[FooZe]

Hi, folks! The old thread had reached 1000 replies so I started a new one.

[tigersassy]

I'm tired and need to go back to sleep. It's the weekend. No therapy until next week. It feels far away. I need it though.

[avlady]

i had my pshysical therapy yesterday again and am sore all over

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Feeling like a failure today. I read my journal from August/September of 2004. I went to Menninger Psychiatric Hospital for 3 months that year. I spent 74K of my own money to go there and I seem to be dealing with the same problems 10+ years later. The only things that have reduced in severity but not completely are my suicidal ideation & self-injury. My obsession with people, especially therapists & psychiatrists, is just as bad.

Wondering if it would help my therapist to read some of it. Then again it has at least 2 sexual fantasies that I wrote about my psychiatrist. My therapist knows about her and how I fell in love with her though. He could just skip over it all. Then again, the way he works is in the present so he might not see it as helpful or find anything that he doesn't already know. Strange though, I found it made me cry as I read it.

I forget so much of my life. I'm glad I've been keeping journals for so many years. I found the date of my first appointment with my present therapist, September 30th 2004.

I had some good years between then and now. I'd say that it was probably between the years 2007-2011. Those were the years just before I got married and just before my ex-husband decided to stop living a life with me. I suppose I couldn't help get caught up in his downward spiral. Still... I feel like I'm back at square one.

This time last year I was inpatient, the first admission of three that year. It wasn't until the last one in November/December that things actually improved. This year has probably been my most stable for quite a long time. But I am still self injuring, still stockpiling medication, still get suicidal thoughts. And urges are beginning to get stronger. The days that I feel bad are increasing once again. I'm thinking that this relative stability will be over before long.

But tonight I'm going out for my birthday so gonna try and ignore those fears for now and hope that I can have a good time and don't do anything stupid!

[dancinglady]

Sorry ATA. I know where you are cuz I am there too. The T's here have given up on me so I am out here all alone waiting to die. My experience is that T don't care about past treatments at all.

[Angelique67]

My friend didn't come.

Possible trigger:

I want to kill myself. I'm trying to think of a method.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

Sorry ATA. I know where you are cuz I am there too. The T's here have given up on me so I am out here all alone waiting to die. My experience is that T don't care about past treatments at all.

I'm sorry that you want to die. My T cares about what has happened to me in the past it is just that it is not always relevant to what is going on in the present.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I'm worried about my little nephew. He has just turned one and he has had to go to the hospital. He has something called intussusception. Basically part of his intestines gets stuck inside each other; think like an old collapsible camping cup. What stinks is it can occur over and over again. Surgery is an option but it won't "fix" it necessarily. My little sister said, "I just don't want him in pain anymore. He's fine for an hour and then screaming bloody murder for the next 25 minutes, over and over again." They have him at a pediatric hospital and are trying to fix it with an enema. Not how my sister envisioned Mother's day but she is an excellent mother. I love them so much.

[dancinglady]

My son who is now 36 had this same thing when he was 18 months old. They did surgery and no problems since. He is lacta intolerant but do not think it is related. Good luck

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

My son who is now 36 had this same thing when he was 18 months old. They did surgery and no problems since. He is lacta intolerant but do not think it is related. Good luck

Thank you.

[cinnamondolce11]

hoping tonight I can get more than 4 hours of sleep without resorting to sleeping pills🏼🏼 I think the lack of sleep is putting my mood swings into hyperdrive i hope everything goes well with your nephew ATA (if that's okay)

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[tigersassy]

I hate it when my spouse leaves over night while I'm asleep. I hate it that my abusive parents don't talk to me, but I feel horrible when they do. I hate it that my managers at work ask my opinion then completely ignore it, but I yearn for them to even ask for my opinion.
I wish this would go away. This double thinking. Practice mindfulness. Read book and move forward.

[NYNutcase]

I'm new here.... I have therapy this morning after I get my daughter off on the bus. I haven't been doing very well this week been very weepy. The crying seems to be more and more often.

[JadeAmethyst]

My body is tired, and so am I.

[Espresso]

I'm very conflicted and confused.

Doing better today after two weeks of frustration and self doubt. I was ignoring all the things I knew I should do to help myself, but I was able to get out of that negative thinking to get back to work on myself. I feel relieved.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I decided to get with the "program" and have Internet, cable and phone installed in my house since where I live makes me pay for it whether I want it or not. My dad has been here for the past 2 days and has my ex-husband's kick butt computer (actually I paid for it) running smoothly. When my ex left to go back home to the UK he took almost nothing except my laptop.

My dad says that I have a few thousand dollars worth of computer crap here that I could sell. It just shows that I never could tell him "No" when he asked for something. Just to be clear, I was the only one who worked. So I have a huge task before me to sell all of the unnecessary junk. I need to though because I could desperately use the money.

My dad also gave me the details of his Amazon Prime account so I can watch movies that way on my Blu-ray player. I gave one of 3 I had in the house to my dad. I can also watch Netflix on it because I have a basic service with them. Finally I have cable TV now that supposedly comes with a movie channel.

Why am I sharing all of this? I don't watch TV. It has been a year since I watched TV unless I was somewhere that had a TV on. My entertainment consists of coloring, putting puzzles together and listening to music. I'm anxious to have all this stuff in the house now because... What if I become a couch potato?

I guess I will wait to see how it goes. I'm thinking TV off until Saturday which is the only day each week that I have nothing planned to do like NA meetings, AA meetings, and meditation.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by Achy Turtle Armor

I'm worried about my little nephew. He has just turned one and he has had to go to the hospital...

My nephew was sent home yesterday. Everything seems ok at the moment. Just wanted to share.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I missed my meds twice this weekend. Could that really be the reason for my intense agitation today? The thing that is even more weird is that I don't have anything that is really bothering me. Nothing of significance. My dad gave me $100 last night & today I even got approved for a loan. Here I am though, sitting in a quiet hallway at work, eating my lunch, because I am afraid that I might blow up at some innocent person. It's times like now that I really crave getting high.

Feeling alone and like everyone hates me. I'm trying to ignore the feeling, it may not be true. Don't want to say anything stupid that I'm gonna regret later... Just wish someone would talk to me.

[LittleEarthquakes]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Feeling alone and like everyone hates me. I'm trying to ignore the feeling, it may not be true. Don't want to say anything stupid that I'm gonna regret later... Just wish someone would talk to me.

Hi, secretwhisper. I'm sorry you feel that way.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Just feeling rejection from everywhere. Really sick of my family.

So glad books exist so that I can escape from my life.

[Espresso]

I don't know what I did wrong... again. I know I say this over and over, but I can't take this anymore! I need the pain to end.

[Bill3]

Espresso, what happened?

(((((Espresso)))))