Not sure how I feel

Im not sure how I cant but my feeling in to words but I have found a poem that is nearly excatly how I feel.....

Life is a prison,
Oh God let me out.
No one to listen,
To hear when you shout.

Climb the walls of insanity,
Ride the waves of despair.
If you fall it don't matter,
There's no one to care.

Used to wish for a window,
To see birds, trees and sky,
But you're better without one -
Stops you aiming too high.

Watching freedom is painful,
For those locked away.
Seeing joy, love and happiness,
Another price that you pay.

Strong is good, weak is bad.
Be it false, be it true.
Your mind makes the choice,
And enforces it too.

Cell walls built by society,
With rules to adhere.
If you breach the acceptable,
You had better beware.

Hide the pain, carry on,
Routine is the key.
Don't let on that you're not,
What you're pretending to be.

Lock it all up inside you,
How badly that bodes.
Look out for that one day,
When it all just explodes.

Leaving naught but a shell,
Base functionality too.
But killing all else,
That was uniquely you.

So how do you grow,
With a timebomb inside?
Or how to defuse it,
Without destroying its ride?

You can't.

Please take care of yourself. I know that I identified with a lot of this poem, and it's a hard place to be.

(Welcome to PC too!)

But Im on my own.... No one understand what Im going though.... Or dont want to understand..... No one is here for me.... No one..... I cant even undersand why I am trying other then I promised a mate I would see him again next year... Thats one of the main things that is keeping me going to and Im getting married.... But I have to wait another 243 days till I feel my friend again... How am I going to survice that.... I cant to this any more not on my own

I feel very much like that when I am depressed. Have you had a chance to talk to therapist? You sound like you have a LOT on your plate If I were in your shoes I think I would feel the same, but your have to believe that it will pass... usually not as fast as we'd like. You found a good site though. People here so understand, and want to, so let us know what's happening.
You'll make it. Just hang in there

Sometimes tho Im not even sure I want to make it.... Sometimes I just want to give up..... Sometimes I sit down and think what is the point.... Im always under peoples feet... Im always in the way..... What is the point in me being here??? I have a few good friends that keep me going but sometimes I think they would be better of with out me....At least then they wouldnt have to deal with my ****!! I dont know what to do or who to be anymore.... I cant be myself bacuse I dont know who myself is..... This really isnt helping that Im not eating much.... And at the min Im really shakie...... But thats not the point... Im doing it again I putting all my **** onto other people and I shouldnt...... I just dont think Im going to last......

Hang in there and don't be afraid to pour your heart out here. Thats what everyone is here for. To tell our woes and to help each other. thank you for the poem. I feel the same way sometimes. Too often. Just hang on and hang on to what you have.

But sometimes it hard to hang on to that... The main thing that is keeping me going at the min is I made a promise and I dont like braking promise.... That promise was to a friend.... I was working in Kavos - Greece not so long ago and I made a very good friend I told him about my cutting and everything and the day I left he said "I take it this is the last time Im going to see you because Im not sure you will be able to make it to next year" thats whats keeping me going.... To prove him wrong.... But I have to wait 243 days!! HOW CAN I DO THAT

You DO have something to hang on for-that friend, that promise to yourself. Think how great that will be to see them again. I'm not good with words but I'm hoping that you understand me when I say we need you here on PsychCentral. You are important to us. It will get better. You have to try to believe that.

I know what you are trying to say babe.... But sometimes it just seems so hard to hold on..... And even hard on your own!!

I hope that you have a good weekend.

Im not having much luck tonight am I..... God.... Im hungry, feeling really low, and know to top it all I want to cut!! GOD!!!!! Soooo what am I suppose to do this time :/

I don't know, but here's a long list of things you might consider.

May your promise be fulfilled.

What an accurate picture of depression your poem provides. It does seem hopeless sometimes - well, a lot of the time. Count what you have * Forget what you don't * If you fall, it DON'T matter * So long as you batter * back onto your feet. * The waves of despair * All too familiar to me * The world isn't fair * But the Universe Be. I've asked God to let me out so many times I can't count. But He hasn't, and I've had enough auto wrecks to give Him a good excuse. We are here for something, even if it's just to learn. So congratulations on still being here, despite how you feel. I don't think Life is a prison. The world may be a prison, but look up at the stars. How can this be all there is? Always here for you ~ billieJ

Thanks BillieJ...... The poem is what my life seems like at the min.... Everything just seems so dark... And empty.... I dont know why I keep holding on... Well at the min I do...... I have a promise to keep but I just dont know how Im going to be able to get thought all of this..... Some times I think about just breaking the promise.... And giving up but I dont like braking promises..... I dont know what to do anymore.... I eating!! Well forget about that.... Thats gone sooooooo "wrong"...... My cutting wel I havent done it in a whie but have a feeling I might soon...... And my depression if thats what it is called..... Is well of the chart!!!

How can you wait for 243 days, there is only one way, a single day at a time.

I've felt as you do in the past, not too long ago actually. Depression is reality for more people that you would think, and understanding what you are going though is not hard to do at all. But I think what you've been doing is underestimating yourself.

When I was depressed, it seemed super easy to simply lose myself to negative emotions. It was so easy to think of myself as worthless, unneeded, stupid, etc. But what I realized most out of all of it was that insulting myself never got me anywhere. It was only when I got through those insults, when I pushed through the depression, that I realized those things I had been saying about myself for so long were all far from the truth.

What I'm trying to say is that depression makes us feel a lot of emotions that we otherwise would not be feeling. It makes you feel worthless and stupid, even though that's not what you are. Try to remind yourself that you are how YOU see yourself - not the person depression sees you as.

It's hard to look ahead of you and think "how am I going to make it through this week... this month... this year?" Don't look at it that way. The only thing that's important is how you make it through TODAY. Sometimes you wake up and don't even want to get up the morning, or even move, but hold your head high and believe in yourself - because you've made it through hundreds of days like this one in the past. If you did all of that, you can get through today.

Dealing with depression is not easy, I know it's not. But each and every one of us have the strength to get through it. If someone would have told me that two months ago I would never have believed them, but now I'm saying it myself. You CAN get through this - no success comes from telling yourself that you can't.

Maybe you need to consider talking to a doctor so you can get some help with this. Depression is a serious problem, and it's not easy to get through it without help. Consider talking to a doctor, it may make a huge difference in your life.

Hang in there, you can get through this!

Evn though I have an illness that makes sure my depressions eventually end, I know that it is coal black hen i am in it and I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel until I am well out. Keep your promise. Write a contract with someone near you if yu must. Depression will tell you all sorts of things just to keep you in the whole, and you need these lifelines to other people who see things differently. There aren't any other easy answers.

BTW you're not putting your **** on everyone, dear. We don't have to read it if we don't want to, and besides, Not everything that one needs to unload is ****. (even if it is, better out than in, eh?) This is a very good place to leave it.