The BPD Daily Check in Thread

Jan 30, 2013, 02:47 PM

Have slept maybe 8 hours over the last three days. Lots on my mind, major insomnia. I'm pretty good on little sleep and I'm so worked up that I don't even feel tired at the moment, but I think I'll need to take something tonight to break the cycle.

BorderlineMess · Jan 30, 2013, 03:20 PM

Feeling pretty depressed as of late. Not sure why. Probably because I'm terrible at remembering to take my anti-depressants. Maybe I should call the pdoc about that. Maybe I can get a new one that I can take at night, so I don't forget. Feeling pretty overwhelmed. I wonder if I've taken too much on. I was fighting a cold but now it just feels like all over pain and aches. And sadness. And anxiety. I don't want to go to school, can't make it into work. Got yelled at by my dad, which made me break down and cry. Threw up this morning. Just not in a good state at all. And I thought I was doing so well...juggling so much. Maybe this is just a temporary back slide. That's how I'll look at it. Just a few steps back. Tomorrow is a new day. I'll wake up early and prepare my favorite coffee. And I'll be back at it tomorrow. Fake it til you make it, right?

Jan 30, 2013, 10:24 PM

I know it's just one of those things that goes with BPD and I'm not complaining but I am but there's nothing I can do about it (how's that for BPD language). I just wish I didn't feel so lonely so often. I hate nights.

BrokenNBeautiful · Jan 31, 2013, 12:33 AM

I am not sleeping too well either. I am very tired.

My roommate still does not have a job and I don't know how much more we can afford to live here. I am so scared.

I looked at some work that I did on an amateur book that I wrote which may or may not be published. I feel the only skill I really have is writing and I am not sure it's any good. If my material does sell, it might save Bruce and me from being homeless.

A dream, though.

I bought my weekly lottery mega millions ticket today.

Arvind is great. We are talking out our problems. Something new.

Carol

Jan 31, 2013, 10:30 AM

Stress from having debts (from the past marriage years) looming over my head.

Things need to be dealt with and I'm procrastinating them. Which in turn causes more stress... sick of this vicious cycle.

Jan 31, 2013, 02:52 PM

Still haven't gotten a full-night's sleep and I have a headache, but I'll live.

Jan 31, 2013, 03:28 PM

Appointment with new T went ok

Jan 31, 2013, 03:42 PM

In just under 2 hours I go home. That's always good.

ruby.lestrange · Feb 01, 2013, 10:37 AM

Happy to finally have a computer so I can actually TYPE again! The small screen handheld typing frustrates me to no end.

I love this daily check in idea, I tried to post that ages ago but I've no idea if it actually showed up.

Well, aside from feeling glad I have a computer, today I'm feeling disconnected and sad. I'm going to watch a funny movie or something to distract me and hopefully cheer me up. I hope everyone else is doing alright!

BorderlineMess · Feb 01, 2013, 04:49 PM

I'm feeling super good. I got three hours of sleep last night but that's ok. It's Friday and I can get some sleep tonight. And I baked an amazing cake today in class. It wasn't Food Network worthy or anything, but to me it took a lot of time, sweat, and even a little blood (I nicked myself with my knife while cutting the cake). But it was the first time I did an all made from scratch, professional design, three layer cake. And I can't wait to see what grade I got for my decoration.

And I love sharing my cake with my family! They all love what I bake and I love to make people happy through food. It makes me feel so content, so relieved, and so blissful. All that work and love for a single bite of pure enjoyment. That's the reason I'm going crazy working and going to school. I just need to remind myself when I get down and tired.

Happy Friday peeps! Hugs and love all around!

Epiphany111 · Feb 01, 2013, 06:15 PM

I have the second meeting with a counselor today...she is fresh out of college and still needs hours to be a therapist...I am probably great practice for this lady. Wish me luck!

BorderlineMess · Feb 01, 2013, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epiphany111

I have the second meeting with a counselor today...she is fresh out of college and still needs hours to be a therapist...I am probably great practice for this lady. Wish me luck!

Good luck! I hope it goes well!

Feb 01, 2013, 07:11 PM

I would love to sleep through the night.

rsc4home · Feb 01, 2013, 08:56 PM

Hi,

I had a good day. Much better than the rest of the week.

A lot of things seemed to click into place and I had a lot of energy.
Optimistic even!

Its tough because as much as I enjoy the feeling, I know it will slip away very soon.

Anyway, I'll ride with it while it lasts.

Feb 02, 2013, 06:17 AM

Hard day yesterday with leaving my therapist but I need to move on and work with my new T.

Today, I am going to try and catch up with some housework that I have been putting on hold all week

BrokenNBeautiful · Feb 02, 2013, 09:32 PM

I have a love/hate relationship with weekends.

Feb 03, 2013, 12:36 PM

I'm tired of trying to help people out time and again just to be stepped on and stabbed in the back. When will I learn it's just not worth it and stop before I even begin....

Feb 03, 2013, 01:35 PM

Feeling alright today. Getting over a cold and still having issues with a certain friendship so that's not so great. But I'm going to a Superbowl party later and I made a really good Snickers caramel apple salad to bring and I'll be seeing fun people so that is great. All in all, it's a good day.

Feb 04, 2013, 11:39 AM

eh. I'm alright. I'm here at work. that's good. I'm alive, some people would say that's good too

. I have my kids. All of these things are just below the surface of my chaos that consumes me all the time.

Epiphany111 · Feb 04, 2013, 03:21 PM

I am so hung over! I have this terrible feeling of guilt! I am afraid I upset my bf's sister because I kissed one our female friends at the party last night..or maybe she heard me probably revealing too much about myself to one of the people...idk...

Feb 04, 2013, 03:24 PM

Not doing so good today.

Feb 04, 2013, 07:15 PM

((((Mara)))) I am here. We are here. You can count on us. I know it's not the same as IRL, but it's something. Something that saved my life. Truly.

Had you guys not supported me, hung in there with me, encouraged me, cheered me on and helped me to see a different perspective when I was stuck, I would not be where I am now ( a lot better than when I started).

Please try to be gentle with yourself...give yourself a break. you are human, honey. The RIGHT people are worth it.

I learned from someone here at the office something very valuable: we had worked together for several months, and one day I felt like my response was kinda *****y, in general I apologized right away. And she said to me, "oh honey, I know your character. You are fine. don't even worry about it. get it out!" Bless her.

...giving you permission to be human...now get to it (the whole enchilada)!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maranara

I'm tired of trying to help people out time and again just to be stepped on and stabbed in the back. When will I learn it's just not worth it and stop before I even begin....

Feb 05, 2013, 09:23 AM

Well aside from not getting enough sleep, rushing out of the room and forgetting my key, my hat (yes I feel naked without it) & phone, everything's grand!