I feel very alone. I want to have something to do with my days and people to be around. I don't know WHY this is so hard to have. I have many interests, and I know I could volunteer. I think sometimes my problem is I imagine what it will be like before i do it, and it always feels boring, or too overwhelming, and then don't want to do it, and don't do it, based on how I'm feeling. A lot of the time, I just don't feel like it. Today I had a volunteer interview at a hospital. I cancelled because I felt like I don't really want to volunteer in a hospital, and the directions she gave me to find the volunteer office felt confusing, and it's raining, and i didn't want to deal. But now I'm home, alone, and very sad. If someone could help or be supportive, I'd appreciate it. I feel like absolute *****. I need to figure out a plan. I need to figure out what to do.

[Cat_Lover_58]

I'm so sorry you're struggling starrysky. I can so relate. I work around people all day and just want to go home and veg after the day is over. I think the same way sometimes. And I let my social awkwardness and being overweight get in the way. When I look at it logically, I am a cashier and a bazillion customers come through my line every day to check out their items. I can talk to them and get through okay. I enjoy the interaction and am good at ********ting, lol.

My daughter just had somebody at her work purchase a 6 month membership for me to an adult/senior center that I'm so close to I can spit on the building. I went in this morning to sign up and there's all kinds of things to do. I'm committing myself to doing this 2-3 times a week. (not exercise place, just activities) I think I need that different avenue for friendship and events out of the house.

Keep me posted or feel free to pm me if you like.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate so much to what you say.. I'm sorry..

[QueenCopper]

(((hug))) the rain does not help if you were already feeling down. I am sorry you are struggling so bad.

Hi Everyone, thanks for the replies. I'm feeling better than before. Journaling and maybe would be a good idea to plan my days better and stick to things if I can!

[MickeyCheeky]

Planning and keeping a journal seems like a good idea I've heard it works for many people..

[Unrigged64072835]

It does take some courage to step out of your comfort zone. Instead about worrying about the opportunity, get excited about it. Excitement and anxiety are closely related so it wouldn't take much to go to excitement.

[Sunflower123]

I'm glad you're feeling a little bit better. Journaling and making a plan and sticking to it sounds like a good plan. Best wishes.

Originally Posted by starrysky

...I think sometimes my problem is I imagine what it will be like before i do it, and it always feels boring, or too overwhelming, and then don't want to do it, and don't do it, based on how I'm feeling. A lot of the time, I just don't feel like it. ....

It is the same for me. I imagine things to be harder than they really are, so, I don't do most things. I also think this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, when I feel inadequate for whatever reason, I act like one, probably not because I really am inadequate, but because I think/imagine I am inadequate. Knowing this doesn't help me, though.

I hope you are feeling better today.

Thanks everyone. Mr. Stranger, I know how you feel about the feelings of inadequacy, and then acting as if you are, or perceiving things that way, as if you really are inadequate. I have experienced this myself.

Today I am ok. I am still struggling with showing up. It's my never-ending saga. But maybe it won't be like that forever. I hope it won't be. I did go to meditation group today. It was something I *wanted* to do though. (And it kind of sucked today. I was thinking about posting about it in a separate thread. I'll see if I feel like taking about it later).

But anyway, I talked to my therapist last week about my difficulty showing up. We are going to continue to work on this.

One thing that I am coming to realize, is that two things help: being persistent in working on my struggles, and having patience. It doesn't happen overnight. Also not being hard on myself.

Tomorrow, I have to go to a testing preparation class. It's not something I MUST do tomorrow. But it's a good idea to, if I want to get into this vocational training program I've been thinking about for a while. I don't want to go to it, but I'm going to go.

[jazrobinson]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I feel very alone. I want to have something to do with my days and people to be around. I don't know WHY this is so hard to have. I have many interests, and I know I could volunteer. I think sometimes my problem is I imagine what it will be like before i do it, and it always feels boring, or too overwhelming, and then don't want to do it, and don't do it, based on how I'm feeling. A lot of the time, I just don't feel like it. Today I had a volunteer interview at a hospital. I cancelled because I felt like I don't really want to volunteer in a hospital, and the directions she gave me to find the volunteer office felt confusing, and it's raining, and i didn't want to deal. But now I'm home, alone, and very sad. If someone could help or be supportive, I'd appreciate it. I feel like absolute *****. I need to figure out a plan. I need to figure out what to do.

I completely relate to this so much. Sometimes putting yourself out there to get rid of the loneliness causes a lot of pain in itself. The pain that comes with the effort to book appointments/volunteering opportunities/classes to get yourself out there can be nerve-wracking, I find at least, especially when there's internal judgment and a lot of pressure. Know that you and many others out there, including myself, are conflicted with the same fear of not knowing how to rid oneself of loneliness while having the fear of putting oneself out there. I think the loneliest people have a bond that we're all unaware of that ties all of us together on earth. Remember that bond sometimes. Sending hugs.

[KristenRenee]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I feel very alone. I want to have something to do with my days and people to be around. I don't know WHY this is so hard to have. I have many interests, and I know I could volunteer. I think sometimes my problem is I imagine what it will be like before i do it, and it always feels boring, or too overwhelming, and then don't want to do it, and don't do it, based on how I'm feeling. A lot of the time, I just don't feel like it. Today I had a volunteer interview at a hospital. I cancelled because I felt like I don't really want to volunteer in a hospital, and the directions she gave me to find the volunteer office felt confusing, and it's raining, and i didn't want to deal. But now I'm home, alone, and very sad. If someone could help or be supportive, I'd appreciate it. I feel like absolute *****. I need to figure out a plan. I need to figure out what to do.

Hi there. I have been in your exact same spot. i was called on to volunteer but it wasn't the right time and i made such a big deal out of it i didn't do it. Now i wish that i had. I'm even reconsidering it again if i get the opportunity. i feel better about myself now that i'm on the right medications. that had everything to do with it for me. You will find your right time to do something like volunteer or maybe something else. it's all about the timing. Good luck to you. I will keep you in my prayers.

[Sunflower123]

Good for you!!! I'm glad you're making progress. Any step forward is a victory.

[Rose76]

I like your idea about writing out a plan the night before. Making it rather detailed might actually make it seem more doable. Break the big goal into smaller steps. Try to give yourself a treat to look forward to. Like plan to stop and buy some little thing you've been wanting, or stop for a snack at a pleasant cafe.

Thanks everyone.

Hugs to you Jazrobinson and KristenRenee.

I didn't go to the testing prep yesterday. I have a lot of time left to do so though, soI will go another time.

I'm really not always good at sticking with things when it comes to giving myself a time to do a certain activity. I'm still experimenting and learning. I always go to volunteering though. And therapy. Doctors appt's. Meet ups with friends. I'm still learning about myself I guess.

I think that sometimes...I experience more intense emotions than most people (I was so upset about having nothing to do that day, and was trying to figure out my life, honestly though, I really don't want to volunteer in a hospital right now). I can be kind of impulsive too. I really hate to admit that. But I guess it's true. A friend of mine, said to me "you know, if you really want to do something? You're gonna do it." He's right. Life is full of ups and downs. If it wasn't we'd be dead.

Not sure what else to say. I just wanted to respond to say thank you everyone, and give some hugs too.