How do you deal with being triggered

Thank you so much for this!! There's a lot of talk amongst adults working with kids these days about the misuse of the word in young(er) circles.

There are times in parenting where I flash to a painful memory of my own youth. In a way that I find some semblence of healing that old wound with new perspective. I wouldn't call it a trigger as in I don't have a flight/fight response nor one of freezing like a deer in headlights, but just wanted to thank you for what you wrote.

I get really annoyed and feel bad for the person who was invalidated because I know how that feels.. These days, though, I'm better able to calm down as I have been validated so much over the years by my therapist and some other people I've had the courage to open up to.. I might wait till the moment's passed and then tell the person who was invalidated that I believe them. I'm really scared of confrontation, but I hope to one day have to courage to just calmly tell the person who is invalidating someone that they don't know what they're talking about and it's not their business to try and dictate what's gone on in another person's life. They can only listen, or walk away if they don't want to do that.

I'm also learning it can truly be hard for some people to see another person's point of view. There are also such horrible things that sometimes happen to people that it can be extremely difficult for others to hear about it. Like, my friends would tell me the things that happened to me are not possible, which was extremely hurtful when I still needed that validation, and at the time I got really angry, but I've since understood they didn't mean any harm, they just couldn't handle something so bad having happened to someone they care about. It never feels good when someone doesn't 'see' you, but it's not necessarily them being mean and wanting to hurt you, they just cannot see what you're trying to tell them.. Realizing other people are 'only human' too has helped me to not get as upset as I used to. I'm working to get to a place where I can just calmly tell them, 'That's not how it was' with a smile No need to get too upset, just keep correcting them, and if they simply cannot accept what I'm telling them, I think it'll make my life easier if I can accept their limitations. But to get to this point, I think you need to work through any doubts you have in your own mind about how things were, and to receive enough validation from elsewhere.

You're very welcome ❤

Well, maybe I could learn something huh. I feel like an idiot now and invalidated too. I often feel stupid. Maybe I should add that to my list of emotions that are supposedly triggers. I'm upset. Maybe there are "triggers" but has anyone thought about where that word came from and why? Is it from psychology, psychiatry? Honestly, I'd like to know.

Many people go through life with things that happen that are traumatic. I can see how this works but I just guess I don't like the word for it. I had many things traumatize me in life, and should I constantly worry about what might trigger me next or is it possible, to realize, maybe, letting go and moving on is better? Any advice?

Oh, I think it's time to leave this site. Google seems to have some answers. a book was written in 1918 "Shell shock, and it's Lessons"....

I guess we are all screwed if anything could trigger us.

I am getting the feeling you still don't quite ubderstand what triggers are.

Triggers aren't something that you worry about as in an unknown thing (except right after the trauma occurs) because they are always basically the same and it's the same basic memory or event that replays. It's like a repetitious nightmare occuring only when one certain sound is heard or etc. So no, dont spend time worrying on things you dont need to worry on. I have triggers because I have PTSD. Most people with triggers do have some form of PTSD. There is another type of trigger that is purely a term meant to help understand the "reasons" a person may be dealing with a certain psychological problem like depression or anxiety. In this case, a person may say "I was triggered when I heard about my neighbor's son's death" to explain why he or she acted in a severely unstable manner seemingly unexpectedly. Then both the person and psychologist can examine the "trigger" to figure out what about it may have caused that reaction. Was the person close to the son? Did the person's son die? Did someone else close to the person die? Etc.. Then the psychologist can start trying to help the person work on a resolution for that. So that too is not really an "emotion" but more of a "reaction" that isn't even neccessarily understood by the person (though it may be). For instance, a trigger of that nature for me would be things like watching movies about teenage mothers forced to give their children away. That would cause me to become withdrawn and depressed for awhile even if I had previously been full of laughter - I may even start becoming full of self hatred. That's because I became pregnant at 17 and due to Dad taking my money n my boyfriend leaving me, I decided the best decision for my child was for me to pick out parents for him and sign over my rights, but I have forever felt I failed him. In these types of cases, working through it, moving on, and letting go is simpler - still not easy, but simpler.

With PTSD, the triggers are not just a simple decision to let it go. Your body reacts to the trigger in a physical way as much as it does an emotional way. So no, don't worry on things you don't need to. You should know what (if any) triggers you have already. No reason to worry about "what will trigger you next".

You are quite full of venom and sarcasm. You came onto a thread asking how to deal with triggers trying to disprove the existence of triggers and since I (the original poster) will not let you do so, you are now going into fits. I care about you as a person and have concern for your personal situation but I do not have respect for your behavior on this thread. Honestly, if you can please tone down the venom in your words it would be much appreciated.

Just for reference - here is info on triggers from PC

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-a-trigger/

Yes, I'm going through a lot right now. Depression, anxiety, grief. Your previous post about the thunderstorm incident for your own life story, seemed to trigger mine as well. I'm sorry I seem full of sarcasm and poison, but at this moment, today, I've been crying then laughing and all over the place.

My mother was buried and we had a very bad relationship..... I grieve for her life and my own. My oldest son was considered a burden to my parents and they suggested I have an abortion, to control the embarrassment that it would bring to the family. I held on to my son for dear life, even though it was suggested I give him up for adoption by my family doctor. I was previously suicidal, had an attempt that was very serious and that was a nightmare that repeated. I nearly drowned around 5 years old, and that is also a nightmare that repeated. I saw my first puppy run over by my dad, and they dismissed all 3 of us kids as though it was just a normal occurence in life.

I need to put a trigger here myself. I do understand it. I had a therapist that used that word with me and I didn't like it.

I had a police officer take advantage of me. He was in uniform.

It is good to get things out but I don't see an answer to how I deal with the past, it is in the past and must stay there.

I was raped at 18. My sex life after that was simply being like a robot in bed. I finally found a man who made me feel beautiful, yet he got phsyical with me, verbally abused me and I'm distraught now because I'm told from advice on another thread that it is better to be without him, yet I still long for love and closeness. He would make me dinners, he taught me to play the guitar. I often will say the bad things about him but don't admit that I'm a controling person, according to some people.

I'm really wound up. I'm sorry if I offend you as well. I feel like I can't handle everything. My son is becoming very aggressive towards me and I had to call the police because he was at risk, breaking glass pans a few nights ago. THe solution? I won't charge my son with anything. He isn't to blame. He needs help. This thread maybe should have been placed somewhere other than coping with emotions? Maybe under pstd, and I wouldn't have been as confused. My therapist was a very needy confusing person. Thanks for your help and understanding.

I am always sorry when I cross a boundary.

Since triggers arent only limited to PTSD as I explained, that's why I did not put it in PTSD.

Thank you for explaining everything - I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. My dad wanted me to abort but I would not which was why he spent my money to force my hand into adoption. My mom passed away. I have been in abusive relationships and can also be controlling at times. I understand you. I also had it in my head - in fact drilled into my head by therapists at one point "the past is in the past". While that statement is true, it is also true, as one therapist finally pointed out, that it is our past that shapes us. Each word spoken, each event that occurs, every action committed every day of our lives - has an affect on the remaining days of our lives. Some things affect us without us even realizing it. When someone moves out of your way as you pass by them in a grocery store for example, you may subconsciously feel a sense of high esteem...and then the next time someone refuses to move out of your way, you become offended as you feel a sense of disregard threatening the previous sense of high esteem. Other things affect us in more obvious ways - such as birth of a child, marriage, death, rape, etc. We can choose to change the effects these things have on us, it's true - but it takes time to do, and to do so one must be willing to look at it for what it is and therefore not leave it in the past, but rather allow it to be brought to the surface again but only for brief moments as long as the person can stand looking at it. While looking at it, one must figure out what it is precisely that is causing the negative reaction and what it is the person could do to cause the negative reaction to become one which would strengthen the person.

You did not really cross a boundary - I just felt as if you were taking the thread in a direction it was not intended and rebelling when I wouldn't allow it to go there. As I said I do truly care about you as a person and have great concern for your personal situation. You do not offend me. People can be upset at situations with other people without being offended by the person themselves.

If you would like, you and I can talk in PM- or you can talk more here if you wish too, either is fine. I do know the pain you are going through. It is awful when everything hits you at once and you feel like you are caught in a whirlwind that shows no signs of letting up. I will tell you something I learned though. Burying my past, as some counselors tried to teach me to do, weakened me - embracing my past, has strengthened me - but I still have a long way to go and though I have lost a lot of the sting from my triggers, they still exist. I want to find a day they do not exist.

Question - how recently was your mother buried? You don't need to answer if you don't want to. I just remember how my emotions changed over the course of time when my mom died.

It was recent enough that I am having difficulty with it because I spent that night she died with her. It was more than I thought I could handle but I did. I needed to stay until she died so I knew her suffering was over. Thank you for explaining things. I do understand you. Hugs

I understand the haunting pain of being there when someone passes on. I saw my mother pass as well. It's a thing that rocks you to your core and I don't think anyone can understand it unless they have experienced it. I am sorry you have gone through it.

*hugs*

For me it was a bit different - because I was being "shielded" by way of being forced to remain on the side of the building so I could not see her .. but after too much time had passed, I could no longer stand it n ran out to be by her side - and saw her best friend performing CPR on her.. I swear she came to for a brief minute and told me "I am sorry, I have to go now. I love you." but nobody else saw or heard that .. but at that moment I knew my mom was gone. I tried to give my sister hope bc I could tell she needed to believe there was still hope, but I knew the truth. That was the start of when I became alone.

I blamed myself for her death so figured I deserved the isolation. So there were a lot of things surrounding her death I had to work through - still are a few. So I understand the difficulty. If you ever need to talk - I will listen.
❤