How are you coping today? #4

At this moment I think I am coping better.

Not at all. The protests and violence here have started up again. My husband is having a rough time coping with life in general, so he's a grouch. Covid cases have ticked up a bit, although nowhere near what other countries are experiencing. We have a presidential election coming up next month, which is pretty critical as to whether this country goes further down the rabbit hole or not. It's too much to deal with.

I'm not coping well. I'm overwhelmed by everything I have to do. I don't know where to begin or when I should try.

I had too much caffeine and not enough food. Which could end up being a disaster. Or I could just not make it a disaster. I really like my new therapist and I don’t want her to get mad or frustrated at me. So I’m trying to do things the right way. Basically besides the food and caffeine issue I’ve been fine today. My doctors office called to check in and it was very reassuring to talk to them.

I watched one of my favorite programs on tv. I read about some ancient people on the internet. And of course being here helps.

I'm having a hard time. For two days in a row, I've had to wait for someone to call. You can't really do much if you're waiting for a phone call. I did take a nap today cause I was exhausted and I missed the call. Now I'm waiting again. It's very tiring and stressful. I guess I'm coping by posting here.

Emotional. I'm a very sensitive person. No matter how tough I act, I'm sensitive and soft. I can't handle being social today and being around people. I want to make friends but it's too hard to trust.

This morning was very difficult, but I journaled and did REST and CBT. I also did a gratitude list. I feel a bit better now. I went on a walk today.

I feel sad sometimes but I think I'm coping ok.

I went for two long walks. My body isn't happy but being in my room isn't helping so I decided to spend time outside. Even though my legs are in pain. I feel like my emotions are a yo-yo. They go up and down and up and down. Not within one day. It's just, I was doing really bad. For three days I was doing really good. Now it's really bad again. Do emotions ever get stable? Or is it always so up and down like a roller coaster? I wish I knew. I wish I could get relief from myself. I feel like my mind is Hell.

I have mini panic attacks when I can’t get to bed immediately. But I think I’m ok. I just hope I don’t have a massive hangover in the morning. Plus my house is very warm and it’s making sleeping difficult.

Processing my anger with absolutely no dignity. Can't sleep so aggressively drinking my tea and being moody.

I'm a bit anxious this morning so I'm trying to deep breathe. I'm telling myself that things will work out. I'm trying to show myself compassion.

Calm and tired. Doing housework and cleaning. I took down all the things that reminded me of what I went through the past few years, all the same decorations I've been staring at. I think it's time for a change and to lose some of the reminders of the past. I'll have money soon so I can begin to buy artwork or posters that will meet me where I'm currently at in life. Or maybe be inspiring or motivational. I'm letting go. My heart is still heavy, but I want to move on.

I'm doing well in my gopher hole. I poked my head out yesterday to buy food. I am starting the week again by teaching. Yesterday, I edited and wrote some. I don't know, but I find it hard to write for laypeople about scientific matters. The gobblygook of some science writers is hard to edit to simple terms. Despite this, I enjoy writing as a form of catharsis. I write in my journal and enjoy writing about my problems. I like to unload. I feel good for now. I am doing well. Teaching is fun, and writing is enjoyable as well. I am happy in my gopher hole.

My mind is going to dark places and not being very nice to me today. I'm trying to find distractions and redirect my thoughts.

I returned to the hobby I left. But in a clever way so none of the people who hurt me in the past will be able to recognize me. So far, no one has. I feel proud of my creativity. This hobby really, really helps me cope. It gives me a distraction when my mental health is tormenting me. Let's me connect with others and have a creative outlet. I can do things differently this time. I'm moving on.

Reconnecting with things from my past is producing a happy feeling. Tonight is much better than last night.

I'm having a hard time sleeping. It doesn't help that my little cat woke me up. They have food so I'm not sure what the problem is. I'm going to cope by doing a meditation. I'm just waiting for my iPad to charge up some.

I'm grumpy but also in a good mood? Is that a thing? I feel I'm often a shade of sunshine and a whole fierce fireball.

There are things I am angry about, but it's not directed at a specific person. Because it's no one's fault. It's more like, anger about some of my life experiences. I'm considering getting a punching bag and installing it in the garage upfront. So when I'm moody and irritable I've got something to expel my frustrations on. I've heard this helps people.

I’m trying my best. I got out of the house and I did some shopping. I haven’t been out of the house since Thursday or Friday I think. I took a shower for the first time in 2 days. I’m stressing about money and on top of all my bills I have to buy Christmas presents sooner then later. My surgery bill still hasn’t been finalized but it looks like I’ll owe about $3 thousand. Then I have 2 ER bills and $60 therapy sessions each week. I’m thinking of cancelling my $300 dentist appointment because I just can’t afford going to the dentist right now. I need to go I haven’t been since before Covid hit in 2020 but I don’t have $300 and my credit cards are pretty stretched. At least more then I am comfortable. I’ve had to return a lot of stuff already. The dentist is the only thing I can think of that I can let go right now.

Well my mom and I have decided to cancel the dentist appointment and find a less expensive one that will hopefully take my insurance. I liked this one a lot but honestly $300 for a cleaning and X-rays is ridiculous. So that takes some pressure off me. I need to do therapy every week at this point and I guess I can get on some kind of payment plan for my medical bills. People are going to have to be happy with $25 gift cards though for Christmas.

I got 4 loads of laundry done today but I didn’t actually do anything again. It’s kinda depressing me that I don’t do anything with my life and I can’t find a job until after the holidays. I’m really nervous about our Thanksgiving trip. Its really stressing me out. Plus I don’t want to be at the hotel babysitting my nephews all day on Friday while my brother in law and sister are out having fun. That just doesn’t seem fair.

My mom wants this to be a permanent trip each year but my line of work is retail and most retail jobs require you to work Black Friday or they will literally fire you. I’m not sure how she thinks going out of state will be possible each year?

Struggling today. With irritability and frustration. Have a headache. Feeling tired. I had started the day with thoughts of gratitude and tried to set it up to be a good day. Just dealing with a lot of stupid beyond my control frustrations. For instance, my computer is being a pain and not functioning right. I've had it assessed by professionals, and it's just old and there's not much that can be done. Some days it works better than others. But on days it doesn't work right, I have a hard time handling the frustration of dealing with it. And dealing with all the annoyances and frustrations and stress gives me a headache.

I'm coping with one problem at a time. I took a bunch of Klonopin this morning cause I was stressed. So I've been pretty chill. But it's time for more Klonopin now.

Dealing with the ridiculous level of noise my family makes. The dogs barking not stop and all their noise is driving me insane. I cannot handle constant noise!

Despite having a headache I have my earbuds in at the max volume JUST so I don't have to hear the damn barking and noise. No one ever cares about how all this affects me. No one ever cares that I need peace and quiet.