[Bill3]

(((((puzzclar)))))

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I don't even know how to write about this but I feel the need to just get it out. I can see yet another trait of my bpd rearing its ugly head. My sense of self as far as my sexuality goes is all out of whack. I want to blame it on my therapist for putting the thought of me being bi-sexual in my head but in reality he probably wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't said I thought my friend was hot. I am literally observing myself become attached and attracted to her. She's a co-worker that I've known for ten years. There's not a chance in hell that this could go anywhere because she's straight and married. Over the past year though, I am noticing how attractive she is. I've only been with men and I don't know if I could be with a woman but... In my eyes... She's hot! I flirt with her a little by telling her that she looks good now and then. I've asked her if I'm making her uncomfortable but she says I'm not. She seems to like the attention but I worry that I need to chill out. I don't want to freak her out. I think my attention might be what could scare her away. Not the flirting. The thing is that she knows about my bpd and the way I get attached to people.

I don't know. I don't know where I'm even going with this post but it's all a bit much for my head to handle yet I can't seem to keep my thoughts or feelings about her to myself. When I try to, like today, I feel even more creepy because I can't help but smile when I see her. I feel like I can't control how much attention I pay to her. Surely I can though. I just need to try harder. Of course she's gone for the next two days and that will bother me a bit.

Why do I have to get this way with people? If I screw things up with her it would be a big loss because she's been a big emotional support to me.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I've been trying to be a better person lately but it's hard work. I don't get angry or upset with myself when I mess up. I mess up a lot. When I get it right though I am proud of myself.

[puzzclar]

Something is wrong?!! But I don't know what it is... I just feel off

[Verity81]

Doing the teaching today on increasing positive emotions in my Dbt group. I've only a couple more weeks there so I'm like supposed to be ultra skilled but wow I'm very very nervous. Eeeek time for opposite action I guess :/ if that fails I'll prob cry!

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[JadeAmethyst]

Better, not bitter....

[puzzclar]

Needs to get of my butt.... but I don't want to... yet I feel like something is about to happen

[Blue_Bird]

Had to take some of my anxiety medicine, I have a nervous habit of pacing around the house talking to myself and sometimes to people who aren't there..... it's a hard habit to break but I'm trying

[Britneigh]

Trigger (I don't know the code sorry :/ )


The s word is very much on my mind right now. I just feel so empty and alone. I'm trying to keep myself together but I'm struggling.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Sometimes I think I've being overly sensitive and anxious about everything with my friends, and then there's days like today when I realise that maybe some of my friends just aren't great friends.
You know those people who are only keen to hang out when their partner is away and they have nothing else to do...and it has to be at their house.
Friends should make time for you and put in effort, not just use you to fill in empty spots in their schedule when they couldn't find anything else to do!

[Chuva]

My BF wanted to go to the seaside yesterday. I have big problems with that because I feel I am too fat (I am 1.65 m, 65 kg) and that people will judge me and criticize me for this reason. I feel very ashamed. My BF was a bit disappointed, not because of the seaside, but because he cannot understand what my issue is. I tried to explain it to him but I'm not very good at explaining. I was quite upset in the end.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Originally Posted by Chuva

My BF wanted to go to the seaside yesterday. I have big problems with that because I feel I am too fat (I am 1.65 m, 65 kg) and that people will judge me and criticize me for this reason. I feel very ashamed. My BF was a bit disappointed, not because of the seaside, but because he cannot understand what my issue is. I tried to explain it to him but I'm not very good at explaining. I was quite upset in the end.

I'm so sorry you don't feel confident at the beach, I definitely understand that feeling! I just want to say that you're in a healthy weight range for your height, and even if you weren't, everyone is so distracted by themselves that they wouldn't notice if you didn't look "perfect".

I know me saying this doesn't change how you feel, but I couldn't leave it unsaid. I'm sure you look like a babe in swimmers and it sounds like your bf thinks so too!!

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Trigger (I don't know the code sorry :/ )





The s word is very much on my mind right now. I just feel so empty and alone. I'm trying to keep myself together but I'm struggling.

I'm sorry you're struggling right now! How are you feeling today?
Stay strong!

[puzzclar]

Surprisingly I feel calm after a very anxious morning. I need to just let anxiety fall off me... if that makes sense.

[BeatriceBlue]

New to this forum. Hello! Wanting to leave the house today, but other people are too much work at the moment. Feeling pretty even in general, though.

[IzzyMarie]

Have to go out today and I'm exhausted from last night's emotional roller coaster. I feel anxieties hand on my shoulder.

[puzzclar]

What do I do? Do I let this happen to me and justify what happens? Help! I feel so lost and in the midst of an addictive cycle. ... do I listen to t and follow my old values or create new ones? I just don't know.

[Chuva]

I haven't heard from my BF yesterday. I think it was because he was very tense and worried for some health problems his father is facing. But I kept waiting for his call all day long. I didn't want to call because I wanted to show him I could do without him (which isn't true, by the way). In the evening I just wanted to howl and cry, but I managed to pull myself together, probably because I'm at my parents' for a few days and I didn't want them to see me that way. I still haven't heard from him, I know that's because his father has a doctor's appointment, but I can't help feeling abandoned.

[Chuva]

He hasn't called yet and I'm starting to feel real bad. I think he has forgotten me for sure. I know it's not true, but I have a huge abandonment issue. He's not usually like that, but when he's upset he just won't call, he prefers to stay on his own. I try to understand how he's feeling but it hurts me so bad.

[IzzyMarie]

Was feeling pretty good this morning until I decided to get coffee by myself and the loneliness and emptiness creeped in.

[puzzclar]

Why do I have to feel this way!

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Sorry that I've not posted but I'm on vacation. I need some encouragement please.

I'm watching my sisters boys for the next 90 minutes. Not a big fan of this but it is something that I am willing to do for her. Also she made a stop by a dispensary & picked up some chocolate... She said, but I know she bought some weed too because I could smell it. It makes me sad, depressed, and I want to cry. She suggested that I go to a meditation class tonight but I don't want to go anymore. What I really want to do is crawl in bed and cry. That's not going to happen though.

Now I am crying and trying to hide it from the boys. They are 7,5, & 1.

[Angelique67]

I was just thinking about you, ATA! Wondering how you were. Stay strong. You've done incredibly well and if you slipped you'd feel all kinds of terrible and you'd have to tell your t, etc. Just remember how well you're doing and enjoy these rare moments with your nephews. (if you don't mind it!)

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

I was just thinking about you, ATA! Wondering how you were. Stay strong. You've done incredibly well and if you slipped you'd feel all kinds of terrible and you'd have to tell your t, etc. Just remember how well you're doing and enjoy these rare moments with your nephews. (if you don't mind it!)

Thank you. That's just what I needed to hear. I really appreciate your time to reply to me. I'll be back on regularly next week. I hope you are doing well.

[IzzyMarie]

I'm so incredibly pissed off. Dealing with fluctuations of anger, feelings of betrayal and loneliness early. I really feel sorry for the person who crosses me today.