Mortality is a Nasty *****

I got a sad text from my mom this evening… one of my parents’ closest friends is dying, and they may be going to Boston this weekend to see him for the last time. I’ve never met him, but he was a really good friend to my dad when they were in college together, and was the best man at my parents’ wedding. I don’t know why this hasn’t hit me until now, but I realized that my dad will be 75 years old this fall. My mom will be 69 in January. I’ll be 40 in February. Ladies and gentlemen… WHAT THE ****. This is more than my joints creaking when i stand up or me grimacing at the glints of silver I’ve started seeing in my hair. This is scary and depressing and sobering. I feel like it’s all going by so fast… when I first came out to Colorado, I was 27. Honestly, my twenties weren’t that great; I feel like I have gotten a lot out of my thirties— a lot of hard lessons learned, a lot of tough truths faced, and even some fun with friends and family as well. But what happens next? My parents are aging, and they’re physically falling apart as well— my dad just had to have both knees replaced, and my mom is practically a bionic woman with all the joint replacements and back surgeries she’s had. And then they will eventually die (although hopefully not for a good while longer— as annoying as they are, I do still love them). Then it’ll just be me and my sis, who lives in the UK. She’s about five and a half years younger than me, and we’re completely different. She’s very composed and I’m very intense. She and her boyfriend take forever to choose the perfect sofa for their new home; I just throw an afghan over my stained futon and call it good. I love her and will always have her back, but we don’t communicate that much. Mainly because we’re both so busy and we live in completely different places. I have never really feared death— I’ve always felt more comfortable with the darker side of things, to be honest. The shadows are a comfortable realm for me. That being said, for once I’m confused and uncertain about what comes next. I just don’t know how to deal with this for some reason.

I share your sentiments on this. I think this has been true for me throughout my entire life. In my thirties I thought it was all over, and yet with hindsight I realise how incredibly young I still was then.

At 60, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s fruitless to worry about the future, and to try in a way to embrace that uncertainty. If I wake up feeling relatively physically well then that’s a great starting point for me now. I then try and identify one thing I’m going to do during the day, however small, that will make me happy; even if that’s just a 15 minute walk around the block to take in the sights and sounds, or read a few chapters of a book. My goal is to have enjoyed the day, and found some happiness. Tomorrow is just a false premise, there’s no guarantee it will arrive, I just want to embrace the here and now.



Jeff.

Getting older sucks. But the alternative sucks more

I identified with "siggy" in the movie "What about Bob?" He was the son of Richard Dreyfuss' character and he was a morbid youngster.
So was I as a child. I couldn't figure out how people walked around with lesser ideas in their heads than life and death. How could they be so distracted?
I woke up from a nap this afternoon thinking I was so deeply asleep I could have just moved on and never known the difference. That's a likely scenario.
Never knowing the difference. Never having made a difference. What difference would it make?

NovaBlaze, I basically share your views— since tomorrow is never guaranteed, I agree with making every day count. I’ve always been fascinated by death, actually. Maybe it’s just my personal beliefs or something, but I feel the dead are still with us in many ways. Regarding death itself, no one can say what comes after, or if anything comes after. I personally feel something does come after death, but again, there is no way for me to prove it.

It’s really interesting hearing your thoughts on death, @indigo1015.

I am very fluid on my thoughts about the afterlife. I know that when my mind is in a good, positive place, my thoughts on this do lean towards the idea that death may only be a beginning, rather than an end. Being sentient is such an incredible gift (or a curse, depending on my mood). The sheer complexity of consciousness and “being” quite overwhelms me when I sit and think about it. I find it hard, like most people, I suspect, to avoid dwelling on the question “What’s the purpose of being sentient?”. I can’t escape the thought, maybe it’s human arrogance, that something as fragile and special as sentience can’t just be an evolutionary glitch, quirk, or mistake. But then again, maybe it is.

This is where I envy people who have faith in their God, it must give them a sense of calm and peace as they progress through life.

I think my “faith” lies in my appreciation of having been given a shot at life, and this is where my drive for making the most of every day comes from.

I think being at peace with the prospect of death is a positive step towards good mental health. I suspect most people, understandably, don’t want to talk about it, but maybe we’d all benefit if we did from time to time.

Jeff.

I have recently been listening to numerous podcasts about history, particularly the history of epidemics in the past, including cholera, plague, typhus, and smallpox, among others. Learning about the devastation these epidemics brought made me realize that they, coupled with wars and famines, make my shot at life (using @NovaBlaze's expression, thank you) an event of such tiny likelihood (meaning, that all my ancestors managed to survive and reproduce) that I better make the most of it and feel grateful for what I have.

The history of pandemics is really fascinating, @Tart Cherry Jam.

I read “Pale Rider” by Laura Spinney”, last year, which was very sobering. I’d be interested in listening to those podcasts, if you have time to post the links or information on where they can be found.

Jeff.

Hi Jeff,

The podcasts I have been listening to are in Russian. One of the YouTube has a fascinating title that can be translated "Why we are still alive." I will search on YouTube for similar historical content in English and report back on this thread.