[hawaii04]

You will feel like spinning plates again . . . see how one can appreciate 'funky.' Imagine if we didn't have changes within us and we were always stuck where we didn't wish to be?

[hawaii04]

Originally Posted by youwillrise

today has been mostly...MOSTLY okay

but now i'm in sad/jealous mode because i'm an ugly blah and i'm looking at pics of beautiful women (not celebs, regular...everyday women). i have pretty much EVERYTHING stacked against me. no amazing intelligence, no artistic talent, not really super good at anything useful, not cute...what the fuuuuuuuuuush? i've no useful qualities.

yeah, i'm "nice" and "sweet"...but where does that mess get you? no...dang...where.

I'm sorry you're feeling that way, I do too at times. I am sure you have more going for you than 'nice & sweet' even if it doesn't seem like it to you right now. Besides, you know how important those two good qualities are; not much else is going to make a good difference without them ... external beauty and all. I do hope you start feeling better.

[technigal]

Losing it big time. We have mice again but this time they are avoiding the traps. I have been terrified for days. I hate having this phobia but that is not helping me get through the days. My heart is racing all the time which is not good for my heart. I am not sleeping and when I do with the aid of a sleeping pill it is filled with nightmares. I scream every time I see one which scares my son. I can't even walk into the kitchen unless my husband is there, which does not help when I am trying to get the boy ready for bed and he needs a drink. I hate this. I just want to be able to cope.

[lynn808]

Originally Posted by technigal

Losing it big time. We have mice again but this time they are avoiding the traps. I have been terrified for days. I hate having this phobia but that is not helping me get through the days. My heart is racing all the time which is not good for my heart. I am not sleeping and when I do with the aid of a sleeping pill it is filled with nightmares. I scream every time I see one which scares my son. I can't even walk into the kitchen unless my husband is there, which does not help when I am trying to get the boy ready for bed and he needs a drink. I hate this. I just want to be able to cope.

so sorry Mags.....hope everything turns out for the better hun...getting any spray or traps to help hun?? I went through similar when I moved into a house....got a cat to help too.....good luck...

[beloiseau]

Originally Posted by technigal

Losing it big time. We have mice again but this time they are avoiding the traps. I have been terrified for days. I hate having this phobia but that is not helping me get through the days. My heart is racing all the time which is not good for my heart. I am not sleeping and when I do with the aid of a sleeping pill it is filled with nightmares. I scream every time I see one which scares my son. I can't even walk into the kitchen unless my husband is there, which does not help when I am trying to get the boy ready for bed and he needs a drink. I hate this. I just want to be able to cope.

I was exactly like this when my parents house was infested with stink bugs and I was home alone watching it for a week...and when I had a couple of roaches in my apartment. Left for days. I hope that you can figure out how to get rid of them soon. Sometimes if a bug gets away, I'll give it a name to make it less scary. You could try naming the mice? Silly suggestion

[beloiseau]

I'm feeling pretty empty today after feeling really all over the place for the past few days. Not sure what I'm doing or what the point of anything is.

[youwillrise]

Originally Posted by hawaii04

I'm sorry you're feeling that way, I do too at times. I am sure you have more going for you than 'nice & sweet' even if it doesn't seem like it to you right now. Besides, you know how important those two good qualities are; not much else is going to make a good difference without them ... external beauty and all. I do hope you start feeling better.

thanks for the words...i really do appreciate them...

i do know that those particular qualities are important, of course they are...but ALONE, they dont really make much of a difference. they dont scream out to anyone. no one cares. now, if i was nice/sweet AND had something useful to offer, we'd be in business. but for now, people look at me, say "awww, you're so sweet" and then walk away because...what else is there?

i think i just want to feel like i add something positive to people's lives and i just dont.

what's the point of me being here if i'm not creating a positive imprint...something that the world will be better for?

maybe my dreams are just too high for my self-esteem to handle. i want to, but dont think i have the goods to do it (and by it, i mean ANYTHING and everything i have ever wanted to do). i have too many hopes and no confidence to back them.

[technigal]

Originally Posted by lynn808

so sorry Mags.....hope everything turns out for the better hun...getting any spray or traps to help hun?? I went through similar when I moved into a house....got a cat to help too.....good luck...

we have traps and an noise machine they are supposed to hate.

Originally Posted by beloiseau

I was exactly like this when my parents house was infested with stink bugs and I was home alone watching it for a week...and when I had a couple of roaches in my apartment. Left for days. I hope that you can figure out how to get rid of them soon. Sometimes if a bug gets away, I'll give it a name to make it less scary. You could try naming the mice? Silly suggestion

the only time I could deal with a mouse was when I had pneumonia and was almost delusional. I named that mouse....

We don't know where the mice are coming in and that is the problem. My husband says he gets how afraid I am but he has never been home when I see one and get hysterical.

[beloiseau]

Originally Posted by technigal

we have traps and an noise machine they are supposed to hate.





the only time I could deal with a mouse was when I had pneumonia and was almost delusional. I named that mouse....


We don't know where the mice are coming in and that is the problem. My husband says he gets how afraid I am but he has never been home when I see one and get hysterical.

Aww i totally know how you feel i've been hysterical/panicked over bugs, i've no idea how i would do with mice!!

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[Maranara]

One of my only friends left on a trip today where we will have virtually no contact for the next 5 days or so, and I'm stressed about my impending business. I think I've put a wall around me and have blocked some of my emotions, but I'm also practicing a gigantic amount of mindfulness with my focus almost constantly on my breath so maybe that's pulling me through. I know the feeling may not last, but I'm going to try to continue the mindfulness and hope for the best. It's better than brooding. The real test will be late nights, as usual.

[beloiseau]

some days i just feel like a complete no one, like i don't really exist or make an impact on this world, like there is no one that will ever choose to love me

[Britneigh]

I think I have reached my stable point...maybe. Hopefully. I don't like crashes...I feel out of control...I don't like it and it scares me

[UnderTheRose]

not doing horrible, not doing great. not really doing anything.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Went to hospital, they're making me stay for a few days. Seeing some pdoc tomorrow. I don't know if I'm glad they're trying to help or just hating the idea of staying in a hospital and being super bored. Any tips of entertaining yourself in hospital?

Originally Posted by Bubbles&Buttercup

Went to hospital, they're making me stay for a few days. Seeing some pdoc tomorrow. I don't know if I'm glad they're trying to help or just hating the idea of staying in a hospital and being super bored. Any tips of entertaining yourself in hospital?

Good luck! I hope it is helpful for you I was in hospital this time last year...I think I just passed the time on my laptop...and also trying to attend groups. I also did a few disappearing acts so maybe I'm not the best person to ask!

Feel better soon

At work but I really shouldn't be....I started off ok but now I just can't concentrate! Spent the last hour or so just staring at my computer and occasionally moving paper round on my desk to make myself look like I'm doing something....my head is all over the place really

[lynn808]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

At work but I really shouldn't be....I started off ok but now I just can't concentrate! Spent the last hour or so just staring at my computer and occasionally moving paper round on my desk to make myself look like I'm doing something....my head is all over the place really

Glad you made it to work hun....look ya got up dressed and got there...a major accomplishment......hope your day becomes productive...thinking of you

[Maranara]

Hanging in there. I have a lot of stuff I need to do in the next few days to attempt to get my business started. I've put off launching a few times and can't do it again. Wish me luck. I'll give an update in a day or two as well as possibly spill the beans on what it's all about. Just can't let the nerves get to me....it'll be a killer of everything for sure!

OH....I also found a local yoga class, right up the road! I've been looking for one for over a year! I'm excited and am going to take the free introductory class on Thursday. Things appear to be going well at the moment, but we all know how fast that can end! Let's hope it lasts for at least a bit. Demotivation would really make everything I'm trying to accomplish near impossible.

Originally Posted by Maranara

Hanging in there. I have a lot of stuff I need to do in the next few days to attempt to get my business started. I've put off launching a few times and can't do it again. Wish me luck. I'll give an update in a day or two as well as possibly spill the beans on what it's all about. Just can't let the nerves get to me....it'll be a killer of everything for sure!

Good luck! Hope it all goes well

[beloiseau]

Originally Posted by Maranara

Hanging in there. I have a lot of stuff I need to do in the next few days to attempt to get my business started. I've put off launching a few times and can't do it again. Wish me luck. I'll give an update in a day or two as well as possibly spill the beans on what it's all about. Just can't let the nerves get to me....it'll be a killer of everything for sure!

OH....I also found a local yoga class, right up the road! I've been looking for one for over a year! I'm excited and am going to take the free introductory class on Thursday. Things appear to be going well at the moment, but we all know how fast that can end! Let's hope it lasts for at least a bit. Demotivation would really make everything I'm trying to accomplish near impossible.

Yoga class sounds so amazing! I'm thinking of finding a class or hobby to pick up...mainly thinking about singing /theatre. One that doesn't cost a lot of $$$ haha. I hope you enjoy it!!

[Maranara]

Originally Posted by beloiseau

Yoga class sounds so amazing! I'm thinking of finding a class or hobby to pick up...mainly thinking about singing /theatre. One that doesn't cost a lot of $$$ haha. I hope you enjoy it!!

I've been wanting to try yoga for forever because I need the exercise and I have two knee replacements so there's a lot of conventional exercises that I'm uncomfortable with or just can't do, and I've been wanting to take my meditation to the next level, and it seems that yoga would be perfect on both counts! I'll let you know how it goes.

[beloiseau]

Some days I feel so insightful to this disorder. Others, not so much. Today started with an empty hole, emotions all over the place. I made the decision to put in an audition for an open casting call for a play, which is something I've not considered doing for years. It's something that makes me happy. Literally 2 minutes after hitting submit for that, I got a call for a job interview that's scheduled for Thursday. I think I have a great chance of getting the job, I'm overqualified. I am feeling so much better now that I feel like I'm doing something good for myself. So much of my existence is based on happiness from external factors and how I use them to define myself, I hope I can learn to be happy with myself from making good decisions and changing my life.

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Drinking again. Feeling so pathetically low. So over it all.

[youwillrise]

went to sleep after 8am today. woke up around 3pm. back to work posssssibly tomorrow (although, i probably wont? we're not required to, but it's an option), but definitely on thursday.

so i really need to adjust my sleep schedule. been having a bit of anxiety past couple of days, though. so, i dont know how successful that venture will be.

keeping hope alive...

[Britneigh]

Alive for now. Feeling lousy.