[sinking]

I... dont know where to start, i just need to get things out....

- during this last week, after months of silence, an old friend (we were almost a couple but he rejected me before it started) contacted me again because he needed to talk about his gf. i listened and helped him as i could... i was mostly giving than receiving, but i did it because i think he's a good person and he made me feel wise and i liked it. then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me. maybe he made peace with his gf, but right now i feel used. i dont want anything back from him, i wouldnt even want him as a bf now, but i was expecting at least his Christmas wishes, but he barely answered mine. i feel USED!

- this year i was hired in a new place and i thought i made friends with a lot of my colleagues, but none of them sent me their wishes. and after i sent my wishes to them and other old friends, only half of them answered. so not only they forgot me, they even ignore me. i feel so INVISIBLE and ALONE.

- my brother came back home (he lives 45 min away by car) and 1) he didnt come to church (i dont believe either, but i went to make my parents happy - why cant he?); 2) he wants us to go to his place to celebrate. i know this is not too much to ask, but i needed at least 1 day spent at home and i feel my needs and wishes are always ignored by family because others' are more important than mine; and 3) he's still sleeping while we should start lunch and my parents do and say nothing as always. because he's always the most important thing here.

- my last T session went wrong and now i feel abandoned by T too or hurt and mad at her and i want to quit, but at the ame time i feel abandoned, alone and left alone with my feelings.

i feel SO hurt, mad and sad. and i was... i dont know, i had hoped for a better Christmas but its one of the most lonely. i know i have people around me, but nobody seems to see me.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're feeling lonely

((((((((Hugs)))))))))) I echo Mickey's sentiments. I'm sorry this is happening to you, especially around Christmas. Many feel alone and lonely during this time..... Just wanted to give you my support on this Christmas day. Wish I had some words of comfort for you --- I wished my boss and HR merry Christmas, and they never responded, so I feel the same. Some people just don't reciprocate, which is wrong. Anyways, I'm thinking of you!

[sinking]

Thank you both so much.

i feel like i dont matter to anyone, no one cares... you feel closer to me than people IRL, its so lonely.

and honestly this time i dont feel i deserved it, since i've been kind to anyone i've met. it doesnt mean anything then, since nobody cares anyway.

im thankful for you, for this forum, and i wish you and anyone who reads this, a Merry Christmas, hoping that if you're lonely it makes you feel less alone.

Best wishes to anyone
[group hug]

Awwww...... those who are kind often don't get treated with the same kindness in return. It's truly unfortunate. We're all here for you!!!! Sending you Christmas blessings and wishes for a better, brighter day and a happier new year ahead.

[sinking]

So empty, upset and alone....

i thought alcohol would help but its not helping.

this forum is the best human connection i have... where i can be, feel, think and talk....

Thank you

[Marylin]

It sounds like you have been taken for granted Sinking,and I well know what it is like in the family when the culture is patriarchial and the male sibling get treated like king whereas the females are used and put upon or ignored.You need to put your foot down cos it sounds like in your family there are power struggles and everybody is expected to know their place.It seems like you are expected to do certain things and there would be an almighty row if you refused to tow the line.It isn't fair to you at all.I lived this in the past myself it is as if I didn't exist or matter and it made me very unhappy.I walked out on that family situation,I didn't want to be used and abused anymore,I had a sister used and abused me something terrible.I never married cos of my experience of family life growing up.
I am sorry for the way you are treated,go off on your own and redeem what is left of xmas for yourself is my advice!

Originally Posted by sinking

So empty, upset and alone....

i thought alcohol would help but its not helping.

this forum is the best human connection i have... where i can be, feel, think and talk....

Thank you

HUGS!!!!! I am glad you have this forum.

[sinking]

I thought i had my defenses up, that i was kind and caring but also keeping people at the right distance, that nobody could hurt me anymore....

why does this always happen? any interaction, even the smallest one ends up hurting me. even a paid one (with my T)! im SO tired.

what do i do? maybe i should just let it all go, but why do i always have to let it go? it isnt right, or fair.

and im so tired of feeling so alone, lonely, invisible, hurt, mad and sad. im tired of having a broken heart because of... anyone (IRL)! im tired of hurting because of people. and im tired of my own feelings.

Originally Posted by sinking

I thought i had my defenses up, that i was kind and caring but also keeping people at the right distance, that nobody could hurt me anymore....

why does this always happen? any interaction, even the smallest one ends up hurting me. even a paid one (with my T)! im SO tired.

what do i do? maybe i should just let it all go, but why do i always have to let it go? it isnt right, or fair.

and im so tired of feeling so alone, lonely, invisible, hurt, mad and sad. im tired of having a broken heart because of... anyone (IRL)! im tired of hurting because of people. and im tired of my own feelings.

No, it's not fair or right, my dear. I am so sorry you're hurting so much. You're getting it from various directions all at once.

Try to just take care of YOU... do something, anything, that will distract you from the pain and help you to feel better. A feel good movie perhaps???? A hot cup of hot chocolate and a warm bubble bath with candles and soothing music??

And perhaps you can mention to your family how you are feeling? Or how they have made you feel? Would you feel comfortable doing so?

[OldTaylor]

Originally Posted by sinking

So empty, upset and alone....

i thought alcohol would help but its not helping.

this forum is the best human connection i have... where i can be, feel, think and talk....

Thank you

:squeeze: :Merry Christmas Please Get Better B4 New Years Eve: ::

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by sinking

I... dont know where to start, i just need to get things out....

- during this last week, after months of silence, an old friend (we were almost a couple but he rejected me before it started) contacted me again because he needed to talk about his gf. i listened and helped him as i could... i was mostly giving than receiving, but i did it because i think he's a good person and he made me feel wise and i liked it. then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me. maybe he made peace with his gf, but right now i feel used. i dont want anything back from him, i wouldnt even want him as a bf now, but i was expecting at least his Christmas wishes, but he barely answered mine. i feel USED!

- this year i was hired in a new place and i thought i made friends with a lot of my colleagues, but none of them sent me their wishes. and after i sent my wishes to them and other old friends, only half of them answered. so not only they forgot me, they even ignore me. i feel so INVISIBLE and ALONE.

- my brother came back home (he lives 45 min away by car) and 1) he didnt come to church (i dont believe either, but i went to make my parents happy - why cant he?); 2) he wants us to go to his place to celebrate. i know this is not too much to ask, but i needed at least 1 day spent at home and i feel my needs and wishes are always ignored by family because others' are more important than mine; and 3) he's still sleeping while we should start lunch and my parents do and say nothing as always. because he's always the most important thing here.

- my last T session went wrong and now i feel abandoned by T too or hurt and mad at her and i want to quit, but at the ame time i feel abandoned, alone and left alone with my feelings.

i feel SO hurt, mad and sad. and i was... i dont know, i had hoped for a better Christmas but its one of the most lonely. i know i have people around me, but nobody seems to see me.

It feels easy to gang up on ourselves when we have so many emotions about so many things in a short period. There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling about any of this. The only support I can offer is somewhat depressing, but it was helpful once, so I'll offer it, and take it with a grain of salt...You seem to become disappointed because you expect things of people. You expected your co-workers to wish you a merry Christmas, you expect your brother to do things, you expect your parents to behave differently...if you stop expecting people to do things, then you won't be disappointed...although, I think we should be able to believe in, trust, and expect certain things at the very least from our families...although many of us on here cannot expect any thing from our families. I know I cannot.

I am with you in spirit. And spirits! Got my glass of wine while I eat my Christmas dinner alone.

I know how you feel. Keep working with your T and eventually you will gain some control over your emotions.

Seesaw

[sinking]

Golden Eve, thank you for saying its not fair or right, and seeing im getting it from various directions all at once. your support almost made me cry. Im often worried i exaggerate things. Its nice to feel validated.

As for taking care of myself, i've been thinking on how to respond to that friend that made me feel used and it made me feel better. Im also kind of being passive aggressive with family and even though i know its wrong, it makes me feel better since i show my needs and wants to them. Ive also realized thanks to Seesaw that i was probably expecting too much from everybody else.

I cant talk about this with family or anybody else. Thats why i posted on here. As for my T im more and more convinced i want to quit, or at least to tell this to T and see how she responds...

aw, hon, I don't think you're exaggerating. And you're most welcome--I'm glad the support helps! Seesaw did make a great point about expectations.

Glad you are thinking of ways to possibly respond to your friend who made you feel used and that it made you feel better.... if it were me, I would probably avoid any additional communications, but you can always confront the matter too. Whichever way is most comfortable for YOU.

You could always tell your T exactly why you wish to quit and see what she says. Perhaps she will respond favorably and you will want to stay. Who knows?

And yes, I have found with family and others that when I just accept them as they are and how they are, it is much easier.

(((((((BIG Hugs)))))))

[sinking]

Right now i cant stand my family. Im always an outsider with them and they dont care about me. Im sick of having to please them and do what they want even if i dont.

That friend disappeared and im planning on disappearing too until he'll come back (if he does) and i'll let him know how he made me feel.

As for work and colleagues... im tired.

Im just glad this was my last xmas. Im not planning on living another year. Just need to hold on a little longer until everything is ready...

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by sinking

Golden Eve, thank you for saying its not fair or right, and seeing im getting it from various directions all at once. your support almost made me cry. Im often worried i exaggerate things. Its nice to feel validated.

As for taking care of myself, i've been thinking on how to respond to that friend that made me feel used and it made me feel better. Im also kind of being passive aggressive with family and even though i know its wrong, it makes me feel better since i show my needs and wants to them. Ive also realized thanks to Seesaw that i was probably expecting too much from everybody else.

I cant talk about this with family or anybody else. Thats why i posted on here. As for my T im more and more convinced i want to quit, or at least to tell this to T and see how she responds...

It pains me and I hate that the advice to not expect things from people is helpful. I feel like we SHOULD be able to expect things from people. To go through life not being able to expect and hope...it seems so depressing...but it's true that the less we expect, the less we can get hurt.

I hope things get better for you as the rest of the season passes.

[MerryPrankster]

it sounds like you are not seeing the forest for the trees. don't focus on the individual things that have not gone the way you wanted them to. Over the holidays, it's easy to get your feelings hurt by a perceived slight. Often times though the person did not mean and they were just busy on other items. It does not mean that they are not thinking of you. Stay strong during the holidays!

[sinking]

I thought i was already expecting very little, but it turns out even that little was too much.

Originally Posted by sinking

Im just glad this was my last xmas. Im not planning on living another year. Just need to hold on a little longer until everything is ready...

Please rethink this plan...... life can be full of happy things, if you seek them out. I know you are down and out right now and tired of it all, which is understandable. But please think on this more. It is not the only solution.

[QuinnMoon]

Originally Posted by sinking

I... dont know where to start, i just need to get things out....

- during this last week, after months of silence, an old friend (we were almost a couple but he rejected me before it started) contacted me again because he needed to talk about his gf. i listened and helped him as i could... i was mostly giving than receiving, but i did it because i think he's a good person and he made me feel wise and i liked it. then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me. maybe he made peace with his gf, but right now i feel used. i dont want anything back from him, i wouldnt even want him as a bf now, but i was expecting at least his Christmas wishes, but he barely answered mine. i feel USED!

- this year i was hired in a new place and i thought i made friends with a lot of my colleagues, but none of them sent me their wishes. and after i sent my wishes to them and other old friends, only half of them answered. so not only they forgot me, they even ignore me. i feel so INVISIBLE and ALONE.

- my brother came back home (he lives 45 min away by car) and 1) he didnt come to church (i dont believe either, but i went to make my parents happy - why cant he?); 2) he wants us to go to his place to celebrate. i know this is not too much to ask, but i needed at least 1 day spent at home and i feel my needs and wishes are always ignored by family because others' are more important than mine; and 3) he's still sleeping while we should start lunch and my parents do and say nothing as always. because he's always the most important thing here.

- my last T session went wrong and now i feel abandoned by T too or hurt and mad at her and i want to quit, but at the ame time i feel abandoned, alone and left alone with my feelings.

i feel SO hurt, mad and sad. and i was... i dont know, i had hoped for a better Christmas but its one of the most lonely. i know i have people around me, but nobody seems to see me.

I am sorry you are going through this. I am new to this whole thing but I know what it is like to be lonely and not loved or thought of in the same as anyone. Keep your head up and know you aren't alone <3 I hope you are having a great night and if you need to talk too I am here.

[sinking]

Yes, im too tired and overwhelmed to think. I just want it all to stop

Originally Posted by sinking

Yes, im too tired and overwhelmed to think. I just want it all to stop

((((((Hugs)))))))