Is T is helping or hurting?

I have a question specifically for this group -

How do you know if therapy is helping? We all understand that it's a long process fraught with pain and challenge. But how do you know that the process isn't making things worse?

I have this strong sense that over the 5 years I've been doing this - and like you, I work really really hard at it - that my life just keeps getting progressively worse. Some of the events with my first T caused some of it (ended up in a romantic relationship in the midst of maternal transference that was catastrophic - long story...), and now I don't feel like there's much hope for progress.

The question is this: How do you know when it's time to pull the plug. Not find a new T, but throw in the towel and just limp through the rest of life.

I hope this doesn't trigger anyone. Thanks for your thoughts.

At times I agree about this. Sometimes you need a break from therapy. How about just telling your T that and not schedule an appointment until you are ready. That way if you feel like it was a bad choice to take a break then you can get back in. I've had to take a break before and it did me some good. But then I missed going to counseling and saw that the talk therapy was actually helping and I just didn't realize it. So I went back. Maybe this is what you need.

When someone develops PTSD they have been overwhelmed and deeply traumatized. When engaging in therapy it can get very difficult because recalling and talking about past traumas can most definitely bring on emotional challenges and added feelings of being overwhelmed.

When I finally found a therapist who knew how to do trauma work instead of the ones I had encountered that did not help me and made the common mistakes of misdiagnosing that NEVER helps a struggling patient, I felt relieved, yet, at the same time therapy was often exhausting.

Trace is right in that taking breaks "can" be helpful in that it can help a patient have a chance to recognize that even though therapy is tiring, it has been helpful. I think that a PTSD patient needs to have a sense of being in control too, and if a patient takes a break, that can give them a sense of control and therapy becomes "their" decision to do instead of feeling like it's something they have to do.

It's hard because there is definitely a desire to "escape" and isolate that presents with PTSD. So, the patient has to recognize that and make sure they are not giving into just isolating.

That's actually a very good question.

I haven't been in therapy, so I can't give an educated feedback. The reason for me is I get skeptical, distrusting toward a therapist, unless I completely believe in his ability for recovery.

for instance, I have an absolute faith that Pete Walker can definitely help CPTSD patients toward personal growth and healing. Pete Walker has a chapter at the end of his book about " untherapized therapists !", which just shows how much sensitive the issue at hand. You are absolutely right when you say therapists can sometimes make things worse.

When working with a not " good enough" therapist (We should emphasize on the human character of the therapist and in expecting he also can make mistakes, slight transgressions which might trigger us. The relationship must still feel genuine though most of the time), He or She will shame us even more and magnify our belief that we are beyond repair. We are all human beings, and we all come from families with varying degrees of upbringing, even the therapist has " issues" and these issues can be reenacted with the patient, leaving him confused, unless the therapist works seriously on himself and become aware of his own issues.

I'm borrowing from Gershen Kaufman book in my above explanation. So, being a therapist is not an easy feat.

Gershen Kaufman has also some powerful admission about psychotherapy. He is freely admitting that he thought he can heal every patient in his practice, and got shamed whenever his methods don't work on someone. He is saying that he is also a human being who is offering help, it depends sometimes on us and us only if we want real change in our lives.

So my thoughts to you, if you have a fierce strong desire inside you toward change, you can do it even without the help of a therapist.

Sorry for being too intellectual, but your question made me think for a while.

This is interesting, as it's something I am asking myself at the moment. 7 years with my T and I know at the beginning it was hugely important for me and I have learned a lot, including being able to trust to some extent. But now it feels like we're getting nowhere. I still have daily struggles, I may have more insight into them, but they still have an impact on me. I wonder if this really is as good as it gets and I will never progress beyond where I am now. I think my T has tried really hard with me, but wonder if it's time for both of us to call it a day.

I think giving it a break may be better than just stopping. One thing is that is will be hard to just drop the T after that long, the trust and open communication will be greatly missed. Maybe spacing sessions out a little further and see how that goes. T's are an addictive drug that you have to wean off

Yes, I think it is sort of an addiction, or "crutch". At some point I need to try to go it alone, but a break sounds a good idea, so it doesn't feel so final.

I wouldn't even think of throwing in the towel for life until you'd completed the processing step.

I'm post-processing, and not in therapy right now. I am not saying I won't ever go back, but right now I'm focusing on building my life and using my skills on my own.

Well throwing the towel in on life should never be an option, well not saying never, but not usually. That's great that you are building your skills and knowledge to help yourself get better. I want to do that too and I'm working hard of educating myself to a point where an outside party will not be necessary. You da bomb!

Absolutely! I think we all go through times where we feel fed up with therapy, wonder what the point is, get burn out mostly. I think that's a good time to take a break and see what impact therapy was really having on your life. Quitting cold turkey would be like trying to stop an addiction all of a sudden. The withdrawals are horrible and you end up in a worse place and we don't want that. We have come too far to get to where we are at now. So try it slowly, space your sessions further apart, then cancel some, if things are okay for you then stop. Or find a new T with some fresh new ideas.

The 4 MUST Do's of ENDING THERAPY! Mental Health Videos with Kati Morton

My T helps. He likes to get to the midst of things. It helps validate my feelings and let loose on some of the bottled up stuff.

Has he always been that helpful? Does it depend on what you are talking about? I keep waiting for that helpful feeling
Maybe if I ever had that therapeutic relationship with a T I may feel that they are more helpful.

Thank-you so much for this link. Have subscribed to the channel, really great videos on there.

You are so welcome. I love Kati Morton, and she does have great videos. About any mental health question you might have she usually has a video on it. If you have subscribed you will get videos in your email when she puts out a new one. She's on FB also. Her website is Kait Taylor Morton they have some forums in there but not very active.