Need to stop questioning this and start accepting so I can move on and get better...

[JadeAmethyst]

good walking weather early this morning, 3 dogs walked and calm

[Espresso]

So tired, can't sleep.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Originally Posted by Espresso

So tired, can't sleep.

I feel like I'm in this situation every night. It's so frustrating!!!

I have begun to wonder if I have some sort of actual clinical problem with attention. It kind of goes beyond procrastination for me--when I sit down to do work, I simply cannot focus unless I'm so pressed for time that, if I don't do it now, I will not be able to hand in the assignment on time. I've been this way since I was a kid. I get decent grades but I wonder how much better they would be if I could actually be one of those people who could sit down to study for two hours and actually study. I get distracted by everything. I've even put website blocks on my computer in order to get myself to focus, but I'll find something else to distract me.

I've spent the last 4 hours distracted. I have a pile of work, all due tomorrow, and I cannot seem to settle myself to get into it. This is the story of my freaking life.

Not really a big, pressing, depressing problem today. But I'm frustrated.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Picking up keys to my new place today and moving in tomorrow! So excited to have a place to myself again and to no longer be stuck with family!!

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm just glad to be back here.

I hope you are all well

[JadeAmethyst]

lifting up after a extreme lows the last few days

I know that I'm most definitely a self-saboteur, but I also don't really know how not to be. For example, I know that when I am too high-strung and demanding in relationships, the other person is quickly irritated, usually to the point of distancing themselves. But I also don't know where to draw the line between things I should accept from another person in a normal, healthy friendship and things which are abuses of that friendship. Like, a friend asks me what I'm doing tonight and we talk about getting together. Then she says she is meeting up with a guy instead at 11. I feel hurt, she feels like we didn't actually make any solid plans. I don't feel like that is acceptable to ask me to do something and then not follow through...but then again, it isn't that big a deal, either.

With another friend, how many times do I allow her to cancel plans with me at the last minute before I say "Eff this, I'm out." I know it's not malicious, and she's known to be flaky. But I have a very busy schedule and my time is at a premium right now, so I feel pretty disrespected. (I've even been waiting at a restaurant when she's canceled on me due to something out of her control...but there is always something with her.)

See, I was able to work these two scenarios out in my mind, but it's after the fact, after I've likely already reacted to them. The problem is that, in the moment, I don't really know what the correct reaction to something which makes me feel badly is--because obviously, it isn't always to get upset and defensive. Sometimes it's just to check your own insecurities and let them go.

But I don't know where to draw the line between my insecurity and actual legitimate things I need to address. This is probably why I both lose potentially really cool friendships before they get off the ground and why I spend most of my time alone.

[kkrenee22]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

This time last year I was inpatient, the first admission of three that year. It wasn't until the last one in November/December that things actually improved. This year has probably been my most stable for quite a long time. But I am still self injuring, still stockpiling medication, still get suicidal thoughts. And urges are beginning to get stronger. The days that I feel bad are increasing once again. I'm thinking that this relative stability will be over before long.

But tonight I'm going out for my birthday so gonna try and ignore those fears for now and hope that I can have a good time and don't do anything stupid!

i used to be a self mutilator - now i just have to fight the unconscious compulsion to rip the skin from around my fingernails and toenails. i don't know if this will help you, but i think this is finally what kind of pulled me from my most volatile mutilations - i got my first piercing and it was almost the same rush. then i got another, and another.. and then it came down to "ok i have this much money. do i want a piercing, or do i want to save for something else?" and then it went to tattoos. I've calmed my urges almost completely since my kids were born.. i would be mortified if they ever saw what i used to do.

from a former SM to another, i know your pain. the pain you HAVE to feel JUST to feel. because NO ONE understands and you're so FRUSTRATED.. hold on. please just hold on, ok? give yourself some credit when credit is due. take a compliment if given and don't shy away from contacting me if you need someone to vent to. I am new here but everything you said struck a chord inside me that made me hurt.

[Crazy Hitch]

Good morning Everybody here from me living in The Land Down Under straight to you, wherever in the world you may be

Just stopping by to say I hope that everybody here has a good weekend.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit better.

I remember a saying a wise person once told me: “So long as you are being a copycat – you will never be the best copycat in the world.”

So true as I sit and reflect on those words.

_______________

- Song of the Day that sums up how I feel right now -

Heard this one when my daughter was Channel Surfing

GUY SEBASTIAN Dare To Be Square:-

I used to sit and wonder
Why I couldn't win
Losin' every war
Just trying to fit in
So afraid I
Couldn't stand straight
It took a little while
But I realized
Who I am is who I am and that’s alright



- Guy Sebastian helps fight bullying with the release of his new song Dare To Be Square - :-

No Cookies | dailytelegraph.com.au

I work weekends, but have every third weekend off and this is it...but I chose to pick up a 7pm-7am shift tonight. Ugh. I did that my last weekend off as well. I am not sure why, given that I'm in the last few months of school and busy all the time, I choose to make myself busier. I guess I want to keep socking away money as much as I can--I want to go on vacation after I graduate, want to put away for retirement, maybe do some travel nursing in a year. If I choose grad school, I'll have to quit working for two years so I'll need to have $$ saved for expenses. I think pretty far ahead these days, which makes me feel good; it means I'm a little less impulsive than I used to be. Oh well... at least I like night shift!

[Britneigh]

Haven't posted in a while...things are alright I guess. Trying to keep my malarky together but I feel myself falling apart.

[JadeAmethyst]

**@#$%**

[Crazy Hitch]

- Song of the Day - Imagine Dragons - I BET MY LIFE -

Indeed. I bet my life on my FAMILY now.

- I’ve spent too much time worrying about everyone else and not enough time worrying about myself. -

Link to song – I Bet My Life:

LYRICS

I Bet My Life

I know I took the path that you would never want for me
I know I let you down, didn't I?
So many sleepless nights where you were waiting up on me
Well I'm just a slave unto the night





Meaning of I Bet My Life by Imagine Dragons Lyrics

I Bet My Life, Imagine Dragons' latest single, is a song about a troubled relationship with parents. As Dan Reynolds put it in a press statement, "At times it’s been strained and difficult, but in the end, ‘I Bet My Life’ celebrates the bond that we still hold on to." The song was released October 26th 2014 and was part of Imagine Dragons' upcoming album.

Source: Lyric Shark - Lyric Shark: Meaning of I Bet My Life by Imagine Dragons Lyrics

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[danielsaun]

Today is the first day in awhile I have felt ok. It's nice to have the ideations subside.

[Crazy Hitch]

right now i think my entire life sucks

[avlady]

GoodlifeABC Welcome!!!!!!!!

[Crazy Hitch]

feeling down today

[moodycow]

me to hooligan ,sending hugs

[puzzclar]

Feeling a bit down about having to do a welfare check on my boyfriend but at least he is getting help. As for me I just don't want to lose him.

[Crazy Hitch]

My mood for the day is HOPEFUL

Hopeful that I am finally making a much needed change.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I don't feel right.
I feel...
Lethargic
Lazy
Empty
Lonely
Agitated

I don't like these feelings. Is it due to me forgetting my meds this morning? Is it due to lack of sleep? Is it due to skipping the meeting tonight? I don't know. What I do know is that this can lead to dangerous things. I'm in bed hoping I can get to sleep and not wake up until the morning.

[falsememory7]

It's been a dark day for me today - but I'm feeling a little better now that I'm on PC, and that I didn't give in to old habits. I guess, something positive is that I'm searching for a new P. I think that will really help

[Crazy Hitch]

Am I truly happy?

What's going on with me?