How can I control my emotions around toxic coworkers?

I just started a new job. I think it might be seasonal. It coukd lead to permanent p/t employment. So far I doubt I’ll last there.

I need the money otherwise I’d quit. Anyways, one problem is that I’m an HSP with depression & anxiety.

I’ve been there for two days & I can tell that some people don’t like me. I was trained by two of ufe wimen on my first day.

They both looked at my body which made me feel uneasy. I dressed nice, so Idk why they’d do that. I ignored them. One lady looked at me weird twice. Rude!

I felt judged. Why would another woman do that yo me? They both seemed to be annoyed at training me. Just their tone of voice was rude.

One lady kept touching me even after I tecoiled & made a face. I should’ve told her to please stop touching me.

Then today I was ignored by two people in the H.R department. The H.R manager who hited me & who did the orientation ignored me & so did a supervisor. Rude. They just looked at me & talked to each orher than laughed. I had to ask them what they needed me to do that day.

Then the cashiers I met kept pawning me off on other people or asking other people to train me, The wiman who was supposed to train me stopped after an hour. My shift was for 4 hours.

I think they were annoyed that I wasn’t catching on quick enough. They were nicer to me though & they weren’t making their annoyance as obvious, but the fact that they kept trying to get other people to help me said a lot.

I’m really frustrated. On top of that, this lady who is petite made an inappropriate comment to me when she showed me the plus sized section.

She said this is the ‘Big Momma’ section. She said it multiple times. I felt like she was trying to fat shame me as I’m a large woman.

She then told me that she’s petite & in the petite section she said it’s where she shops as she’s small & petite. She mentioned that numerous times like she was hoping I’d say something about her being petite . I didn’t.

I thought she was nasty, so I told her that the politically correct term for the plus sized is plus size & not Big Momma. lol! I then said some customers might take offense to that. She said sorry & thanks for correcting her.

She didn’t bother to work with me much after that, but I don’t care.

She did go on break with me which was odd. And she offered me an apple.

Why would my coworkers have this attitude towards me? I tried to be nice. I met two nice women there . Almost everyone in the breakroom ignored me.

I found out that I’m the only person who isn’t scheduled for Black Friday which makes me think they won’t be keeping me around for long.

I don’t understand why I got such a hostile attitude or just an annoyed one from so many people so far. I’m very hurt & upset by this. I’m new . They tokd me they made mistakes as a new person too, so why are thet expecting me to know everything right away? Ridiculous!

They made me feel awkward by pointing out how I was nervous. Wth? Rude!

How can I control my emotions around these rude coworkers? Why would they treat me so badly?

I think some stuff is rather typical in retail. It’s fast pace and people don’t want to spend too long training anyone. So they’d ask each other to train people. Being left alone in a break room is a blessing. Otherwise you have to be in a constant chat or noise. Isn’t it just 15 minutes? Barely enough to use the bathroom.

Retail jobs are usually transient so you might not work with the same people a month from now. Big Momma is a very rude comment but that’s how some people are. Simple. Honestly just get through 4 hour shift and go home. Focus on a pay check

Well many of us would quit if we didn’t need money. I love my job but I’d quit tomorrow or work part time because I am always so very tired. But I need money and benefits. So keep working because you need a pay check and try not to worry who looks at you etc

One thing I’ll definitely do is complain about those 3 offensive women to H.R when I leave.

I can’t say anything now or they’d probably find a reason to let me go. Most people are friendly with each other there.

I don’t care if I make any friends there. The point is that I expect to be treated with respect.

I felt the big momma comment was an attempt to fat shame me,

Give it time. It’s been only two days.

A woman apologized and said thanked you for correcting me. I don’t think you should complain to higher ups if someone apologized and admitted being wrong. It’s not like she argued that she’s right. I don’t think you can really complain that someone looked at you certain way. It’s arbitrary and subjective

I think they didn’t scheduled you for Black Friday because it’s very busy that day and since you still require training they can’t really do that on that day. They’ll be too busy to train new people. I don’t think it’s anything malicious

I was going to say similar re the training, if your place is similar to mine it isn’t exactly training, more shadowing a coworker. In our store we don’t get given extra time to train people so it’s more “pick it up as you go along” thing, it’s not particularly fair on new starters IMO but most people will have been through the same.

I understand what it’s like being sensitive, feeling vibes etc and getting stressed out. I’d say working on managing that might help you. Honestly these days I let a lot go, I kind of switch off if that makes sense, and believe me I’ve worked with some challenging colleagues. There have been days when I’ve been focused on my pay cheque - or something nice I’m going to do later in the week, retail can be a slog especially at this time of year.

I wouldn’t worry about Black Friday, I’d agree that’s almost certainly because you’re not fully trained up yet - I’d count my blessings!

Are you taking notes? I have to write down verbal instructions. Sometimes i have to rewrite written instructions - a long list has to be organized into logical sections before i can understand and remember it. And im a genius!

Also, a lot of times, this is the other persons first and only job. They dont get that things are done differently elsewhere, they think its "obvious" and that this is the only way. When actually i knew dozen different ways to do the same thing, like sign on to a computer. So who is the ignorant one?

Good luck!

ETA - good on you for calling her out on "big momma"! You saved the company a lawsuit, if not an appearance on youtube!

This is a very good point about coworkers being on their first and only job. People need to be trained to deliver training properly, my h worked in staff training for years training people to train, it’s a skill. In retail you just get given a new starter and told to show them what to do. If you’re very lucky you’ll get given someone who intuitively (or through experience) knows how to explain, often you won’t though.

Thinking positively though this experience is something you can take forward with you because one day you might be the one helping a new starter to settle in, and you’ll remember hopefully what it was like.

I try not to let things get to me, but it’s not something that I have complete control over unfortunately.

I felt like my coworkers were passing me around as they didn’t want to train me.

It was frustrating. And on top of that I had to deal with that rude coworker whi made the fat shaming comment.

It was obvious that she wanted me to say something about how skinny she is as she kept trlling me she’s petite.

And it was obvious she thought it was funny to call the plus sized section the big momma section. She repeated that numerous times with customers around us.

I couldn’t believe how rude & unprofessional she was.

I hate this job. Fortunately the customers are understanding.

I feel that some people are being deliberately rude & annoying. One lady kept touching me. I was looked at funny by two women. They rudely looked at my body in front of me.

I feel like quitting already.

Yes, I started taking notes yesterday. I couldn’t believe that rude lady said that.

She mentioned it he word big momma numerous times in fromt of customers in the area too.

She also bragged about being petite numerous times. I felt like she was expecting me to compliment her on being skinny, lol.

Whatever, lol. At least she apologized for things.

The incident about big mama and the passing around is over with. Let it go. When I worked as a CNA I had a policy of mentally dropping my problem in a trash bag and the door. Then when I came in the next day the trash had been picked up and I could start fresh. Put that incident into a trash bag and set it outside.

What I learned in jobs is don't stick your head above the parapet, personally I go to work, do my job and come home, I'm lucky in that my current job I would fly to the moon for the colleagues I work with, if it would help them out, the three people I work with the most are lovely

I'm sorry you don't currently get on with the people you work with, do they know you have mental health conditions (as in, did you declare them in your application) ? There's arguments for and against letting people at work know about difficulties you have, legally although fat shaming isn't illegal, if you were to let them know about your limitations due to mental health, legally they couldn't discriminate against you, even by making comments about the length of time its taking you to learn stuff - for example I have learning disabilities so I would find it hard to learn stuff quickly in a new job, I'm not sure what your mental health disagnosises etc are, I hope they are taking them into consideration if they know about them

I’ll try, but I literally can’t shut things doen like a switch. Even when I think I’m hiding my emotions they shiw. Two coworkers already said that I seemed nervous, ugh! I didn’t actually feel nervous, just frustrated.

No, I didn’t disclose any information about my mental disabilities. I’m afraid that they will use that information against me.

They’ll probably gossip about me & make fun of me too. I’ll probably get treated worse.

Sorry, but it’s not a good idea. They’d just find a reason to let me go or give me less hours. Proving discrimination is hard.

I don’t know how it works in the US but I think in UK if you disclose health issue it’s a private thing your management would be made aware of but not every coworker in the place - it’s exactly to avoid gossip. You could of course choose to tell coworkers yourself but you wouldn’t have to.

Do you feel you'd be able to continue to do that job, if your new colleagues let you do the job without doing anything towards you?

I think nerves would be natural in a new job so maybe your coworkers were just jumping to a conclusion when they misread your frustration?

Feeling lots of emotions is natural, and if you’re HSP it’s good to work out some strategies that work for you. Not shutting things down exactly but developing techniques that help you cope with your feelings.

This happened to me. I had to give my manager paperwork by SSDI to fill out. I had no choice. I gave it to the manager I thought would understand the most. The very next week my hours were cut from 5 days to 2 days. I asked what was up and he said with a smug smile "I have a budget too."

What do you mean? Like leave me on my own? For now, no way. I’d eventually need help

This still sucks & I wish they wouldn’t make me more self conscious by pointing out that I’m nervous.

What I mean is not be constantly criticising everything you do, I mean they still show you stuff but they don't go down the route of "everything you do is wrong"

Sorry to hear that. You were obviously discriminated against. Maybe people can already tell that something about me is off.

That is probably why the people in H.R rudely ignored me when I said good morning to them.

Like I said, they’re friendly with each other. It’s like people can just sense that I have a disability, & they react badly to it, ugh.

They don’t exactly criticize me. I can tell they’re annoyed at having to show me stuff that they consider is easy to learn. They probably think I’m stupid even though they said it took them time to learn things & that they made mistakes too.

The only time people should disclose the disability (preferably in a formal letter from a doctor) is when people request accommodations. Otherwise there’s no reason to disclose. Are you requesting accommodations and if yes, what type?

Yes nothing makes a person feel more self conscious than having negative observations made about them!

No, I did not request accommodations. I don’t want to give them any reason to let me go already. I’m already not doing well, so that’s not good.