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#1
Jun 25, 2017, 08:05 PM
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how do you tell symptoms apart from each other
i have so many things going on i can't tell whats going on does that follow? sometimes i cant tell if i am anxious, or if i am depressed i cant tell if i am scared or if i am angry i cant tell if i am worried or if i am happy my feelings get discombobulated i try really hard, i get really frustrated i am reluctant to continue talking about my problems because of this because i feel like i cant talk about my problems i confuse people i confuse myself people get frustrated i get frustrated i cry people stop talking to me i am lost and scared with emotions feelings and things i don't understand i have a lot of problems, thats all i know... i just want to sort things out but its a huge mess... its overwhelming, i don't think i can do it i dont think the professionals can do it either i feel broken and dont think anyone can ever help put me back together again not even all the kings men, poor humpty dumpty... to be shattered into a million pieces, not even to recognize ones own self... i just don't know what to do... i feel like i have tried, and tried, and tried... i become obsessive, i have obsessed... and obsessed... i have studied, and read.. and cried, and tried... but i have not figured out anything but how broken i am i am so numb, i don't know who i am anymore
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 SoupDragon
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#2
Jun 25, 2017, 10:10 PM
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its like when you go to a medical doctor because you are coughing, and have a sore throat the doctor says you have a cold. so you know that the coughing and sore throat (symptoms) are because of the cold. my suggestion is talk with your case manager they will tell you which of your problems are because of which of the disorders and problems they have diagnosed you with. you ca also contact the hospital where you went through detox and get a copy of your file, your file will list what your problems are and what symptoms of yours go with that problem... to get a copy of your file is very easy. you look in the phone book or online for the phone number and then call the hospital number, when someone answers you just tell them you were recently hospitalized and would like a copy of your file. they will transfer the call to their records room and you tell that person the dates you were in the hospital and then your name and address. then they send you a copy of the file in the mail. you can also do this with the place you see your case manager, psychiatrist or therapist or medical doctor. |
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#3
Jun 26, 2017, 05:05 AM
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but its like...
the information will not internalize they can explain something to me and i just wont understand... its like i just cant understand... its like i am retarded or something... maybe i just dont want to understand... but i really do want to so bad i cant understand how i could not want to... how is it possible for information to be inside of you... in front of you... all around you... and you just dont "get it"... dont "see it" ... ect... im getting so tired of myself... but not of myself... of the illness... if i am even ill... maybe it is all just in my head like some have said... maybe im just making it all up and thats why i cant understand... because there is nothing there to understand... nothing there to make sense of... i just feel so empty right now i dont know what to think or what i feel... i dont really want to talk more about it because i feel so stupid and like i just keep making people angry at me and making my ownself angry and making everything worse by talking about it so i just want to stop but i guess these are last attempts to make sense of something i cant make sense of before giving up... it hurts.. i just wish i could understand... i should have all of the information... i just cant understand... and i dont know why...
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#4
Jun 26, 2017, 11:33 AM
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if you tell them you dont understand and you need the information supplied in another form and they do not do so you report them to your locations civil rights department for violation of your rights as a handicapped/ mentally challenged person. you can also report them to your states clinical social workers board for violations of ADA laws. in both a hearing will be held where you give your testimony that you can not understand them and what they tell you and that you have asked that they use different words and ways of communication. then they give their testimony and evidence for their side and then those in charge of the hearing will decide whether your treatment provider violated your rights by not providing the information in forms that you can understand. bottom line is they cant talk to you in words you understand unless you tell them you dont understand them... what Im confused about though and may be why they think you can understand them... you do very well with understanding all the research papers, abstracts and other researching you are doing online, these things are college level and treatment provider level language and information that you have been reading and understanding.. so Im wondering what is it that you dont understand that your treatment providers are telling you. heres a suggestion since you understand and can fit your symptoms and problems into/ see yourself in all this researching you are finding online maybe you can start there. print off what you are finding and give it to your treatment providers. tell them you want them to talk to you like the language and sentence structure as in these abstracts/ thesis papers and diagnostics that you are finding and feeling like they fit you and your problems. I wouuldnt be surprised if they start talking to you like those papers are...on a college/ treatment provider level of understanding. |
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#5
Jun 26, 2017, 11:38 AM
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im supposed to be smart...
really pisses me off... when i just want to understand something... specially when i have been looking at it for a very long time... ****ing bull ****... and its making other people pissed off too... making people think bad stuff about me... which is making my symptoms worse... im really close to just giving up because im starting to think that something inside of me is not going to let me understand EVER and that im never going to get better its as good as its going to get... so just make do with what i have... maybe ill be ok just riding this ****** roller coaster... just learn to cope with the ****... the pain... whatever...
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#6
Jun 28, 2017, 09:21 PM
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is it possible that i dont understand because they just aren't on the same page that i am on...?
so they keep talking about different things... and that they have misdiagnosed me and because im believing that i have something completely different and my understanding of my symptoms are completely different from what they believe is going on with me so when they talk its all garbled to me because of my "learning disability" because i've come to an understanding and belief of something completely different than what they are believing and trying to explain...? so when they speak its like... they are trying to explain stuff that is not relevant to my symptoms... often times i feel like they are trying to tell me what my symptoms are even and not even listening to what im trying to tell them what my symptoms are... and that really frustrates me... i feel like i have complex symptoms... comobids... and the NP is trying to believe in bipolar... atleast she doesnt talk about it much she just has mentioned like 2 times that she feels like i seem more bipolar II rather than bipolar I like the first psychiatrist diagnosed me with... i tried to explain that i read ALOT or have studied and read alot... and become obsessive... but i have tried to explain this stuff so many times i get tired of repeating myself and feeling like im not being heard... i know i have C-PTSD... they know i have PTSD... i have been diagnosed with PTSD... so we agree on that... i have been diagnosed with ADHD... and i have been trying to tell them that i dont think its bipolar since i have been going to the clinic... and been trying to talk to them about how i feel like its borderline personality for months now because of the similarities... and how i feel like the medications are not going to do what we want and how i dont want to keep trying a bunch of powerful drugs because of the side effects and because they just dont work... but i feel like they just are not listening its like they dont believe me and think that i cant possibly know what im talking about... the last group, doctor, nurse, and case manager all told me to stop playing doctor... multiple times... told me to stop obsessing and just listen to the doctor and take the medications... but why blindly follow orders when my GUT is telling me its all wrong and its simply not working... they are one of the reasons im so confused because they have been putting so much stuff in my head making me question and doubt all my own gut feelings.... because im not supposed to be stupid... im supposed to be smart... even though i might have a learning disability... adhd.. or whatever... but they making me doubt it all... even though i am the one doing the research... the one experiencing all the symptoms... the one living with it... making me doubt my experience... so im so detached and disconnected... so confused... i dont know why im so confused, i really hate being confused man... i hate it so bad im supposed to be highly intuitive... i really am... im not used to going through this... im used to figuring things out very fast.... but ever since all this started my cognitive abilities are declining... faith in my abilities declining.. i dont trust my thoughts... i dont trust my feelings... i dont know... its not fair why cant they just listen to me.... i feel like i know whats going on but everyone telling me to stop playing doctor, listen to them, but they dont know whats going on my head just gets so distorted... i dont know whether to listen to them... or listen to me... my gut tells me to listen to me, because i know damnit, i know i know you know...? i've read so damn much, ive gone through so many phases of confusion and trying to figure it out... i mean i even thought it was D.I.D. for a moment... which still sometimes think it might be but i dont think so because its not so severe thats why i believe its borderline... i know what bipolar is too, i've read and read about it... i have family that have it... my mom has it apparently... which i know predisposes me to it, and im not denying that i may have it, but its not what i feel, its not what seems to be going on... so maybe i am denying it, see what i mean? they just got my brain so twisted... this clinic has mind ****ed me... but because of my personality problems its like... i wanna hate them... but then i defend them... and its a cycle... i cant hate them... i cant be mad at them... but im so damn pissed off at them... i just end up sitting here feeling so empty... i dont know what to feel because i feel like im sitting in the middle with both emotions going wild on the left the anger... on the right the serenity and hope and thanks toward them... and im in the middle... like what the ****... do you know what i mean? i just feel like im being torn apart and it makes me feel like i am going to faint sometimes... i havent had my blood pressure medication in a week or so too so i know thats not helping... and i know drugs are bad.. i really do... but im addicted... and its killing me... i try to fight it but the thoughts and obsessive cycles in my head are driving me mad... i try to do the things they say to cope... but they dont work... the thoughts stay there... because my mind splits or something and so many things can be going on inside my mind at once... i can be having 2..3 conversations at the same time... while the drug cycles are repeating in my mind... and my body is just crawling... and my anxiety just goes up and up and up... i try to breathe and try to use distractions and try to slow my brain down but its so hard... i dunno if its the ADHD or what... but its really hard i smoked like 3 hits of weed today but other than that i had been sober for a week and then smoked like 3-5 hits of weed over the last weekend... just to give scope of my use... just weed over past 2 weeks ... 2 times... but the thoughts are there... the cravings are so bad... i dunno how to make it go away... i dunno if the drugs are whats causing the confusion though... i think that its just because they are trying to say that its something that its not... right...? and that i believe that i KNOW what it is and they wont listen to me... and that PART of me is like "maybe we should just believe what they are saying?" and im like, but the ****ing medications dont work god ***** ..... argh....
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#7
Jun 28, 2017, 09:24 PM
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also i dont know why i have such a hard time speaking up...
i think its part of my personality problems too... the neurologist/pschologist guy said i had avoidant personality traits and that i can be meek and un assertive... but i have been working on being assertive... working on my social phobia... and speaking up... and ive been doing better with that... but its just sometimes when people talk i cant understand because its like they speak so fast i cant put the words together in my head... but they arent talking fast its just that the words are not registering... and thats when im sober too... when im under stress usually... like when im in therapy and the therapist is talking and im trying hard to listen and im not able to understand the simple things they are saying... or they say something and i just have automatic responses or go on auto pilot because i get stressed out and shutdown or something...?
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#8
Jun 28, 2017, 09:25 PM
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it could be related to traumatic brain injury too though right...?
i really need to talk to my doctor about that... i have to see her to get my blood pressure medication so im going to bring it up....
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#9
Jun 28, 2017, 10:54 PM
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Sorry but only they can tell you anything about how and why they are diagnosing you the way they are..
if you feel they are not on the same page as you are, you will need to talk to them about it and let them know you do not understand. they will communicate with you in other corms of communication that you will be able to understand...its ADA laws. if they dont they can lose their job and their credentials. can your lack of understanding be because of TBI (traumatic brain injury) ? anything is possible, but Im guessing you would know by now if your problem was because of TBI...heres why... the part of the brain that is responsible for understanding what others tell you, is also the part of the brain that is responsible for things like talking walking, logic, reasoning, hearing, vision, writing, reading and comprehending what one is reading, doing math and other academics, along with things like taste, emotions, balance, co ordination and other uses of the muscles.... also what I posted before works for TBI too.... just tell your treatment providers you dont understand them and they have to by law supply the information in written, and other forms of communication. if you feel your treatment providers are speaking too fast for you to understand you will need to be the one to tell them to slow down and that you dont understand. they will by law have to supply you the information in other forms of communication. |
 RubyRae
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