[poptart316]

I hate BPD or general "crazy girl" stigma. It really bothers me.
I just hate being lumped into that category of women... although sometimes I like it ha ha. (: I mean, there's is some truth to it all.. sometimes I'm OK with it, and sometimes it ****ing hurts.

I don't know.. it's like I read **** "BPD women are great in bed, BUT THAT'S ALL THEY'RE GOOD FOR" and sometimes women will knock on women with BPD.. like they think BPD women are these weak and emotionally depraved creatures who are out to tempt their husbands. Stupid well-adjusted *****!!

I'm just sick feeling as if I'm just some third-rate piece of ***.. like I'm the kinda girl that dewds want to ***** but they don't see me as girlfriend or marriage material. IT BOTHERS ME. Yeah, I made some mistakes.. if it's not obvious by now. I've learned from them.. I don't even date or hook-up with anymore, I simply don't care and just want focus on myself and get myself stable... be active and healthy and accomplish academic/art things because I'm actually really smart and creative.. and I mean I AM doing these things, for the most part.

I just feel so lonely and disconnected from people/experiences and am unsure of how to make friends with other women. I have bi-polar 2 and anxiety as well, I'm a polymath of insanity!!

IDK I'm just whining.

[rainbow8]

I didn't know that there was still such a stigma about people with BPD. Are you in therapy? Have you been in a DBT group? I have BPD and anxiety too, but my T hates labels and diagnoses. She just wants me to feel better. I'm wondering. Do people in your life KNOW you have BPD? If you don't tell anyone, you won't hear all of those comments. Or are you reading them? We are each unique, and NOT our diagnosis! If I were you, I'd stop paying attention to the stereotypes about BPD women! I'm sure you have many good qualities to offer friends.

[powertools321]

I agree with rainbow8. I would like to add to your list of hates, that I really hate that when people think of BPD it seems to always me female focused. What about us males, we have it too and suffer just as badly. One thing that really bites for men is if a woman is seen having a breakdown and the police are called, she is probably going to the ER, same situation with a male, he is probably going to jail. So I really hate that it could be called "crazy girl" and completely leave out us guys who suffer with it.

Originally Posted by powertools321

I agree with rainbow8. I would like to add to your list of hates, that I really hate that when people think of BPD it seems to always me female focused. What about us males, we have it too and suffer just as badly. One thing that really bites for men is if a woman is seen having a breakdown and the police are called, she is probably going to the ER, same situation with a male, he is probably going to jail. So I really hate that it could be called "crazy girl" and completely leave out us guys who suffer with it.

As of right now, statistically, about 4 women are diagnosed for every man, for exactly the reason you just mentioned....misdiagnosed or just considered violent with no diagnosis whatsoever. They often end up in the criminal justice system with no way of being properly diagnosed, and while they are there, their anger and other problems are building which leads to them being arrested again after they get out. There are probably statistically close to the same number, but it will be a looong time, particularily as long as BPD has such stigma behind it, that we know for sure.

And I agree with another thing mentioned above...don't mention your BPD to anyone if you don't have to. There is no reason for most to know. Tell on a need to know basis only.

[ECHOES]

"great in bed" ??? well, now I'm really doubting my diagnosis

[powertools321]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

"great in bed" ??? well, now I'm really doubting my diagnosis

Thank you for the laugh.

[poptart316]

These are things I've read from doing research on BPD.. and just view different things on the internet and in the media, comments/references about "crazy women" in general. I know I shouldn't take those things seriously and that the internet's just a cesspool full of a lot ignorant people and trolls, it still irks me.

and yeah, it seems (from dating experiences) that there are a lot of unstable men out there, and while they're aware they have issues, they choose to deal with it on their own instead of seeking out professional help. I'm guessing this has a lot to do with gender roles/norms.. y'know men need to "suck it up".

I don't normally tell people that I have BPD, just a few of my close friends know, so I don't get stigmatized in that respect. But it's usually pretty obvious that I have "issues"... BPD (amongst other things) is a very pervasive thing and stability is difficult for me.

A nice label also is 'drama queen'...I agree that the stigma makes this disorder that much more crippling and makes people who suffer from it afraid and hesitant to ask for help.

It is very true that once you tell someone you have BPD (and they're not well versed on what the disorder entails and are going by popular opinion) their perception of you will change. I can speak from experience. Those who understand the disorder aren't too phased by it and can often empathize and look at it objectively...but..yes, the stigma is awful.

[rainbow8]

I've had a different experience, maybe because I don't exhibit outward signs of BPD and most people would never guess I had a problem. I told a few of my friends and they were very understanding. My H never bothered to learn anything about it, and still calls it bipolar, which I do not have. I don't advertise my BPD of course!

I'm really sorry that the stigma still exists. Hasn't it gotten better since Linehan admitted she had BPD?

I don't exhibit outward signs either. In fact I come across as calm, confident and congenial. When I've told people they were shocked and in denial, but afterward have avoided me like the plague without real unwarranted reason (unless we count the stigma and stereotype of this disorder as a 'reason'). Definitely do not be cavalier in telling people you have this..

You know, I don't feel that Linehan admitting she has BPD has helped, tbh. She is known well in the mental health community yet an obscurity in the mainstream. It is the mainstream perceptions that carry the heaviest stigma...Although that is not to say that the mental health system isn't rampant with it either...

I can deny labels. Although learning more about BPD from unbiased sources has helped me significantly. I find that to deny the 'label', for me personally, is my personal acceptance of the stigmatization. If I can have an effect by being a personal example I will.

(And just for the record the DSM-V will possibly be changing the label of this disorder, which I think will help A LOT.)

[poptart316]

I sometimes embrace the label, I didn't even know I was diagnosed with it until I got my medical records and once I started to research and learn more about it and saw so many of the symptoms in my own behavior, things started to get better for me.. I was able to take responsibility and have better control over my emotions and behavior. I still feel very unstable and maladjusted and am unsure of my identity and feel as if I have multiple ones and just feel "different" esp when I'm at school.. and I sometimes obsess over it and freak out. Other times I just think of myself as a normal person with a f*cked up family and flaws like anyone else, it helps, somewhat at least.

[powertools321]

Originally Posted by stratocaster

(And just for the record the DSM-V will possibly be changing the label of this disorder, which I think will help A LOT.)

From my understanding they were originally change it to Emotional Dis-Regulation Syndrome but now I here they are going to list all the personality disorders together as one, such as Personality Disorder with A,B,C, traits.

[shezbut]

poptart,

I do understand what you're saying about feeling misunderstood and judged unfairly, due to a diagnosis, but try to think outside of the box for a minute or two.

In my experience, people are judgmental towards others (in general) on just about every illness. Depression, anxiety, victims of abuse, personality quirks....you name it! A portion of the general population looks down upon us due to lack of understanding and immaturity. They do the same thing with physical illnesses: diabetes, epilepsy, multiple sclerosis, even people w/ missing fingers or toes! So, they put us all down. We're stupid...we're clumsy...we deserved it...etc. The uneducated and unsympathetic can be SO CRUEL!!

But, they're dead wrong! Don't give into your fears that what they say might be true, or that everyone thinks these things of you. It's just a loud minority of the population. With the anonymity of the internet, this minority speaks up a lot louder than they ever have. They're still dead wrong, and you just may need to reassure yourself of that fact every now and then.

Hopefully, you'll be able to stay out of the box a little longer now. I wish you the best!

Stay Strong Poptart ...

I may be "crazy", but I know it and am getting the help I need ... Those Poor Doo-Doo Heads don't even realize they have a problem ... And, to compound that, they're so lost in their ignorance and stupidity that they'll probably never figure it out ... They're too clueless to even know that what they're saying about everybody else is saying more about them than the people they're making fun of ... !!!

Poor Doo-Doo Heads Indeed ... !!! ... ... !!!

,
Pfrog!

[poptart316]

Thanks for the encouraging comments! I'm still learning how to not let people get to me, although I feel like it's getting easier now that I'm in my mid-20's and I've become a lot more forgiving with myself, for the most part anyways.

[Uprwestsdr]

Why don't you stop reading negative stories? Avoid them all.

Originally Posted by powertools321

I agree with rainbow8. I would like to add to your list of hates, that I really hate that when people think of BPD it seems to always me female focused. What about us males, we have it too and suffer just as badly. One thing that really bites for men is if a woman is seen having a breakdown and the police are called, she is probably going to the ER, same situation with a male, he is probably going to jail. So I really hate that it could be called "crazy girl" and completely leave out us guys who suffer with it.

This. Totally agree with you on the "female disorder" idea. I know that they say it's more common with women but they've found that it's not true. Thing is most women are more willing to get help and are discovered as BPD than men whereas many men just quietly suffer and are probably the ones that end up in jail. I tell people I am BPD and they just look confused like i have three heads.

Originally Posted by shezbut

In my experience, people are judgmental towards others (in general) on just about every illness. Depression, anxiety, victims of abuse, personality quirks....you name it! A portion of the general population looks down upon us due to lack of understanding and immaturity. They do the same thing with physical illnesses: diabetes, epilepsy, multiple sclerosis, even people w/ missing fingers or toes! So, they put us all down. We're stupid...we're clumsy...we deserved it...etc. The uneducated and unsympathetic can be SO CRUEL!!

Agreed. I have been DX'd with Bipolar also and you should hear the concept people have of that! It's pretty clear what the world thinks of people with disorders and mental illness. Just watch the tv, look at how people with people BP are portrayed as almost psychotic.

Originally Posted by poptart316

I don't know.. it's like I read **** "BPD women are great in bed, BUT THAT'S ALL THEY'RE GOOD FOR"...

...like I'm the kinda girl that dewds want to ***** but they don't see me as girlfriend or marriage material.

Thing is there may be men that think of you that way, and men that just want to [expletive redacted] you but just remember a lot of that is because so many men think with the wrong organ and it's not a reflection on you. You'd be surprised at how many men would love to just have a "ho" for a woman and leave the rest out, BPD or not.

I'm sure there are men that would take you for all that you are, they are just harder to find, and many times aren't out in the open like the ones looking for sex.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by powertools321

I agree with rainbow8. I would like to add to your list of hates, that I really hate that when people think of BPD it seems to always me female focused. What about us males, we have it too and suffer just as badly. One thing that really bites for men is if a woman is seen having a breakdown and the police are called, she is probably going to the ER, same situation with a male, he is probably going to jail. So I really hate that it could be called "crazy girl" and completely leave out us guys who suffer with it.

Men have it too. You are absolutely right.

Another stereotype. men are criminalized and women are made to feel weak and dependent. I hate it. How many times do I have to tell ppl that bpd is not a "women's disease"?!

Carol

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by poptart316

I hate BPD or general "crazy girl" stigma. It really bothers me.
I just hate being lumped into that category of women... although sometimes I like it ha ha. (: I mean, there's is some truth to it all.. sometimes I'm OK with it, and sometimes it ****ing hurts.

I don't know.. it's like I read **** "BPD women are great in bed, BUT THAT'S ALL THEY'RE GOOD FOR" and sometimes women will knock on women with BPD.. like they think BPD women are these weak and emotionally depraved creatures who are out to tempt their husbands. Stupid well-adjusted *****!!

I'm just sick feeling as if I'm just some third-rate piece of ***.. like I'm the kinda girl that dewds want to ***** but they don't see me as girlfriend or marriage material. IT BOTHERS ME. Yeah, I made some mistakes.. if it's not obvious by now. I've learned from them.. I don't even date or hook-up with anymore, I simply don't care and just want focus on myself and get myself stable... be active and healthy and accomplish academic/art things because I'm actually really smart and creative.. and I mean I AM doing these things, for the most part.

I just feel so lonely and disconnected from people/experiences and am unsure of how to make friends with other women. I have bi-polar 2 and anxiety as well, I'm a polymath of insanity!!

IDK I'm just whining.

I hate this stigma too.

All it does is reinforce that I have no power, am worthless, and YES, only good for a ****.

I am desperately getting off that mentality now. Alone, too; no support or groups, or even DBT, except the online site.

It does no good for us whatsoever when we are lumped like that.

It just makes me angrier, more distrusting, more cynical toward ppl and more ashamed of being a woman.

Carol

[OliversTwisted94]

UGH I know!!! It sucks that BPD has such a horrible rep!
I know I was just recently diagnosed with BPD, and after my therapist told me that, what was the first thing I did?
I googled it, of course!!!
And the awful stuff that came up.... it bothered the hell outta me! I was just like "So basically, my T sees me as a feeble, weak, over-emotional, moody, clingy, *****y mess. We can't fend for ourselves" @_@ (and that's sarcasm.... I don't believe that, but others have said that). And those are actually some of the things that I ready about on a bunch of different sites (it actually scared the hell outta me at first.... it sounded EXACTLY like my sister, and that was like a dagger through my heart lol)
I cannot agree enough with you about the bad rap it gets. It is really irritating, and I kinda would just rather "stay in the closet" about this one until absolutely necessary.
I know that ever since my T diagnosed it, even SHE has been treating me differently..... suddenly reassuring me that she's not gonna abandon me, that she really does like me, but I need deeper help, blah blah blah.
It's like "gee, thanks for being so subtle @_@. And thanks for the reassurance, but right now, I could really care less."
If this is what's "wrong" with me, then I wanna work on it- it's not like I'm gonna sit in a dark corner, sucking my thumb and curled up in the fetal position just because someone says I need a new therapist. I'm already applying to a day-treatment facility, fool !!! I have an interview this Friday!!!
Take that, society!!! A person with a personality disorder is actually fending for herself!!! YAY- Watch me as I don't just "break this stereotype"..... watch me shatter it!!!!

[powertools321]

Originally Posted by BrokenNBeautiful

Men have it too. You are absolutely right.

Another stereotype. men are criminalized and women are made to feel weak and dependent. I hate it. How many times do I have to tell ppl that bpd is not a "women's disease"?!

Carol

I'm only going to respond to this thread one more time do to it really starting to get to me. It is statistically proven that the majority of men with BPD end up in jail/prison and that women have the majority receiving treatment. This is not a stereotype it is pure numbers. If you don't believe me then look it up, or even look at the fact that McLean Hospital in Mass. has a residential treatment for women but not men.

Part of the reason BPD stigma is so bad is due to psychiatry. It is an internal stigmatization that is based on the lack of response to medication. Psychiatry would love it if all people fit nicely on axis 1, where medication is the first treatment option. Psychotherapy is too hard and time consuming.

Academic papers on BPD are filled with the female stereotype. Eg. The substance abusing, sex addicted, cutter who is an emergency department frequent flyer.

A lot of this has to dealt with from within the profession.

It is easy to blame and write people off if they don't improve.

[Scorpio Eyes]

It wasn't until recently that I found out that I had BPD. I've always had... noticable issues, though. Everyone knows there's something wrong with me, but only a handful have specifics. What really grinds my gears is being constantly told I'm just weak, melodramatic, and pathetic. People just treat me like a kid having a tantrum or like a dangerous criminal. Apparently "Borderline" or "Dysregulated Emotions" translate to sociopath. Which is just not fair. I'm not evil, I'm not soulless, I'm not violent. Just got issues.