[TheRealFDeal]

I see my T tomorrow and I can't seem to untangle my thoughts and find clarity on what I want to discuss. He's terminating services with me at the end of this month. I want to make sure I get my feelings resolved with him during the remaining time I have. Does anybody else get mad at their T? I'm mad that he's terminating me and I'm mad that I just didn't quit when he told me he was terminating. I'm mad at him for several reasons that I won't go into right now. He says I overstepped the boundaries - that I think of him as more than a therapist and that the therapeutic process won't work anymore because of it. I feel like if I overstepped the boundaries it's because of my BPD and so my BPD has essentially gotten in the way of therapy. Does that sound crazy? Why am I in therapy if not to get help with my BPD?

I don't know if I make any sense at all. I feel like a crazy person, like I have no rational thought at all.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I've gone thru this in my life as well.

You made sense to me.

Many of us get angry at our t's.

I don't know what happened, but I do relate to these feelings and to this experience.

Many of us persons with bpd do not know boundaries or we do not know how to respect them yet.

It is so frustrating. I know.

Yeah, how can we get help? It's so hard.

I have been thru about over half a dozen t's myself.

Carol

[unaluna]

Sounds like you've been thru a rough month or so, I just caught up with your posts. Wow. It sounds like your T rather made an *** of himself by reporting you. Maybe that's more about him than you? Maybe he should have reported in the past and he didn't, so now he's trigger happy? Whatever the reason, what's done is done. Do you really feel you were a good match with him? A book I've been reading, The Psychotherapy of the Quiet Borderline Patient, says we will latch onto the first T who comes along. I know that's what I do. Rotten parents, rotten Ts, what's the diff, we make do. We honestly don't know what it's like to have someone connect and care. Sometimes court is our first run-in with sanity and fairness, with having our voice heard.

Yeah I have angry with my T, I have recently left my T because of her boundaries I have walked out and yet I feel attached to her, She still wants to see me again though with my nurse and maybe begin sessions until I find a new therapist but I hate not knowing, so I am just left hanging on a piece of string.

[BeautifullyDeprived]

Since I just started seeing my T yesterday, I can't really go on about her..BUT I am like that with one of teachers, I've become quite attached to him that sometimes I think I'm infatuated with him but I guess I'm really infatuated with the feeling of him being there and calling me his sister. Then if he gets busy and shoos me away, it hurts and I get EXTREMELY upset..your not alone.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've gotten angry at T's I've had before, often. You don't sound crazy to me.

[TheRealFDeal]

My T called this morning and canceled today's appointment because there was no heat in his office. So I get to carry this anger around till next Wednesday. And then my hairdresser called and canceled my hair appt. WTF? So I had no reason to shower and get dressed today. I've been depressed, angry and sullen all day. Thank God the day's almost over so I can go back to bed and be unconscious for awhile.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Ugh, I'm sorry. There's really no other way to say it, this just sucks and I'm sorry you're having such an awful day.

[TheRealFDeal]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who is both very angry at my T and at the same time attached. Today I woke up so angry and the feeling is still hanging on. I just don't know what to do with it. It is such a f***ing strong, overwhelming feeling. I want to tell him off so badly, and yet, he won't be fazed at all, because that's how they f***ing are trained.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by TheRealFDeal

My T called this morning and canceled today's appointment because there was no heat in his office. So I get to carry this anger around till next Wednesday. And then my hairdresser called and canceled my hair appt. WTF? So I had no reason to shower and get dressed today. I've been depressed, angry and sullen all day. Thank God the day's almost over so I can go back to bed and be unconscious for awhile.

This would have upset me, too. 2 appts in a row. Oh, man! Nothing to look forward to. And, always, the thought, "What's going on? Are they upset with me?"

Ouch.

I still have days like this and I remember having them before. Wanting to just go back to bed. "The day is over finally---thank goodness."

Carol

[TheRealFDeal]

Saw my T today. Only two more sessions to go before termination. I'm still so angry. I tried to communicate my anger to him today, both at my situation and at him, and it seems like he just keeps ignoring it. Is this a therapeutic tactic? If so, it's not working, it just makes me madder. He did, in a fashion, communicate that my anger is keeping me stuck, but this I already know. What I don't know is how to get past it if I can't even talk about it. Ugh. Words fail.

I feel like the whole world is working against me. I also know that this is my BPD talking. And I feel helpless. Also BPD, right? It all comes back to that, right? We know it but we can't control it.

Anybody having any luck beating this thing?

[unaluna]

My T once told me he believed in the process. He tried to tell me today that he said he believed in me because he says now he does, and he doesn't remember saying the other thing. But it is burned into my memory, because I asked him, and he very carefully repeated himself. A lot of people were convinced you were a danger. A lot of people thought the same thing about me. Some people here still do - they are not my fans! A guy I worked with some years ago once said, when he saw that eyebrow go up, he knew he was in trouble. I wasn't even aware of "that eyebrow" going up, so he did me a favor by saying that. I think that's my mother's eyebrow - that's all she had to move to silence or restrain me, once she got me trained. So I think we're just giving out what we were taught, without always intending to or realizing it -that's the sneaky part of bpd.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by TheRealFDeal

Saw my T today. Only two more sessions to go before termination. I'm still so angry. I tried to communicate my anger to him today, both at my situation and at him, and it seems like he just keeps ignoring it. Is this a therapeutic tactic? If so, it's not working, it just makes me madder. He did, in a fashion, communicate that my anger is keeping me stuck, but this I already know. What I don't know is how to get past it if I can't even talk about it. Ugh. Words fail.

I feel like the whole world is working against me. I also know that this is my BPD talking. And I feel helpless. Also BPD, right? It all comes back to that, right? We know it but we can't control it.

Anybody having any luck beating this thing?

Maybe he is detaching from you now; that could be the way he is handling the situation, but I wish he would not ignore how you are feeling. I can imagine how that would make you feel. Worse.

I think that you should be able to express your feelings about his terminating without being invalidated. I feel like often when people say that my feelings keep me stuck, they are not really validating my experiences or they just don't have room to. But that does not invalidate my experience!