[Britneigh]

Drained...

Boss's trailer flipped over on their way home this morning...4 horses trapped in it..it was a great text message to get at 5 AM. It took them 2 hours to get the trailer upright, and another 1.5 hours to get the one horse up and out. My boss said that she was sure two were dead, and one was twitching like he was pretty close. One was hanging out the window. Luckily with some help from the vet they are all home and in really rough shape. I tear up every time I see them, my heart just breaks for them. I'm just tired of horses getting sick and hurt. But glad none had to be euthinized.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Drained...

Boss's trailer flipped over on their way home this morning...4 horses trapped in it..it was a great text message to get at 5 AM. It took them 2 hours to get the trailer upright, and another 1.5 hours to get the one horse up and out. My boss said that she was sure two were dead, and one was twitching like he was pretty close. One was hanging out the window. Luckily with some help from the vet they are all home and in really rough shape. I tear up every time I see them, my heart just breaks for them. I'm just tired of horses getting sick and hurt. But glad none had to be euthinized.

WOW! it just doesn't let up for you does it?? i don't know know if i could handle all you have been through lately..i sure hope the horses are ok and you as well
hang in there it has got to get better, this is crazy

[trying2survive]

morning is off to a decent start, think i will head to the gym and work out!

[JadeAmethyst]

good physical hard work paid off, one side of the privacy fence in completed!!!
able to spend some quiet time at the book store and a coffee.
able to put some mental s....t to useful insight/release.
looking forward to watching Svenghoulie with H this evening.....

Wishing everyone well this Saturday evening.

love to all
Jade

[Havoctoria]

I'm ok. Was pretty upset this morning about someone talking about my relationship with my boyfriend. For once in my life I'm with someone I'm truly compatible with and it sucks to have people crap on the very things that make us compatible. What's unhealthy for one relationship is healthy for another. We're happy together. Why is that so difficult for everyone to accept? Our ways work for us. Times like these make me appreciate my partner even more and once again, I can't wait for him to get home.

Every day for the rest of our lives, he'll be coming home to me. <3

[ifst5]

I'm angry at how it seems that once i've reached an understanding or gained a better impression of an individual, it then becomes totally undermined by smallish events I thought I could trust them to respond too appropriately. I feel mistrustful, genuinely friendless and nearing the lowest ebb.

[trying2survive]

doin ok, did some grocer shopping today..yaay

well at least it kept me busy!

[Havoctoria]

I'm about to go try to sell some books for grocery money. Saying that makes me feel so busy, but I'm waiting until the last minute. lol. I should have done it hours ago.

Last week I discussed with my T that I might be borderline. Tomorrow, I will discuss it with him again in more detail. There is a change that I may be institutionalized. More likely though, I might join the borderline treatment program at the clinic that meets 5 days per week. I wonder if he will recommend that I enter this program. I may find out tomorrow.

[NeverBeenLoved]

I had a good day today, the best I've had in weeks. Which is pretty good considering I was in the hospital on Tues because of self harm. I walked 5 km today though, it was nice to get some fresh air and see some of the flowers starting to pop up. Hope everyone has a good week.

NeverBeenLoved

[NeverBeenLoved]

Today is a day of discovery. Today I am going out to find out what my likes and dislikes are and to break out of this mould that I have been for so many years that everyone has grown accustomed to. I am going to the city and I am going to dye my brown mousey hair black, I going to re - pierce my ears, I am going to buy some make up and nail polish and just experiment with my appearance. I have always looked the same. Same hair, no make up, beautiful long nails, but no polish. I say it is time to have some fun. I am also going to pick up the DBT workbook while I am there too, I am on the list for the group that runs here in Sept, but I figure "why wait until then?"
I am sure the day won't be perfect and someone will do something to peeve me off, but that is a given.

Hope everyone has a good day.

NeverBeenLoved

[silvercloud1989]

Having a good day so far!

[trying2survive]

decided to cut the grass today for the first time this year..go out to the lawnmower..of course it won't start..great.

[ifst5]

I'm still feeling weary. I Haven't experienced any fall out yet from a decision i made yesterday. I'm proud i managed to walk away from a recurring nightmare with my dignity in tact. I'm also glad i actually did some food shopping although i need to get out of the house tomorrow as i haven't stepped outside or spoken to anyone since Saturday.

[Blue_velvet09]

Meh... It's my last week of school and then it's back to work. Right now I've been doing ok, but that's because my relationship has been going well and I've been mostly staying inside watching Netflix...
I can just feel a breakdown coming once summer hits. I'll be 3 hours away from my boyfriend and back to retail work which is very draining and doesn't help with my paranoia. I'm also scared I will spend all my money because I feel so ****** like I usually do...
I'm supposed to see my pdoc Thursday but he'll be very upset once I tell him I haven't been taking my meds at all... He already scolded me for quitting group. I just don't think meds are right for me, but I'm too scared to be honest with him and I rather just cancel the appointment then go..


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[JadeAmethyst]

it'd ok,,,

[Britneigh]

Just when I'm feeling like absolutely quitting, my boss does something nice and helps cheer me up. My POS coworker finally left, Friday (aka the trailer accident day) was her last official day and she left Saturday morning right after she was paid without saying bye to my bosses and said she'd text them (she didn't). My one boss (they are a husband and wife) decided we were going to a good riddiance dinner because he was thrilled that she was gone. It was to this rather fancy place that nothing was cheaper than $20 but was SO good. Then when we were leaving we went out to the truck and as I was saying thank you, they were like well we want to thank you for everything you did and for being an honest and hardworking employee so we got you a little something to show our appreciation. They handed me a greenhawk bag (my favorite horse store) but inside it had a Cannon ESO Rebel and a case and a 16 gb memory card. I priced the camera a while back because I have wanted one and they are more than $600 with tax, let alone the other stuff. I was so excited and felt so happy and thankful I almost cried.

Then today they drove to NY so I could renew my license (3 1/2 hour drive one way) plus got me lunch and Timmies this morning and got my foal her first halter. I really work for two really amazing people and I feel like I tell them thank you all the time because they are just that awesome.

Things are still draining around here though. I'm tired every day. Yesterday I worked 8-1030 and today I was up at 5 to get things done before we left for NY. The last working vehicle is breaking down, plus all the expenses from the accident and normal horse bills and my boss is stressing about money.

Instantly I felt guilty that they spent so much to go to the states then on my camera and all that. I knoww they wouldn't have done it if they didn't want to but I still feel bad. I wish I could win the lottery for them.

[Verity81]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Just when I'm feeling like absolutely quitting, my boss does something nice and helps cheer me up. My POS coworker finally left, Friday (aka the trailer accident day) was her last official day and she left Saturday morning right after she was paid without saying bye to my bosses and said she'd text them (she didn't). My one boss (they are a husband and wife) decided we were going to a good riddiance dinner because he was thrilled that she was gone. It was to this rather fancy place that nothing was cheaper than $20 but was SO good. Then when we were leaving we went out to the truck and as I was saying thank you, they were like well we want to thank you for everything you did and for being an honest and hardworking employee so we got you a little something to show our appreciation. They handed me a greenhawk bag (my favorite horse store) but inside it had a Cannon ESO Rebel and a case and a 16 gb memory card. I priced the camera a while back because I have wanted one and they are more than $600 with tax, let alone the other stuff. I was so excited and felt so happy and thankful I almost cried.


Then today they drove to NY so I could renew my license (3 1/2 hour drive one way) plus got me lunch and Timmies this morning and got my foal her first halter. I really work for two really amazing people and I feel like I tell them thank you all the time because they are just that awesome.


Things are still draining around here though. I'm tired every day. Yesterday I worked 8-1030 and today I was up at 5 to get things done before we left for NY. The last working vehicle is breaking down, plus all the expenses from the accident and normal horse bills and my boss is stressing about money.


Instantly I felt guilty that they spent so much to go to the states then on my camera and all that. I knoww they wouldn't have done it if they didn't want to but I still feel bad. I wish I could win the lottery for them.

It's good to hear your bosses acknowledging your hard work, I hope you are giving yourself a pat on the back also!

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[Verity81]

Bank holiday weekend didn't go so well, step daughter fell over at a football game and broke her arm hubby spend most of Sunday and then Monday at the hospital. She is in a cast and fed up cod there are are lot of things she can't do with only one arm poor love. I'm thinking of going swimming today but can't get up the motivation, ugh I know I should cos it'll make me feel better

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[Britneigh]

I want to give up on everything. I just. I'm overwhelmed. Drained. And things keep piling up. It took me 3 hours to feed this morning and I still have stalls to do and clean the arena. I'm just done. I can't handle this. I'm a terrible employee and person. I just am sitting here bawling because I'm just stretched past my limits. The stupid bird attacked me like always and I just freaked. I didn't even bother feeding my own horse her grain (she has a field with hay and grass so she does have food) because she wouldn't come in and I just didn't have the energy left in me to fight. I want to do better. I want to make them proud and have things looking amazing but I'm just drained. I have no friends to come help or even just to go do something with. I will be all by myself for 3 weeks and I'm a bit terrified of what I know I'm capable of when I get overwhelmed and nobody is here to distract me. I just quit. I don't enjoy any of my job anymore. My foal doesn't even make me smile anymore. I don't even want to see my own horse. Nothing makes me happy anymore. It's a floodgate of emotions and I can't stop it no matter how much I would like to.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Just when I'm feeling like absolutely quitting, my boss does something nice and helps cheer me up. My POS coworker finally left, Friday (aka the trailer accident day) was her last official day and she left Saturday morning right after she was paid without saying bye to my bosses and said she'd text them (she didn't). My one boss (they are a husband and wife) decided we were going to a good riddiance dinner because he was thrilled that she was gone. It was to this rather fancy place that nothing was cheaper than $20 but was SO good. Then when we were leaving we went out to the truck and as I was saying thank you, they were like well we want to thank you for everything you did and for being an honest and hardworking employee so we got you a little something to show our appreciation. They handed me a greenhawk bag (my favorite horse store) but inside it had a Cannon ESO Rebel and a case and a 16 gb memory card. I priced the camera a while back because I have wanted one and they are more than $600 with tax, let alone the other stuff. I was so excited and felt so happy and thankful I almost cried.

Then today they drove to NY so I could renew my license (3 1/2 hour drive one way) plus got me lunch and Timmies this morning and got my foal her first halter. I really work for two really amazing people and I feel like I tell them thank you all the time because they are just that awesome.

Things are still draining around here though. I'm tired every day. Yesterday I worked 8-1030 and today I was up at 5 to get things done before we left for NY. The last working vehicle is breaking down, plus all the expenses from the accident and normal horse bills and my boss is stressing about money.

Instantly I felt guilty that they spent so much to go to the states then on my camera and all that. I knoww they wouldn't have done it if they didn't want to but I still feel bad. I wish I could win the lottery for them.

OMG! that is so awesome! yes! and yo so deserve it for all the hell you been through lately, glad things are looking up for you my online drinkin buddy
maybe i'll have one for ya later! hee hee

[trying2survive]

so anyways that friggin lawnmower wouldn't start yesterday, so i said "F" it!
i try to start it this morning still won't start..damn thing is basically brand new only had it for one summer! guess i gotta take it to the shop..great more s*** i don't want to do!

..i wonder how much this is going to cost??

[JLyne]

I haven't posted on PC since the 1st week of January. I guess I lost interest- true; but then again, I had lost interest in everything...I had been majorly depressed; so depressed I didn't even know how bad I had gotten. I know I thought about suicide everyday, and the tears would start pouring over the smallest things... several people had told me {over a period of a year} I needed to be on antidepressants. And my usual excuse, "I hate antid's! I've been on almost every kind ever made and none help!" And my fave excuse..." They change the chemicals in your brain and mess you up even worse..."
I'm so glad I called my dr. 2 months ago and asked to him to "Just put me on SOMETHING- NOW PLEASE!"
Anyway I just wanted to check in and say "HI!!!!" to everyone. I will post more later...maybe this time around I won't be too afraid to try to make a few friends

[ifst5]

Today started out better, ate healthily and felt good in myself for doing so. Then later on I spent time with the family but felt pretty invalidated for the duration and ended up bingeing on junk food. Ugh. I'm going to see my care coordinator tomorrow for the first time since leaving TC care. I don't really want to go, I know there's nothing they can do for me and our professional relationship is fractured. I just don't want to be triggered any more right now.

[JadeAmethyst]

One thing at a time today, H and I "working" outside, like too bossy scorpions in a tin can.LOL BUT,,,,,tasks were completed with a bit more humor and a little less drama (sort of). I am an introvert, need space and breathing air. H is extrovert, needs lots of attention and talks a lot. Takes my quiet as rejection. After 14 years...really?! AhhhhBPD