When you have nobody left...

Everyone has just peeled away... What else is left??? Ever feel like you have no friends left and your family thinks you are a burden and all you get is Facebook banter???

Yes and start learning to love yourself do self soothe techniques and be your own best friend. My experience don't rely on other people. You will get disappointed every time. Remember a rule I live by when people are out in public they are thinking 90% about themselves and maybe if we are lucky they pay 10% of their time thinking about us.

True happiness comes from within yourself; not outside. Not that I am even close to mastering that concept.

Yes. It's very painful.

The path towards lessening pain is seen as not relying on people (since I suppose people are rarely going to be trustworthy or reliable), but when someone says such things when one is grieving over being turned away at every opening, it is...very discouraging. It feels like invalidation and more rejection, hearing such things. I don't know about you, but what I want to hear is that someone cares and can empathize, not that I'm on the wrong path and I just have to not care anymore and everything will be fine. I'm not sure how to accept that myself when it goes against what appears to be my fundamental nature.

I'm sorry that you're in this situation and that no one is there for you right now.

I understand what you're saying. It's hard to hear someone tell you that you need to take care of yourself ... it feels like invalidation.

But, even you'll agree that ... if you're 30 yrs and 0 days old today, you will be 30 yrs and 1 day old tomorrow. You cannot get back time you lose, so it is wise to think about how you spend each day.

I am of the opinion that one can either sit around and hope for that savior ... this is called idealism, and I used to be guilty of it. ... and surrender control to others, or reject that idea altogether and learn to take care of yourself in whatever way possible ... accept that this world is a harsh, hostile place, and that people are generally selfish ... this is called realism.

If a middle ground exists, I need to see it to believe it If you're able to find one, I'm truly happy for you.

I was a hardcore idealist most of my life ... it just so happened that my life began when I began to surrender my idealism and resign to the harsh status quo ... and try to adapt to it.

That's just me. Take it with a grain of salt.

I can send hugs your way and say that I'm sorry you feel this way, and pretend that some miracle is going to happen ... I can tell you this all day, everyday, for the next several years. At the end of that time, if that is all you rely on, you will be the same person with the same issues if not worse. Or, I can tell you what I know might help.

Hi Bluelily

I understand the feelings you are feeling. They're not good ones. I'm sorry that you feel this way. It's not a good place to be in.

I think you've been given some great responses so I don't have too much more to add other than to say hang in there and I'm thinking about you.

Thanks guys. Even my bloody cat was sick on my feet while I was crying last night - I thought she might be the only fan I had left but clearly no! Joking aside, I am just so... I can't take friendships and the knocks and bumps they bring. Criticisms and jealousies and abandonment fears. It's horrible. Last night my parents' friend had a big go at me for not wanting to go back to working in an office (I'm a VERY struggling freelancer) and said I should get my hand tattoos lasered off and take my dreads out and live in the real world. It's what everyone else in my life is thinking, she just had the "guts" to say it. I feel like a total pariah and like people are laughing about me so much behind my back. I used to be proud of my individuality and if I was feeling stronger I'd just get more work and get on with it and prove them wrong. But right now am thinking I either just drink myself to death in my parents' box room or I do what she says and go back to a lifestyle I DESPISE (which with my CV as it is now I doubt I could do).

I don't think I can live a life where I just have to "love myself" and distrust everyone else. That seems futile.

That's the trouble, isn't it? I feel the same way. It's depressing and discouraging.

You might not get the choice. I have realized that as much as I want to have friends people just won't connect with me. I have been on this forum for 2 years and I receive very few PMs so I can only assume people don't want a more personal relationship with me here.

Sometimes it really seems like people want to crush our individuality out of us and just have us follow the program. I don't know if it's resentment that they've given up their individuality or just the urge that they seem to have to hammer the hell out of that nail that sticks up a bit. I think it's valuable and important for you to hold onto what you love. No doubt it's harder to do that kind of work when you're not doing so well because it requires a lot of drive and motivation. Just showing up at an office is way easier. Definitely hard choices, but there's no sense in doing something you hate.

This wasn't exactly my point, Lilo. It's in the approach, and the fact that people like to skip right over validating the other person's feelings. If someone falls down the stairs, do you just toss some band-aids at them and say, "There's a phone down the hall to call for an ambulance if it's bad." No.

Of course we all have to take care of ourselves. I think every one of us knows that. It's hard not to. But we want to be cared for and know that our pain matters to someone somewhere. We want to hear that someone understands.

Dropping a "solution" on someone's head that seems impossibly far away just when they're feeling so hurt and hopeless (especially when the person doesn't know how to achieve it) is the opposite of helpful. If anything it weighs that person down more, and they feel even more alienated and uncared for. It's terribly important to address someone's FEELINGS. Not just the problem. We're human beings, not robots.

Personally, I'm not sitting around waiting for a savior, and I don't think anyone else I've read posts from seems to be either. Trust me, I'm a realist of the first degree. I've lost a great deal of my idealism.

See above.

Got it. Basically, I need to shut up I can do that, it's easy ! It's probably in my best interest anyway.

That wasn't what I was saying at all. I did want to make sure you understood where I was coming from, however. Probably a hopeless endeavor with how complicated human communication is, BUT! I try to give it a shot.

I think sometimes like in this post I am just restating what my therapists have told me. I think I need to refrain from these actions. I think it might be best if I leave the people on this forum to consult with their pDoc, therapists or mental health worker. I do not want to be perceived as wanting to hurt members feelings. I have lived with this disorder for 50 years. I have a great deal of painful experience but it seems to not be welcome here on the forum not just this post.

Please seek your professionals opinion. I wish you the best of luck.

This is the second post that has to do with being notice. I hardly get noticed. I was thinking that all the posts I post are ignored. Which is fine. I read a lot of posts that I don't respond to. It not that we don't want to connect, it because we don't want to get hurt. I want to connect very much so. I just feel that no body whats to hear or likes the things I say.
I am a realist. I know I don't trust anyone, but I keep putting myself out there. It hurts overtime. But I keep telling myself I will find just one person who won't hurt me.
I think that's the way to try to live our lives. I am not good when it comes to giving myself advice even worse give advice. So I stick with just giving my point of view.

E.X.A.C.T.L.Y. These are golden words here.

dancinglady, if it's any consolation, I feel exactly the same way here. I try to share things I've learned on my path to improvement, and people just don't wanna hear any of it. It might be best for us to just not reply in such cases. Your experience is so vital and can really provide helpful advice to those who're relatively inexperienced and need help.

But, I'm not signed in to this forum just to give hugs and say everything's gonna be ok. That would be a colossal waste of time for me. I'm here to share experiences and try to help someone get better.

When I give advice, it is IMPLIED that I care about the person and their feelings !

I notice you and read your posts, Dobby.

Same.

I've noticed everyone's posts. I'm just really feeling quite confused about whether or not I want to go the hermit path or try and connect - hard though it is - to people. Because it seems that black and white to me right now :/

I have lots of "friends" but very few close ones and my close friendships are fraught with drama. I feel like maybe that's telling me I'm not designed for close friendships.

I have read your posts and maybe the way I am talking in black terms I read of gray. Thanks for the insight.

Instead spell check again.

I have felt that way, too. Being close is one of the hardest things. Everything is charged, I'm more anxious and sensitive, I'm being triggered all over the place, etc. It can put a lot of pressure on both people, especially if the other person is unfamiliar with BPD issues, etc. Although catch-22, there. The other person knowing about the BPD can be another source of trouble.

I do have incredibly intense friendships when I have close friendships. Literally joined at hip to best friend but at the moment feel like I only hang out with him most of the time because of that. So others drift away while I'm focusing on that intense friendship. I'm always really popular with people when they first meet me - making silly jokes and being friendly and trying to help out with things - but then they get to know me and the awkward bits come out. Don't get me wrong, I love being alone. But... Urgh. Even alone we are usually indirectly interacting with others, constantly reminded of them. If I stay in for a week reading novels I am still more often than not reading about people.