Fear of applying for a job?

Well LMo, I am going to give you some insight into what he is going to do if you follow through with Heathers plan of giving him a swift kick in the bum, or making him leave. BAM. You find him dead the next day. If he is seriously suicidal at all like myself, he will do it immeadiatly. I am in the same situation as him, on the verge of having no where to live, and if someone finally told me "You have to leave you can't live here anymore, go support yourself" I'd be dead the next day. Its not the right thing to do LMo, and I can honestly say that because I'm sure what I am saying would come true. What your doing for him is amazing, your right that you may never have this end, that is true, but think that even if you never have kids... you will know that you have made one persons life amazing, and kept them safe from themselves for all these years, and ultimately did the right thing in saving him.

Your wonderful and keep it up. Sorry if I was so bllunt with the "BAM" part, it doesn't phase me at all but I know it bothers those who are not suicidal, sorry.

Death Calls Us All, How Long We Prolong It Is Our Choice

WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! (LMo is really crying hard now!!!!)

I need therapy immediately.

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

Ian, I think this is an example of blackmail by suicide. A most profound insult to all those who the suicide claimed to love. The ultimate statement of let me use you or I will hold my breath until I die. Unfortunately this kind of person is willing to hold their breath until they both die. "I'm going down and I'm taking you with me." A most horrid kind of narcissism.

LMo, I hope your friend is NOT like this and if he is, you certainly don't deserve to be taken as a secondary victim.

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are

No Kvinn. Like, I would agree with you if he said to her "If you kick me out I'm going to kill myself", then yes it would be. But like in my case I'm not saying it to anyone, and when it does happen I'll do it. My thought process isn't "I'll bring you down with me". IF that was true I would commit a school shooting (Would have). But yea, you misunderstood obviously, or I did something dumb.

PS don't use my name in the forums Kvinn

Death Calls Us All, How Long We Prolong It Is Our Choice

(Foolish - you used your OWN name, silly! Read your previous post!!!)

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

What? No I didn't

Death Calls Us All, How Long We Prolong It Is Our Choice

I@n, YOU signed your name in the post above.

The suicide blackmail threat is blackmail whether it is explicit or not. The suicidal blackmailer has ZERO love for anyone in their sphere. It is all manipulative, ego-centric BS. I agree they are very, very mentally ill, and very, very dangerous people.

I do not like where this thread has turned and will now divorce myself from it.

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are

Yes you did! You just edited it out!!! ;-)

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

KV - oh... do you mean the most recent ones or did I do something wrong? I'm sorry, if I did! Please don't divorce yourself from ME!

Hey! I just realized I turned into a Veteran Member! Yippee??

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

OK, I am still here for the moment.

I refuse to participate in any discussion of rationalization for suicidal manipulation of people.

I lived thru many years of this as my sister killed herself with anorexia, using it as a tool to very subtly twist the knife of guilt into every member of her family.

It is dispicable beyond words.

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are

lol he means mean. Don't worry about it LMo. I'm avoiding this post all together now as well. Your posts just anger me Kvinn and I don't want to feel that way. You can stay and talk to LMo.

PS yes i did edit my name out, your clever LMo haha.

Death Calls Us All, How Long We Prolong It Is Our Choice

My oh my...talk about a guilt trip...thanks so much "Foolish".
Maybe you should have read the whole thread through.

Oh and btw - for those of us who were suicidal at one time (yes foolish - myself too) those words have the same impact.




Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

Thanks to everyone who responded.

Can I just ask one quick favor and I promise not to turn it into a long diatribe? If, after reading my story in this post, you had to sum up what MY problem is, how would you describe it?

I'm not being a wise-butt, I just want to know how to best describe MY problem.

Thanks friends!
- Veteran LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

{{{{{{{LMo}}}}}}}}}

If I could sum it up? you are too loving and caring I'm serious...I really think that and I also think that this isn't so much as a problem as it is something that you can re-direct towards yourself. You deserve to be treated the same way that you treat others, I am not saying that your bf doesn't treat you well....you just need to build up a backbone


Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

You obviously have not spent enough time with therapists to know a question like this will never get a straight answer!

It would be ever so carefully turned to YOU to answer for yourself.

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are

Ha! 9 years with a therapist and you'd think I'd know that - don't know why I would expect someone else to touch that question with a pole! Heh heh!

Reason I ask, KV, is mostly because of some of the things that you said. Like "why are you going along for his ride?", "your grip on the problem seems to be slipping", "this is turning out to be YOUR issue". I guess I'm just looking for clarification... but maybe you're just questioning me to get me to question myself, therapist-style!

Thanks friends!
- Veteran LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

Those were very non-professional slips.

It really is up to you. All we can and should do here is keep moving the mirror around so you keep coming back to face yourself even when you don't want to.

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are

Veteran Kvinneakt:
You are a wise, wise man.

Your statement echoes your Bumper Sticker - very consistent!
- Veteran LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

Veteran LMo, we are all doing the best we can. At least some times.

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are

Veteran LMo, I would like to congratulate you on your status. You and kv both have much wisdom in my book.

Your fuzzy friend

Thank you and likewise, Grand Fuzz

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

What a wonderful insight Kvin I love what you wrote...."All we can and should do here is keep moving the mirror around so you keep coming back to face yourself even when you don't want to. " Terrific!



Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

(((Lmo)))

From reading your post, I don't think your boyfriend is a slacker, or even mooching off of his girlfriend (you), at least intentionally.

Sometimes, people just fall in a rut - something that can happen so easily and fast they are there before they even know it. And the falling in is much easier than climbing out.

I think you must be a very sweet person and hope you will continue to be his rock, and that the two of us will find a way to help him. (hey, I'm even trying to group all of alike things together now - <pats self on back>.

I think, his problem isn't one of intelligence, or even of pride, or of slacking, but one of being lost, overwhelmed, of fear itself?

Lot's of luck to you both sweetie. I wish I could say or do more, but that would be above my qualifications and knowledge.

Yours,
Sam

First of all I'm very sorry to hear about your boyfriend. He sounds very very sick and he needs a lot of help. It is very good that he's started taking meds - that is a very postive first step. He should also be going to counseling so that his behavior, motivation and problem-solving can be monitored and strengthened.

Right now, he is unable to take action for himself because he doesn't care about himself. But, he has to realize that he is in a relationship and he must care about you. He needs to be participating in the process of his wellness, otherwise you aren't in a relationship, you are being a parent.

When I was very sick, I lived with my girlfriend. She worked full-time while I looked for a job. It took me a while to find a job, and all the while she maintained a balance between providing a loving, caring environment for me but also indicating that she needed me to participate and make genuine effort.

If you love him, then you have to make him realize that if he doesn't take steps to nurture your relationship, then in won't exist. You can't create the whole relationship yourself and you'll only end up hurting yourself if you try to.

My advise is to focus on the clinical treatment of his depression. That means weekly therapy whether he talk or not, a certain amount of contributions and accountability to your shared household - even as simple as keeping the place clean and doing the laundry. His main job right now is to learn to manage his depression. No degree or job is going to do that.

Denver - that was great - thank you for this response. It was pretty fortifying for me. We dropped off on the solo and couples counseling, but I do want to pick it back up and he says he does, too.

That was interesting what you said... about him not caring about himself. I wonder if that's true. Might be. Seems like he's acting that way.

I'm out of town this week but will see him at home on Thursday night.

Thanks Denver, and welcome - don't think I've seen you here before. Looking forward to getting to know you better.

Thanks again,
LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!