Alone...

I have a longing to feel needed and simply loved yet I'm not close to any of my siblings. I was close to my sister at times but we had another arguement via text again, only this time she went too far, so much so I don't think I can forgive her. I feel like moving back overseas again with my daughter for good, only having moved home early this year. I'm exhausted from running away from everything, I can't keep doing this yet it seems the only answer at the time.
I did go to see a counsellor only we didn't connect at all, which has scarred me from trying another anytime soon.
I hate Sundays, it's such a family day yet I feel my daughter and I have no where to go, to share it with and I find it hard to amuse her alone.
Thanks for listening...

Hi, Maryanne--How old is your daughter? I have two girls--11 and 14. Maybe I have some ideas about amusing her as well as connecting with others

hi maryanne and welcome to pc! i think sometimes it's healthy to safeguard ourselves even if it's family. perhaps you and your daughter can go to a movie, take a picnic lunch in the park or visit a zoo or something. get creative, stay busy, and try not to give family "rent space" in your head. it only encourages the loneliness you feel.

Dear Maryanne ~ I think you are in large company in being particularly lonely on
Sundays. I don't know why it's that way, but your post described it best. Thanks. I have only one sibling, no children, and a very special father in his late 80's. So I know about lonely. If you would like someone to talk to, I will be glad to supply a phone #, or you can pm me. Welcome to PC, and I think you will find lots of people here who "get it". billieJ

Lonliness is like a grey and still desert, stretching endlessly.
But it doesn't have to be!
Reach Out, Reach Out, and You will see!
Color the desert with friendship
And it will disappear from thee!
billieJ

and about the counsellor - i saw 4 psyhcologists before i found one i "clicked " wiht and he helped me a lot - dont give up

Gosh you all are lovely, thank you all for your replies and I love all of your positive helpful quotes.
Bpd my daughter is 4. If you have ideas, I'd love to hear them.
I didn't really think of going to the cinema with my daughter alone. I seem to have it in my head that it's better with other company, and often that other company isn't available... so we tend not to go/do.....
I lacked a lot of attention growing up, I had to be like a parent to my siblings at a young age, so as a result I find it hard to give my daughter the attention she needs and deserves. It's not that I agnore her, they are just short, few conversations.

Madisgram....I like what you have to say about giving family thoughts "rent space" in my head...it's actually so true..... I think I'm too much aware that my daughter & I aren't a complete family so I concentrate on it more and more and compare myself to "real" families causing me to feel worse......and the cycle continues!

Phonenix - I hear you....I'll wait a bit to get over my last very uncomfortable experience with a counsellor before returning to hopefully a new better one! It's always hard starting out with a new one..

Billiej....thank you, however I feel our countries and time difference will make phone chats tough...I can relate to you and your dad, my dad is in his 70's and suffers from depression...it's very hard to accept and deal with. I tend to avoid him at times because of it as it does rub off......it's frustrating...

Tks again....

Welcome to the Community, Maryanne. After reading your post, I wondered how close you are to your daughter. She must love and need you?

Would you please tell us how you benefit from running away from everything? If you are like me, you carry your baggage with you wherever you go. Most times the result of running is heavier bags.

You might want to reconsider seeking professional help.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...ure-loneliness

Be well.

I don't know how to answer how close I am to my daughter...when she's 4.
I also can't answer what I'm achieving my moving back overseas again, it just feels like a good way of escape yet the thought is very draining. The grass is always greener with me

I described me so closely I almost cried. I have tried to be closer to my brother but he just won't have anything to do with me. I guess he feels I am "broken" because I am bipolar. It really hurts sometimes. I live alone and the only person in my family who really loved me was my mom and she died over 5 years ago. I wish there was a magic answer that would make it all better for you but there isn't. I surround myself and take comfort in my dogs. At least when I get upset or are having problems with the bipolar they don't judge me!

hi again maryanne, many ppl are a family of 2. i raised my son alone from the time he was 3. when we compare we lose sight of what we have. i used to play child board games or cards-go fish, war, etc., with tom each night, sundays we went to the park and had a picnic..met ppl there too, movies that were on his scale... for a few ideas. tom always kind of knew what to expect with our doing things together. sometimes we'd just take a drive "to explore". we said we were on an adventure. since he was an only child i also tried to include one of his little friends sometimes.
i lived quite far from my disfunctional family. but we had each other!
as for "running from" try to "run to". i use this phrase...if i run from, when i stop running i find i'm the only one there. i can't get away from self. so my efforts are fruitless. nothing changes. it helps if we "create" our lives. it provides us with hope.

i ran half way across the world to escape my life and start afresh - but you know what you cant run away form you .. i found that out - where ever you are your "baggage" as Byz said is stil with you

so maybe making this a better place would help?

my mum didnt have any money - we would go to the park and play - we walked miles to get there - but it was always an adventure - by the time i was old enough to remember there was 2 or 3 at home - but i thinkthat what works for us may work for you

the cinema was great - walking alonmg a street and naming the flowers was great - making a fort out of cushion was great - cooking with mum - painting.....mostly on us lol

are there mothers groups in your area? that might help - the library once your little one is older if they dont have childrens areas.

take care of you and your little one and i wish you happiness

P7

As I read your story, my eyes filled with tears, because in many ways I know how you feel....lonely....connecting with your child etc. It is so hard I know, finding a way to have what society has made a discrition of "Family" days etc. Truth is, every family is different in ALL ways, yours mine and others here. I think in many ways we here, ppl on this board are family. We have several places to post our feelings and I promise you, every time some one will reach out, some times many.

As for your little girl, Please take in every moment with love and cherish it. That is the best you can give to her trust me I know. I was a single parent for so long, I longed for a peacful moment, quiet, some one to take them for a day etc. Long story short I lost custody of my children, and now I would give my life to have those moments, all of them the good and the bad.....back with me. My heart bleeds every day for my precious children who I talk and write as often as I can. We are seporated by 700 miles so I can't see them as much as I'de like. Just give to her ....your heart, your love with little kisses and hugs. Sit and play with her when you feel you can and hold those moments dear to your heart.....she will remember...even if she is only 4. Mine are older now but they always tell me, each one of every toy I gave, many moments I never imagined they would remember but they do.....and I am so grateful now that I took the time to do the little things, that's what is important for a child.

I hope you understaned what I am trying to type, it is so hard to express with words but I do try. God bless you help you feel the love of your daughter and hold that as your "family days"....Days only you and her share.

Peace and love sent your way

HI there and welcome.
These are very real emotions for me too, so I can understand what you're going through. I now see a Therapist (T) to help me deal with my emotions and feelings, because the lonliness was causing me such sadness and depression, I just about didn't want to carry on any longer.
Some lovely suggestions have been made on how to connect with your daughter and fill that void that never seems to leave. I'm so sorry you are feeling so low.