[ThisWayOut]

I'm exhausted. I'm running out of energy to keep dealing with everything. Therapy was awkward towards the end of session; she had to take a call and I ended up leaving without really wrapping up. Then I wasn't able to make group at the end of the week for reasons unrelated to therapy stuff...
Struggling today with feeling all sorts of triggered and little. There's no time to find balance before having to be social all weekend, and I'm so tired of being social. I just want to hide (and maybe cope poorly).
What do you do when you're all out of ***** to give?
I'm so tired.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Are you on any meds ? That could help

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

Are you on any meds ? That could help

No. Meds make it all worse... been there. Done that. Was in and out of the hospital for about 3 years. No desire to do it again

[Parva]

Totally get what you're saying. When I get to the point you're talking about, I feel like I'm stuck in a little room. I can see outside and the world looks so happy and colorful, but I don't get the share that.

You might not like my solutions, but I will work out if I can get enough energy to start. Sometimes I can only go for a few minutes. That can sometimes help a bit. The other thing is that I write a lot. I send all of it to my T. Sometimes several times in one day. It helps me feel safe and connected. I can now tell her if I need her to response or not.

This may not seem like it answers your question. But these are the only things I have found that can give me enough energy to get moving again. I am very selective about who I can / will interact with when I'm stuck. I have one friend who doesn't know much about my problems, but he's the world's most unjudgemental person, so he can be a big help to be around.

In my broken brain, what helps the most is this. I've learned over 5 years of therapy that I've endured more than most people. As have you and many of us here. So many days I used more energy just surviving, let alone thriving, than most people can even muster. I've learned that I'm a survivor, and so are you, so I give myself a break these days. If I'm tired, the kind of tired that you're talking about, I just let myself be tired. I remind myself that I had to use all of what I had to just stay alive for the day.

I hope my post helps in some way. If not, I'm happy to bounce ideas and experiences around. God knows I could use some help with the exact same thing. Hang in there, and as a T once told me "Be gentle with yourself."

I take 25 mg Zoloft, 200 mg Wellbutrin. I don't think it helps much, but I don't have any negative side-effects, so I stick with them. Honestly, the best med I've been on is a huge, gigantic multi-vitamin made for seniors. Ha ha, but it actually seems to help...

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I'm exhausted. I'm running out of energy to keep dealing with everything. Therapy was awkward towards the end of session; she had to take a call and I ended up leaving without really wrapping up. Then I wasn't able to make group at the end of the week for reasons unrelated to therapy stuff...
Struggling today with feeling all sorts of triggered and little. There's no time to find balance before having to be social all weekend, and I'm so tired of being social. I just want to hide (and maybe cope poorly).
What do you do when you're all out of ***** to give?
I'm so tired.

Maybe you need to get away from it all. Go for a hike in the mountains or something. Completely change your environment. When people tell me that I'm lucky to not be working part of me wants to really lay into them about how I'm not lucky and I would rather be at work than where I am now. But usually say something like it's not what it seems and if I wasn't battling my own demons everyday maybe it would be enjoyable. That usually shuts them up. My point is I think we get bogged down with the same old thing day in and day out and the only person we can trust and that we want to be with is ourselves, and pets of course. My pets and mom are the only connections I have to this life, and then what am I suppose to do? I've already lived longer than I ever thought I would. I tempted fate a lot and gave the higher power every opportunity to take me but it didn't happen. So maybe if you take some time for you, even if it's minutes a day. Go somewhere and do what you need to do to rest. Do you take vitamins? B 12 and D would be some good ones to take. The holidays are so hard for us on so many levels. I wish I had the answer to help you, all I can do is let you know I care, I understand, and I'm never too far away.

[Open Eyes]

(((ThisWayOut))),

PTSD/Complex PTSD can most definitely be tiring. I can so relate to going to therapy and having the time run out or have an interuption and end up feeling like the session did not provide time enough to cover and conclude as needed. That alone at times triggered me as in my past there were important things I needed and when I reached out for help others would claim, "not now, don't have time". But, there are other challenges that come over me in that "my hurts" are not important or my input is not good enough or wrong because it simply has to be the other person or group that is right not me.

What makes PTSD even more challenging is that now that someone is genuinely suffering, the average person responds to it with comments that are dismissive, condescending, and invalidating, intrusive, critical and disrespectful. That can bring out "anger" in someone struggling or it can bring on a ptsd cycle that is a reminder of how bad it felt when someone was being traumatized. And this is why people who struggle begin to isolate and avoid because it really is "tiring" if a trigger happens and it leads to experiencing a reaction that the sufferer doesn't want to deal with because it can get exhausting.

When you have had a few days struggling it's important to allow self to have a time out and get rest. It can get lonely in that unless someone struggles, they don't understand the challenge and tend to get dismissive.

It is good that you have a place to vent where you can be around others who understand the challenge.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

(((ThisWayOut))),

PTSD/Complex PTSD can most definitely be tiring. I can so relate to going to therapy and having the time run out or have an interuption and end up feeling like the session did not provide time enough to cover and conclude as needed. That alone at times triggered me as in my past there were important things I needed and when I reached out for help others would claim, "not now, don't have time". But, there are other challenges that come over me in that "my hurts" are not important or my input is not good enough or wrong because it simply has to be the other person or group that is right not me.

What makes PTSD even more challenging is that now that someone is genuinely suffering, the average person responds to it with comments that are dismissive, condescending, and invalidating, intrusive, critical and disrespectful. That can bring out "anger" in someone struggling or it can bring on a ptsd cycle that is a reminder of how bad it felt when someone was being traumatized. And this is why people who struggle begin to isolate and avoid because it really is "tiring" if a trigger happens and it leads to experiencing a reaction that the sufferer doesn't want to deal with because it can get exhausting.

When you have had a few days struggling it's important to allow self to have a time out and get rest. It can get lonely in that unless someone struggles, they don't understand the challenge and tend to get dismissive.

It is good that you have a place to vent where you can be around others who understand the challenge.

Good response and so true. I understand that it's hard for others to not understand our struggles that we usually hide pretty well. But then when our cup runneth over it's out there. You feel so alone and not wanting to explain to people why you feel the way you do. I feel like if I have told you once, or twice, how I'm feeling and why I do the things I do that should be enough. Maybe we should tape a response and just play it for people I'm glad we have a place to come and vent where people understand us. That helps. But on the other hand it is frustrating that there is no clear answer on how to feel happy again.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

Are you on any meds ? That could help

Love the monkey picture. How can something be so sweet and cute and be so mean and nasty? Law of the jungle I expect.

[Open Eyes]

But on the other hand it is frustrating that there is no clear answer on how to feel happy again.

I struggle with that too Trace, it seems to be a common challenge when struggling with PTSD.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I struggle with that too Trace, it seems to be a common challenge when struggling with PTSD.

Do you think we would just be better off accepting this sucky life , than keep trying to find that end of the rainbow?

[tigerlily89]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I'm exhausted. I'm running out of energy to keep dealing with everything. Therapy was awkward towards the end of session; she had to take a call and I ended up leaving without really wrapping up. Then I wasn't able to make group at the end of the week for reasons unrelated to therapy stuff...
Struggling today with feeling all sorts of triggered and little. There's no time to find balance before having to be social all weekend, and I'm so tired of being social. I just want to hide (and maybe cope poorly).
What do you do when you're all out of ***** to give?
I'm so tired.

I understand. When I get to that point, I call it being "soul weary."

[Parva]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Do you think we would just be better off accepting this sucky life , than keep trying to find that end of the rainbow?

You already how that one ends...It can get worse. Sometimes I think the best we can hope for is that all this therapy takes the edge off. The scars are never going to disappear, and it's a fools game to hope for that, so maybe just soften them a bit.

I gave up on the $(#)%#@ rainbow. Probably a nasty, mean little leprechaun at end of it anyway. Spit in my eye and kick me in the shin.

Yes, I'm having a bad day. Sorry.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Do you think we would just be better off accepting this sucky life , than keep trying to find that end of the rainbow?

I think you are at a point in your life where you need to spend time grieving whatever took place in your life that hurt you and took from the quality of life you deserved to have.

Complex PTSD is about one's history of perhaps several life traumas where they were hurt yet did not have the life experience to know how to deal with these challenges. From what I have read that you have shared, you were often very strong and even outgoing. You did make a big effort to grow and be strong in spite of challenges.

You faced a big trauma and these big traumas most definitely take time to grieve and come to a level where one finally finds their way towards developing a personal sense of peace.

Your journey at this point is to start to see the rainbow itself, never mind finding the end of it.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Parva

You already how that one ends...It can get worse. Sometimes I think the best we can hope for is that all this therapy takes the edge off. The scars are never going to disappear, and it's a fools game to hope for that, so maybe just soften them a bit.

I gave up on the $(#)%#@ rainbow. Probably a nasty, mean little leprechaun at end of it anyway. Spit in my eye and kick me in the shin.

Yes, I'm having a bad day. Sorry.

I've often said if I ever saw a light at the end of the tunnel it would be an oncoming train no doubt.
Sorry you are having a bad day. Yes, soften may be the reality of it all.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I think you are at a point in your life where you need to spend time grieving whatever took place in your life that hurt you and took from the quality of life you deserved to have.

Complex PTSD is about one's history of perhaps several life traumas where they were hurt yet did not have the life experience to know how to deal with these challenges. From what I have read that you have shared, you were often very strong and even outgoing. You did make a big effort to grow and be strong in spite of challenges.

You faced a big trauma and these big traumas most definitely take time to grieve and come to a level where one finally finds their way towards developing a personal sense of peace.

Your journey at this point is to start to see the rainbow itself, never mind finding the end of it.

I was strong and outgoing and I'm sure my Dad thought I would handle his decision better *sigh* If I were not strong for myself I would have never made it. I guess at that point I didn't see the past issues as traumas, no one ever talked about that. Especially in Law Enforcement, asking for help was a weakness. Some situations they would set up debriefing counselors but no one would go to them because of the stigma. It was the "suck it up butter cup mentality" Then reminders from Senior Officers that you are going to experience worse things, so if you can't handle this you need to get out now. It sounds harsh but really it wasn't. Because I didn't want someone covering my back who was going to run when it got intense. So I understood that eventually.
Find the rainbow, you have to have the energy and will to want to look for it. I think I did at one point in this journey but after years of trying to find the answers of how to make this better.....I'm like TWO...I'm tired too.

[Open Eyes]

Find the rainbow, you have to have the energy and will to want to look for it.

The trauma you experienced with your father was/is a major "emotional" challenge for you. When the mind is emotionally overwhelmed, it's very "tiring".

My therapist at one point suggested I probably was struggling with complicated grief disorder along with the PTSD.

http://www.mdedge.com/currentpsychia...plicated-grief

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

The trauma you experienced with your father was/is a major "emotional" challenge for you. When the mind is emotionally overwhelmed, it's very "tiring".

My therapist at one point suggested I probably was struggling with complicated grief disorder along with the PTSD.

http://www.mdedge.com/currentpsychia...plicated-grief

I had one therapist to bring this up. How do they keep things straight with these diagnosis? Seems like so many overlap in symptoms. How do they treat multiple diagnosis? Could one therapy for one thing not be a benefit for something else? Seems like I'm loosing it. I can't stay focused on anything. The other day I started rolling my hair, just stopped and went to check email, then cam back down and started something else and then remembered I had finished rolling my hair. I do crap like that all the time. It's frustrating, it's scary, and I want it to stop.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I'm exhausted. I'm running out of energy to keep dealing with everything. Therapy was awkward towards the end of session; she had to take a call and I ended up leaving without really wrapping up. Then I wasn't able to make group at the end of the week for reasons unrelated to therapy stuff...
Struggling today with feeling all sorts of triggered and little. There's no time to find balance before having to be social all weekend, and I'm so tired of being social. I just want to hide (and maybe cope poorly).
What do you do when you're all out of ***** to give?
I'm so tired.

Are you feeling any better? Do you have a love hate relationship with therapy? I do, or maybe it's not love, but having something I am expected to do. That was the only plus to DBT is that it made me get out of the house. Otherwise it scared the sh__ out of me. But then I didn't have that and sessions got to be so far apart again, I'm kind of over looking forward to it. I never left therapy feeling like things were wrapped up. It was always deep in thought and dissociating, when I left, barely remembering the session, which pissed me off. What's the point in going if you can't remember it.
Anyway, I hope you found some rest and solitude. I slept a lot this weekend. Glad it's over with, wish the holidays were.

[Open Eyes]

((Trace)),

What makes it hard is that what is affected is the amydala and "emotions" and when there is a strong "emotional" challenge which is often one of the core challenges with PTSD, sorting through these "overwhelming emotions" interferes with having the ability to function normally and stay on track with being "productive". That is also why "therapy" can be exhausting because it involves sorting through emotions which means feeling things one can get very overwhelmed feeling.

Ofcourse one can feel like a session never ends in feeling like the challenge is "wrapped up". I have experienced that myself. I have also lost count how many sessions I have had where I ended up totally EXHAUSTED too.

Just from reading what you have shared so far Trace, I can tell you have a lot of unresolved emotions. One can go for "years" avoiding their emotions and can develop personal ways to "deflect" that they don't really realize they are doing to deflect.

Actually, that is probably what your father did too, except he used alcohol to escape from "feeling". A lot of people do go that route.

Your father was not thinking about you, he was very self absorbed by the disease he had given in to. Human beings are emotional beings Trace, and lots of human beings get lost if they don't have someone to help them slowly learn how to understand and manage and work through emotional challenges. Men often have it the hardest because of how they are raised to "man up" and think that emotional challenges are a sign of weakness. That is your father's generation too and a lot of men did turn to alcohol as a way to escape and relax.

You did not have the skills to be able to help your father. And while you reconnected with him, he was more than likely not capable to show you the part of him that was "struggling" on a deep level. Truth is a lot of men just don't KNOW how to share that part because no one ever taught them. A lot of times men can only express "anger", they grow to believe that is one emotion that men can have.

When I was growing up my father's dog that he loved got hit by a car and we had to stay in the house while my father dug a hole and buried his dog. We looked out the window and saw him standing in the hole crying and my mother came over and pulled us away and said, "he is not to know you saw him crying, men never like to show that openly so you can't EVER tell him you saw him crying". That's what men are taught, do not show emotion it's not manly as men don't cry.

Part of combat PTSD is due to men who have lost friends, other men they have bonded with in a very, very deep way. Some of these men "break" and develop PTSD, and it's harder on men when they struggle with PTSD because they feel it's wrong to struggle so deeply with this emotional overwhelm.

But, human beings ARE emotional beings and a lot of our challenges are "what to do with these emotions".

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

((Trace)),

What makes it hard is that what is affected is the amydala and "emotions" and when there is a strong "emotional" challenge which is often one of the core challenges with PTSD, sorting through these "overwhelming emotions" interferes with having the ability to function normally and stay on track with being "productive". That is also why "therapy" can be exhausting because it involves sorting through emotions which means feeling things one can get very overwhelmed feeling.

Ofcourse one can feel like a session never ends in feeling like the challenge is "wrapped up". I have experienced that myself. I have also lost count how many sessions I have had where I ended up totally EXHAUSTED too.

Just from reading what you have shared so far Trace, I can tell you have a lot of unresolved emotions. One can go for "years" avoiding their emotions and can develop personal ways to "deflect" that they don't really realize they are doing to deflect.

Actually, that is probably what your father did too, except he used alcohol to escape from "feeling". A lot of people do go that route.

Your father was not thinking about you, he was very self absorbed by the disease he had given in to. Human beings are emotional beings Trace, and lots of human beings get lost if they don't have someone to help them slowly learn how to understand and manage and work through emotional challenges. Men often have it the hardest because of how they are raised to "man up" and think that emotional challenges are a sign of weakness. That is your father's generation too and a lot of men did turn to alcohol as a way to escape and relax.

You did not have the skills to be able to help your father. And while you reconnected with him, he was more than likely not capable to show you the part of him that was "struggling" on a deep level. Truth is a lot of men just don't KNOW how to share that part because no one ever taught them. A lot of times men can only express "anger", they grow to believe that is one emotion that men can have.

When I was growing up my father's dog that he loved got hit by a car and we had to stay in the house while my father dug a hole and buried his dog. We looked out the window and saw him standing in the hole crying and my mother came over and pulled us away and said, "he is not to know you saw him crying, men never like to show that openly so you can't EVER tell him you saw him crying". That's what men are taught, do not show emotion it's not manly as men don't cry.

Part of combat PTSD is due to men who have lost friends, other men they have bonded with in a very, very deep way. Some of these men "break" and develop PTSD, and it's harder on men when they struggle with PTSD because they feel it's wrong to struggle so deeply with this emotional overwhelm.

But, human beings ARE emotional beings and a lot of our challenges are "what to do with these emotions".

<<Just from reading what you have shared so far Trace, I can tell you have a lot of unresolved emotions. One can go for "years" avoiding their emotions and can develop personal ways to "deflect" that they don't really realize they are doing to deflect. >>
You're probably right.

[ThisWayOut]

😔😫😢......

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

������......

We will get through this.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

((Trace)),

What makes it hard is that what is affected is the amydala and "emotions" and when there is a strong "emotional" challenge which is often one of the core challenges with PTSD, sorting through these "overwhelming emotions" interferes with having the ability to function normally and stay on track with being "productive". That is also why "therapy" can be exhausting because it involves sorting through emotions which means feeling things one can get very overwhelmed feeling.

Ofcourse one can feel like a session never ends in feeling like the challenge is "wrapped up". I have experienced that myself. I have also lost count how many sessions I have had where I ended up totally EXHAUSTED too.

Just from reading what you have shared so far Trace, I can tell you have a lot of unresolved emotions. One can go for "years" avoiding their emotions and can develop personal ways to "deflect" that they don't really realize they are doing to deflect.

Actually, that is probably what your father did too, except he used alcohol to escape from "feeling". A lot of people do go that route.

Your father was not thinking about you, he was very self absorbed by the disease he had given in to. Human beings are emotional beings Trace, and lots of human beings get lost if they don't have someone to help them slowly learn how to understand and manage and work through emotional challenges. Men often have it the hardest because of how they are raised to "man up" and think that emotional challenges are a sign of weakness. That is your father's generation too and a lot of men did turn to alcohol as a way to escape and relax.

You did not have the skills to be able to help your father. And while you reconnected with him, he was more than likely not capable to show you the part of him that was "struggling" on a deep level. Truth is a lot of men just don't KNOW how to share that part because no one ever taught them. A lot of times men can only express "anger", they grow to believe that is one emotion that men can have.

When I was growing up my father's dog that he loved got hit by a car and we had to stay in the house while my father dug a hole and buried his dog. We looked out the window and saw him standing in the hole crying and my mother came over and pulled us away and said, "he is not to know you saw him crying, men never like to show that openly so you can't EVER tell him you saw him crying". That's what men are taught, do not show emotion it's not manly as men don't cry.

Part of combat PTSD is due to men who have lost friends, other men they have bonded with in a very, very deep way. Some of these men "break" and develop PTSD, and it's harder on men when they struggle with PTSD because they feel it's wrong to struggle so deeply with this emotional overwhelm.

But, human beings ARE emotional beings and a lot of our challenges are "what to do with these emotions".

<< Your father was not thinking about you, he was very self absorbed by the disease he had given in to.>> Can you explain what you mean here?

[Open Eyes]

Sure Trace, you have shared some of your father's challenges and he tended to use alcohol to self medicate. Your father had challenges and I use the term disease but that could be illness, or mental health illness/challenges. To do what he did was something that challenged him to a point where he made that decision, and often that decision is about "self" and not others or involving lack of caring about others enough or thinking others are strong enough to handle their decision. I think that is something "most" survivors struggle with. It's a very complicated loss and hard to grieve.

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by Trace14

We will get through this.

I'm gonna trust you on that one...

I was looking into that genetic testing for meds. Unfortunately, Medicare will not cover it. The financial assistance program they have exclused state/federal insurance programs... ugh. That means I have to actually call them :/ I dunno how much of the "no, I can't actually afford to pay you for your services" I can manage.