Bipolar Check-In #93

My two previous cats. Mocha (Siamese) and Maybelle (tortie) they were awesome.





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I’m getting a payee starting next month. I dug myself into such a deep hole financially in the spring when I was manic and I’d rather hand control of my finances back over to a program that does that than risk that ever happening again. Sucks but it is what it is and is in my best interest. Not to mention the vet bill which wiped out the little savings I had started accumulating. Don’t want to be in that situation again if I ever got manic again so I would rather hand over the bulk of my money to someone who can make sure bills get paid and I have money in savings for possible emergencies

Sucks cause I wanted to be completely independent but I’m not ready for that I guess.

Anyway, I’m glad I live in supportive housing they can help me with the paperwork for it

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I woke up in the middle of the night sweating, anxious, shaking, and with heart palpitations. I stopped taking my topamax four days ago. I don't know if it was perimenopause or topamax withdrawal, but I've also been getting bad headaches as of late, so I took a topamax this morning to see if it would help and it did. Ugh. I'm going to have to wean off that one apparently. Yay. I'm only on 100mg! Christ.

Luckily I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Monday, so I can talk to her about attempting to wean off it. The only reason why I was put on it in the first place was to help with increased appetite from seroquel and it's not working. I'm still hungry ALL THE FUDGING TIME.

Holy carp, moose!

Hey raspberry - i had to start taking Tagamet when i started topamax because the topamax gave me stomach pains that could only be stopped by food! I was like, pdoc, wtf?! Thats when he said, OH! Arent you taking tagamet? All my friends take it! Im like, no, im not OLD like YOU!

I went up to 400, but by then i was falling over, but i was losing weight. I lost about 40 lbs and it stayed off for quite a while. I was taking home half my restaurant portions. Honestly, i would try 200 if i were you, but i know im the only person on this site who loooooves it.

It was kinda fun, just falling down.i never hurt myself, it happened like twice, once in front of the post office. Just, BOOM! Straight down crumple.

My body is just like "not today satan" I was doing good all day yesterday. Today I can barely get out of bed.

I've been craving carbs. Just straight up eating plain white bread and stuff.

I feel less down then I did yesterday. Which is really good.

I did a walmart order last niight and I ordered a bunch of apple cider and pumpkin Little Debbie and Entenmanns treats. Yeah carb craving plus pumpkin spice season isnt a good combo. Lol

What gorgeous good looking handsome felines these be! Wow!

My primary dr put in a surgery referral. They are calling me back to schedule.

Today is a very exciting day. I take my vows for the Legion of Mary and officially become a Legionnaire. It's such a big step for me. I also am waiting to find out if I will be approved to take the class to become a Eucharistic Minister. It all means a lot to me.

Things have been going well, I have been on edge about things because of a new development I realized last night. I have to be a bit more careful these days. Other than that, I am looking forward to going out today and enjoying a day in prayer before I take my vows.

I love your old cats @Blue_Bird - they were so magnificent and fancy. I know a payee isn't the best thing to have right now, but if they can help you, it would be good.

I am just overwhelmed with emotions today, good, bad, negative, hopeful. I hope I can get through today.

Today has already felt crazy long and it's not even 1:30pm.

Luna, I did ask my psychiatrist if we could try going up to 200mg, but she said no because it would give me cognitive impairment or something. I was like, "Have you NOTICED how much gabapentin I'm on and I'm fine?!" I don't know why we can't just try it. The psychiatrist who initially prescribed me it would have but willing to. I'm pretty sure I'd be fine. Maybe I'll beg her. Lol.

Raspberry, for sure! The only thing i noticed is i couldnt answer Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy anymore, but i still did okay at work, doing my usual computer stuff, which was relatively creative.

recovering.

@Moose72 I can't believe you've had a tube inside for potentially 20 years! That's not what you expect to hear.

I can’t get them to make me a surgery’s date to get this thing removed! My dr made the referral!

So I’m supposed to give a stool sample and this is the first morning I’ve woken up and not rushed to the loo first thing. I just don’t need to go to the loo. Wtf Murphy law I tell you!

In other news I’m going for my ultrasound at 10:30am. Should be a straightforward procedure I would think.

Having GI issues. Thankfully I have immodium. I tend to get them around the time of my period but this time it’s really bad. Hoping it clears up before I go to my class tonight.

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@LadyShadow , I think a payee would be the best thing for me for now. It would take so much stress off my shoulders, I’m going to get a copy of my birth certificate next week then going to the DMV to get a REAL ID since I only have a regular ID and they now require you to have a REAL ID to enter the social security building. But anyway after that all I have to do is make an appointment with them go in and turn the paperwork in and I’ll have a payee again.

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Probably no one wants to do it. You need the Botched tv show guys. That thing is gonna be embedded with the troops for sure. NOW what does your lawyer say?

I got dressed and put on actual clothes instead of pajama pants. I brushed my hair and my teeth and I feel a lot better emotionally.

I'm trying not to be too needy. Last night I didn't eat dinner but I didn't want to ask. I got some heat and serve microwave breakfast bowls.

These Jimmy Dean scramblers are pretty good. Expensive but ok for now. And real easy on my stomach.

Now they need to talk to my dr first and that’s just for a consultation!

My psychiatrist is happy with the results of the Lamictal and the Zoloft increase in combo with my abilify. He said I can stop the trileptal now, stop the Thorazine , and stop the klonopin since I don’t need the klonopin now.

You all!! I’m gonna be on just 3 meds!! That’s the least I’ve ever been on since before I was 18 and I’m 31 now.

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Congratulations blue bird 🐦!

Saw my T we mostly talked about political stuff and the ruckus in the building. My clinic has a Starbucks inside of it, I was planning on getting a chai, but they were closed. So I grabbed a vanilla coffee in a bottle. Oof expensive! I was dragging this morning but now I’m vibrating. Coffee does that to me.

Had to turn the AC back on, the humidity is high and it’s trying to rain. But I was able to do my errands before it really rained. That’s cause I took my rain coat with me! Like hitch said Murphy’s law. I was able to get the Vikings points. I now have .37 cents off a gallon of gas. Friday I go to my daughter’s house and I’ll fill up in her town, gas is cheaper there.

Tomorrow is my pdoc appointment. It’ll be a breeze.

Luna, that's good to hear! I'll REALLY beg her! My appointment is on Monday.

@Blue_Bird

That's great that you're only on three meds now! 😊 Congrats!

My T is trying this thing with me where she silently acknowledges losses and goes on forever about every little and big win. Except for when in my DBT homework I put I can try to cause the right time of head trauma to give myself retrograde amnesia and break the law (in the name of TASTEFUL art vs some vulgar and, given the placement, triggering shyt I see daily) to make myself less vulnerable. She told me she will not advocate self harm with intent of permanent head trauma and she told me to not break the law, but my heart's in the right place on that one (I think she kinda wants me to, but she doesn't want to be in any way legally responsible if I get caught).

It smells like pine trees and garbage out there. That's a massive improvement from just garbage that's been sitting in bins in 90-100dF heat and crazy high humidity with no wind. The garbage also smells less like an old yogurt/the worst BO I've ever smelled/urine/feces combo and more just like urine/feces/moderately bad BO which I appreciate greatly. Except maybe in a few days I won't because today wasn't even trash day in this part of town--my apartment gets the dumpster emptied Mondays and Thursdays and I think the neighborhoods of 1, 2, 3 family homes are Thursdays.

Asked to get meds early. Goal is to do 2 four thousand footers in the same range, if not then just one, and I have a moderate back up if I'm not feeling up to any NH48s. It's supposed to be dry though so I might even do one of the main T25s that has a a slide requiring class II+ climbing maneuvers. But that's only if I'm feeling mad-dogged amazing on Friday.

@raspberrytorte I too never got any cognitive side effects from Topiramate. It did end my BN cycle and threw me into AN-BP territory though both times I tried it.

I just want to cry. Lack of sleep!

It’s been 20 years. There’s a six year limit on these things I think. I don’t see any scar tissue on the xray. I’d put up the xray but it’s got my full name and medical record number on it.