[Mountainbard]

I know this is going to make me unpopular with a few people, but it needs to be said: the ES chatroom is broken. It has become a general-conversation chatroom which has become home to a group of regulars. This wouldn't be so bad, but I've seen people who aren't part of the group greeted with "hello" and then ignored. No one checks to see if they need emotional support. Even the rare person who comes in seeking emotional support and is willing to speak up and ask for it is responded to with "(((hugs)))" -- and little or nothing more-- while the general conversation continues unabated.

I imagine myself as a new person having that experience, and I know I would never return to the room. People who come into that room are hurting and often need to be drawn out-- something which is impossible in the swirl of a general conversation.

Both the Coffeehouse and the Adult Chat room are available for general conversations. I wish people would use those rooms for general conversations and leave Emotional Support free for those who need emotional support and those who are willing to provide it. I have been one of the latter for over a year. I feel it is one of the most meaningful contributions I can make to PC. But I'm not going to continue to make the effort as long as the room is being used for general conversations.

[Artchic528]

I don't go in there because the last time I offered to give Emotional Support to a member who needed it, they just yelled at me to get out.

So, I just stick to Adult Chat to be safe.

I too was offering support and was accused of monitoring it and got yelled at. The adult chat is a clique of regulars that just say stuff that i find not relevant. I even wanted to delete my account twice, but decided to stay. Emotional support is popular because Adult conversation is more risque and so you are not the only unpopular one my dear, not at all. Just make friends with those you have and chat with them. Would'nt it be nice if we had chat option to our individual address books? Then the ES room would be freer.

[Artchic528]

No no no. You misunderstand. The person I was offering the emotional support to had yelled at me. Then it became an administrative issue which I can't discuss. I will no longer extend a hand of support now. I am done.

[Quarter life]

Thanks Mountainbard.

Often conversations drift to light chit chat in the Emotional support Room I agree....but if I am there, it's usually to offer support and welcome new members, as its often the first room new members gravitate to.

There are times when conversations become 'Off topic' or argumentative...this is when I remind members that the Coffee House or Adult chat would be a more appropriate room for such conversations.

I agree with Mountainbard...and would encourage all members to keep in mind that the main purpose of Emotional Support is to provide an oasis and safe place for vulnerable members. I've found that using a light hand when there is a general chat happening by saying..."I hate to interrupt, but please keep in mind that this room is for Emotional Support"... or "Maybe this conversation is better suited to the coffeehouse, please keep in mind that this room is for Emotional Support" creates a segue for the room to get back on track. Also by simply asking "Is there anyone in need of support right now'? gives less forward members an opportunity to open up and engage.

[Tamster]

remember too that we can open new rooms, that always helps disperse ppl to investigate the new room and helps with the congestion in ES. To do this just click the last choice in the chat box, new user room. then you also have some control over the tenor of the room. I agree ES is "broken" I don't know why ppl are afraid of the coffeehouse or creating a new room.
We used to do that all the time and have several rooms open to move about and visit , it made the cliques less of a problem. Thanks for your input Mountain, art and QL

[Tamster]

omega i missed you there, thanks for your input too

[krisakira]

Yes ES is broken. I could not get support there today. Then I had to leave before it got worse.

[Artchic528]

What option to create a new room? I don't see it.

Must be something else I'm missing here.

[Artchic528]

Suspicious......no answer.....hmmmmmmmm

[DocJohn]

Huh, because you don't get an answer in a few hours, it's "suspicious"?? We don't have any guaranteed response time here for support questions.

The option to create your own chat room is available to any member who asks to become a chat host. However, an existing chat host has to nominate you to the position, because it is one of responsibility for helping to uphold our community guidelines while in the chat room.

Hope that answers your question (although not in as timely a manner as you might've liked).

Back to the OP and not to derail this thread, though...

It's up to members to let us know when other members aren't respecting the guidelines for the Emotional Support chat room. We understand that from time to time, ES will turn to occasionally light chit chat. But I have to remind folks that it's a very simple thing to move to another chatroom if the conversation stays in that kind of mode.

We will happily help members understand this if you let us know when it's going on...

Best,
DocJohn

[-jimi-]

I think it is too bad that the coffeehouse is NOT for any support at all and support is NOT for any chit chat at all. That makes it hard to actually chat. Because there is just so much that sort of lies just inbetween chit chat and support. When I'm anxious it does not help me talking about it but it helps to talk at all not to feel alone.

And adult chat is still porn.

Is it possible to have some kind of middle ground room that can have both chit chat and support topics? So talk can flow naturally?

[winter4me]

I am glad now that I have not gone there...

[DocJohn]

Well, I need to clarify -- emotional support is *primarily* for emotional support. Coffeehouse is *primarily* for social chat. This isn't a black and white issue and people are welcomed to occasionally chat about one or the other in the "wrong" room.

All we ask is that people be aware and respectful of the room that they are in, and keep their off-topic, social chat to a minimum while in ES. And if someone specifically asks people to move a social conversation elsewhere, the other members respect the request and simply move (without it becoming an issue).

Of course social conversation will happen in ES. We only ask that people keep it to a minimum.

Thanks,
DocJohn

[bachir]

I just had an experience in ES that disturbed me, so I left. Someone (a regular to chat but usually hangs out in adult) came into ES, and the very first thing out of their mouth was the DEMAND that anyone who wasn't there to give emotional support to leave. They didn't even say hi or anything of that nature! They also obviously hadn't scrolled up to read the convo that had just ended otherwise they would have seen ES had been going on.

I was struggling with something (in addition to that persons actions) so I spoke up - TWICE, only for it to go left with NO one saying anything - including the person who made the demand when they entered. I was completely igonored, so I left.

I'm not thrilled about this, but I'm in an especially vulnerable and sensitive time of my life right now. Hopefully this season won't last forever (and trusting it won't), so I rely more heavily on ES right now. In light of this recent experience I'm not really sure I want to go back - at least for a while which is especially sad for me due to my current circumstances.

[KarenSue]

I have no comment, except to say that I will go to a PM box and try to help there, avoiding the ES room chatter altogether. That is my solution.

I also tried chat a while back (I don't remember which "room" as it was a long time ago). I felt like the new kid in school. So I don't go there anymore.

Just my own experience. I think the idea is good in theory...but in practice? Not sure.

I just wanted to say that I sympathize with the OP.

[Nihil]

Originally Posted by DocJohn

The option to create your own chat room is available to any member who asks to become a chat host. However, an existing chat host has to nominate you to the position, because it is one of responsibility for helping to uphold our community guidelines while in the chat room.

At the same time though, the people who are making light chit chat can do the same thing and move to the Adult Room, which would make more sense than asking the people who need support to move to another room. It's not necessarily fair to expect people who want support to "make their own room" when it should already be available.

[emwell]

Last night, when this thread was first brought to my attention, It was suggested I not reply until after I had a better handle on the emotional reaction I had to it.
I listened.
Today I found I was still having a somewhat emotional reaction so I again did not reply. I did appreciate DocJohn's 1st reply though.
Instead I ranted a bit in AdultChat and found that many people felt the same way I did. We talked about it together. Now I came back to write. and find even more replies than before.

While in Emotional Support last night (after first finding this thread) I noticed there were a lot of people there but only 2 of us were talking (we were being supportive, but it could have looked like no one else was welcome to talk). Instead of continuing "our" chat, I wrote, "I am just talking, If anyone has anything to say, jump in." Others jumped in.
A lot of times Emotional Support is empty. If the regular type person looking for support sees that, they are not going to enter and be alone. So if I feel capable of offering support when I enter chat I will go to the empty room. If another room is more packed I will go there as well. If another room does not have people in it, I will not. Stay with me here.... the next person who comes into chat sees me in ES. They don't need support either but want to chat. They follow me to ES. We chat, we get to know each other better. Someone else enters ES. The are greeted. Depending on their answer, the chat will go one of 2 ways. Their day has been unpleasant and they need support or are just there to talk. Meanwhile more and more people enter----none needing support, but not wanting to move to another room just in case someone does need it. If we leave, the room will now be empty again.

If chat is not going the way you think it should be going, change it or leave. There are very good http://forums.psychcentral.com/chat-...hile-chat.html
Yes Emotional Support is mainly there for ES, but NOBODY is going to an empty room. Many people don't even care what room they are in. They go where the people are.

I entered chat today. There was 1 person in emotional support and that was it. I was not in a super supportive mood and did not need support, so I went into the coffeehouse all alone. It quickly filled up.

I had more thoughts that I wanted to share, but some of those thoughts are in replies I just read. I wanted to come here and be sarcastic and say, "if you can't chit chat in ES then you shouldn't be able to need support in the coffeehouse." Unfortunately Doc John took away my opportunity to be sarcastic before I could be sarcastic with his 2nd reply People do come to adult and coffeehouse needing support. When ES is empty. I have seen people get asked to take it to Emotional Support, but I have seen even more people say, "if you want to go to ES, I will go with you."

Bachir----I know what you are talking about, but did not know at the time it was going on. If you would appreciate my thoughts on that let me know.
All others---- Do not base chat on what 1 or 2 people post here. You might miss out on a very good thing. Come and judge it for yourself.
again read this first http://forums.psychcentral.com/chat-...hile-chat.html

Chat will always appear to be cliquish. It was when I was new. I chose to not take it personally and stayed. I have spent a lot of time building friendships with many people in chat. You won't be able to do that if you don't try. because of these relationships, I find myself needing open emotional support chat less. 7 out of 10 times I am able to support rather than need support. But I have my moments. Now that I think about it, those relationships were mostly built in rooms other than ES as ES was always empty and I didn't want to be alone when I got here. I have built a pretty decent support system all because of chat.

There is nothing wrong with chat, but there are a few things wrong with me.

[bachir]

The more thought I have given this the more I have realized that I'm going to need to be much more mindful of the room I'm in, and when it comes to ES if I'm not in a spot of either giving or needing support I will move to another room, even if no one is there. Thankfully that's not always the case, though.

It seems this is the point of having different rooms, and it's up to us to be more mindful of what we're really in each room for. I agree it seems to defeat the purpose to go into any room if we're the only one there, but thankfully it's been my experience, that that's not usually the case for very long cause others tend to come if someone is alone in a room.

So suffice all this to say, I have come to recognize if I'm up for just some lighthearted chit chat then coffeehouse or adult is the place to be, and if lending support or needing it is the case ES is the place to be. Personally I plan to practice more mindfulness regarding which room I'm in!!!

Thanks for bringing this to our attention, Mountainbard!!!

[JaGo]

Sometimes I can forget which room I'm in, since I usually go to the adult room, and I might chat about general things a bit much while in ES. I'll try to be more mindful of that.

I personally don't think there's much of a "clique" problem. People might chat more with people they know the best, which is natural, but I haven't noticed anybody being shunned or ignored. Most general chat is pretty open for anybody to join in. If anybody ever sees me doing, please point it out to me so I'll know what I can do differently.

[phaset]

I don't mean this to single out anyone with what I have to say. I am just writing this to get it out. Chat has been bothering me for a long time, since the previous software change.

Aside from a handful of people I usually feel totally ignored in chat... About half don't reply when I say hi people just continue their conversation. I understand people might not notice someone joining sometimes, i have that problem too, but it seems to happen more often than not. I've talked to several others who have the same complaint. I admit I have problems joining myself into conversations, some of this is because of my issues, but maybe the people who don't think there is much of a clique problem are actually part of one too.

It bothers me that often when I want support or to just talk about mental health issues, everyone is in the adult room having a party. It's not that I don't like those people, some I do quite a bit, or that I want to ruin peoples fun, but I don't think the "adult room" is helpful and is turning people off of entering chat. After the recent rule change the party seems to have moved ES, though it's not quite as bad. At least ES isn't empty any more.

Thanks, mountainbard, I agree with you.

I am not upset when there's light chit chat going on during down time in the ES room when no one is giving or receiving support, but to me if the chit chat starts to take over the support, then people should know to leave and go to Adult chat or Coffeehouse then. Because I agree with mountainbard, it's ridiculous. There have been times where I've needed support and have been ignored so I end up leaving and feeling worse than I did when I went into chat. I'm not saying that chat should be perfect but I do think that if there were moderators who worked on enforcing the support in ES, then the system might work a little better.

It's not fair that one should have to leave emotional support to get actual emotional support.

I also see a clique problem, probably because I'm not a part of it.
To me, sometimes when I come into chat, no one says hi, or one person will say hi then the rest ignore me. Then someone else comes into chat, and everyone says hi to them. That's a clique problem.

[emwell]

I once felt obligated to say high to everyone who entered chat. After awhile I found this to be almost impossible and a tad stressful.
I do my best to greet anyone I have never seen before, but sometimes I am not actually paying attention and can miss people.

I have been around for a bit and know a few people. There are still times when I do not get greeted when i enter chat. Sometimes I take this personally and let my head run with all sorts of paranoid thoughts. Other times I realize how fast chat might be going and see how easily I could be missed. Other times I am reminded that many people could be in PM and not notice me. And sometimes I remember that even though someone's name is listed, does not mean they are paying attention. I guess it all depends on where my head is at.

Thank you Mountainbard. I have wanted to say a lot of this for awhile and you inspired me.

[Sprite22]

Originally Posted by bachir

I just had an experience in ES that disturbed me, so I left. Someone (a regular to chat but usually hangs out in adult) came into ES, and the very first thing out of their mouth was the DEMAND that anyone who wasn't there to give emotional support to leave. They didn't even say hi or anything of that nature! They also obviously hadn't scrolled up to read the convo that had just ended otherwise they would have seen ES had been going on.

I was struggling with something (in addition to that persons actions) so I spoke up - TWICE, only for it to go left with NO one saying anything - including the person who made the demand when they entered. I was completely igonored, so I left.

I'm not thrilled about this, but I'm in an especially vulnerable and sensitive time of my life right now. Hopefully this season won't last forever (and trusting it won't), so I rely more heavily on ES right now. In light of this recent experience I'm not really sure I want to go back - at least for a while which is especially sad for me due to my current circumstances.

Sometimes goofing off gets carried away. No harm intended. I give support no matter what room I use.