Had a good morning. Was getting anxious after breakfast but for some reason I was able to keep cool. Now, I'm feeling relaxed.

[Pastel Kitten]

Mood feels a bit odd today. Seems a bit on the low side but nothing too terrible. I'm gonna distract myself with some card games with my boyfriend.

[Espresso]

I've been having a horrible few days, and it doesn't look like it's going to end anytime soon. I don't have anywhere to turn. I don't have a therapist and if I called the local helpline, they would probably send the police after me again. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

[Kek de la Doge]

Have you ever felt like you don't have a personality? That's how I feel. And felt for a long while. Always putting on masks, depending on the situation. Wearing a mental costume with a type of personality. Now I know that everyone does that. But everyone still has their original "face"; their personality. Every time I take off a mask, I become nobody. A non-entity with no identity and no personality. It's so exhausting.

[technigal]

Saw my pdoc today, he is finally taking me serious about my anxiety. He doubled my dose of Abilify to see if that will help. I hope so!

[Unrigged64072835]

Went to T. Didn't have anything to talk about. I'm starting to get nervous about seeing him.

Otherwise, another slow day.

[MobiusPsyche]

Originally Posted by technigal

Saw my pdoc today, he is finally taking me serious about my anxiety. He doubled my dose of Abilify to see if that will help. I hope so!

It helped me a lot; good luck!

Had a good day earlier today. Stomach was upset but its better then a family member started drama with me. Just feel like crap now. Sometimes I just wish I left this earth...

[dahlianoire29]

Had a really bad couple of days due to being harassed at work.... I think people just want me to hurt myself

[Unrigged64072835]

Picked up my meds today. Had a bit of anxiety so I tried to take a nap. Still anxious but the day is almost over.

[MobiusPsyche]

Having a bad couple of days due to extreme feelings during meetings. I know nobody likes meetings, but I feel like I'm going to scream or hit something. I wish I just got bored; instead, I get furious. With school starting back, the forecast calls for...at least 5 meetings a week for the foreseeable future. Not sure how I can cope. I was doing poorly with this at the end of the last school year. I hoped I would have improved some over the summer but no luck.

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

I'm struggling with the biases inherent in this diagnosis. I spent a long time this summer inpatient and left feeling awful because the pdoc who took over my inpatient care when the other one went on vacation was so rude to me, I can't stop ruminating and have developed an even worse fear of going to the ER for stitches. they say they judge on individuals and not diagnoses, but when it comes to BPD, this is a load of crap. I didn't even enter the hospital with a BPD dx (just traits) but somehow acquired one. I was so afraid of being judged in the ER that

Possible trigger:

i tried to duct tape my wounds shut and ended up with a bad infection

Didn't think it was possible to hate myself worse but

Possible trigger:

when you are involuntarily admitted and your life falls apart because of it, and you finally gather up the strength to say for the first time ever that you are not going to be safe if you go home, and the pdoc tells you to "deal with it," and discharges you early, it's hard to feel valuable. Now I'm left with the fallout and pretty sure I am not all that safe.

Feel worth nothing. My therapist is on vacation.

Once i was in the ER with

Possible trigger:

16 stitches in my arm, panicked that i would try again and succeed and the psychiatrist told me suicide was my decisions, that he hoped i didn't make that decision but that it was up to me. Thanks!

Had a good day today. Worked out and everything else went smoothly. Happy for that. Just here relaxing and enjoying the evening.

[Pastel Kitten]

Originally Posted by apfei

Once i was in the ER with

Possible trigger:

16 stitches in my arm, panicked that i would try again and succeed and the psychiatrist told me suicide was my decisions, that he hoped i didn't make that decision but that it was up to me. Thanks!

God your pdoc is so insensitive! I'm sorry you had to hear those words in such a hard and vulnerable time. I hope that you feel better soon and get the help you really need and not harsh words like "deal with it." You're trying to!

[-Astral-]

Dont know WTF is wrong with me
feel destructive my husband has to go out and i have to wait for a parcel to be delivered
dont want to be on my own

[dahlianoire29]

Not a good day at all today..... Been crying all day. Fiance has been very unsupportive regarding my depression and makes things about himself when I'n busy suffering. He's very abusive.... I felt like hurting myself but didn't ☹️. That's my update.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Kek de la Doge]

Been feeling like absolute trash. People who are supposed to be on my side keep pushing me, and I can't handle it, and then they blame me for not cooperating.

I found my friends though. Found real legitimate friends. On the internet, yeah, but they're real with me. That's all I need.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by dahlianoire29

Not a good day at all today..... Been crying all day. Fiance has been very unsupportive regarding my depression and makes things about himself when I'n busy suffering. He's very abusive.... I felt like hurting myself but didn't ☹️. That's my update.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[MobiusPsyche]

Had a good session with T today. Made it through 3.5 hours of meetings without screaming. Anxious and thinking of self harm due to work pressure. I won't do it, but I wish I could.

[Unrigged64072835]

Lots of anxiety today. May need a med change or be taken off a med.

[dahlianoire29]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

❤️

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Redskins89]

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

Realizing that much of the apparent improvement in my depression might be due to the modafinil I've been taking from my sleep/CPAP Doctor. Without it (I skipped it today), I am just back to where I was three months ago....which is to say, functional but barely. Not sure how I feel about this development. I might not be able to keep taking the modafinil so I am definitely worried about that.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I just started modafinil for depression. I too feel an improvement. My insurance won't cover off label use...(even tho 90% of sales are for off label use) but instead of the $400+ it was going to cost me without insurance I used an app called Blink Health. without insurance I paid $133 for a one month supply.. still high but i break the 200mg in half so it'll last me 60 days so $2.22 a day....Still worth it...especially compared to not having it at all...hope this helps

I was wondering if I still had BPD. Then this girl in the hospital told me to grow the **** up because I have a stuffed animal, and I said something to her that I don't think anyone in the right mind would say to another person. And I have no remorse.

But as for the people I love, I feel like I would do anything for them and defend them no matter what.

Yep, still BPD.