opposite action

If you're familiar with DBT then you will know all about this.

This week I am practicing opposite action and I think it's going quite well.. Not sure if it makes me FEEL better but I am ACTING better.

I said to my best friend would I be able to stay at his on Wednesday or Thursday.
He replied Thursday would be best.
I was actually expecting him to say 'of course which ever night, you know you don't have to ask you are always welcome.'
As he has said this a lot of times.

What I wanted to do was just ignore him, because he didn't want me there on Wednesday and obviously he had more important things to do than see me.

But instead I just agreed on Thursday and went over on Thursday.

My mum is away with My brothers and I asked when she would be back and she said on Saturday or Sunday. I said 'well I was going to come over Saturday but I won't bother now!'

I was so annoyed that she hadn't already decided on Saturday because she knew I would usually come over.

She replied that even if they did come back Saturday it would be until late.

This is still bothering me and I would usually confront her or hassle her or even go to where she is...

But my opposite action was to just accept I won't see them this weekend.

Because I obviously can't cope with being on my own I asked my the same friend from above whether I could stay Saturday as well..

He said that would be great.. So this made me happy because he seemed excited I was coming over.

The opposite action was i usually would have said something like 'my mums away and she doesn't even care about what I am doing so can I stay over because I can't face being on my own...'
But I said 'what are you doing Saturday? Fancy me coming over and hanging out? '

So because of these I realise things didn't escalate and end up eventually getting worse. Plus I haven't made anyone else feel bad. It does take a lot of conscious effort to think about my reactions and go against my initial instinct

Cool that dbt helps !
I start next month on dbt , psychodramatics and group therapy ... I'm scared as I duno what to expect ? In only used to cbt that didn't help me xx

I'm glad that's working for you! I've tried something similar to that for my anxiety issues, but it didn't go so well. I think that for my BPD traits it'll work way better.

Thanks for sharing!

Glad to hear this is working for you ! And, glad to hear that DBT can help. How far along are you ? Do you know how long the program will last for you ? Is there no fixed time duration ?

I'm not doing DBT as such but my therapist and me are using a handbook and working through it together because I was trying to do that on my own before I had her, but I couldn't recognise exactly what I was doing. Like I understood the concepts but couldn't apply them....
DBT isn't available in my area.

I'm starting dbt and apparently the standard is a year in length and twice weekly with group therapy attached xxx what therapy u receiving or u not ? X

Wow! Proud of you widgets!!!

I promise, it feels unnatural and uncomfortable, but it does start becoming easier after a while. Its like forming a good habit in a sense, doesn't take as much effort after a while.

And while I agree it doesn't feel good, you know what does? Being proud of yourself and rewarding yourself when you do manage to act better.

That's my tactic anyway

I've been practicing opposite actions for a while now, (not in DBT though) and it is realllly paying off.

I haven't directed a BPD *****fit at my bf since FEBRUARY, I'm now able to see when one is brewing and can usually diffuse it and opposite action helps me do this.

But when I can't talk myself into not texting something venomous to him, I say it to my Rage Journal instead and promise myself that if I still need to say it 24hrs later then something there is worth being said.

Usually if there actually is a message to be heard, its not at all venomous 24hrs later, because my inaction sparks introspection, so I'm able to identify what is behind the venom and address that directly, whether with him or with my T.

Sorry I didn't mean to ramble, I'm just so damn proud of you and excited for you at the same time!

Thanks. Right now, my only therapy involves me and blocks of iron.

I'm looking into DBT, though. Don't know the details yet.

That's great. All I've gotten so far is therapists rejecting me at the slightest mention of DBT. Sucks being in a small town, only for that reason

Borderline for dummies is keeping me going...

Cool ! It's a pretty good book.

Thought I might mention 2 other awesome books - "The Buddha and the borderline" (Van Gelder), and "Get me out of here: My recovery from BPD" (Reiland)

Just started a DBT workbook this week with my therapist. She feels this could be a "cute" for my BPD symptoms of course along with meds and continued therapy.

We were just recently talking about opposite actions in my DBT group. Those seem like good examples. Good job implementing the strategies! I've been doing DBT over a year and I don't think I've ever tried the opposite action past in real life.

Trippin, i am really proud of you as well! It really sounds like you are making it a habit now..

That's fantastic!

I totally agree with you about the benefits it has, i'm starting to be so much more self aware already!

It's only a small change but makes a big impact on the people around me and my relationship with them...

I will get the information on the workbook I am going through and let you all know.

Also I will check out borderline for dummies.

The Buddha and the borderline is one of my favourite books.
I also recommend 'my alien self - a journey back to me.' by Amanda Green
'stop sabotaging your life - a 30 day guide to DBT,' was ok but not that in depth.

Great job Trippin!

I have a difficult time with the opposite to emotion task, as well as managing emotions, I will have to practice more often. Thanks for giving me the gumption to try harder.

You're both very welcome

Like I said it was by no means easy or even pleasant at first, but the rewards were incentive enough for me to keep trying.