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#326
May 22, 2014, 10:10 AM
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Quote:
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!  
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#327
May 23, 2014, 12:56 AM
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I had the most amazing night yesterday. The person who means the most to me and I finally sat down to talk about our feelings for each other and how much we love each other. We never say 'I love you' irl but it all felt so right, leaning our heads against each other and squeezing each other's hands. I wanted to freeze time right there and then. I felt nothing but pure happiness. YES, I was filled with valium but I don't even think that's why. It was the smell of her hairspray, her soft hands, the way she told me that I was the best thing that's ever happened to her and that we were gonna get through all this **** together. She's got BPD too... and a heroinist. But guess what? She's been clean for 6 days now and doesn't even feel an urge to take h. She just paid her last dept to her dealer, threw away everything she used to snort, keep the dope etc. The dealer ****ing offered her FREE h yesterday and she said NO. I'm so ****ing proud and happy. I know we can make it now. She says I make her feel as calm and safe as the h does when I wrap my arms around her. She's gonna start going to NA-meetings and is ACTUALLY been searching for treatment in a lot of places for the first time. This time it's for real. My baby's gonna be okay. I'm crying. I even said no to valium before going to bed last night. I'm just so happy. Had to share it with you all.
Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk |
 Bill3, trying2survive, waiting4
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 Bill3
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#328
May 23, 2014, 10:09 AM
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went to see my T yesterday..session didn't go too well, this is going to be a little harder than i thought
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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| Bill3, Verity81, waiting4
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#329
May 23, 2014, 07:56 PM
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Quote:
Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk |
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#330
May 23, 2014, 08:57 PM
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Awful day
I flipped out on my partner and now he wants space and we are broken up because I said so (then regretted it, of course). He didn't even seem mad, he seemed genuinely worried that he wouldn't be able to take my BPD episodes anymore. Yeah. Gotta love all that shame. I'm high now on my DOC so you know everything seems not too bad right now. Tomorrow is time to deal with life
__________________
BPD // OCD // ADD // SAD // GAD |
| trying2survive
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#331
May 23, 2014, 09:46 PM
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well another day in the books, not too bad...i knew i couldn't stay off that d*mn roller coaster for too long!
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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| Bill3
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#332
May 24, 2014, 12:15 AM
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My moods have been all over the place to the extreme lately. I am overwhelmed with guilt, self-hate, and confusion now. I know how to fix a wrong that I've done ~ admit & apologize. I'm scared too.
__________________
"Only in the darkness can you see the stars." - Martin Luther King Jr. "Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace." - Author Unkown |
| Bill3, Wysteria
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#333
May 24, 2014, 12:25 AM
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Having scary derealization experiences that have been really scary to me. NOT the way I normally tend to dissociate. Negative thoughts and loneliness...distance between me and T..hurts. Feel very needy which I hate. Pdoc worried and talk of hospitalization. Adding Latuda starting tomorrow AM. Just fuzzy and lost. feel unseen. meds giving me bedspins and did not sleep at all last night. Get snarky/sarcastic and scared of any interaction with people. Don't trust what will happen tonight or tomorrow...lots of dread and wanting safety so very badly...Just so out of character and so far away from what I've experienced before...so vulnerable.
__________________
 Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart. Who looks outside, Dreams... Who looks inside, Awakens... - Carl Jung |
| shezbut
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#334
May 24, 2014, 10:10 AM
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I am in hell. I work retail and everyday it reinforces my hatred towards people. It blows my mind how entitled, rude, and sloppy people can be. Sometimes I regret becoming a nurse because I hate people an think they are generally assholes. Plus I try to stay away as most as I can. I'm going to be a horrible nurse
I just wish the paranoia and the alien like feeling wasn't back. No matter what, I always feel so distant from everyone is society. I can't connect with people. I can't fit in. I feel so isolated and weird. Why do I feel this way? I don't know if it's part of BPD or I just truly am casted out |
| Mindful55
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#335
May 24, 2014, 12:33 PM
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day started out rough and empty..what a combo...better now though
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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#336
May 24, 2014, 01:53 PM
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Ugh. Guys are annoying. I don't like them. All they are is living dildos with annoying emotions attached. Just bleh.
__________________
Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire Don't let your mindset become what controls you Speak right now and make the choice to grow |
| Wysteria
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#337
May 24, 2014, 02:42 PM
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I'm going to second the above post. I'm currently annoyed with guys as well.
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| Britneigh, Wysteria
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#338
May 24, 2014, 03:06 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart. Who looks outside, Dreams... Who looks inside, Awakens... - Carl Jung |
| Britneigh
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#339
May 24, 2014, 03:17 PM
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Bleh eh....the rest I can take but the bleh wad just too much gor my sensitive male ego. ....lol  Sent from my GT-I9305 using Tapatalk
__________________
"Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes"  Success and failure are two of many words we get to define, not society. Our success depends on definition and intentions, not actions |
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#340
May 24, 2014, 03:18 PM
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I gotta get some skinnier fingers.....
Sent from my GT-I9305 using Tapatalk
__________________
"Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes" Success and failure are two of many words we get to define, not society. Our success depends on definition and intentions, not actions |
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#341
May 24, 2014, 09:22 PM
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Angry, restless, want to break something.
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| Bill3, shezbut
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#342
May 24, 2014, 09:51 PM
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Finally....I have made the action to see a therapist and take care of my mental health and well being. I am feeling hopeful, and supported in my efforts reaching out for help.
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| Bill3, Wysteria
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| shezbut
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#343
May 24, 2014, 11:09 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart. Who looks outside, Dreams... Who looks inside, Awakens... - Carl Jung |
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#344
May 25, 2014, 12:27 AM
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I have some suicidal thoughts and want to self harm myself.
The wait until my outpatient program starts is really hard to manage. |
| shezbut, Wysteria
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#345
May 25, 2014, 09:46 AM
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woke up this morning to jump on PC and my computer decided it didn't want me to..until it tortured me for an hour figuring out why this is happening to me
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
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#346
May 25, 2014, 09:54 AM
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I'm doing quite well lately.
 No big episodes in quite a long time.
__________________
Allie Diagnosed: Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Obsessive Compulsive Disoder. Previous: Borderline Personality Disorder. I no longer qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but there will always be my borderline traits that I struggle with especially during times of great stress. I've been working passionately as a therapist since December 2016
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| Verity81
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#347
May 25, 2014, 10:00 AM
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I've ended up crying hysterically and not going to meet my husband and rest of family camping for a night cos I got pissed off there wasn't much food there. Wtf?? I don't understand his family's love of camping? I don't mind if it's on a camp site with things to do and enough bloody food but not in the middle of a field an hour and half away and I've got a perfectly warm soft bed and plenty of food and things to do here! Sorry I'm ranting, I just don't understand why I'm so upset? He is okay with me not going but I also miss him.....seems like not as much as I'd miss my home comforts lol feel so different from them, so antisocial and fussy
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
Verity  
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| shezbut
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#348
May 25, 2014, 12:00 PM
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I finally slept by taking 1mg of Rivotril.
It has been 5 nights that I was in a crisis and I didn't need to go to the hospital. I am proud of me. |
| Verity81
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#349
May 25, 2014, 12:37 PM
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I am alone now and I feel worse.
I want to self harm me. |
| Britneigh, Fuzzybear
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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