[NeutralAlignment]

This seems a little odd now that I really try to put it into words. I read many posts by many different people and the few that seemed to be experiencing something similar seemed more like it was a joke-this is very serious to me.
I seem to have no real emotions. I can remember from my childhood being told that I was not reacting properly to most situations-I was even ridiculed for this by classmates. I learned by watching and now seem to laugh, cry, and become angry in the right situations, but . now that I have children and a husband I am worried that my 'learned' reactions will not be enough and that my children and my relationship will suffer because of this.
Does anyone understand this? Have any advice? Know anything about this kind of problem?
Thank you in advance for your time and thoughts.

[RunningEagleRuns]

good luck!

[Sam2]

Originally Posted by NeutralAlignment

This seems a little odd now that I really try to put it into words. I read many posts by many different people and the few that seemed to be experiencing something similar seemed more like it was a joke-this is very serious to me.
I seem to have no real emotions. I can remember from my childhood being told that I was not reacting properly to most situations-I was even ridiculed for this by classmates. I learned by watching and now seem to laugh, cry, and become angry in the right situations, but . now that I have children and a husband I am worried that my 'learned' reactions will not be enough and that my children and my relationship will suffer because of this.
Does anyone understand this? Have any advice? Know anything about this kind of problem?
Thank you in advance for your time and thoughts.

Did something happen to you at a critical point in your life that has robbed you of your ability to feel emotion?

You said you are married. Was this just a way of "acting" normal or did you fall in love with him. You don't really say if he is aware of this, so you must have learned to parrot emotions very well. Its understandable that you would want to feel something. Know what others are feeling. Is there a therapist that could help you understand why you are unable to feel?

Same2

[Mindinpieces]

Hi and welcome, for me growing up with my mum, I gained a lot of how I am now from her and her own insecurities; however this is not at all an indication of her as a mother, although now she blames herself for how I am now. This is actually to do with people don't realize just how sensitive children can be to emotions and particularly emotions of parents. You will be surprised just how much children can pick up on moods and reactions or how others interact with the world around us. They then learn from this, as you have pointed out, however to worry about this you are then creating tension and insecurity within itself. Although children can pick up on this however they may misinterpreted where or why you are being this was, they can probably not understand your worries are for their sake. This is the thing with children they can't consider the emotions or reactions of other humans in the way adults do because there has never been a time when they would have to contemplate the same situations in such a way as an adult would... so sometimes this is what causes the problems actually, just the misunderstanding. I never understood my mum was worried she would be a bad mum and couldn't create a better life for me, I just assume she hated her life and I was the only reason she kept going but I thought she resented me for that and I thought I was the reason she felt this way because if she didn't have me then she could have done something with her life and not ended up a single mum who had not worked much or anything else. I blame myself and took in all her emotions as it was my fault and because of me because I was too young to understand her worry's where for me and how she felt about herself being unable to provide for me.

I think getting some professional help may be of use to you but you must understand there is right help and wrong help and just because that is what a professional says does not always mean it is right, really only you in time will know what is the right thing to do for yourself and your family because really it is of your own choice how you are with your family and how raise your family in a sense.

However if you feel you need help and advice go seek it because this is also about you, the good thing is you understand that there may be a few areas of yourself you need to work on, which is good because you can see and understand this which means you can in time, better yourself for yourself and your family.

I am sorry if this just a ramble and I am only 20 years old and this is coming from a person who as a kid was well aware of those area her and how this then impacted to an extent on herself and how she is now a as person. I hope you really don’t mind my reply.

[NeutralAlignment]

I do appreciate the kinds words, thoughts and suggestions from everyone that replied. To those that asked questions; I am not, nor have I been on any medication-it seems this option is for controlling emotion not developing them. Also, I have never shared this with anyone, my husband included. I am not sure if I know the 'Love' that others do, but I do know that I do not want to live my life without him or my children. We married because it was right-he wanted it, and I agreed. Life without him could be potentially unbearable; he and my children keep me from disappearing completely into the nothingness I was lost in for so long.
I am enjoying the feedback, please keep me in mind, as I am grateful for your thoughts. Once again, thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

[Mindinpieces]

I am not sure if I know the 'Love' that others do, but I do know that I do not want to live my life without him or my children. We married because it was right-he wanted it, and I agreed. Life without him could be potentially unbearable; he and my children keep me from disappearing completely into the nothingness I was lost in for so long.

Hi, it is good to hear from you again and I am glad you found the reply’s useful. Sorry mine was more just another person thought's not really a reply to you that could be of use in the sense of aiding you with advice.

Please do come back and update people on how you are and things going, I am sure other would love to know and hear on progress you make and maybe still able to assist with advice as you work on things. I am not really any good at this but I know there are many people on PC that are wonderful with this and providing advice and insight to others, I am sure you will get to know those people on here.

One thing that struck me in your post and I hope you don't mind me saying my view on this but in the quote above you said you don't feel love as other's do, I don't think anyone really does ever feel it the same way- although I or anyone else can never prove that or be sure on that. However you also said without your husband and children you would feel like you’re disappearing into nothingness. Well I think the feel you must get or a sense of a sensation you must get from having your husband and children in your life that must be what love feels like to you. Have you ever consider how having them in your life makes you feel? or noted a feeling because of them, I am guessing it is a good feeling and to know that without them you wouldn't feel good well that leads me to believe there must more going on that maybe you just haven't realized as of yet or maybe like you have said you need help understanding and realizing what is there to allow you to feel that. Sorry this is just me opinion and I am not the best one for giving sound advice however I hope you don’t mind my reply and thought’s on this. Wishing you all the best

[Open Eyes]

NeutralAlignment,

Well, none of us can "diagnose you", I think that you should share this with a psychiatrist or therapist to see if you can get to the bottom of this. Hey, you could have Asbergers or Low Level Autism (which often presents challenges with "anxiety"). If you find out the "why" it can help you know yourself better and work around whatever it is without feeling guilty or like a failure. It doesn't mean you will be a bad wife or mother either.

Open Eyes

[NeutralAlignment]

Thank you Mindinpieces, I have enjoyed you sharing your thoughts with me. Maybe just talking about this could help; just seeing other points of view is refreshing.
Yes I said that I do not 'feel love' like others do. I can see it in the eyes of my husband and even other parents and couples; the way they look at each other conveys something that I just don't understand. As far as emotion goes, I know how to react in certain situations but I don't think that I've really felt them... I know that when my kids hug and kiss me goodnight that I smile, tell them I love them and hug and kiss them back-I wouldn't want it any other way-but it does not stir something in me the was it does for other people.
When my husband does something romantic and tells me how much he loves me it seems like I am standing behind myself controlling my 'emotion puppet' of myself to make sure that my reaction is appropriate.
I do not want to hurt or manipulate others, but is my emotional deficit and the facade I have to put on for them a manipulation on its own?
I just need someone to talk to that knows what its like to have such a lack of genuine feelings. Thank you all for your time and thoughts.

[Mindinpieces]

NaturalAlignment,

It is good to hear back from you and I am glad you are finding PC a good place. I know I said in the poll and in my reply do something different, well I think maybe seeking some professional help may be of use to you to guide you through your already insightful feelings and thought's to help you come to terms and work on the areas you feel need work on to allow you to gain that sense of emotion and feeling's you have missed out on for so long and for whatever reason felt you were unable to feel or contemplate those emotion or interactions for so long. Sometimes when searching for a therapist they list the areas they specialize in. I think it would be good for you to check that if you feel you want to seek the help from a therapist of your choice to find one that specializes in the area you feel you need help on, so they can best give you the best and need support to help you through this. So in the future you can hopeful feel the reward of that of letting in and interacting back to those much love people in your life in the same way or sense they do, as well as for yourself feeling the love that is around in a way that is natural for any human to desire. It must be painful for you knowing that the love is there and you want to feel that and interact back showing your emotions just like those around you can and show them the love they feel to for you in such a way. Another thing you can do, if you feel ready to, is like you already have done is open up on PC about your feelings and maybe you will also find some clarity and further insight here, there are a wide range of scope and people on here that maybe as well might be able to offer you some help and insight, but do remember that everyone is generally here for similar reasons and we all are just another random person each with their problems and each with something hopefully they can share and help another person with. As I sure you are aware but just thought best add that in. My thought’s go out to you and I wish you all the best

[kaika]

I agree with what's already been said. I also want to put it out there that you are not a "bad" person just because you don't experience emotion the way other people do. Plenty of people who don't feel emotions do bad things, but that's because they don't care about the harm they cause to other people. With that said, professional help is still a good idea. It can give you the tools you need to improve your life by improving your connection with yourself and the world around you.

[Thunder Bow]

Your mind is blocking your feelings because of all the negitive imprints put on you by others when you were young. Work through those imprints for they are not real, and get in touch with your feelings once again. All feelings are normal.

I'm also thinking something along the lines of an Aspbergers or Autism type issue ... Best to find a professional who specializes in these types of conditions for a correct diagnosis and treatment though ... ...

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by NeutralAlignment

I know that when my kids hug and kiss me goodnight that I smile, tell them I love them and hug and kiss them back-I wouldn't want it any other way-but it does not stir something in me the was it does for other people.
When my husband does something romantic and tells me how much he loves me it seems like I am standing behind myself controlling my 'emotion puppet' of myself to make sure that my reaction is appropriate.
I do not want to hurt or manipulate others, but is my emotional deficit and the facade I have to put on for them a manipulation on its own?
I just need someone to talk to that knows what its like to have such a lack of genuine feelings. Thank you all for your time and thoughts. [/B]

Hi Neutral Alignment,

I can relate a lot to your words above. While I know that I love my daughters, I have a very difficult time expressing those positive emotions. I give them hugs, kisses & tell them, but there's something missing. I don't know what it is, but I feel empty inside. Same thing when my bf expresses his love for me ~ except I am even less emotional in those times. I smile weakly at him, but feel completely blank on the inside.

I do have BPD, but I really don't think that I'm being manipulative at all. I always try my best to please others that I care for. And I do have times where I do feel love towards my bf, just not necessarily the same time as when he says it to me.

I just wanted you to know that these words really resonated with me! Out of curiosity, what was your home-life like when you were a child? Did the words and actions of family go together, or was it say one thing & act another way? Like: your parents said that they loved you, but they really weren't there for you in chaotic times...that kind of thing. I *think* that's the reasoning for my walls going up in early-childhood.