You ever feel like the only way you would feel important is if you died???

I understand the thought behind your feelings. It sounds like you are having a hard time with self confidence and being confident enough to pursue how to not be insecure. We all have our insecurities but more importantly it is how we treat ourselves that affect the way we are perceived and treated by others. Make sense?

I understand why you hate people for treating you in such a way so how do you think you can change that?
There are times in everyones lives that we realize change is needed and hopefully for the better. So while your spirits are up, take charge, be confident and communicate your needs and wants to others in your life.

We all need friends and people who understand us for who we are have you tried a support group, a club of your interest and take a step to make some fullfillness in your life? Only you can do that and it has to come from within and when you are down dont let anyone take advantage of that, thats why support in your physical life is so important. :-))

I hope you are still doing well Bakery.
Take care of yourself.
Let me know if you ever need anything.

im doing well thank you so much, I just got my first t so i think im on the right path :3

I pulled that when I was a teenager. I did all sorts of things. I learned how to make myself throw up by reading about bulima. I wasn't bulimc.. I just could make myself throw up. Anyone can do that if they wanted. All it did was backfire. Eventually I learned that the specific people in question just sucked and I needed attention elsewhere. I went and got a boyfriend.

Did it work? I have a bf, hes everything I could want but sometimes there are times where I just feel unappreciated. At first I thought it was a teen phase, but I dunno, the feeling never really left. I figure like someone here said it's a BPD thing thats talking. gotta ignore it.

Well i wanna die now... ;c

I have been struggling with this quite a bit myself. I am new to this community and I thought it could help me to hear how other people are handling this on a daily basis. I feel like I am going crazy and I am not sure how I ended up in this situation or if I had just avoided certain things in my life I wonder would this personality problem still exist or have even come up at all? Any words of advice for me if I am indeed diagnosed with BPD?

Hi, Bakery.

I'm Billi.

I wish I had seen your post much earlier.

I havent' been on this forum in a while.

I want to say I really identify with that need and want "to matter"! I ask my roommate how I am to him and what I am to him and he has no clear cut answers, except, "You agree with me politically". Okay, fine. But more than anything in the world, I would like someone to say, "Billi, you make the sun rise and the moon shine".

Everyone needs to matter and we shouldnt' have to threaten or commit suicide to get that attention.

Also, another of my reasons for my suicidal tendencies is wanting to simply end the awful pain of having BPD.

ty for sharing,

Billi

I felt more like that when i was younger too, now i think that i wouldn't be as important but definataly less in the way. Then I can't seem to get past all the things that only I seem to try to do for my son's needs and don't trust anyone else to care as much.....responsibility and overwhelming burdens can do alot for a person while it's eating them away.

Oh and for those who want to matter, your definatly not alone, otherwise ALL forums would fail. Facebook, Myspace here no matter where you go everyone is giving updates and thoughts, interacting with a world they do and don't know all to feel like they matter and have a place in this world.

I need to put worth in myself before I expect others to want me.
I am so unlovable.
I just have a very unlikable personality.....

-sigh-

It's hard to like yourself after a life time of being hurt because you're yourself....

Write your obituary. Not as it would be NOW, but as it would be at the age of 100. Write out who you are, how you want to be remembered- but include that recovery you're working on now. Write about how you never gave up, and make it positive, include the POSITIVE outcomes you're working towards. Include every good quality you have and those you're working on. Keep it realistic in terms of goals- wrote a book, worked on quilts, whatever, but include things you do, done over many many years.

This helps a little. Not a lot, but a little. And yeah, even normal healthy people have this fantasy, even the part about dying in an accident or of some rare disease. We all want to feel valued.

i used to feel like that too. for me it was a kind of unconscious vengeance, like if he didn't appreciate me now, he'd regret it because i'd be gone...
i don't feel that way anymore though. i've been doing alot of soul-searching and i came to believe that it doesn't matter if some people don't like me or don't appreciate me, i'm living for myself and not for anyone else

i have felt that way yes. sometimes i was genuinely suicidal, but other times i craved the attention i would get from hurting myself. often i would cut because of hating myself o dealing with anger but also i wanted people to see the scars, see the blood, see the effects of OD etc. i often think my parents etc would only take me seiously if i was dead or dying.

exactly. it's like crying out for someone to see without words. my scars speak louder then anything i could say.