[dancinglady]

I am glad Hooligan you are finally getting the help you have needed for so long. I saw the need several weeks ago. Do not know how you got there but whoever helped you and you did it voluntarily that is a good place for you. Take advantage of all that they offer and get well fast so you can come back.

[Britneigh]

Crashing hard. Heading into a 2 week stretch of work...dogs are being terrors...oh and had a condom completely tear and only noticed after all was finished if you catch my drift. Just another stress to ad to my life. FML

Originally Posted by Britneigh

...oh and had a condom completely tear and only noticed after all was finished if you catch my drift. Just another stress to ad to my life. FML

That suuuuucks. Is the morning-after pill over-the-counter in Canada? It is here in the States now, I think you just have to ask the pharmacist for it (i.e. it isn't actually on the shelf, but you don't have to go through getting a prescription any longer). I've had that happen before but it was quite a while ago, back when you had to call your doctor and beg for a prescription.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Being back in my home town is nice and much easier than it was when I moved away, but I'm already sick of people asking me what I do and having to say that I'm not working and not looking for work. People look at me like I'm lazy and I don't want them to know anything about me, so I just have to put up with the judgement.

[JadeAmethyst]

settled and calm right now.

[Espresso]

Horrible day yesterday. Today, I'm not in crisis mode, but I'm still hurting from yesterday.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

I have no motivation. I keep sitting up until around 7am And then sleeping until late afternoon.

[Crazy Hitch]

A week ago I would have said it’s what people say to me that break me.

Today?

It’s people’s silence that breaks me more than words that have been spoken to me.

I want answers ...... ?

Why is that so much to ask for?

Say Something (I'm Giving Up On You) – Here listen to this it sums up how I feel today : -

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

I LOVE BEING IGNORED THIS MUCH:

I can't stand being ignored! I can deal with a bunch of insults and horribleness but I start to lose it when I'm being ignored.

[Crazy Hitch]

I trust NO ONE

[s4ndm4n2006]

After a long span of being really ok with myself, what do you know, I have to be reminded once again that I have this thorn in my side which is BPD.

Originally Posted by Hooligan

A week ago I would have said it’s what people say to me that break me.

Today?

It’s people’s silence that breaks me more than words that have been spoken to me.

I hate being ignored as well--I'm sorry you're in this spot. People do it to me a lot, and I'm not really sure what to do about it. I have come to realize that it isn't as malicious as I once thought it was, many people just don't know quite what to make of me. And then again, many of the people who don't talk to me much I wouldn't fit well with anyway.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Feeling the anxiety rising up in me. Hopefully it will pass in a few days, but at the moment it feels like it might just push me over the edge into a complete breakdown.

[JadeAmethyst]

kind of up and down sort of day, need to get outside, fresh air.

better days to everyone

Jade

[GoodLifeABC]

Hi, Im new here today. Im from Australia. Its a great day outside and the sun is shining. Im feeling a little stuck though. I want to move but I am feeling bored.

[Crazy Hitch]

Guy Sebastian is currently singing "Tonight Again" on the TV and right now this is exactly how I am today:

"Everyone's got their problems. Everyone's got something on their mind."

Hope everyone is well.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Originally Posted by GoodLifeABC

Hi, Im new here today. Im from Australia. Its a great day outside and the sun is shining. Im feeling a little stuck though. I want to move but I am feeling bored.

I'm in Australia too and it was just raining and hailing here!

Mood is kind of swinging lately. Seems the days start off ok and then partway through, bam, I crash.

And if I drink well then theres no hope of remaining ok. So I'm trying to avoid that lately...

[JadeAmethyst]

Going for a walk, too crowded in my head today.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

My mum wants me to go back to my dads tomorrow, I'm thinking about just sleeping in my car somewhere and telling her I went back. Staying at my dads is super uncomfortable and my anxiety goes through the roof.
I need to find a unit ASAP, not that I can actually afford it. I really have no idea what to do anymore. It's all getting a bit too hard and I feel like a nuisance to everyone around me.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Bubbles&Buttercup

My mum wants me to go back to my dads tomorrow, I'm thinking about just sleeping in my car somewhere and telling her I went back. Staying at my dads is super uncomfortable and my anxiety goes through the roof.
I need to find a unit ASAP, not that I can actually afford it. I really have no idea what to do anymore. It's all getting a bit too hard and I feel like a nuisance to everyone around me.

Is there a reason you can't just stay at your mother's for now? It seems like a better place for you?

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Is there a reason you can't just stay at your mother's for now? It seems like a better place for you?

My mum wants me to go back to dads. I feel extremely unwanted at either place, but I lived with mum when I was younger so I'm less awkward there.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I'm feeling low again. Just trying to hold on until I start to feel better. I think recovery is starting to get on my nerves a bit. I don't want to offend anyone but all the spirituality that is discussed is agitating me. I have a serious aversion to it all. Went to my sponsors house today and she knows that about me yet she felt the need to pray before we did any "work." She tried to hold my hands which I just left on the table not holding hers, and said that I didn't have to pray with her. I also am tired of the hugs which I've told a lot of people but she also insists on kissing my cheek. Someone else did that last weekend at a stupid wedding I went to. Enough already! People need to stop with all the closeness.

The real feelings I am having right now, while trying not to cry, is that my effing parents rarely hugged me and never kissed me. I wanted and needed that from them. I don't want it from all these stupid people. All it does is make me uncomfortable. How do I stop people from doing this?

One of my dogs just came up to me and put her paws on my leg while I am here at the computer. Not unlike me asking my dad to talk to me when he was working on his computer when I was a child. My dad just ignored me. I'm not exaggerating. I picked up my dog and held her for a while. She put her head on my shoulder and sighed. After five minutes or so I put her gently down and she is now satisfied and laying on the floor at my feet. This is my dog. Why couldn't my dad even acknowledge me?

I need to get out of my head here. Thanks for letting me have a place to get this out. Thinking about it all will not help me but just bring me down further. I'll try to remember to tell my T about it all though. I you guys and I hope you are all being treated the way you want and need.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

I've finally gone back to my dad's house. I messaged him today and said I'd be coming back late tonight and stayed at a mates until 2:30am and then got in while they're sleeping.

I'll find it easier seeing them when I wake up than it would be arriving in the arvo...hopefully.

It's been smooth sailing for at least a week. Last weekend, I hung out with a couple of girls from work that I really like...and they definitely seem like my "people." No bs, just real. I feel like I have more confidence in myself and that I'm gaining some stable footing/stable sense of self again. Not just because of these girls, but because I don't feel depressed and am not talking myself down.

Incidentally, I was invited out after work yesterday with a clique that tends to go out pretty regularly on their weekend (most of my coworkers have a weekend rotation--I work every weekend, and have one off a month). I've worked in that ER six months, and this is the first time they've invited me in spite of the fact that I've expressed interest. It made me feel badly to be excluded (even though it's actually a rather small group). But I went...and I didn't fit in. Not in a bad way, because they weren't mean or anything, but they just aren't my "people," you know? We don't have a lot in common besides work...I guess that's the best, shortest way to explain it.

Just reinforced the realization that, even though it hurts not to be included, sometimes being included isn't always right for you either.