At my breaking point.

There is a lot going on in my head, and in my life. I don't know what to do with the battles I'm facing. I am too damn young to be feeling this stress. My mind is racing 24678932289 miles an hour and I have all these unresolved issues that are eating at me. I feel pathetic ranting about it online and like an dumb *** for being 'on the pitty pot' and having all you guys read this. I am learning to accept myself, but being a 19 year old girl dealing with manic depression and a past of 'neglect', abuse, trauma, drug addiction, and a very disfunctional family; I am having a very hard time dealing with these emotions. It's such a ****ing cliche it makes me sick. But as I've said before, I am stuck in a rut, I feel weak, and I'm lost. Maybe I need friends, or counseling. I just don't know where to start much less how to start living a healthy, happy, fullfilled life. I am normally not like this, I'm more of the grinn and bare it type, but I am at my breaking point.

I just joined this site and I can't believe I have the exact ditto problems as yours. Im 19 aswell and I feel empty all the time. I just feel I don't deserve the **** that happened to me. I got out of rehab a few months back and ever since then I feel that rehab took away a part of myself and now it's gone. I'm extremely self destructive and impulsive. I always get hurt no matter how hard I try not to. All my life people have let me down. Always. And then one day after facing that mental torture of unstable relationships and abusing drugs and enduring rehab you gain strength and somehow get slightly over all of it ...you start over and you're numb but a guy makes you fall for him. He keeps trying to win you over relentlessly. You swear to yourself you won't feel . Hell you don't't have the heart in you to feel but after a while you do and you're faced with your worst nightmare. I'm back to square one now. I won't relapse though. All I know everydays a battle for me. I'm just tired. And empty. Im tired of keeping up appearances and covering my sorrow

Hi LadyRemy,

You're not alone and don't feel like a dumb *** on the pitty pot. People these days tend to frown upon people who reach out with emotions and problems and that in itself causes a bigger problem, because we feel ashamed of expressing ourselves when in need. First step towards a better path is talking about and discovering the issues bothering you right now. If you need to get things off your chest and need help trying to find the right direction, feel free to PM me. *hugs*

((((hugs))))

you shouldn't feel bad for posting.. a lot of us do the same thing- that's why the forum is here

i echo what was said before, i'm here to talk as well

Considering what you been through, you are not to young to be stressed. It is only normal. However I see you making great progress, and you seem smart enough to win your future battles. Do seek therapy if you can, it will be an asset.

You have made progress by finding this forum and asking for help. It IS a long battle as I personally know. But having others that understand to talk to really does help. We won't belittle you in any way; after all we're also trying to work our way thru similar things. Sometimes it feels like it will never end, but then you have a few good days, and you decide to keep fighting it. I am alone most of the time, and I think it would be so helpful to just have a trusted person to sit with me and be near me during the hard times. There is something so healing about getting a sincere, loving hug of support. Even if you can't actually feel it, right now you are being hugged by lots of people on this forum. Try to find a caring therapist that can teach you coping skills thru the hard times.
Something that has helped me enormously is having a pet. They love you unconditionally and are wonderful to snuggle with.
Keep writing to us.

Please see a therapist and pschyciatrist to listen to your problems, you are not dumb, just going through what alot of people go through, especially people here, no one will judge you you are a better person for coming out and asking for help, which is one thing that i wish i had done when i was your age, well i tried but i didn't stick with it. just the fact that your here is a huge step in getting better.you're not alone, your not on a piti pot you just need help and you have reached out for it which is courageous.

We have all been there. Hang in there? Remember! Your not alone in this big world and most of us live or grew up in some sort of disfunction! Look for the knowledge, gather the tools. Someone wise told me once that if you change you, everything else will be taken care of. Never stop learning. It's how you learn to cope that makes you happy!

It's good to know that we are not alone here. My mind races too as I have so much on it and things going against me in life.

You are not dumb trying to ask someone to talk to. I may not be going through this but I do have a very close friend with the same problem (only no drugs or abuse of any kind.) Hopefully the answers here will also give both of us the solutions we are looking for.

One of the best pieces of advice I have received was on the phone with Dr. Harry Schaumberg,"Keep fighting!" And I would add, "If you stop, where will you go?"

LadyRemy, you don't have anything to be ashamed of. There's nothing wrong with telling people how you feel. And although you are young and do not deserve the things you go through, pain does not discriminate. One of the things that makes that pain easier to bare is having places like this to be able to share your thoughts and feelings with others. And you may find that many people may be able to relate to the things you go through as well.

So don't feel awkward for doing this. It is good that you are here with us and we are happy to hear your story.