Feel like screaming right now!! I wish I didn't turn my anger on myself and I could let rip at those that actually piss me off.

I am a very private person. To the point I hid my MI from family and friends for 8 years. And the only reason those closest to me found out was because I was in hospital. And from then on it has just expanded, and I get told afterwards.

I have just been told that someone at the park where we walk our dog now knows everything about me. WTF?! How does she even need to know?! Yeah maybe her daughter has MI too but that doesn't give you the right to tell her about me!!!!!

I ****ing hate this. Everything is always out of my control....everything to do with me. How is that even right?! It's not.

But I haven't said this to him. I just turned silent. He did at least notice that. But my rage, I just took it out on myself. And I'd been trying not to for so long.

Whatever, lets just tell the whole ****ing world my business, I don't ****ing care!!!!

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Feel like screaming right now!! I wish I didn't turn my anger on myself and I could let rip at those that actually piss me off.

I am a very private person. To the point I hid my MI from family and friends for 8 years. And the only reason those closest to me found out was because I was in hospital. And from then on it has just expanded, and I get told afterwards.

I have just been told that someone at the park where we walk our dog now knows everything about me. WTF?! How does she even need to know?! Yeah maybe her daughter has MI too but that doesn't give you the right to tell her about me!!!!!

I ****ing hate this. Everything is always out of my control....everything to do with me. How is that even right?! It's not.

But I haven't said this to him. I just turned silent. He did at least notice that. But my rage, I just took it out on myself. And I'd been trying not to for so long.

Whatever, lets just tell the whole ****ing world my business, I don't ****ing care!!!!

awww I'm sorry. i totally understand I would feel completely betrayed and violated! That is wrong, wrong, wrong. You have every right to be angry but the truth is you don't deserve the anger on yourself but he does. he was a fckwit and I know you probably can't get yourself to right now but he deserves every bit of a chewing up one side and down the other if you ask me.

I am a relatively private person too.. Unless I give the information out, or tell you it's ok it's NOT!

My goes out to you.

[IndieVisible]

I hear you! I never could understand why a lot of us direct this anger towards ourselves instead of the damn perpetrators that deserve it more! I much more prefer directing my anger outwards instead of inwards. And it will be a very cold day in hell when I self harm myself. I assure you any harm would also be direct outwards, not inwards. I think it's great getting our anger and frustration out! I use music as another means to unwind and unload! I may not be politically correct, and I really don't care. But I have no problem telling some one to fock off if they bother me, or telling them how I feel. Of course at work I can't do that, so I often misdirect my anger towards the wrong people. It's certainly not good keeping these feelings inside. You will become a pressure cooker and eventually explode and perhaps to some one that really did not deserve that level of rage. Try listening to music. But when I'm angry, love songs will not work, I need angry songs

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

awww I'm sorry. i totally understand I would feel completely betrayed and violated! That is wrong, wrong, wrong. You have every right to be angry but the truth is you don't deserve the anger on yourself but he does. he was a fckwit and I know you probably can't get yourself to right now but he deserves every bit of a chewing up one side and down the other if you ask me.

I am a relatively private person too.. Unless I give the information out, or tell you it's ok it's NOT!

My goes out to you.

Thanks! I just thought he'd know better but whatever Maybe this is another thing to add to my list of 'if you do this again I'll leave you...' It just happens so many times!

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

I hear you! I never could understand why a lot of us direct this anger towards ourselves instead of the damn perpetrators that deserve it more! I much more prefer directing my anger outwards instead of inwards. And it will be a very cold day in hell when I self harm myself. I assure you any harm would also be direct outwards, not inwards. I think it's great getting our anger and frustration out! I use music as another means to unwind and unload! I may not be politically correct, and I really don't care. But I have no problem telling some one to fock off if they bother me, or telling them how I feel. Of course at work I can't do that, so I often misdirect my anger towards the wrong people. It's certainly not good keeping these feelings inside. You will become a pressure cooker and eventually explode and perhaps to some one that really did not deserve that level of rage. Try listening to music. But when I'm angry, love songs will not work, I need angry songs

Yeah angry songs. Turned up loud! The best!

I find it so hard to just speak my mind, so I lock it away. And you're right about the pressure cooker...that is me

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Thanks! I just thought he'd know better but whatever Maybe this is another thing to add to my list of 'if you do this again I'll leave you...' It just happens so many times!

you have a list too?

Woke up and I'm still in a foul mood! although I'm not angry anymore, I just feel terribly low. I think my bf might be out tonight, I really hope he is. Think I need my space. Fact is he is oblivious I think to how much it affected me last night. And how much it is still affecting me now.

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Woke up and I'm still in a foul mood! although I'm not angry anymore, I just feel terribly low. I think my bf might be out tonight, I really hope he is. Think I need my space. Fact is he is oblivious I think to how much it affected me last night. And how much it is still affecting me now.

I can't emphasize enough that assuming he knows where your lines are drawn for privacy is only going to cause problems. There is no way around it, you have to communicate to him about this and I don't care how painful it is, you must voice this and let him know. A few things will happen. 1. you put the ball in his court and if he does this again, he knows full well how you feel about it and he'll have no excuse. 2. If he doesn't know now, you can move on and forgive him for not knowing and he can do something about it and try to acommodate your needs by being more careful of what he shares - without knowing, there is no way he can meet your expectations.

No bf can know what it is you want and expect blindly. he can't read your mind and you can't read his. So many misunderstandings, arguments and fights could be avoided in relationships if people just spoke up and said what they expect.

In all of this I do not minimize the difficulty you may have in doing so. i know it's hard but this is your life, this is your relationship with him and if you don't do everything you can to give it the best chance for success, you're asking for it to fail and at best continue to have problems.

I don't mean to get on a soap box here but I just really want to see you stand up for yourself in this. I know what it's like to go on and on with someone being afriad to speak up and it never gets better til you do.

Much luck with this *hugs*
S4

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I can't emphasize enough that assuming he knows where your lines are drawn for privacy is only going to cause problems. There is no way around it, you have to communicate to him about this and I don't care how painful it is, you must voice this and let him know. A few things will happen. 1. you put the ball in his court and if he does this again, he knows full well how you feel about it and he'll have no excuse. 2. If he doesn't know now, you can move on and forgive him for not knowing and he can do something about it and try to acommodate your needs by being more careful of what he shares - without knowing, there is no way he can meet your expectations.

No bf can know what it is you want and expect blindly. he can't read your mind and you can't read his. So many misunderstandings, arguments and fights could be avoided in relationships if people just spoke up and said what they expect.

In all of this I do not minimize the difficulty you may have in doing so. i know it's hard but this is your life, this is your relationship with him and if you don't do everything you can to give it the best chance for success, you're asking for it to fail and at best continue to have problems.

I don't mean to get on a soap box here but I just really want to see you stand up for yourself in this. I know what it's like to go on and on with someone being afriad to speak up and it never gets better til you do.

Much luck with this *hugs*
S4

Thanks, I do need to speak up. I know that. The truth is he has known me long enough to know better. It has been him who over time has told everyone. Some people did need to be told - my parents mainly. My friends too. He speaks to someone about it at work, I get that he needs someone to talk to though. But then he told my ex, people we walk the dog with a few more of his friends.

Will it ever end??

I think he feels it's fine because he has at least told me that he told them. But he always tells me afterwards when I don't have any say in it at all. And then I have to get over the initial seeing that person knowing they will look at me differently from now on.

I think I will talk to him when I get home. Otherwise its going to keep eating away at me and it is going to keep on happening until the whole ****ing world knows it!!

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Thanks, I do need to speak up. I know that. The truth is he has known me long enough to know better. It has been him who over time has told everyone. Some people did need to be told - my parents mainly. My friends too. He speaks to someone about it at work, I get that he needs someone to talk to though. But then he told my ex, people we walk the dog with a few more of his friends.

Will it ever end??

I think he feels it's fine because he has at least told me that he told them. But he always tells me afterwards when I don't have any say in it at all. And then I have to get over the initial seeing that person knowing they will look at me differently from now on.

I think I will talk to him when I get home. Otherwise its going to keep eating away at me and it is going to keep on happening until the whole ****ing world knows it!!

Ok he's acting on assumptions.. that it's ok because... blah blah blah. you can remedy this. Instead of just kind of saying "well I dont' like people to know my private stuff" that's not enough. Work now to get some boundaries set, some rules of behavior that are acceptable. This is not a negative thing, it's a good thing. Tell him outright, that you do NOT want him telling anyone about such and such (be specific as to where your lines are drawn) unless he tells or asks you if it's ok first. Set it up so that he knows your rules. nothing wrong in setting those lines up. He will better succeed as your boyfriend that can give you what you need if you let him know what the rules are. Don't be vague. Don't just say I hate it when... "_______" that does nothing. you can tell him that you don't like it when he does this thing he does but you have to go further and show him what is ok, what the limits are. AT that point if he does something outside of those lines, he has to be a dimwit to expect that you'd be ok because you've told him you're not.

you say he should "know better" but I'm going to guess that you're assuming that he should, but like most people in relationships you assume based on the length of the relationship he should "know you" better. Not if the rules have never clearly been defined by you. no matter how long you know someone you can't know those inner values and boundaries of the other person unless they've been defined.

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Ok he's acting on assumptions.. that it's ok because... blah blah blah. you can remedy this. Instead of just kind of saying "well I dont' like people to know my private stuff" that's not enough. Work now to get some boundaries set, some rules of behavior that are acceptable. This is not a negative thing, it's a good thing. Tell him outright, that you do NOT want him telling anyone about such and such (be specific as to where your lines are drawn) unless he tells or asks you if it's ok first. Set it up so that he knows your rules. nothing wrong in setting those lines up. He will better succeed as your boyfriend that can give you what you need if you let him know what the rules are. Don't be vague. Don't just say I hate it when... "_______" that does nothing. you can tell him that you don't like it when he does this thing he does but you have to go further and show him what is ok, what the limits are. AT that point if he does something outside of those lines, he has to be a dimwit to expect that you'd be ok because you've told him you're not.

you say he should "know better" but I'm going to guess that you're assuming that he should, but like most people in relationships you assume based on the length of the relationship he should "know you" better. Not if the rules have never clearly been defined by you. no matter how long you know someone you can't know those inner values and boundaries of the other person unless they've been defined.

Thanks, I will take that all on board and try to get my point fully across

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Thanks, I will take that all on board and try to get my point fully across

Good luck hun <3

Well that all seemed a bit pointless. Feel like I've been overthinking this all day for no reason!

It basically went like this:

sw: Please can you not tell people about me?
bf: (nod)
sw: Ever.
bf: (nod)
sw: Because I don't like it, it's not fair.
bf: (nod)
sw: And I've been feeling like **** since you told me.
bf: Why?
sw: Because I didn't want her to know, I don't want anyone knowing!
bf: I only told her because she was telling me about her daughter's MI and it seemed nice to tell her about you.
sw: Well couldn't you have told her about you then? (Bf used to struggle with depression and anxiety)
bf: I did. And then I told her about you too.
sw: Well I wish you hadn't. Don't tell anyone else.

Conversation over.

Well I guess I told him not to do it again and he nodded so thats what I wanted...

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Well that all seemed a bit pointless. Feel like I've been overthinking this all day for no reason!

It basically went like this:

sw: Please can you not tell people about me?
bf: (nod)
sw: Ever.
bf: (nod)
sw: Because I don't like it, it's not fair.
bf: (nod)
sw: And I've been feeling like **** since you told me.
bf: Why?
sw: Because I didn't want her to know, I don't want anyone knowing!
bf: I only told her because she was telling me about her daughter's MI and it seemed nice to tell her about you.
sw: Well couldn't you have told her about you then? (Bf used to struggle with depression and anxiety)
bf: I did. And then I told her about you too.
sw: Well I wish you hadn't. Don't tell anyone else.

Conversation over.

Well I guess I told him not to do it again and he nodded so thats what I wanted...

Well I'm glad. Good for you, we can't illicit the response we want out of others we can only do whats best for us and what we feel is right. How he responded is probably a bit less than what you would want but you did the good part of letting him know without any question, how you feel. Be proud of yourself that's a good start. doesn't guarantee everything will be great but it does teach you that you can speak your mind, and assert yourself!

[allme]

Grrr would peeve me off too! Glad you talked it out with him! Hopefully he will know better next time

Yeah I think it sunk in Apparently the dog walker asked how I was doing yesterday but under my instruction Mike told her that if she wanted to know she would have to ask me and he was not allowed to say anything Success!

[IndieVisible]

Yup one of my pet peeves too. I don't like anyone telling anyone about my personal business. It's called personal for a reason. I don't even like when my wife tells her sister about me.

[allme]

Oh good!

Too right!

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Yeah I think it sunk in Apparently the dog walker asked how I was doing yesterday but under my instruction Mike told her that if she wanted to know she would have to ask me and he was not allowed to say anything Success!

yay! I'm happy for you for a few reasons not only did you prove to yourself that it's a good thing to talk about it and voice your concerns but that you sound like you have a good man and I'm very happy for that! pat him on the back for me! woo woo!

Yeah he's a keeper

[allme]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Yeah he's a keeper

Awww

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Yeah he's a keeper

yup. don't make me kick your butt if you let that one go hahaha jk thta is if he keeps up his good behavior oh and you should give him a treat BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Does cooking dinner count?

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Does cooking dinner count?

does he consider you cooking for him a treat? For me, that would definitely be a treat if it was something extra special not necessarily big but that she'd gone out of her way for me simply to say thank you.. by cooking for me. so yes it can count. Just be sure to try and let him know how pleased you are with him and his "good behavior" I knwo it sounds silly but try it -- I will bet you he'll be very pleased too.