[Sanada]

I discoverd something today/tonight(i'm in uk), in chat that is a horroible concept for such a site like this. "secret msgs, whispering". I've been with p.c for 11 daysish, i love been able to post threads about mental health issues( i have alot ). I use chat to talk to people, because i could never talk in my world like i talk in chat to others, like being honest, sharing, growing. I live alone, its why i've been attracted to chat. Inside chat there have been moments of llooonnnggg silences, i never knew, that people were "whispering". Its an ok thing/tool when alot of people are in chat, but, it a wepon of paronoia, whan only a few are in chat(4-8 people). My faith has been destoyed by this concept, i dont want to leave p.c or chat, i love it, but how can i ever trust when people ara whispering. Also if any from chat like regulars (v or d), are reading this and want to protest about what i'm saying by saying "chat aint all that", why are you there all the time. Its a useful idea for a very personal convo, or an emergency, its a wepon when miss used. I send a plea to the people who run this site to regluate chat, by e.g--not alowing wispering when a lecture is going on, or only allow whispering in a particlar room. There shoud be a sign saying "you are entering a room where wispering is allowed", or "this room is whisper free", feel safe. Please, please who ever runs p.c sort this out, its not fair, it will cause paronoia, it could tip some one over the edge. Personally, i would rather go back too sticking a neddle of heroin into my arm and staring at a blank wall, than go through this. I will be back, i need chat, i need p.c, i need to comunicate in live chat with people, but its not right that wispering goes on(good or bad), it is wrong not to illustrate this pit fall. This site is a "THERAPY" site not gossip, gossip belongs in facebook. I need therapy, but how can i trust when people can whisper behind my/anyones back in live talk. Do not get me wrong, pm's are ok, but certain rooms that have wispering shoud have a big sign saying "warning you are entering a whisper zone". If that was the case i would never enter a room that alows whispering. I would only be inside whisper free zones. I am sorry p.c, but this is wrong, people get so upset, i get upset. While i write this i'm poping pills ready to log off, to go to sleep and get distance. When i awake i hope i will have some logical responses to my plea. lots of loves ..sanada...x

Hello, Sanada. I can understand your concerns. I am sorry you are distressed.

The only suggestion I can think of is to start your own room and invite those you trust to join you. Good luck.

Hello Sanada
Welcome to PC
I'm really sorry the "whispering" alternative in chat bothers you. I wasn't sure what it was or what it's purpose until I co moderated a chat. It (and I'm speaking from my point of view only for one particular chat) was used in an emergency or to ask someone known to us something personal but relevant. This can be a good thing and I really wish you'd give chat some more chances. I don't believe anyone in here is that mean spirited to use "whisper" in a bad way.
I agree that is can seem startling to see that for the first time but try small private chats that you create to build your confidence in us.

[venusss]

You know no offense, but people aren't you therapists. And while I had some therapeutic chats (via private chat, while stimulously chirping in the main chat), it would feel awkward as hell to talk about these things in main chat. and probably triggering as hell too.

There is nothing therapeutic about reading other's private diaries... for secrets there is wikileaks

Sanada,

I agree with Byzantine, perhaps when you go into chat you can start your own room and label the topic "Whisper Free Zone" that might help. I know it's hard when you have a tendency toward paranoia not to get paranoid. But people really aren't in chat to talk about you behind your back. Try not to take it personally.

Love and hugs,
Tara

[anna342]

Firstly, this is not a therapy site, it's a support site. And even then that is not what the chat rooms are restricted to, hence the room 'social chat' and how people can make their own rooms with own topics.

I definatly think whispering has it's place. I use it quite often. It's not about just being a tool to talk about each other and be derogotary, although I'm sure that is done sometimes, it's also for when you just want to talk to one person.

Sometimes you have on going friendships, now I've also been aware people didn't like it when me and one other member who know each other well started having a conversation about something only I would know about and other members havent liked it because we've excluded them from talking because they don't know what we're on about. So surely it's better to private message each other? Also there are things I'd tell these people who are close, that I wouldn't necessarily want the world to know.

I've also used it to explain something, if someone asks a question and I don't feel like telling the world because I'm paranoid about the other members in the room that I don't know and can't trust with such personal stuff.

I guess the other option would be to spend a lot of time in private passworded rooms. Which also then gets moaned about for excluding other people.

So yeh, I can understand it makes you paranoid, but I would be really quite angry if this feature was taken away.

[Flooded]

ummmm, what's "whispering"?

Hello again, Sanada. Despite being touted as a small community devoted to support for mental health and relationship issues, each of us must be cautious to avoid situations that trigger us. Unfortunately, you are not the first to experience being the odd person out in a chat room.

Take good care of yourself.

[sabby]

This site is a "THERAPY" site not gossip, gossip belongs in facebook. I need therapy, but how can i trust when people can whisper behind my/anyones back in live talk.

Hi Sanada,

I'm sorry you are triggered about the whisper function in chat. Sometimes, as much as we need to have connection with the outside world, chat can help, but as in your case it can also be a huge trigger.

PC is NOT a "THERAPY" site. PC is a "SUPPORT" site for those living with and dealing with mental illness. If you need therapy, then you must seek out therapy in real life hon.

PC does have many tools to help you make your experience the best YOU can make it. All members are responsible for making their own experience the best it can be. It can take time to find just the right niche and comfort zone and sometimes we do go through some triggering times before finding that niche.

As in any community, it takes time to settle in and create relationships with others. The whisper function is certainly not meant to create difficulties for members and it is a part of the chat program that is used here that cannot be changed. If you find yourself getting anxious/paranoid while in chat, maybe the best thing for you to do is to take a break, walk away from it for a bit until you can feel less upset. Maybe post on the forums for a bit, do some reading of threads and then go back to chat later on. Take your breaks as YOU need them.

As others have said, you can certainly open up your own private chat room and invite others in. You can choose to password protect it, or not, whatever suits you. You can make it clear that there is to be no whispering, it's completely up to you. Maybe that is the solution to how you are feeling right now.

I do wish you well!

[venusss]

I hope the whisper feature does not get taken away. I hope that the option of passworded chats stays as well.

I hold no grudges, but I don't want to share some things with everybody. Especially if I know it may be very triggering things for some.

Again, none of us here are superstable. We need to keep ourselves safe... and we value our privacy.

The feature will not be removed.Sanada I understand the way that you feel,but imagine if you were shy,or felt very close to one or two people.You may wish to speak to them privately.It is like the choice of speaking to your family via public bulletin board,or private letter.We all need to be able to have private friendships,share delicate issues,or say things not intended for the entire floor of persons.You may come to enjoy the feature.Meantime,don't be discouraged.

[(JD)]

May I add??? That not all people who are not actively chatting are in private chats. Many, many try to multi-task while in chat.. meaning they are also talking on the phone or texting, watching a movie or even cooking or engaged in conversation with IRL friends.

No, it doesn't make for a good chat. While I personally try to "go away" (my name on the right list will go into italics if I do that, so you know I'm not active in the chat right then) if I need to make some coffee or answer the door, etc., sometimes I forget.

Just do what I do if they don't chat openly... say bye and find another room (or go to the game arcade and knock out a few scores.)

[krisakira]

I'm not sure what you are worried is being said in "whispers" on the chat, but i assure you 99% it has nothing to do with gossip (cause i cant account for everyone)... it is there so we can have 1 on 1 private chats with other members when we do not wish to share everything with the whole chat audience.

[lynn P.]

I agree with many who have already posted including Sabby's post. I think what could be happening is, you're new here and not used to the interactions in chat. I remember another thread you started about a negative chat experience, so this might be contributing to your interpretations last night.

I'm not an expert in chat because personally I'm afraid of chat lol - it's too unpredictable for me and I'm kind of shy. I want to talk a little about the perception of the word 'whisper' itself. I tend to look at different angles to problems. If a person is already sensitive, then the word 'whisper' brings up negative connotations, even if a persons not in chat. Think back to elementary school, when we saw friends whispering to each other and then looking at us - we automatically think they're talking about us.

Like others have said, there might be a legitimate reason for this feature, as opposed to it being used for snarky reasons. I'm wondering if the word itself could be changed to a more positive sounding word, rather than the feature being removed...which won't happen anyway. Maybe we could come up with a better term than sounds more user friendly. So I think the key point here is, the 'perception' that occurred when you realized the whisper feature was being used - you took it personal, which is fine...they're your feelings, but there's a great chance the members weren't being inconsiderate to you after all. It's also possible chat's not for you, because it's not for me -I prefer the forums and PM's

[Sanada]

O.K. I'm (again) starting to understand, i totaly agree that it sould not be taken away, and its a very usful tool; but, when someone bursts into room all upset and angry because of this, i have a protective side within me that i'm not ashamed of. I love this site, i've said and i quote "p.c is the only trusted site i'm aware of". I'm sorry if my protective side is strong, but from seeing my friends destroy their homes/rooms in my other homes, or waking in the morning to find a house m8 in tears because "someone said this to so and so and so and so said this to them", i used to get confused, then i got angry inside. I'm not leaving chat, i've nowhere else to go, and i do not give up esaily. I find that p.c "is" a "support" site, but i find that p.c also "is" (for want for a better word), a "cyber therapy" site. That for mysef "is" a potential i could never imagine in my wildest dreams, its magnficent potential ( if only a few years ago i was aware of this site, some people i dearly loved would still be alive). I have had through the night chat with members, and its been theraputic, not just for myself, but for the member i'm in chat with; both agree(the member and myself). I cannot recive the help and support in the world i live in, or give it out. The help and support i give in real life is different, its mostly playing diplomat to stop people getting into trouble. So i come here to recive advice, and to help give advice. Also i come here to relax, because i'm around people like myself, and i'm able to talk freely, about life issues( which makes me stable); that is something the people i know mostly in life cannot do for me. A massive gap exsits between someone who is a personality dissorder, self harmer, confused and hurt and was massively abused(me), and someone who is not. Not many i know in life are like this( if they are they diguise it well). I dont want to hide anymore, to keep denial going will only exsasperate stuff in my life. Sorry to any who disagree. Lots of Love. sanada. x p.s , sorry full stop.

[Travelinglady]

Hi! I'm glad you brought up this issue. I don't "do" chats very often, partly because of that kind of thing. IRL, just going off and talking to somebody in whispers would be considered rude. But, as folks say, it does serve a purpose here.

PC has lots of opportunities, and as other folks have said, you just need to find what is good for you--and avoid the things that are triggering for you. I have learned over time what those things are. It might be particular forums or even people. The guidelines say we are not to talk negatively about other people, but people who are prone to paranoia might need to be extra careful, since they are suspicious anyway.

There are many nice, wonderful people here--and it can be a helpful site, if caution is used. Just remember that most all of us here are struggling with some kind of mental disorder, so we might seem to be callous or unfriendly at times--but it's not likely anything personal. For example, there are times when I just have to break away from here for awhile, when I am depressed, etc. My friends might wonder why I'm not responding to them and think they have offended me, but it's not them at all!

[purple_fins]

I'm sorry you are struggling with these feelings.
I struggle with similiar and have not been able to get past them, so I don't use chat-- but so so wish I could, as I get lonely and would like to
make some more friends and could use that added support
... but....
the upset feelings are too overwhelming
....*sigh*....

hope you can find a way to cope and
are able to use chat to your advantage.

best to you

fins

[Sanada]

Thanx to all who have responded to this post. i do understand and i dont wanna be misuderstood. i love all aspects of p.c, its a wonderful place to be, i've made great friends here in just 12 days. The chat is where i go just to talk to someone, to recive good advice and maybe give it and sometimes just to relax amoung others and have some fun. I know that p.c members are cool( all p.c members are cool ), i love you all. Now i'm aware of the rules better, i can navigate better. It just came as a shock when i "realised" the rules Its a deep place to be inside p.c, i wll not give up, thats what p.c has done for me already, given me some confidence back. I'm constantly learning, all the time. I thought i stopped learning a while ago, obviously not so, i'm glad of that, to stop leaening is to be numb inside, it also makes one arrogant. I need to be told i dont know everthing, i need to keep learning, that is what life is for myself, a journey of dicovery, all the way to the end of time if need be. Thank you all. Lots of Loves. sanada. xx

[lynn P.]

((Sanada)) - I'm happy all of us could share ideas and good to know you feel better about this. Just for fun - what would be a more positive term we could call it besides 'whisper'? - is it actually called that?

[kleyn_diner]

I didn't know it about this whisper thing, but I agree that people may have things they don't want to say to everyone in the chat, but only to someone they trust. Then this whisper really works, and I think that's ok.

But I gave up chatting there because, first, I can't grasp what you write there, especially when there are too many people in the room. It's kind of hard for me to understand, for my mind to "process" so much information coming together. It's the same if more than 3 people talk to me at the same time. I really wanted to, but unfortunately I can't. I get totally "lost" (confused) if 4 or more people talk to me, even if they're only saying "hi, welcome".
Also, I gave up because I tried "interacting" sometimes, when I could understand what you were talking about, and then I tried to add something to what was being discusssed or said, but had no answer back. I mean, no one talked to me back. Actually, I'm used to that, so I didn't get upset or anything. I just wondered if I had said something wrong, but if I did so, I'm sorry. So, to conclude, I prefer not to go to the chat rooms, but that's ok (I won't leave PC).

[hanners]

I also want to point out that some of us in chat just don't have much to say at the moment, or aren't in a state where we want/are able to express what's on our mind. I know when I get dizzy and confused (which is often) I have a hard time responding to people on chat.

You are a person of courage, Sanada.

[Evening]

I have nothing wrong with whispering, there are things more concerning to me than that. I've entered chat once and all they were talking about was taking drugs, barely said hello to me, and barely said goodbye when I decided to leave a minute later. I've had another member be EXTREMELY rude to me, then reported me because I retaliated by telling them not to be so damn disrespectful to me. I got a warning message, and was absolutely gutted, until I explained why I said what I did and it was looked into, there is a history of conversations in case these things happen, and after that I wasn't in trouble any more because I hadn't done anything wrong.
I understand you feeling uncomfortable with whispering, but I am insecure about what people say behind my back in general, and removing whispering won't stop that. A lot of whispering is just people having a small private conversation with someone asking them how they are, or telling someone something they would rather only share with one person. Other times it's used to quietly explain something to another person on there, for example when someone with DD came on one day I was laughing about the fact their alter had the same name as me and I had a bit of a panic wondering how someone knew what my name was, thinking someone I knew had found me. Their alter ended up attacking me and telling to shut up and that I was stupid, which got me pretty triggered and fired up. But someone ended up whispering to me that they would talk to them and not to worry, something they couldn't have said in the main conversation.
So whisper does have it's very good points. Sure there will be members who might use it for less flattering conversation about others, but it's not something I overly have a problem with. You got a problem with me toughen up and tell me yourself, not whispering to someone else.

Chat can be a stressful place for various reasons. People have to pay attention to what is going on. Some demand attention. Some just start talking about something else. Others simply demand a particular topic not be discussed. There are cliques.

Sometimes the best option is just to leave.

[DocJohn]

Chat rooms are not for everyone. While it may seem nice to have access to immediate support, a lot of times people are in chat for other reasons (social, hanging out, etc.).

We are not going to remove the private messaging options, either here or in chat. But I do appreciate the feedback.

DocJohn