How can I control my emotions around toxic coworkers?

Yeah, I wish they’d kerp their mouths shut. I wonder if they were trying to make me feel bad or if they’re just clueless.

Then there is zero need to tell them anything. No need to disclose

Honestly I think most people are clueless much of the time. It takes time when you start a new job not just to know the job but to get a feel for your colleagues.

When I started my place 7 years ago now I got funny vibes from one young woman who seemed annoyed with me. Later it turned out she was going through a break up. Anyhow 7 years on we get on well and she’s one of the people I can count on in my workplace. As I say it takes time, have faith in that.

Which dept/part of job do you feel most comfortable in?

Hopefully you’re right about that. I’m playing it safe for niw. I was having issues signing in to the app to see my schedule & payroll. Instead of calling the store hunan resources manager, I called the main H.R line which was very helpful.

The H.R lady at our store sens limited in what she knows or what she can do. I was able to sign in to one app after that. I couldn’t actually sign in to the payroll app until 11/24, weird.

One guy was super nice & helpful. I told him about one incident & he told me to not take things personally as they could’ve been having a bad day.

I wish that everyone was as nice & helpful as he was.

Hopefully I won’t encounter anymore rude remarks like the big momma one or have anyone touching me
anymore.

If that happens though, I will set firm boundaries. I’ll definitely take notes from now on.

So far, the floor area. I hate, hate being rushed & dealing with people. I can take my time just putting stuff away or folding clothes which is way less stressful to me, lol.

Although none of the customers have been rude to me, I just don’t like interacting with people all day. It’s exhausting. I have a bad feeling that sooner or later peoples paitence with me will wear thin after I’m no longer the new oerson. Then I’ll just be the slow stupid person, lol 😆

I’ll eventually ask them if I can be put in one of those positions to where I won’t be working with the public much. Of course, I won’t tell them the exact reason for things. I’ll just say I feel more comfortable in that area, lol.

If you don’t feel comfortable interacting with people and don’t like fast pace, retail might not be for you. I am wondering why you took a job in a store if you don’t like working with customers. Interacting with people and moving fast is the first thing one expect in retail.

Some chains do hire people to work in the back or only do stocking shelves type of things. You could ask if they have those type of positions available. In general you might want to specify what you looking for when you are applying. When retail hires new employees, they usually expect that they’ll be flexible, unless you specified that you don’t want to work with customers.

That’s good you like working on the floor - me too! Doesn’t mean you’re slow or stupid - play to your strengths. You will have strengths it’s just identifying and building on them.

Maybe you’re neat? Organised? Methodical? A lot of shop floor work utilises those strengths. I personally enjoy organising stock and making everything look ‘just so’

These coworkers might have been showing concern and compassion. I would express gratitude to them.

I would also praise the woman who not only apologized but thanked you for correcting her. That is huge. If you praise her, even in retrospect, you stand a chance of developing a. positive relationship with her.

It really is one thing to apologize which many people are doing now, but to express appreciation for you showing her how to say it correctly is taking it to a whole new lever. Grab an opportunity to expression appreciation for her.

You write that you feel judged, but your post is full of judgments of other people. I did not go through the whole post, but just at the beginning you judge other people as rude twice.

Recoiling and making a face is not a good way to convey your discomfort. Yes, you should tell people that you do not feel comfortable when being touch and could they please avoid touching you. That lady did not deserve being made a face at. She probably was trying to establish a connection in a way that felt natural to her.

Also when people tell you that they, too, were once new, it is an opportunity to establish a connection. It seems to me that you forego such opportunities when they are offered to you and do not correctly identify them as such.

It’s because I wouldn’t get hired probably if I were to ask for specific accommodations. You need to ne flexiible with retail jobs.

Even stock people might nred to help ring people up at times.

I only took this job because I literally could not find anything else. I tried. Retail work will hire almost anyone who has open availability. It’s easy to get. They aren’t uber picky like most places are..

Well, some retailers are. I got rejected for a overnight stock position recently at one place. I don’t think the hiring manager liked me or how I answered his one million questions.

I don’t have any degree aside from a h.s one & no special skills. I’m stupid & I think most people can tell that I’m kind of dumb.

I take forever to learn new things. I’m not good at interviewing or making first impressions.

So my choices are severely limited.I’d definitely look into getting a job in computers or doing remote work if I had the skills for it.

I tried to learn about computers, but I gave up on it two or three times as the clssses were confusing & way to fast paced for me.

I don’t have that many options unfortunately. If I’m not able to learn the register well enough to be on my own soon, then I’ll ask them to put me on the floor.

I’m dumb but smart enough to realize they’ll let me go if I’m to slow on the register.

Thanks for understanding that. I can easily hide from customers too by standing in the back or out of sight, lol.

I know that I’ll need to help people still & that I’ll be expected to keep a whole area looking good for my whole shift. It won’t be that easy, but it will be much less stressful than having to do returns in one department on top of looking for orders in the warehouse & self pick up, tagging returned clothes, having to put stuff away in specific areas, answer the phones, and do returns. all at once!

It’s stressful. I’ll be less stressed focusing on one thing mostly,

Idk, maybe, but it was still awkward to deal with. I’d rather have them keep their opinions to themselves.

I did say thanks for understanding & it’s not just me. Idk what you expect me to do, ask them to hang out with me on break? I just met them. What were you expecting me to do?

I am confused. You were upset that people didn’t hang out with you on break even though you just met them. But now you are saying you cannot be expected to hang out with people on break because you just met them. It’s a huge contradiction. You want people to do something for you but you aren’t willing to do the same

You wanted to report that person to HR even though she apologized and thanked you. It’s concerning. Maybe that’s why previous poster suggested that you show appreciation to people rather than desire to get people in trouble after only few days on the job

I was misunderstood. I don’t care if no one wants to hang out with me on my break. I didn’t say that exactly.

I just stated that I didn’t understand why that one poster said that I failed to make a connection again like it’s always my fault for ‘missing opportunities’.

First of alll, what opportunities? I had none, zero. No one really tried to socialize with me. Why is everything supposedly my fault? It’s not,

Also, I didn’t go to H.R directly to complain about thst rude lady. I didn’t say anything to anyone at work. So, why do you think I was trying to get her in trouble? I’ll only say something iwhen they let me go as what she saidwas extremely rude & inappropriate.

I’m not going to report her now as I need this job right now. I now know that H. R rarely takes much seriously & they don’t like it when people complain about things. Especially when it comes to people they like,

I don’t care if she apologized. She was trying to fat shame me & was inappropriate. She needs to be taught a lesson when the time comes to be more sensitive & professional towards coworkers.

It is rare for anyone at work or outside of work to actually want to make any connection with me. I have tried & I get rejected 99% of the time by most people, so why bother trying amymore?

I try being nice, but for some reason most people don’t like me. Example: I said good morning to the people in H. R the other day.

I was ignored & stared at by the H.R manager & a supervisor . Neither of them said anything until I asked them what they’d like me to do. The lady who was assigned to train me was there too & she also ignored me at first.

See what I put up with? People won’t give me a break or even be civil to me, I give up! I’ll ignore them back from now on too.

The other cashiers were just trying to be nice at best with the newbie comments. I doubt they were trying to connect with me as they all tried to pawn me off to other people.

Two older women were nice who aren’t on register talked to me so far.

I talked to them too.

Also, I thanked people for helping me too. So obviously I showed appreciation.

I don’t appreciate it when people disrespect me & treat me like crap though.

Why aren’t you & that other lady seeing how rude & disrespectful some of my coworkers behavior is?

I doubt that either of you would be OK with being mistreated the way I have been so far, but when it happens to me, it’s somehow no big deal & that I somehow was the problem & ‘overreacted’ to things? I don’t think so.

Everyone I know including my insensitive husband agreed that some of my coworkers were rude.

At least she apologized which was good. Hopefully she won’t make fat or weight comments around me again. It’s not funny or cute.

I was stating facts. I stated what happened & how other people made me feel.

If that sounds judgmental to you, then I don’t know what else to say. I thought that those two women who rudely looked at my body, one doing it twice was rude.

Do you think it was OK for them to judge ME like that, but I am somehow the problem & being ‘judgemental’ for complaining about that? If so, then I don’t get why you think it’s OK for other people to disrespect me yet I should treat them with the utmost respect back.

Respect works both ways. As for that touchy felt lady, I should have set boundaries nicely. I had a knee jerk reaction unfortunately.

She was not trying to connect with me as her tone was one of annoyance while training me. She seemed like she was trying to annoy me.

Also, she did not say hi to me when she met me or tell me her name. She didn’t say bye either. All I got was coldness & annoyance from her. Obviously she wasn’t trying to connect with me.

As I said earlier, she looked at my body rudely twice which suggests thst she was trying to physically show dominance.

I just got a bad vibe from her. That is my opinion, not me being judgemental.

I feel that you are judging me tbh which I don’t like. I feel like I was being treated rudely & inappropriately.

My point is that she did more than apologize: she thanked you for correcting her. That deserved praise from you. It also could have been an opportunity for a new connection.

I am confused again. You are saying you don’t want this woman to be in trouble. In the very next sentence you state you’ll complain about her to HR when you leave the job. So you want her to be in trouble, just not right this second. You want her in trouble after you leave the job.

So you don’t care that someone apologized and admitted wrong doing. So when you do something wrong and later apologize and repent, do you believe you still need to be punished, reported and face consequences? You do not believe in forgiveness and do you expect perfection from people? Do you never say or do anything wrong? Do you expect perfection from yourself?

Not exactly facts because how she looked at your body is your perception which might be biased. But I was talking about how your post is peppered with the word "rude", how the title of your post misuses "toxic", which is a strong word. Even if these people are rude, what you have described so far does not rise to the level of toxic.

I do not have time for it now but later can go through your OP and highlight judgmental comments.

I think you need to decide for yourself: either you make an effort to see the good in people, meet them somewhere in the middle, forgive their imperfections, and yourself emanate warmth and welcome when you meet new folks, or you continue counting and tallying up your grievances, both real and perceived. What do you want from this? Do you want to contribute to creating a tolerable atmosphere at work or do you want this, yet another, attempt at employment to turn sour and then go nurse your wounds and not enjoy the income you are drawing from this gig?

I would give them a broad smile and see if they themselves ask you if you'd hang out with them on break.

Really? After I was treated rudely? Did you read the part about how i said hi & good morning to the people in H. R & then was just stared at?

Out of 3 people there, no one said anything until I asked them what they’d likeme to do.

I remained calm & professional on the outside but inside I was hurting.

I didn’t understand why they couldn’t at least be civil towards me even if they might have not liked me.

Do you see my point now?

I’ve noticed that both you & Divine tend to think that every single thing is my fault and it seems to me that you both think that I should go out of my way to try to be nice to people who don’t even like me.

Why is that? I told you I tried. It’s NOT always ME who is the problem.

It’s like you think I should let people treat me like dirt just to be ‘liked’ or ‘accepted’ & I don’t agree with that attitude at all as I deserve to be respected.

How would YOU have handled each insulting scenario exactly? Would you just ignore it? Would you still try to be nice to everyone? I genuinely would like to onow how you’d handle the following:

The big momma incident

The being ignored at & stared at in H.R by 3 people

Being inappropriate ly looked at by two women. If they were men btw, most women would report them for sexual harassment. Being female doesn’t excuse that rude pervert behavior. loll

It seems like you think I’m an inferior being who needs to suck up to people & take whatever b.s they throw at me,.

I’m not rude, mean, or disrespectful. They are.