Sick of faking happiness and pretending everything is fine to other people. Most don't realize that when I am alone and even deep down inside I am very lonely and depressed. I tend to also have lots of anxiety and cry a lot more than people even realize. Wish there was a way I could communicate that to some people without them blowing me off. I have told a couple people but one person doesn't care. I told her I was feeling suicidal and she actually didn't seem to care and the other person is down a lot herself so I am afraid to bring her down more than she already is. I did open up and break down in front of them before but feel like they felt uncomfortable and the one who is depressed I feel like I just made her more upset. Wish I could feel happier. :'(

[gloamingone]

I'm sorry you're feeling that way. :-( I finally got tired of faking it, and surprise, surprise, all my friends left. It's really hard when I'm feeling suicidal, because no one believes me. I just wanted to know you're not alone!

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Originally Posted by gloamingone

I'm sorry you're feeling that way. :-( I finally got tired of faking it, and surprise, surprise, all my friends left. It's really hard when I'm feeling suicidal, because no one believes me. I just wanted to know you're not alone!

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I am sorry that happened to you. And I am glad I am not alone, I am sure you're a great person to be friends with.

[persevere]

Sorry you are feeling that way, you do matter and I am hoping you can just be yourself and know there are friends here.

[Frankbtl]

Hi ryan, I'm really sorry they reacted that way
I can imagine you must have felt so isolated in the way you were feeling and after you told them (which must have taken a lot!!) that probably left you feeling even more isolated???
But the good thing is you did manage to open up about the way you were feeling!!!
So really well done for that!!!
I'm sorry that the people you opened up to didn't turn out to be the "right" people, but you managed it!!!
So now do you think you could have a think about who might be a bit more empathetic/understanding??? And that doesn't even have to be a "friend"........if there's someone else in your life...........or even a hotline??? It really does matter how you feel, and you deserve support with the way you're feeling. So don't let that go, hey??
And if you want to talk more..............
Alison

[Jigsaw777]

Hi Ryan,

I am really sorry that you are feeling this way.
I know the feeling. My friends left me too,for the same reason as your friends.
But you know life dosen't stop with that. What you will change with suicide? NOTHING.
Start doing things that you enjoy,that you feel good about it. It's hard, I know.
I did that and you know what? it worked. I met people witch I share common interests and we are building new friendships. It needs time but it's worth it. Friends are like that. They come and they go.
What you can't do is live your lifes afraid of the next goodbye because chances are they are not going to stop. The trick is to recognize when a goodbye can be a good thing or when it's a chance to start again.
And beeing lonely is a part of our life. We all feel like that. But what can I suggest is -LEARN TO BE LONELY.
Do the things that you were afraid to do it alone,go to the movies alone or other things.
i know it might sound lame but when you will get comfortable beeing alone it woun't be that hard anymore when next time it will happen again.
Dong give up!

[Lostdeepinspace]

Originally Posted by ryanLRC2015

Sick of faking happiness and pretending everything is fine to other people. Most don't realize that when I am alone and even deep down inside I am very lonely and depressed. I tend to also have lots of anxiety and cry a lot more than people even realize. Wish there was a way I could communicate that to some people without them blowing me off. I have told a couple people but one person doesn't care. I told her I was feeling suicidal and she actually didn't seem to care and the other person is down a lot herself so I am afraid to bring her down more than she already is. I did open up and break down in front of them before but feel like they felt uncomfortable and the one who is depressed I feel like I just made her more upset. Wish I could feel happier. :'(

I am sorry that you are feeling that way! I go through the same thing. For my job I have to smile all the time as I deal with clients all day every day. When I have time off, I normally stay alone as my husband works night shifts. When I am home, I dont always have a smile on my face as I am going through very deep issues myself. The other day I stopped by my moms on my way to work.... and she just look at me and said why are you always so miserable? I broke down and cried.... Everyone always expects me to be happy all the time but really i feel like im dying inside.... and no one ever cares to ask why. Mostly the people like my brother, mother and sister inlaw, dont have a close relationship with me because they are the only ones that see me sad or upset. They cant handle it so they choose not to talk with me which makes me feel like dying even more.

Originally Posted by wantwhaticanthave

I am sorry that you are feeling that way! I go through the same thing. For my job I have to smile all the time as I deal with clients all day every day. When I have time off, I normally stay alone as my husband works night shifts. When I am home, I dont always have a smile on my face as I am going through very deep issues myself. The other day I stopped by my moms on my way to work.... and she just look at me and said why are you always so miserable? I broke down and cried.... Everyone always expects me to be happy all the time but really i feel like im dying inside.... and no one ever cares to ask why. Mostly the people like my brother, mother and sister inlaw, dont have a close relationship with me because they are the only ones that see me sad or upset. They cant handle it so they choose not to talk with me which makes me feel like dying even more.

That's exactly how I feel! Everyone expects me to be happy and if I get upset no one wants to hear it. I am sorry you are going through issues and feel that way as well. I am always here if you ever want to talk to me and I know exactly how that feels. You are not alone as well bud.

[Lostdeepinspace]

Ryan the thing i keep telling myself is that family will always be there but that doesnt mean you have to be close friends. Surround yourself with positive people and keep the negative as far as u can. I myself am learning to like being alone as no one to cause crazy drama... Only me big hugs and good luck to you learning how to deal with your emotions. I am here if u need a friend

[thewidow]

The truth is, there are tons of people walking around that aren't even depressed that "fake it". They want people to think of them a certain way, so they pretend. - Being depressed, unfortunately, you have to "fake" the happiness. No one wants to hear it. It gets old. You hang around with happy people, you are in a better mood, you hang out with someone who always complains and threatens to kill themselves, it is just depressing. - I get it, I don't live every day, I exist and no one wants to hear anything unless I can say.. oh tell me about YOUR problems, or here is what I can do for you. That is the way people work. It stinks. I have a lot of anger and resentment I carry around along with the fake smile and the "chipper" attitude I fake all the time.

[Ishmoo]

faking happiness drains you and sometimes you do need to vent it out, unfortunately you do have to pick the people you can do that too because they either have their own issues or just feel so uncomfortable and don't know what to say. Ryan, if you can please seek a support group PLEASE don't become a statistic just because you're a guy doesn't mean that you can't do this. it's not embarrassing to have these issues and you don't have to sit alone and dwell on this