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#976
Apr 09, 2013, 09:36 PM
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[quote=misskeena;2998569]Well. Today is my birthday, and it's a big one. quote]
thanks for sharing the day you were born with us! That is a big deal. Happy Birthday! Carol
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!  |
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#977
Apr 10, 2013, 01:16 AM
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good day at work. except that i started questioning if the others liked me or not. i think i am annoying. i hate it. but i just need to stay quiet, don't laugh, don't try to joke around, that's when i get annoying, stop talking like i'm friends with them, they're my co-workers, not friends...
wondering why so many customers today were in such bad moods. it's Tuesday, not Monday...isn't Monday supposed to be the crappy day... neighbor came by and said he saw our dog when she jumped the fence in the first place. she apparently took off down the road. i have been up and down this road every day since, haven't seen her. but he said he would ask around. didn't talk to me, talked to husband. said he felt weird talking to "wives" as husband put it. affirms my suspicions that i am nothing more than some female associated with the husband. been bottling up a lot of stuff. upset. trying not to let it out. don't think it's going to work...going to write letter to T about crappy week... |
 Anonymous200104, beautifulfreak
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#978
Apr 10, 2013, 02:25 AM
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Quote:
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#979
Apr 10, 2013, 02:29 AM
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I'm okay.. bored and lonely. Kinda mad, some girl on a dating site called me a basket case and said I needed to gain more confidence if I wanted to be more than a piece of ***. It kinda made me mad.. like I can just pull confidence out of hat right? and who is does this b!tch think she is anyways? she doesn't know me. Although I guess it's obvious from my profile that I don't have a great deal of confidence, I'm just trying to be honest about who I am.. why can't people mind their own ****ing business?
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| beautifulfreak
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#980
Apr 10, 2013, 08:49 AM
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I'm happy today. Paid down payment on car yesterday with remaining to pay this Friday and I will have the car. Woop! Yay for freedom and mobility again! Still gotta pay tags (about $100 and get insurance) though which was stressing me out, but.. my friend took me to the transit center for a new monthly bus pass, so I'm good even if I can't drive the car just yet.
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| beautifulfreak
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#981
Apr 10, 2013, 05:48 PM
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I'm sinking. Nearly midnight now and another day has rolled by. I'm sad.
__________________
"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." ~ Nietzsche |
| Anonymous32734, Anonymous327401, Bill3
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#982
Apr 10, 2013, 06:20 PM
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got up and went to an appointment then went and go my pills then went to the grocery store bought bacon and bread...
now I am cooking the bacon
__________________
Love, Light and Happiness!!! |
| Anonymous32734, Anonymous327401
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 Bill3
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#983
Apr 10, 2013, 06:38 PM
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Quote:
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#984
Apr 10, 2013, 07:11 PM
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I think I'm getting sick. In a crappy, though not too bad of a mood, but kinda want to be left alone, so of course, my husband wants to invite people over and disregards what I say! Grr....
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| Anonymous48778, Bill3
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#985
Apr 10, 2013, 07:18 PM
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feeling......empty.
ex bf in prison wants me to write some kind of letter so he won't get so much time in prison. he's hoping to only get about 5yrs for what he did (which is still stupid because it wasn't that bad but at the same time i'm torn thinking he should have known better, WOULD have known better if he'd watched the news more often) but in order to do that he needs letters from a bunch of people saying he's not a bad person. he wants me to call his lawyer and get that stuff settled. da fuq...i HATE phone calls....but probably going to do it anyway because if i don't i'll feel horrible. not sure why he and his mom have dragged me into this, i hadn't even heard from him in a few years, and now we're writing letters back and forth while he's waiting for his sentencing...ugh. anyway... have been developing a new coping technique...just picture in my mind the problem and sit it in a gift-wrapped box with a bow on the top and sit it away in the back of my memories...T said that was a good thing, categorize and file away the stupid stuff that pisses me off and just leave the good memories... but have a feeling this will turn sour soon enough...my blocking it out won't be good for me in the long run? possibly... |
| Anonymous32734, Anonymous327401, Bill3
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#986
Apr 10, 2013, 11:25 PM
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*Possible Trigger Warning*
Today was a rough day. Got yelled at, mocked, and hung up on more times than normal. Takes a toll..but was relieved it was hump day and was excited to get home. Got to the farm (I'm farm sitting for my barn owner) and the dogs destroyed the house..normally they go outside for the day but they stayed inside because it was a major storm. No biggie. The BO also had a cat who had 6 kittens...they're 7 weeks old ish. We locked the kittens in the room we sleep in because we didn't want the dogs to hurt them. Well the one effing dog broke open the door and got one of the kittens and killed him. Bawled. Still tearing up. So bring on the depression. Went to the house (where I actually live when I'm not house sitting) and called my parents...great talk with them. Drove home feeling a tad better; had to bury the kitten...ran over a raccoon (never hit anything in my life before). It was an accident but still sucked. Then get to the road and 4 of the horses come running across the road...it's 9:30 at night and pitch black. Stupid dog chases them all over. Finally catch one, put her in the field and the rest follow...fix the fence. Bury the kitten, just as we finish and get our dinner from the car...then the OPP show up. Apparently someone almost hit a horse and he had to come check it out. Luckily it was all good since we fixed it and nobody was hurt. The one mare was super lame but she should be okay. Since finding the kitten I can't stop thinking about death. What it's like...what happens when you're gone. It's kind of scary. I'm heart broken he was taken at such a young age...only 7 weeks old. But I find my mind wandering what it was like. Did he go fast? Is there really a heaven? When you die what happens? Like idk. Just a bunch of questions. I don't know if I'm necessarily suicidal...maybe a bit. No idea. Just kinda meh and depressed.
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire Don't let your mindset become what controls you Speak right now and make the choice to grow |
| Anonymous327401, Anonymous48778, Bill3
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#987
Apr 11, 2013, 09:19 AM
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*****TRIGGER*******
((am safe, i guess, haven't SI'd in a few months now, almost did last night but stopped myself...)) daughter had a breakdown last night before she went to bed. she was tired anyway and i figured she could stay up to watch Curious George like she asked. i didn't mind. she's such a good girl, she deserved it. well, it was the movie we were watching, and it got to a part where George was about to paint some walls of this woman's apartment (yeah anyway). the woman was apparently an opera singer and she was yelling at the regular painters for getting the paint color wrong. daughter started screaming and crying and couldn't tell us what was wrong. then i asked, "do you think George is going to get in trouble for painting the walls?" because he had just started and then she had started crying. she bawled and nodded her head and i felt horrible. it's my fault she had that melt-down, because when i get really upset i yell, and that woman on tv was yelling, and daughter thought that George was going to have happen to him what happens to her when mommy's upset... i really hate myself. she's so little, but she's going to remember how i treat her. she's going to remember what a piece of **** mother i am. she's going to hate me when she gets older. she's going to have the same problems i do, only worse. i'm trying to be better. i'm therapy for her. i'm trying to learn how to cope with my emotions. but it's hard to not go into a rage. because that's what it is, a blinding ridiculous rage, and she shouldn't see me like that, she should never be the brunt of my anger, she deserves so much better than me... |
| Anonymous200104, Bill3, Britneigh, Shutt3rxbug
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#988
Apr 11, 2013, 09:28 AM
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Is it possible that some people are more unlucky than others? I just feel like I am. It seems like things rarely go right for me, like even just making plans with people I have to hope against hope that something doesn't go wrong (like a kid getting sick or something happening to have plans be canceled). Anyway. Every plan I made this week--plans made for my birthday, no less--fell through for reasons beyond my control. I keep saying I need a win and dammit, I'm still waiting. Pissed.
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| Anonymous48778, Bill3
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#989
Apr 11, 2013, 04:40 PM
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****TRIGGER? ****TRIGGER?
I think BrokenNBeautiful's tooth is broken. I am trying not to break. Ate some hard peanuts---the generic brand Saturday. I am laughing at this. My life is LUDICROUS. My roommate's back is out, he still does not have a job and now my ****ing tooth hurts. My life is LUDICROUS.
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
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#990
Apr 12, 2013, 03:22 PM
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Trigger
Ready to just give up. Just told my girlfriend to kill herself. I'm the worst person ever. She took off with the car and won't answer my call or texts. We got in an argument and I just couldn't shut my mouth. I am crying and shaking and idk what to do. I'm just. I want to cut. I wan to just hurt myself like I hurt her. Idk what to do 
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire Don't let your mindset become what controls you Speak right now and make the choice to grow |
| Bill3, BrokenNBeautiful
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#991
Apr 12, 2013, 08:25 PM
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Quote:
You are not the worst person in the world. I hope you both will be okay. I don't want you to act on your urge to hurt yourself. I hope she comes back or answers you. I am glad you talked to us. Hold on, both of you. Carol
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
| Bill3, Britneigh
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#992
Apr 12, 2013, 10:55 PM
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Quote:
 Things are okay for now. we are talking and things seem like normal..but I'm afraid that its just a moment..its hard because I try so hard to stay in control of my emotions but sometimes I just can't...tomorrows an exciting day. We are moving two of the horses to a new barn 
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire Don't let your mindset become what controls you Speak right now and make the choice to grow |
| Bill3
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#993
Apr 12, 2013, 11:21 PM
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I hope i'm welcome to post here.. i have bpd
Don't want to do anything, yelled at my boyfriend over nothing as usual. don't want to go to guitar/vocal lessons tomorrow, i just want to stay in my room.......... i feel bad about yelling at him........ |
| Bill3, Fuzzybear
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#994
Apr 13, 2013, 08:11 AM
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#995
Apr 17, 2013, 09:38 AM
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#996
Apr 17, 2013, 12:11 PM
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OK, so, daily check-in:
I am getting very frustrated with one of my side jobs. This has been a project that I've been a part of for two years now and like most long term projects, things have evolved. I used to know my job very well and enjoyed the work but now, things have gone from being very black/white to being many shades of grey. I cannot state what this job actually is as I am under a non-disclosure contract but I will say that it has gone from being one with crystal clear instructions to one that relies heavily upon personal opinions and deciphering grey areas.Can you see the room for error there? Sorry to ramble on but I hate shades of grey and trying to figure out what they mean. Makes me feel like an incompetent idiot especially when everyone else on the project seems to be doing just fine with the changes. 
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| Bill3
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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