Hospitalizations

Last year I was hospitalized for a few weeks. It was one of the most terrifying things to be left there, but the worse part is how I miss it. It makes me feel so wrong and broken for missing that place, but as much as I thought I was going to feel stronger in a place like that with people who needed more help than me I learned how much help I myself really needed. I've always been trying to help everyone else, why did I never see this about my self. Why did I feel like in the past year that was the only place I really fit in. I've been wondering this for so long, and each time I think about it I cry, what kind of person does it make me to miss being in a hospital. I dont want to be there, but it just felt right, the people made me feel right.

Moonbeam I think I can relate to how you feel, I’ve been in hospital a few times and in retrospect I often wish I could go back, be back there, not because it was fun or great (it wasn’t ) but because I felt a bit like you, that I’d found a place I belonged where I was accepted for being me and where I could just relax and be ‘crazy’ without having to pretend to be normal or responsible or something I wasn’t. It was a major relief to go, oh yes there’s something wrong with me and I’m in a place where it’s OK to have something wrong with me.

I also miss the fact that there were all these other people around and that I didn’t need an excuse or justification to meet them and mingle with them and generally be friends with them – it was like belonging to a big (not necessarily happy) family. Having people on tap like that was great. I lived alone and it was hell going back to my empty lonely house afterwards.

Don’t know if that’s anything like you feel about it, but I wanted to write and let you know that you’re not alone in feeling sad about missing being in hospital, even if our reasons might be different. You’re not broken or abnormal for feeling like you do, it’s totally understandable.

Torn

Being sick = being cared for and be given attention. Try asking instead of getting sick or hurt. Also I found one can easaly find a Crisis Nurse the help one through life and give much needed suport. Where do you find that Crisis Warrior to be on yourside? Answer: YOU are that Warrior!

That is very much how I feel. I was accepted there and was with people who just generally had an understanding where so much of us were so alike that there was no need to explain anything and when I talked people understood my thoughts. It was wonderful to be understood.

I did not choose to go to the hospital, it was one of the more horrific things to deal with and I still have nightmeres from being in the emergency unit. Its not about the attention I got from my family because my mom didnt even come to see me until the very end of my stay when I was being transfered out for medical reasons, my siblings never even called me. I dont really consider mental illness as an illness per say, I am not sure how I will control myself from becoming "sick". If I could tell someone I wanted attention and be healthy well that would be wonderful, but attention is not really what I need, I need understanding and acceptance, and i think thats what I honestly miss the most.

Hi

What each of you shared is just like I felt/feel. I've been hospitalized quite a few times. The 1.st few times I was scared by the locked ward and other patients. But after awhile,it was good to let others take care if me. Tell me when to eat, shower, go to bed, someone to give me my meds. It felt safe despite the restrictions. You give and receive strength from people who know what we are going through. I once told a therapist that I missed the ward and wished to go back and she looked horrified. I sometimes look up to the .psych ward and miss it.Only someone who has experienced being in mental pain and being so debilitated by mental illness can really understand. If they could walk in our shoes even for just a day would realize that ít is a real illness.

Been in psych hosp many times and it can be a good and bad place. Its natural to want to go home, but i feel safer there n like have more support. Everyone seems to bond in there. You have to create similar support and comfort in your home life. Know thats easier said than done, but venting on here is a good start for sure!!

I can definitely relate to what you're saying! I've been hospitalized several times over the years, and when I'm struggling (but not to the extent to which I need to be hospitalized), I always miss the safety, comfort and support of being inpatient.

Are there things you can implement in your life / in the REAL world that can help create a sense of security and comfort?

Hang in there!

i was in the differrent pshyc wards in my city, different hospitals for years about one month a year from 1985-2008, i did not like the treatment of the patients in the 1980's but something must have happened in the system or in myself, and now I feel great since my last hopsitalization in 2008. I used to fight with the docs and nurses saying I didn't belong there,although now I see I really did. i had a 21 day stay at the local hospital where they monitored a medication change, even though I also had 3 seizures, I was finally put on meds for somethingI didn't even know I had.I got to know the other patients and I thinkthe hardest part of the whole thing was leaving. When i was turning to go away, one of the nurses asked me what i was going to miss the most and I said the people here. It is scarry being in the hospital at first. I was actually punched by another patient you kind of have to keep your guard up when you get there, but things get better-the other patients usully are more afraid of the new people, don't feel bad because you miss it, feel good that you learned how to love these people too. There are horror stories thaat used to scare the crap out of me when i first got sick, but then I learned maybe these people do want t help me I got 3 meals a day, got to play different card games, and other things to do.i keep telling my husband If i', too much for him to handle, take me to the hospital I'm asking for it when I need it now.

I was just released from phsyc hosp this last monday. After the first few days I was starting to feel better, then I could just look at it as a small vacation from the world. I always get blue for a while when I leave the hospital, med or phsyc. I think it is normal to feel this way as long as it dosn't consume you.

Can i ask whyd you go there if u dont mind me asking? Also id rather be there sometimes than the real world..

XmoonbeamX8,

What kind of person does it make you to miss being in a hospital?? A good person who is struggling and brave enough to ask for help and Still have to face the hospitalization process.

Its been 9 monthe since my last hospitalization and I still miss it sometimes, usually when I feel hopeless and helpless. I was suicidal for months but I wouldnt go to the hospital because I HATE the emergency room. I wanted to find a way to bypass that step. The ER staff talk about you as if you were a potted plant, referring to you as "another SI". The only thing that kept me hanging on was my T. I think he dreaded sessions with me during that time.

I've been hospitalized quite a few time in the past few years and its always been the same. I kept to myself, ate alone, sat at the edge of every group session, never sharing just listening. But after awhile I heard something I could relate to and Id move my chair closer to the group and jump right in. After awhile you feel like a little family. One person was the father figure, another the mother figure.... and before I knew it I shared my pain with others who were struggling and I shared theirs. And sometime I even felt that something that I'd said helped someone. It felt good to be able to put my arms around someone and tell them that its going to be alright and things will get better. After awhile I began to believe my own words. That gave me the strength to believe that I could function outside of a locked ward. Dont feel bad because you miss the hospital. I think its normal to miss something that made you feel like you were not alone. All you have to do is read others post on this thread and realize that youre in good company.

Writing this makes me miss it. This sounds weird but I have alot of good memories of my stays in the hospital. . I dont share this with people who arent members of our club. They probably wouldnt be able to pay the dues that we've payed, lol. Feel better. I'm thinking good thought for you.

The reason I ended up in the hospital was i was hit by a van while walking across the street, it's affects were devastating on my body and mind. During the accident I ended up hitting my head 5 times on a sewer cover in the street and the pavement as I was trying to get my balance back. I was also in another car accident where the whole car was demolished, i had a whole black and blue face from the windshield hitting my head. We were hit by drunk teenagers. i also had several other head injuries in different situations too many to mention here. i guess it's TBI Traumatic Brain Injury, but i post here for the learning of mental ways to cope with anxiety etc... My brothers and sisters used to call me the vegetable as I was dibilitated form the accidents. and i used to work in a produce section of a local store. They were so mean to me i was throwing up all the time, my parents never knew as I was upstairs in my room and no one ever heard me. well i guess my siblings heard me or they wouldn't have made fun of me.i really don't even remember parts of what was going on as i have not much memory of back then except the accidents.

I am so sorry that youve gone through so much. I have 8 siblings who could be insensitive so i understand how a hospital might feel safer than home.. Well Im certain that this forum is a safe place to share and be understood.

I very much relate to this. I was hospitalized five times within two years and I always felt safer there. I wanted out, but yet I didn't. It's a strange feeling.

I know sometimes i o want to sign myself in, but i talk myself out of it. The main problem i have now is figuring out my meds by myself and i have to confess i do like the care and support from some of the patients and workers. The last tie i was there it all really started to click aand i found out there is good help out there if you need it Thanks avlady

I know what you mean. About a year and a half ago, I was admitted into a Partial Hospitalization Program. It was the first time that I felt like I fit in anywhere. It helped me alot. It was hard and scary for me in the beginning, too, because it was group therapy everyday and well, I am not someone who likes to speak in groups. But I find comfort in knowing that it is there, should I ever need it again.

thanks moonbeam for posting. I've been thinking about entering a clinic for the first time. I wasn't sure of what to expect or whether it would be a positive experience for me. But hearing you express how you could be yourself really shows me that finding that support system is what I need. My family is unaccepting of my illness and believes that it is a sign of weakness which should be supressed. Thank you.

This is a common situation that will happen. Sometimes we may feel safe and secured from a certain place especially if we are comfortable and we feel we are being cared.