Been angry lately

I've been so angry lately and I hate how I've been feeling like this. Anytime I try to speak to my mother, I feel as if I'm being avoided.... I end up being very sarcastic and angry towards her cause I don't know why she won't be close to me. It messes with my head and makes me feel less of a person. She knows I'm going through a hard time right now but I don't feel as if she's being here for me as of right now. My brothers are very close with her but I always feel left out, ignored and feel as if she doesn't appreciate me. Sure she buys me things but it's materialistic things, I want her to be able to talk to me but she hardly tries to talk to me. Anytime I try to talk with her, it's very hard to get a answer out of her. Feel abandon as of right now and close to giving up on her all together but my anger is still there. Hate feeling this way but I'm so hurt cause I want to know why she won't pay attention to me or have any conversations with me. Haven't done anything wrong at all but I keep feeling as if I did something wrong. Am I simply a disappointment to her? This is simply I don't honestly get. What should I do? I try to talk to her.... but it's so hard to get anything out of her, so what should I do? This has been bothering me for weeks now and I've been down due to this too. Feel upset by all of this, but anger keeps coming out and I feel like I'm ready to go off soon.... it scares me cause I suffer from bi-polar disorder. Please someone help!

I am so sorry that you're feeling this way. As for your mom, She probably just doesn't know how to help or what to say or do. Maybe she's afraid of making things worse. Have you tried telling her how her actions make you feel? Is she cold and distant?

I go through the same thing with mine. Thing is though, at the rare moment she does feel like being close I don't...& we just go back & forth like that...

I've found that when I'm feeling like I should keep my distance it's because I'm angry for what she's currently doing or did in the past. The previous comment is a good place to start though.

I've never told her how it made me feel: anytime I try she tries to avoid the subject all together which ends up hurting me further. My mother has always been cold and distant towards me, but she's close with my two brothers which hurts a lot. It keeps making me feel like I'm not part of the family. So I usually hide myself in my room cause I don't feel wanted or cared about.

Your mother sounds like mine then. I actually had to teach myself not to go to her whenever I was facing some sort of difficulty. She's over religious and would only tell me to ask god for forgiveness and such. But I understand your situation. Unfortunately, you can't make her pay attention to you and if you try to have a conversation with her and she doesn't care to listen there isn't anything you can really do. I know it hurts and because it's your mother it only makes the pain worse, but there's really nothing to expect from someone who refuses to understand you or doesn't even try to.

Going off isn't going to help. You'll only hurt yourself further in the end and possibly damage what relationship you do have with your mother. But from the sound of it, you do get some kind of interaction with her. Am I right?

I think your mother just does not know how to express how much she cares for you. In my experience, parents are often afraid when their children are going through hard times because they instinctively care for them. So if their child is emotionally distraught they try to block it out because it is painful for them too. Sometimes this makes going to your parents for emotional support a bad idea. This could be the case for you.

However, if you want to invest in a deeper connection with your mother it's not going to happen overnight. Communication is so vital and your anger is part of the problem I think. Please be gentle with her when you talk to her and ask her how she feels about your anger/whatever else you are telling her. This way you make it about her just as much as it is about you and she may become more open to talking about pain and brokenness because of it. In fact, you may find yourself learning things about her that you didn't know and you may end up having a better understanding of why she has been so unavailable to you.

arachnophobia you hit the nail on the head, i am a mother of a 23 year old son who isn't doing very well right now, he is seeing a psyciatrist and therapist for a drinking problem too, he may have hyperthroidism and is on Seroquil now. I wish the opposite than you i wish he would open up to me more often, and he has a few times told me very personal things which made me feel good to know he could talk to me. Maybe your mom does have a lot of things you can learn about her that you don't know about, some things are better left unsaid but it shouldn't interfere with a relationship. Maybe tell her you love her once in a while, unless thats too personal or painful for you or her.

I could've written this myself.

I know EXACTLY how that goes. She is closest to my sister but treats myself & my brother like COMPLETE *****. It's unbelievable, the obvious difference in how she treats us and how she treats her. There's NO excuse for that type of behavior towards your own children. When I was really young it tore me up inside & was evident to everyone outside our house. I even had a school guidance counselor explicitly say "You know, there are different types of abuse." Mind you I didn't even have a close relationship with this counselor. I strictly talked to her about my progress in school & she STILL knew.

I quickly learned to keep everything about my life outside the house & my feelings to myself. Not like I had a life; that's a long ***** story for another time though. Filled with atrocities but still. Now here I am, in my early 20's. Ever since before I was a pre-teen I knew it would always be this way. Since my late teens my mother has always said 'why can't we be friends?' Yet this is the same person, crying to be close, but when I try to be she still keeps her distance & treats me even worse.

The hurt that comes with this, she says doesn't understand. It's not that: she pretends not to. There are countless things she has done to me that people call 'small' issues which sje has NEVER done to my sister. No issue is too small when it affects your relationship.

You didn't mention the details here but if you ever want to talk I welcome you to PM me.

This is for you:

I know how u feel. My older sister was the princess everything she did was golden. My twin who was 2min younger was terminally ill and the baby so she was precious. Then there wa me. Different. Always wanted my haircut, always stuck in hand me downs that I hated. I was child genius bored in school but when my parents were approached to put me in a special school and skip grades my parents said no. The chose my special hell intellectually. Fate chose my hell to be born in a family that was ultra conservative and the middle child(me) was treated as the outcast.

My father took particular pleasure in the hell he forced me into. He's an abusive alcoholic, and later on was charged and convicted of being a pedophile. Yet still to this day with my older sister married and with family, and my twin dead, my mother chose that *** hole father of mine over me. She still tries for a relationship. I've told her I tried to be there for her for 26yrs of my life, she shat on that. Now I will never be there for her again. She dug her grave choosing that filth over me, she lay in it.

I'm really sorry this happened to you. People never appreciate the good they're given.

Thank you for all you're replies and I agree with the advice that I've been given. Yes she interacts with me but we don't talk as often I would like too. I'm sorry to hear what others have been through, nobody deserves that kind of pain in their life. It makes me see that I'm not the only one going through this kind of thing. Only wish I could help everyone but I know I also have to help myself in the process as well. I talk to my mother but lately I haven't gone to her about my feelings cause in the end I only end up crying and feeling badly about myself. Appreciate all what you've said to me and I'll be more than happy to talk to any of you if you wish too!

Glad to hear this. That was the point
Absolutely! PM me any time - or I'll PM you.