[objtrbit]

All I can talk about is anger lately

but....

a great thing that I learned just over the past two weekends....
don't get mad at someone just because they are angry with you;
don't make a person feel guilty for the anger they are feeling.
Anger is such a difficult emotion for me to deal with, wether I feel it,
or if it is directed at me. I think the most important thing I can take from it all is to understand that there is a reason behind every emotion.

Based off of that, I'm going to abandon this idea that someone is "over reacting", "being dramatic", or
"being too sensitive". From what I've learned, anger is really pain, so if I look at the anger someone else has towards me, and see it as I hurt them, I feel I will want to resolve the conflict by hearing them out.

I think the foundation of that process is to make sure the person is validated, i.e, make sure that they know that you understand why they are upset, and show a true dedication to do something about it...do your best to see that it does not happen again.

Who knows...this all just my internal work through...I feel I have so much more to leanr about anger...peeps angry at me especially, and actually I have no idea how to show anger correctly myself lol.
Definitly my next project.

Take care,
-obj

[FeelingHopeful]

OBJ thats awesome i applaud you im trying to get better myself and not overreact to become better at communication

[Kymaro]

Just a thought...remember you dont "make people feel the way they do" that is their responsibilty, just as you are the one in control of how you feel. No one can make you feel (any emotion) unless you let them. I know its hard to accept and difficult to control, but it's true. You are the only one in control on how you feel, they are responsible how they feel..not you.

Glad your working things out. Keep up the good work.

[Michah]

At the base of all anger is fear.......

People will do what people will do. If you look deep enough into a persons actions, you will find fear every time......fear of failing, fear of the truth, fear of abandonment, fear of judgement, fear of the inner self and so on.

So, when someone makes you their "irrational anger target" it is more likely to do with their own emotions and lack of insight in to their emotions, and they project them on to you.....It is not about you, it is about them.

Rational anger is often delivered in a more communicative way. It is "You did this and it made me really angry" and if that person respects you and you respect them, then there is room for communication. Short of that, you walk away from irrational anger. It is dangerous, unhealthy and needs to be analysed. Is there some truth in this irrational anger? What am I afraid of? What are they afraid of? When the answers are clearer, it becomes rational anger and then it is time to talk about it.

Just some observations of my own experience.....

Take good care......

Michah

[objtrbit]

No one can make you feel (any emotion) unless you let them. I know its hard to accept and difficult to control, but it's true.

hey there; for some reason, that comment stirs a crapload of anger inside me; (not at you lol, at the idea. I know you say it's hard to accept...but....)

I feel like thats kinda a "bury your head in the sand" type of deal...if someone says something, and it hits you, or triggers you, then it does. There is no denying that. I don't think we can change what we intially feel, pain is pain...but I do think one can eventually control how they react;

I don't think that's what you mean at all....I have a hatred for cognitive psychology, so bad (although I use it myself sometimes...just no freakin affirmations lol)...it's the most invalidating thing in the world. Duh the thoughts are irrational,
I know that...now why do I have them? I donno, psychodynamics....no one tells me that I'm thinking wrong, behaving wrong...all they do is listen and hold my anger, let me vent...cog/behav is so freakin' pushy, that's all I've known my whole damn life.

Where....did that come from?

Don't pay any attention to me here...it's not cognitive psychology, or what you said...it's just anger at past things done to me.
Maybe I am angry all the time lol.

Thanks for the encouragement though...I really did appreciate your post. It's so funny, everytime I think I'm doing better, I usually go backwards. I ended up skipping my last session with my T...
it was gonna be week 3 of venting, I always felt so good after I got outta there.

I think what you're saying would make sense, but it clashes with what I feel I'm craving or something. Lol, I fight with my T all the time because he's cog/behav..yelling at him then leads to me yelling at my parents...so I swear this anger goes where it belongs eventually. Sorry if this offended you, something about that comment just really threw me off...worked out, I got a rant outta it!

Thanks,
-obj

[objtrbit]

Dang...I wish I could delete this thread take it back lol, I always feel really guilty for showing anger....lol, it feels like I have a pit in my stomach, I'm nervous about the retaliation...blah lol. This is what I recreate everytime I get angry...I just feel so guilty. I'm worried I was to harsh, maybe it doesn't look angry, I donno...I definitly feel blind.

Sorry if I was too harsh (((kymaro))))

I'm kinda looking at myself like what the hell...jeez, my bad

[yagalada]

I'm trying to figure my anger problems out. I had an outburst last night that started with my husband accidentally breaking my keyboard. The anger had nothing to do with the keyboard, or my husband although unfortunately he was the target of my rage. I don't know why at that particular moment all my rage came out but it was weird and scary and awful.

I told him I hated him and I don't. I said some really messed up stuff that I didn't mean and can't take back. I'm not mad at him, I am mad at my life, my past, other people, myself.

And now, I feel awful, and the shame spiral started and I can't fix any of this.

[Kymaro]

Originally Posted by objtrbit

Dang...I wish I could delete this thread take it back lol, I always feel really guilty for showing anger....lol, it feels like I have a pit in my stomach, I'm nervous about the retaliation...blah lol. This is what I recreate everytime I get angry...I just feel so guilty. I'm worried I was to harsh, maybe it doesn't look angry, I donno...I definitly feel blind.

Sorry if I was too harsh (((kymaro))))

I'm kinda looking at myself like what the hell...jeez, my bad

No offence taken, its difficult when your angry and you just dont know at who or why. Like Michah said (I agree) anger comes from fear. I think its one of the most difficult things to do is "look at yourself" and say "what am I angry at" "What am I afraid of". I hit a soft spot with my comment and I'm sorry my words caused you pain. That was not my intension. Curing anger isnt just "venting" it out. It's like a fire - burns hot and you can put out the flames but untill you find the source (hot embers) it will continue to flair up. Good luck. ((ob))

[objtrbit]

Originally Posted by yagalada

I'm trying to figure my anger problems out. I had an outburst last night that started with my husband accidentally breaking my keyboard. The anger had nothing to do with the keyboard, or my husband although unfortunately he was the target of my rage. I don't know why at that particular moment all my rage came out but it was weird and scary and awful.

I told him I hated him and I don't. I said some really messed up stuff that I didn't mean and can't take back. I'm not mad at him, I am mad at my life, my past, other people, myself.

And now, I feel awful, and the shame spiral started and I can't fix any of this.

Well your definitly on your next step just with the realization that it's not about the keyboard; there was definitly a trigger...and sometimes it takes the triggers forever to amount to a blow up. I donno if you do this too, but my recreation has always been to get angry, go overboard, and then feel paralyzing guilt...I keep doing that this week especially...anaylsis is kickin up and causin me to spin lol. I think you can fix it; the anger is beyond your husband...maybe a father is where the anger really belongs..I donno.

Thanks for this though!
-obj

[danvb]

The meaning you give to what happens to you totally determines your reaction to what happens to you.

[lynn P.]

I don't think you should regret this thread and I enjoyed your insightful post at the beginning. It's not easy admitting we have these kind of feelings. I did a post here on hatred and it's kind of embarrassing admitting I had hatred for a person, since we're taught it's a sin to hate. I think it's good to examine these dark parts.

Originally Posted by objtrbit

...Based off of that, I'm going to abandon this idea that someone is "over reacting", "being dramatic", or
"being too sensitive". From what I've learned, anger is really pain, so if I look at the anger someone else has towards me, and see it as I hurt them, I feel I will want to resolve the conflict by hearing them out.

I think the foundation of that process is to make sure the person is validated, i.e, make sure that they know that you understand why they are upset, and show a true dedication to do something about it...do your best to see that it does not happen again. ...

Well-said.

I struggle with anger and the stigma that accompanies it. That stigma ("anger is an unhealthy emotion", "you shouldn't feel angry", "anger is a sin") is pure bologna!

Through counseling I learned that it's how you express anger that is vital to one's mental health.

Anger itself is a blessing! Without anger, for example, I wouldn't have the drive to become so fed up with feeling so violated as a human being.

We need our anger! But we also need to learn to express it in a 'healthy' manner!

[Michah]

People should talk about anger all the time......lets face it, it is one of the common ones!

Maybe it would not escalate in to rage if it was discussed more......

Just a little blurb from my brain

Michah

When I feel broken, weird and disconnected, anger erupts more frequently than when I am in a better place emotionally.

[(JD)]

Isn't acted-out anger an overreaction? Doesn't unmanaged anger cause over-sensitivity? I think so. We can be angry and yet civil and not disruptive or distructive.

Depression has a component of anger...rather anger might be at the core of depression, anger turned inward because of an inability to express it or deal with it therapeutically.

[violetmoons]

Wish I could feel anger.

[violetmoons]

I doubt you see the value in your post objtrbit.What therapy has promise in your opinion?