Always Angry

Lately, I'm noticing that I'm angry all the time. I don't like it.

I feel like I'm trapped in a life I don't want and have little control over, no matter how hard I try. I feel hopeless. I feel abandoned because I'm not getting the kind of support I need. I keep trying so hard to make my life work, but it feels like almost everything is beyond my control.

So I'm angry all the time. I want to lash out at all the people who could be helping me but aren't. I feel like no one understands when I talk about how I feel, so I want to make them feel as hurt, powerless, and hopeless as I do.

I feel like a monster.

But the truth is I don't really want to hurt people. I want to be helped. I want to connect. But I don't know how anymore because all my efforts have failed, so I end up angry and bitter, wanting to lash out and pick fights and hurt people.

I feel so stuck, and the world around me is just getting darker and darker. Is there any help for me?

There is help available, as well as self help literature. I discovered, through health insurance statements that come to my address, that my ex husband' s anger management was covered. Searching for area clinics, hospitals, rehabilitation centers, is how to find a program.

I've asked and asked for help. All that's available to me is the Department of Mental Health, and they've refused to offer me therapy. I can't afford anything else.

Hello Geis: I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your ongoing struggles. I have similar feelings. I'm getting old now. And what we hear about older people being isolated & not cared about is true. No one cares how much I suffer inside. As long as I don't make trouble for anyone, they're all content to pretend everything is just fine. At this point, I've gotten so that I just play along because I know it won't make any difference.

I recall one time, several years ago now, telling a therapist no one cared what happened to me when I was young simply because back then, where I lived, kids just grew up & whatever happened, happened. No one cared. Now, no one cares because I'm old & not worth the bother. So I lost out on both ends.

I'd like to be able to tell you there is hope. But, I recall from a previous Thread of yours I replied to, you believe you have investigated every possible treatment option & none are available to you. So I'll simply say I want to believe there is help out there for you somewhere. But I also do know there certainly are many human needs in this world that just go unmet. I hope you can find the strength within yourself to persevere. It is true, I believe, the kind of anger you describe can be very destructive to your own psyche, so to speak. I think, if nothing else, it will be important for you to try to find some way of dissipating that anger, justified as it surely is. I wish you all the best.

I'm not old...and the idea that I'll have to live like this for another sixty years or so seems unbearable. If they're not going to offer me the help I need, why not just kill me? Put them and me out of my misery. I mean, what the hell is the point of forcing someone to stay alive when you're not going to help them build a life that's actually worth surviving?

I am sorry you are so deeply hurt.
I believe anger covers up enormous pain.
Listen.
When there is no external help available, we must learn to heal ourselves.
I went to the library.
My favorite place.
To learn about myself.
Today. Most learn about things online.
Do your own online research on anger management.
Perhaps there are free classes.
You need to help yourself my friend.
You are your own best hope.
Do you have the courage & strength to take care of yourself.
I think you do.
I know you do.
Look deep within yourself.
I rescued myself.
You too can save yourself my friend.
Are you worth it.
Yes. You are worthy of so much. Believe me.
There it is.
*big warm friendship hug*

I relate so well to what you say about feeling angry.....the foundation of my anger was a bad marriage that I was trapped in for 33 years.....& by the end, I wasn't getting the help I needed either probably because of my striking out & the anger that was being held inside & would strike out when I felt that I was being treated unfairly.

For me....once I left my H after 33 years....moved 2100 miles away & started a new life......i did realize that it wasn't ME that was angry...it was the situation I was trapped in that was making me actually see red at times. I thought that was just a saying until I started experiencing it.

When I got rid of the anger, it was amazing the help that I started to get. I have found myself surrounded by the most caring people & it's wonderful to be caring also. Without even asking people are offering help if I need it (new pain specialist). Everyone is so kind.....I was shopping at Trader Joe's in the city (I now live on a farm in the country.....moved from Los Angeles California)....The people who work there were so helpful in getting things I was looking for & when I checked out one of the ladies who worked there brought up a plant with beautiful flowers & gave it to me....said she thought it would be nice......I was so shocked....tears hit me. In all my life I have never been surrounded by people who were able to show that they cared.....& now I'm surrounded by them.

No one ever knows what the future holds.....but sometimes we need to leave where we are to break the cycle I think.....well, at least it worked that way for me even though they say you bring your troubles internally with you.....even my PTSD symptoms have quieted down to almost nothing.

Yes, I have struggled with the same question. When I have tried to get rid of myself, in the past, all manner of stuff was done to keep me alive. But as soon everyone thought I was stable, everything just disappeared & I was on my own, right back where I started from. It's an odd thing. They won't allow you to die. But, as long as you don't cause trouble, they don't give a rip what happens with you...

Hi geis,

I used to be plagued by anger too. It's very unpleasant and it definitely chases people away.

There is a common thread among people who are angry all the time, who feel afraid all the time, who feel guilty all the time, who have these feelings automatically or compulsively and who then subconsciously deal with it by procrastinating, avoiding people and ending up feeling sad, trapped, joyless and isolated. I personally think that ALL of these bad things are a consequence of subconsciously turning away from your own inner decision making process. This is your true inner self in a way. It's almost the same thing as "not being in the moment." I think that this is the key to escape. This all happened to me. This is how I escaped:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

- vital

Everything I've found on anger management is slated toward people who go off on other people, whether physically or verbally. I don't do that--mine is all directed internally. I want to scream at people and pick fights, but I don't. It all just turns in on myself and makes me feel worthless and hopeless and suicidal. If I had a foolproof way of ending it, I would. But I don't want to risk screwing it up and being "saved," only to be abandoned again as soon as they decide I'm "okay."

I don't want to get rid of all the anger, either. It's the only thing that's kept me alive this long--it's a way of marking that a lot of terrible things happened to me, but the fact that they happened doesn't mean they're okay or I deserved it. For a long, long time, I thought I never felt anger. Nothing beyond mild frustration on occasion. But I was slowly killing myself with my self-harm and eating disorder, and if that's not the personification of rage turned inward, I don't know what is. I really believe that finally being able to get angry at the people and events that had driven me to believe I needed to annihilate myself was what saved me. I could finally see that what they'd done to me wasn't okay, and I could turn around and say, "No, it's you I'm angry at, not myself." I could choose to stop destroying myself because I finally understood.

But now it's different. Now it's not me destroying myself, and I can't choose to change what's happening to me. The decisions and circumstances are, for the most part, out of my hands. So I can recognize that it's unfair and wrong, I can see that I don't deserve to have my needs go unmet...but I can't change it. So all I'm left with is rage and the familiar desire to destroy myself. Only this time I don't want to do it piecemeal; I just want to get it over with and be done. I just can't live like this. No one can really live like this.

I know the feeling. Try this,it's a new therapy
called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
A.C.T., and book is "Act on life not on anger".
There are some unique solutions in it,but there is
one snag, it won't work unless you do exercises
suggested. Go for it!
Blessings,
BLUEDOVE

I didn't have depression before it hit because of situations & they situations that had been piling up that even at that time no one recognized, not even myself (bad marriage that had already been going on for 25 years). I didn't realize that my career was what I was using to escape the bad marriage because I loved my career.....so when it ended & there was nothing that could replace it....I was left trapped in the marriage & then I couldn't escape from that because of the financial situation when I tried to get the divorce toward the end when I realized I had enough....I was blocked every direction I turned.

Some times it's not that we subconsciously turn away from making decisions in our life.....there are times that we try to make the decisions & they are continually blocked & it's like running a rat maze & constantly running into dead ends.......I was stuck in that situation for 13 years....that is a long time to have to accept & commit to a really BAD situation especially when just before the last few years it looked like I was going to be stuck there for the rest of my life.

I was definitely OPEN to the solution when it hit me over the head but because of the trauma I went through at the end, it took me longer to even get to the point where I could take action & get out.......

I escaped physically, but still was trapped unable to get the divorce because of the financial mess he made out of our marriage & I was dealing with the IRS for the last 7 years trying to clean up the mess he made (& is still making out of his life)....but I am finally trying to push the divorce through.....but just being away from him & being able to finally try to put the pieces together & to understand what happened & why has been a true blessing in my healing process.....& even though I moved to a place where I didn't know anyone.....I have been blessed to be surrounded by people who care & who I care about & it's been able to show me that I wasn't the problem......& that the anger wasn't ME because it went away so quickly after leaving....it wasn't like I had to relearn much of anything about controlling my anger....it came naturally after a couple of small oopses of my overreacting.

However I have one friend who fought everything in her marriage also before finally getting divorced & she is still fighting everything.....so I do think that there is some personality issues just in the way that people react & respond to others that can cause more problems than just the anger issues.

We all have theories on how things work.....& there are as many theories & ideas as there are causes for the problems.......if it works....great.....but don't give up if it doesn't.....there can always be some other method that will work.....& most of the time what I have found out in life is that EVERYTHING TAKES PATIENCE. Nothing is ever solved overnight or in the blink of an eye, or even a SNAP of the finger. Most of the time our neuropathways in our brain need to be reprogrammed by continuous practice & that in itself takes time......but it's important to use the techniques that you find that help & continue to use them if you do see some progress because it does take time & it's good to have many different ideas to give a try with because you never know what might actually WORK. That's the wonderful part of PC....lots of good insights that have worked for different people & a chance to open the mind to different concepts.