Thinking of deleting my account.

I feel I only bring people down with my depressing crap so I would like to ease the load and delete my account. Thought maybe people here could get me but everyone here is so focused on recovery my view of not being able to recover seems almost taboo like I am doing something wrong by just wanting to live with the problems I have.

Its like I've already said too much only to be met with a brick wall that spits out the same over-used advice. 'It gets better." "You just need motivation", "Its not so bad."

well it doesn't get better, I have no motivation or anywhere to get any and it is so bad actually and its like no one gets it even on mental health sites. People say they get it and then go on about about all this recovery BS that does not work for everyone. Sorry not trying to be offensive, I am just frusterated and feel so alone even around friends and family so I wish I could find just one person who gets it and wont try to re-assure me with common quotes that don't always prove true.

Hi Hellion,

I don't believe we have met before although I did just read one of your other replies to another post. I am not going to say hang on in there with yourself but try not to make hasty decisions, there have been countless times I have done something and back out although different from this. However the pain and destruction I cause by doing that and then more weigh of pain gets added on because I walked off. However no one understands I only ever back off and run away from something to stop the pain and destruction I was already causing to people. They never could see it like that or even they never thank me for that. To this day I can't believe they couldn't see how much pressure and pain they were putting me through and then when I done the only thing I thought would account for that, bam tone more pressure from those people... so what was the point, I mean going to get hurt either way... well no I didn't account for, I would be out of work and have to try and find new work which after four attempts at making it either a day or few hours a life of a hermit ant so bad... oh but it is, yet thinking back I should have bared with it to be begin with... yet I can't say that for sure because knowing me I would have got fired so either way what happened, happened.

What I am trying to get you to see is sure delete your account but is it really what you want and would you really benefit from doing so, I mean most of us come here to seek help for ourselves and if possible help others, sure there always going to be a person that gets it and gone through it, however they may be only able to help a person going through similar things and although it may appear you are both going through similar things many factors will change how what's helped them will be no help to you... unfortunately that's the truth.

This still doesn't mean that one day you won't find the help you need from somewhere like this or may the help is not here, but this is more of a place where you can talk through with others the changes and help that you find...... what I mean is there have been time when I could have got better but when I am left on my own to my own thought's then something go's wrong, I wish I found this site when I was in a better place and then could have had some where to talk through what I was working on and just get some reassurance. However I totally dismiss all what I worked on because I felt I was delusional because I have nothing in my reality to tell me otherwise. Hence all the problems of today.

Like you I feel no matter what I do I will cause main and problems and should not be here or there or not doing this or that because I will infect it in some way or cause more problems. I don’t know the answer to make me not be like this and I am worried there will never be a fix to this or a time when I am not like this. But as much as I put up a barrier and just run away I will think bam should have done that at that time but again I just wallowed in my own self worry’s and didn’t seek clarity. Sometimes I can’t see what is really in front of me and I need other to guide me just to see that. Sure here can’t provide quick fixes and I am sorry you feel you input it not appreciated or that other dismiss you but maybe this will change it has to change… many things have change to get to this point in my life so I can only hope for any more changes not going to say they will be different changes or cause a significant affect but a change should be about at least. Allow yourself to have this place even if you take a break or even if you delete your account come back if you want because there may be a time again when you can see why you came here in the first place. Sorry I probably done what I said I would do and I can be bossy little brat at times. Wishing you all the best MIP

Its good you're being honest but I think its better to leave the account open in case you want/need to vent in the future. Naturally most of us hope our advice might help but its fine if it didn't and that's not your fault. I've given you advice several times and don't take offense if you don't find it helpful.

Here's a suggestion - when you start a thread, preface it by saying I know all the practical advice but not in a position where it works ATM....but you're looking to vent and have others understand. This happens alot with couples where one person wants to share and the other one is too anxious to be a solver but misses what the person really needs .....which is to listen, maybe relate and empathize. If you don't want advice then say you just need understanding and maybe hugs.

I agree with lynnp. But of course whatever you choose is ultimately up to you...I will say that I do gain something from reading your posts (even if I don't comment on them...)

I won't say it will get better... but it can. Just wanted to put that out there because it is the truth.
Now, because I really don't get it I'll admit... what is it that you want us to understand and how is it you think we should react?

Not sure how to answer that, just seems no one can really relate to how I feel, I don't know hard to explain.

I hear you, on your OP. I feel kind of lost on here sometimes as well.

I have, however, "Thanks for this" on many many of your posts; for me, that says not only I'm thankful you posted it, but that it also applies to me.

I'm with lynn. I preface a lot of my posts with, "I don't need suggestions or tools, etc." because I know so much of that already. I don't want that reassurance you were talking about either because it's not set in stone; you're right.

I do want to add that I friend requested you because I enjoy and relate to your posts, and you never responded. There are ppl here that feel you contribute to this forum a great deal, I am one of them.

No one should be on your case for not getting better. We should be here to support each other and make life bearable. It's not as simple as some people make it out to be, just work for improvement and you're cured! Also, some people tend to forget effort and effect don't go hand in hand. Some people take one med and it's the right one and they feel fine. Some people fight really hard for just not getting worse.

Personally I'm not the slightest recovery oriented. I know I will never have a real job, I'll always be poor, and I fear for the day when my antidepressant stops working. Some of my issues have gotten better, some have gotten worse. If I feel fine I do. If I feel like crap I do.

If someone dislikes me expressing this...

bite me!

Yeah I am not to great at figuring out much of this site other than the forum, but I'll have to check that. But yeah thanks, not sure why I am so convinced that all I do is cause people problems or am at least useless.

Yeah exactly I don't think it is possible for everyone to recover and become a 'success' especially in this society. I mean I guess I at least still have my intelligence but what good is it when I can't put it to use due to difficulties in functioning...that have been getting worse and weirder. I mean I don't know what all is going on with my mind but it makes me feel pretty crazy.

Not sure if madness and happiness go together, though sometimes intelligence and madness can apparently with a strong dose of misery thrown in to.

Hi Hellion
I wont say it will get better cause I never see that either but I am just sending you some hugs to let you know your loved and cared <3

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this!!! You took the thoughts/words right out of my mouth. You are absolutely right on target with all of it. My gratitude that you don't care what anyone thinks,

Hellion, PLEASE don't leave. Please??? Stay with us. Will you please?

I hope you stay!

Please stay on here a little longer and see how u r feeling.

Talk to u soon, and i hope to meet up with you.

Many come here for re-enforcement of a condition or feelings about life rather than for real Healing. You will not be loseing much if you delete your account. If you want to Heal, then you must have the commitment to Yourself to Heal.