[Josie55]

I feel like I'm not exhibiting enough symptoms to say I'm depressed but I feel really "blah". And I'm crying a lot. And I'm tired.
And I just feel not right.

But I'm able to get things done.
I'm not in bed all day every day. I even have a job. [which is actually really stressing me out even though it's only part time, but still]

So I just feel like I'm not depressed "enough" to be feeling as badly as I do. Like the defect is me. ME as in myself, what I can control. The "why-don't-you-just-perk-up-and-get-some-fresh-air" me.

I don't know.

I wanted to join the bipolar chat but I have to make more posts or something in order to be allowed in.

Maybe some other night.

[Liberada]

Hi Josie, welcome to PC

[Berries]

Doesn't sound like your not depressed enough to me. It sounds like you are doing a damn fine job of trying to function and get through your days,even though you feel awful.
I'm sorry you don't feel good!!
Maybe you need a med adjustment or an extra appointment with your T? Or maybe spend some time with a good friend?
Or maybe just the passage of time will help?
I hope you feel better soon. I hope you keep posting. I find Chatting usually cheers me up. I think you need like 5 posts and then you can chat.

[Martina]

You don't have to be suicidal to be depressed. In fact, it's best to catch it while it's still at this point before things get out of control.

Sometimes I do think I use a mild depression as an "excuse" to lay around and sit on my *** all day. But then, is that an excuse, or just how our body is making us feel?

Hang in there.

Welcome to Psychcentral, I hope you find some good resources here.

[Josie55]

Originally Posted by Martina

...Sometimes I do think I use a mild depression as an "excuse" to lay around and sit on my *** all day. But then, is that an excuse, or just how our body is making us feel?

I worry about that a lot. About whether there is actually a problem or if I am making it up as an excuse or something.

And then it's also hard to tell when I'm really in real trouble because I have a tendency to be able to push myself into seeming "normal" for way beyond when I feel normal. And then suddenly I turn around and I'm way in over my head.

But right now, I feel like I'm not really all that bad, but I feel bad.
I think I just confused whoever is reading any of this.
ARGH.
I hate words.

[Daisy1126]

Hi Josie,
I completely understand what you are saying! I am able to function during depression as well. I feel really really bad, but I drag myself out and do the bare minimum of what I need to do. I don't think other people would even know that I was depressed and not doing well! I am just now learning to recognize the depression and take care of myself during this time. Hang in there and speak with your doc if it continues.
~Daisy

[Josie55]

It is getting worse. My anxiety is through the roof and I keep wanting to flip out at my job.

It's getting so hard to just go through the motions. I want to just stop and sit there right on the floor and cry.

I'm sorry. I just feel like I can't do it. But I have to.
If I don't my life is destroyed. And it's the holidays, so chin up dontcha know.

I'm sorry I'm complaining so much.
I'm trying to be helpful to other people, I just don't know what to say.

[Berries]

You are not complaining!!!! You are sharing your feelings and hardships with people who understand those feelings and hardships.

Hang in there!!!!!!

[ne1410s]

You definitely are NOT complaining!! We're all here to help you

I don't think depression has a set standard.

If you feel crappy, you feel crappy. And everyone deserves all the support they can get when they feel crappy. So that means you deserve support as much as the rest, and I hope you do feel better.

[Christynott]

Originally Posted by Josie55

I feel like I'm not exhibiting enough symptoms to say I'm depressed but I feel really "blah". And I'm crying a lot. And I'm tired.
And I just feel not right.

But I'm able to get things done.
I'm not in bed all day every day. I even have a job. [which is actually really stressing me out even though it's only part time, but still]

So I just feel like I'm not depressed "enough" to be feeling as badly as I do. Like the defect is me. ME as in myself, what I can control. The "why-don't-you-just-perk-up-and-get-some-fresh-air" me.

I don't know.

I wanted to join the bipolar chat but I have to make more posts or something in order to be allowed in.

Maybe some other night.

Before I was diagnosed with bipolar, I was diagnosed with major depression. I was functional, I worked and went to church, but I felt like I had no energy, I cried, and I felt like I wasn't going to make it another day.

Just keep hanging in there. You are depressed. Be sure to take your meds, talk to your support team and cry if you need to!
Christy

[Phyliss49]

You're not complaining. You're sharing feelings that need to be shared. I identify with you completely. I often tell myself that its Ok, I'm just sad about this or that and struggle through the day, trying to get through without bursting into tears or spacing out. But it usually doesn't work for too long. Then I find myself unable to participate in my daily routine.
I'm glad you're posting and sharing with us.
Take good care of yourself.


Strength is not in keeping feelings within. It's in letting them out and letting others in. by me

Originally Posted by Josie55

I feel like I'm not exhibiting enough symptoms to say I'm depressed but I feel really "blah". And I'm crying a lot. And I'm tired.
And I just feel not right.

But I'm able to get things done.
I'm not in bed all day every day. I even have a job. [which is actually really stressing me out even though it's only part time, but still]

So I just feel like I'm not depressed "enough" to be feeling as badly as I do. Like the defect is me. ME as in myself, what I can control. The "why-don't-you-just-perk-up-and-get-some-fresh-air" me.

I don't know.

I wanted to join the bipolar chat but I have to make more posts or something in order to be allowed in.

Maybe some other night.

Josie, you most defo sound depressed enough. You have all the symptoms and trust me, a lot of us can put on our happy faces and do what we have to do, esp. if we have kids. I have done this for years before being diagnosed with bp. This time of year is one of the worst for me too. A couple of years ago, I was sitting on the couch crying and unable to do much about the holiday except cook. Believe me, call your doc, make sure you are taking your meds, and look to your support team (friends, family, support group). best wishes,
Amy

[cuwire2]

Thanks for this thread. I hope you are doing better now. I seem to have a lot of days where I pull myself through. Meds do about 50% of the work I have to do the rest. Its difficult to determine. Sometimes I feel like I'm just being a big baby. What scares me is loosing it at work. I have had a couple of manic episodes at work that I can only hope people have forgotten. But I think by not recognizing when I'm at blag stage thats when I get most irriatable. Then comes the explosion. Either manic or depressive either way its an explosion.

I felt it would be enough just to know where I am on a mood scale. But that isn't enough just to know. The "secret" I think is reaching for the right remedy at the right time. Maybe its having a talk with someone. Maybe its an extra trip to the therapist. Maybe its a walk in the sun. Maybe its adjusting meds. For me recognition is part of the equation I am working on this. Finding the appropriate remedy seems to be the other.

What is distressing even when the chosen rememdy works is the nagging question will it work next time? I get discouraged expending so much brain drain to these efforts. I want to be working, solving someone elses problem not mine. I find that frustrating, no doubt because I have more experience loosing myself in work and avoiding my "problem"

I so want to go back to the days where I could work endlessly. Now sometimes I feel I am so focused on me that I can't be anything to anyone else. " A man wrapped up in himself makes a small package" ben franklin

Either way if I work to excess or obcess to excess Its being wrapped up. And wrapped get tight constricting and stiffiling. The unhealthy choice I am more comfortable with. Thats been my habit. I know that is not a healthy choice but it seems the most soothing. Searching for finding and applying the appropriate remedy seems foreign. But I think thats the key.

I recently saw this wwwtapping.com I would be interested if anyone have any experience with this or simular tools.