How are you coping today? #4

I’m coping decently today. I saw an endocrinologist today for the first time and it seemed more like a Pdoc or a therapy appointment. There was no medical table or medical equipment. Just a bench for me to sit on and a computer and a blood pressure machine. I felt like he was much easy to talk to unlike my other medical doctors. He wants to do blood work but he didn’t want it done at the first appointment. He said the first appointment is always awkward and I respect him for acknowledging and saying that. But I was a bit crabby after and I wasn’t on track with some things and I’m slightly worried about my physical health and I’m annoyed with my family because I feel like they are being irresponsible and making dumb choices that are affecting us. But overall I guess I’m doing well.

I had some beautiful moments today. I am feeling happier than I have in a long time, more like my old self. Not entirely, but. more like me. I have been socializing offline. Which, I had not done all year, basically. I look forward to finding ways to be kind and speak kindly to people. I coped well with the upset from ex friends this morning, and it doesn't bother me so much. They certainly did not ruin my day, they have lost power over me. Or, maybe, I reclaimed the power I had given to them. It has been good.

I’m coping ok today. I’m not too worried about anything. I’ve been watching some new TV show all day and just chilling out under my blankets.

The spinning is less and my head feels more stable. I was feeling rather dizzy before. Now, I feel much better.

Today, I am going to write a lot. I have so much I want to write about. I'm going to do my best to accomplish my writing tasks.

I am meeting a director for a mental health site. I volunteered to write social media content. I am not sure what he wants. I will find out if they need me.

Overall, I feel great! I am busy and productive. I am compliant. I sleep and eat well. I should exercise more so will move around a bit today too. The weather is nice here also. Life is not bad. As I got older, I have become more stable emotionally and mentally. I don't know the reasons for this. I don't have any problems with my illness right now. I feel blessed and grateful for my situation.

The weather was...typical autumn weather for this area, I was inside all day. Turned on my electric fireplace. I only had one moment where I was really upset and negative, but it passed more swiftly than it would have even last week. I'm really seeing improvements now. I looked through my mood/gratitude journal and I've been in a good mental state for 7 days now. That is more than I've had in a long time. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping it continues like this. I don't expect that life will stop giving me challenges, or be irritating or exhausting, but it seems I can shift back to a better mindset faster than I was.

I realize all the annoying things, inconveniences, and stuff...everyone has them. It's not that I have particularly bad luck or anything. Realizing this brought me a lot of peace. I guess it depends on your attitude how long these annoyances bother you. I'm learning.

Thank you, cinnamonsun!

Dealing with being angry and irritated. I went to the local gas station, I used to work there years ago. I know the manager. He refused to acknowledge me when I said hi. So I was like, cool, okay. I asked for the associate to make me a wrap. He was rushed and stressed, so I said, "I'm a local, I'm not in a hurry." And he was like, "Well I AM." And I was like cool okay. Mentally, sorry I came in today. So I ordered my wrap, and when I walked away the manager complained that I ordered one. Because there were premade wraps. But, they don't have all the things I want on my wrap, that's why I ordered one. I still paid for it. I'm just. Irritated. I am so sorry I inconvenienced their entire day by ordering a wrap. I still wished the associate a good day and didn't blow up, I controlled my temper, but I'm not sure I really want to go back. And that's kind of where I am.

I’m doing ok. I’m still sick but not as sick as my mom and my brother. They have coughs but I don’t. I’m sneezing though and have some other nasal stuff. Plus I still have some pain and stuff from my surgery. My anxiety for the most part has been under control today. It’s a bit tough right now. It’s also still a bit frustrating that I can’t taste soda anymore. I’d really like a regular can of Coke. I don’t have anything that I can really drink in the house right now that doesn’t have carbonation or calories. So I’ve just been drinking water for most of the day. I don’t know what I need right now. I know what I want but it’s not a good idea.

I am though happy with my treatment team and my meds. I feel like everyone is the right fit for me and most of my providers are better then the ones I was seeing before.

I did some rearranging in my closet today.

Working on organizing my media library. What's left of it. I was stupid and deleted a bunch of stuff a couple weeks back. Kicking myself for that.

Today is starting off in a very positive way. Something woke up in me the other day at an inner level, I feel very transformed. Embracing radical self-love in a way I never have. Even wearing my "Love yourself first" shirt. I am different now. Feeling ready for a new chapter in life, to create something beautiful after everything I've endured and been through. I'm not sure what I'm going to do just yet, but I feel even being open to change is the first step.

Today I am coping ok, planning, half watching cartoons, reading & posting here, etc.

I'm not very happy today. I should be but I'm not. I'm not coping well. I need to use DBT and I haven't done it yet. I thought maybe talking to someone would be helpful. Well, I just found out it's not allowed. I did try tapping but I cried through most of it. I guess it helped.

I’ve been doing my best today. A coffee run while already anxious wasn’t good though. I’m a bit frustrated right now because I’ve desperately needed to sneeze for the past hour but I haven’t been able to and it would really help. I feel also like I’m coming up with ideas about stuff that aren’t actually there and I’m starting to get worked up over them and getting worked up at night is never good. Right now I feel like dog **** physically but I still want to put my laundry away. It’s basically done except for my white hoodies that I’m not doing tonight anyways, but the laundry I did do is not put away it’s folded on top of the dryer and I still have one load in the dryer that should be done soon.

Usual daily irritations but I'm handling them better than I have been. Instead of bursting out swearing like a sailor, I just was like...UGH. Okay. This isn't really a big deal. I had plans that were interrupted because my brother got into a car accident. I'm glad he's okay, and no one was hurt. My plans were ruined, but instead of the whole "Woe is me" with swearing, I just accepted it and did something else. I call this progress. I want to work on being less irritable and grumpy.

I was assertive with what I needed and I stood up for my brother. I felt like I did good today. I didn’t think of that one thing I mentioned in my last post and I did finally sneeze and although it didn’t make me feel better physically it helped me feel better emotionally.

I'm not coping well at the moment. I feel very lonely. I overate. I'm crying now cause I don't know what to do. I thought about tapping. I guess I could give that a try.

I'm behind in my administrative tasks but still, have time to do them. I am so sleepy these days. I want to cut down my work hours to weekdays only. I will have to ask the management about this. I have only one day off a week, and it is getting to me. I do sleep a lot though and feel ok otherwise.

The room is going down and up still but it only bothers me when I focus on it. I try to distract myself. I don't think about it too much. I feel the room moving while I'm sleeping too though. It's really odd. I know it has something to do with the stones in my inner ears. I guess, I'm getting old and these stones are becoming insensitive to change in my position. I will go to the doctor once I can't manage to stand up or throw up. So far, it is just a minor problem.

Overall, I'm ok, not great, but ok. Life is not too bad. I am getting by and surviving on my own. I have really nothing to complain about. I was sick a few years back and could not take care of myself. Now, I'm on my own and doing ok. I don't know if it is a miracle or not. I just want to be on my own and know that I need to remain compliant. And, everything else is falling into place because of it. I am grateful for my stability, my situation, and my parents. They helped me when I was down and out and propped me on my feet again. I feel happy at times. And, I do feel blessed.

I watched my favorite movie today.

I finally got a bit more energy later today after some very grrrrrr days.......

I cooked my easy gumbo dish this morning. I guess cooking is coping. It gave me something to do. Especially, since I don't have my iced coffee anymore.

I am feeling a little overwhelmed. Because of the car accident yesterday I wasn't able to go out and buy my mom a birthday present. Today is her birthday and I am not prepared at all. Because of yesterday's interruption. I'm like yikes. I feel so bad. But to be honest, I sincerely forgot. I have an impaired memory. If I had remembered some days ago, I would have gotten something when I was out. I also have a LOT going on in my life. I'm trying to figure out how I can still go out to get at least something for her. Not driving and being in the middle of nowhere without public transportation is always a struggle for me. To pay for a taxi would be over $30. And I don't have the money. My dad will do things but it's always on his time and later. Because his main focus every day is doing work. He's not employed, he's retired. but he prioritizes working around the house/yard over everything else. I often wait several hours just to go someplace.

Those times I've been like, "I need to go to the ER." And he is like, "Can it wait until after I mow the lawn?" or "I have things to do, can we do it later?" And I'm always like, "....No? If I'm going to the ER that means it's an emergency. I kind of need to go now." Anyway, we'll see if I get to go out today. If not, I'll just accept that it is what it is. Maybe order something online and tell her it will be a late gift.

Right now I can’t tell if I need a cough drop or a valium. They say to rule out medical stuff first so I guess I’ll start with the cough drop. Today I guess was kinda half and half. I didn’t do much and I sort of lost it mid afternoon a bit. But I felt good physically for the first time in 5 days. I didn’t jump right to meds when my symptoms got tough. I didn’t follow the one hot meal rule though which I try to do. I feel like my overall physical health is kinda not exactly the best but my mental health is ok at least it’s better then it was a couple months ago. I feel like I’m not taking very good care of my physical health and I’m not letting on just how bad I’m doing. But mental health wise I’m doing better since October 1st. At least that’s my general idea of things.

I played some games today & I've been reading & posting.

I feel like I've been trapped inside. I wish I would have walked some. I guess it would have been nice to do something outside. I feel very sad. I just want to sleep.