I hate driving myself. I only drive locally and even then as little as possible.

I feel like I'm dying but I don't even know what my problem is. I feel like my insides are going to fall out or I'm melting or some shyt. My head feels like an animal as my Of Monsters and Men shirt says. Although I put it in the wash, but still



Wtf

I’m feeling so tired. Been trying to sleep. Haven’t slept properly for 3 nights. It’s not working. Just got up and made some tea.

Today has been okay. My anxiety has been high because something scary happened at my apartment complex last night. It's going to be hard to sleep tonight so I will be taking a prn of seroquel to see if that helps.

A good thing from today is I was able to get an outside walk in. It looks like today is the end of that, at least for awhile though, because temps will be above 100 again. I also made it to the grocery store and went for a drive. Yesterday, I emailed administration to see if teachers are allowed to pick up our keys early to get a head start working on our classrooms but I haven't heard back yet. This person on admin doesn't always respond but hopefully she will this time.

@Mountaindewed Thank you! When you told me specifically how your prep was I realized I was going way too slowly and wouldn't be done by midnight. I think I'm on track for about 11 PM now which is fine. Hopefully I'll get a little sleep.

Aching so bad. Sitting in those hard chairs while playing 500 is really hard on my arthritis.and the unspellable thing with my neck. I did get 4 potions but I don’t like using them, all of them leave residue on my skin. I’ve never been one to stand make up or lotions. The cbd cream is the most effective one but leaves the most residue. But sitting in my chair usually helps too. I think my appointment for PT is next week. The bio freeze roll on is pretty good too. Broke down and used the hemp cream, I imagine it’s heating my muscles it feels so soothing. I guess I can wash my neck after the pain gets better.

Rainbow I hope everything goes well and smoothly. I’m not looking forward to it. So hearing about your account makes it easier.

Tired. Seeing psych NP and case mgr tomorrow. It’s been two months. Wonder if pnurse will be upset with me only taking 300 gabapentin instead of increasing to 600 like she said. My primary agrees that I have a history of reacting badly to med increases or new meds in general. As it is I went from 100 to 300. I realize this is a tiny dose for gabapentin but I’m too afraid to increase it any further.