I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE...BUT NOT SUICIDAL!!

WELL,
I started having "spells" in June of 2003, in which i would kind of stare into space, fall asleep in the middle of them, while I was talking and wake up saying something totally different, think that nothing was happening and that i was fine, hide things and not remember where i put them, slow speech,sing,look like i am real mad,get red-faced,scratch my head a lot, clear my throat a lot, not remember things,etc.....i have been to numerous therapists, doctors, in the hospital, had many many tests, including eegs, ct's, brain scans, sleeping eeg's, MRI's,blood tests for chemical imbalances, tilt table test, gone to three psychiatrists, yet NO ANSWERS!.....A couple of the doctors have told me that they could possibly be "frontal lobe seizures" or even hormone imbalance, which i am now going to a good gynecologist....ANY suggestions would be greatly appreciated.....DESPERATE! Thanx
i am sitting here with tears in my eyes, because David, MY HUSBAND, and I had a horrible fight last night about my "spells".....For 20 MONTHS NOW! i have been having "spells", which the doctors cannot really seem to diagnose......he thinks i am not wanting to do anything about them and God knows, that is my MAJOR goal in life right now....i want them to STOP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!......he says i do not tell the doctors about them, and i do....when i have them, he treats me very very bad,screaming at me and talking bad to the kids about me, which is wrong..they tell me, then he gets mad at them and says mean things ...which i would rather he hurt me, not them!!!!!!!!.....and i have no control over the spells....i get my doctor appointments so that he can go with me, but he doesn't....i am at wits end....i truly am....like jim said yesterday, i am ready to just give up!!!!!!!! i really am.....how can david feel that I DO NOT CARE????...the guilt that I feel is UNBEARABLE....i truly do not know how much more i can handle, along with the pain, inside and out....i also have 15 herniated discs in my spine...i am not contemplating anything stupid, but i am so
afraid of losing my family.......david is usually a very dear and kind and loving person, but he HAS to talk about this EVERY day, in front of the kids and when i ask him to please not do that, he accuses me of not caring about getting this cured.....it has been 20 MONTHS now, that i have had these, and i understand his despair, as i also have it VERY much.....i love him and the kids so VERY VERY VERY VERY much, and thank God for them all the time, but i am so unsure of what to do........i am so sorry that i have laid this out on you , but i am so sickened and scared right now, i do not know what to do............PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! SOON!!!..Thanx

Hi Lori, i'm so sorry to hear of the struggle you are in, how very painful indeed.

I can think of only one other avenue of investigation for you to follow as far as diagnosis and treatment are concerned, and that is environmental toxicity. There are cases I have heard of which produce symptoms profoundly resembling various mental illnesses. We are exposed to so many substances that some of us reach a point of extraordinary intolerance requiring a modification of environment to exclude paints, carpets, pesticides etc. It must sound like a long shot, but then again, you've passed all the appropriate tests to determine brain function etc. Environmental toxicity while still a relatively new health issue has been around long enough that there are even entire communities set up to accomodate those afflicted.

As for David, well, I hope he can get a grip. I know from experience that our loved ones are also culturally programmed to have an aversion to anything resembling mental illness. It can be a real challenge to bring them around to facing it squarely like they would if you had a bad case of the flu. It sounds like he's pretty spooked, but is behaving badly as a result.

There are some folks here who are very good at internet research. Sadly, I do not number myself among them. However, if you need help finding more information on environmental toxicity, post a request for research assistance in General, and you'll be pleasantly surprised at how much information comes your way. Take care Lori, and do please keep in touch. You don't have to go it alone at least.

Hi sweety,

I know that hormones imbalance can cause all of the symtoms you are having so I'm very glad you are seeing a gynecologist as you already done so many tests. Low progesterone can cause imbalance in your system like you wouldn't believe.

I hope you can feel better soon and a specialist can help you out. I'm so very sorry your husband is being mean to you. Please stay with us sweety! We care!

Many hugs to you!
nightdream

Lori, I can hear the desperation in your words. I'm sorry that you are going through this for so long and even though you have had numerous tests they still have not found out what is causing your spells. I can just imagine your frustration and also wanting to give up because of it. It sounds like David is very frustrated too but he is behaving very inappropriately. He should be giving you a lot more support and not discussing any of this in front of the kids. I would check into the suggestion that sqrl gave you. I know there is a town near where I live that was really affected by something in their water source. I don't understand why David refuses to go to your appts yet continues to belittle you and accuse you of giving in to your situation. I agree with ozzie that he needs some anger management therapy. Of course, that may not be so easy to accomplish since he won't even go to your appts. It sounds like you are doing everything possible to try to find the cause, so I'm not sure I can really offer you any advice and I know that's what you're really looking for. I'm sorry that my knowledge doesn't afford me to do so. I will offer you my support though. Welcome to the site and please keep talking to us. You won't be alone, we will support you. You posted in the bi-polar section. Are you BP? Are you seeing a pdoc and on meds for it and are you in therapy. You didn't mention that I recall if your gynecologist has found anything. Try to think positive. I know that's very hard. My own meds don't help me much, other than keep me alive and there are times that they don't help much for that. So, I know how frustrating things can be. I hope you find some concrete answers soon and can find some relief. Sending you love and hugs sweetie. Sounds like you could use them. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. ((((((Lori))))))))))

WOW! Thank-You (((((All)))))))).....It is WONDERFUL to finally find people that care and understand. Thank-You (((All)) for your kind words of advice and encouragement!! I TRULY appreciate it...God Bless You All!!!!!!! <font color="blue"> </font> ...

Lori,

I am so sorry to hear about your pain (((hugs))) One thing that I had to force my doctor to do was test my thyroid function and hormonal output before they actually figured out it was a brain chemical imbalance. Have you undergone a pet scan? It is used in mental illness patients to show what part of the brain is/isn't functioning due to the lack or over abundance of certain chemicals. I know it all sounds scary, but it may offer you some solutions to your agonizing search for answers.

I also agree with ozzie....a psychiatrist and therapist may do you well, and family counseling sounds like it is in order so your children can express their feelings about your situation and home life. This can't be healthy for them either.

I wish you the best and keep us posted....we all understand to some degree how frustrating it is to not have control over our bodies or emotions.

Many prayers and hugs,
dolfingrrl

Lori, please see a physical doc, then check with pyc doc for dx, they will be able to see what may be going on, I have Bi-polar Disorder and am DID (was called MPD in past),
((((Hugs))))) if wanted
Angie

ty ((((Angie)))) and ((((All))) for your caring understanding and support :O) i sure do appreciate it and it sure helps to know that i am not alone in this. i already knew that, but not where to go and now i have you all :O)....i am thankful for you ((All))....:O)...i have seen 2 neurologists, 3 therapists, 2 psychologists, my regular MD, my gynecologist, and have another appointment next week with my regular neurologist...i still see my psychiatrist and neurologist, gynecologist and regular MD regularly.....Thanks Again and God Bless....Lori Ann