Seem to be in a better mood today but it won't last if I get nothing done....

[it'sjustme]

Did some morning mediation...ready For another day...

[asp1079]

Got my haircut today and it ended up being one or two inches shorter than I want. Insecurity and anxiety is incredibly high. I feel like despite positive reassurances and mentally trying to calm myself, that the world is against me and that everyone will make fun of me and hate me at school on Monday. I hate myself today... both the now seemingly dumb decision to cut my hair pixie style and the way I am so insecure and up and down, and such a fake inside.

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[BrokenNBeautiful]

I spent the evening last night with Arvind.

It's a new new thing to just be friends. We still have a lot of romantic stuff between us. We are setting some boundaries: no kissing, no petting, no romantic talk, no propositioning.

As a result we are both forced to look at the *friendship*.

I read Rachel's book Get Me Out Of Here, Chap 25, where she talked about s*x*ality and not acting on it with inappropriate people and feeling respected and respectful.

It was too cold for me to stay out of the house, but I did go to a 12 step meeting.

Weekends... .

Carol

Fallen in to the proverbial dark, infinite pit. Don't know how to crawl out and don't know if I want anyone to help. Lost.

Feel numb today I have no words.

[asp1079]

Originally Posted by Buttercup..

Feel numb today I have no words.

Same here. Not sure what to say because I am in the same place. I just wanted to let you know I'm in a darker place today too.

[IowaFarmGal]

I'm not totally immobile today, I did get the dishes caught up. Still a bit depressed though. I quit posting in the areas I was used to here. Not sure how that will work out, but I'll try posting different places before I make any decisions I guess.

Originally Posted by IowaFarmGal

I'm not totally immobile today, I did get the dishes caught up. Still a bit depressed though. I quit posting in the areas I was used to here. Not sure how that will work out, but I'll try posting different places before I make any decisions I guess.

Some of those other areas may still apply to you. Afterall, BPD is a mix match of depression, anxiety, PTSD, disassociative disorders, and relationship issues/coping with strong emotions all in one interesting package, but hopefully you've found your "home".

I believe my mood has finally lifted some. The night will be the test.

[alittlevanilla]

First post to this thread, want to develop a habit, want to try and find help.

So today? Will be SO much better after seeing the dentist for a filling later.

I am here. I am at work. This must be good. maybe as the day goes on, there will be more reasons to feel blessed.

I want to be true to my real self; I just don't quite know how to find her.

I usually try to give a lot of advice and help people around here; I just don't feel it today and haven't in a bit. I am sorry but I'm still here.....obviously.

Ok feeling a bit better. All is not doom and gloom. Called the courhouse about my citation and they're not going to throw me in jail and throw away the key... imagine that! I found out there is a humongous fee ($440) but still just a fee to pay. Then I can rest easy, get another car and keep on moving on

[ruby.lestrange]

Today was a lethargic day, but I'm trying not to beat myself up over it. Did my hair and makeup (always makes me feel better) and actually LEFT THE HOUSE (gasp!) several times this week, including to just take a walk with a friend, so I rationalized that it was oK if I didn't get dressed, leave, or see anyone today. Hoping I don't backslide into the "can't leave the house for days" thing though.
Fingers crossed!

Was feeling good, then I got home and for some reason just hit a wall and felt lonely, crappy, sad, blaaahhhh. But you know what? Tomorrow is another day. Scrap today, go to bed and just move on.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Arvind and I planned to get together on Thursday for Vday. Just a date, candy and cards and a boat cruise (daytime, not dinner)

No coming home together.

No lovemaking.

just the fun holiday.

Ani told me NOT to get worked up.

It is just a date.

We were planning it all month long anyway.

The only difference? It's going to be just like a grade school boy and girl getting together, with Ani along. Not some big s*xual romantic gushy thing.

This is new to me.

Boring, maybe.

But much better. Tamer. Tame is good for a pwbpd. lol I was always on the wild side.

I am becoming more aware than ever how bpd is for me and as I do this, I feel better about it and much more in command of it.

Carol

Have had a lot more downs than ups lately. Feel fairly good at the moment and I hope that's turned around for just a bit.

Feeling decent today. With recent stuff that I've been able to clear up regarding my previous accident (citation)... I now see that it's not all doom and gloom.

[avlady]

I feel ok for once

Originally Posted by avlady

I feel ok for once

Good to hear!

Originally Posted by Maranara

Have had a lot more downs than ups lately. Feel fairly good at the moment and I hope that's turned around for just a bit.

Hope it stays this way

feeling stupid right because i almost just wrote a novel when nobody cares about my stupid exercise machine that's just shipped today (W0000T). should get it in two weeks, if not next week. i am EXCITED.

otherwise, fairly blah day. trying not to stress about stupid things but it's not really working...

[BorderlineMess]

Originally Posted by DreamAddiction37

feeling stupid right because i almost just wrote a novel when nobody cares about my stupid exercise machine that's just shipped today (W0000T). should get it in two weeks, if not next week. i am EXCITED.

otherwise, fairly blah day. trying not to stress about stupid things but it's not really working...

I often think nobody cares about the things I post so you're not alone in that. I'm happy that you're excited about getting your exercise machine. Hopefully, you'll get it sooner rather than later. Hope your day gets better.