OMG - wallowing

This happens sometimes...I am finding depression more comforting. I want to wallow in it. It's safe being inside myself. I regress to childhood. I want someone to take care of me. Just as I start making a little progress - taking positive steps to get meds and therapy - I find myself wondering why bother? Depression isn't that bad...it's kind of nice.

along those same lines - feeling very compelled to be on this site. More wallowing....

I think it's okay to wallow and like it - but just give yourself a time limit for control purposes. Wouldn't want you to wallow away your life. So what do you do when you're wallowing - get a cozy blanket and relax? I think everyone needs some time to feel sorry for themselves once in a while. Be good to yourself and I hope you feel better soon. Sending conforting hugs your way

Oh no - not relaxing while wallowing - hiding from the world, being afraid of people.

What do I do? I obsess...I grab an issue from my head and play with it. I question myself. What if I did this or that? What if I told my step-mom how wrong her opinions of me are? What if I could make her hate my dad? What if dad is right? Maybe I'm just a selfish, spoiled little brat. I beat myself up. When I get too tired to poke at myself, I go read a book and attempt to escape to somewhere else. I cry. I think horrible thoughts. It may be weirdly comforting to wallow in it, but it sure isn't healthy.

How about writing down all those thoughts in a journal and when you close it up, this symbolizes you're done worrying about it for now. Do you have anyone to talk to? Getting involved in some sort of exercise would be good - it increases your self esteem. Find some healthy ways to occupy yourself. Remember not to sweat the small stuff.

Englishteacher,

I totally agree with Lynn's comments. I DO know what you are going through. I am right there with ya! I've been wallowing for the past two days. What sucks is I can't wallow at work

Also, I, too, am compelled to be on PC all day as well. It's like I have my friends nearby me while at work and in between projects, I pull up and post. I don't think I can ever do without my PC friends, including You

Have you started new meds yet? And visited your pdoc? If so, how did it go?

Please keep us posted and PM me anytime if you want to compare notes.

(((((((((((englishteacher)))))))))

I completely agree with you. I too feel that depression is the safe place more often than not. Have you been diagnoses BPD. Just a thought. Your feelings sounds like mine even down to pulling a thought out of your head and playing with it, analizing it, playing what if senerios. Your posts speak to me so much. I can relate.

I have found through therapy that I stay in the depression state, wallowing, because it is safe and getting better and feeling better about myself is dangerous. In reality, it's the fears that go alone with getting better.

Also it's easier to stay in the depressed wallowing state, or we feel it is eaiser, than using your real feelings; example you may be angry at someone, instead of speaking up, addressing the issues you become depressed and wallow in it. It's safer than addressing the problem.

Don't know if any of this relates to you or not, but you posts did. Take care.

tryingtobe - yes, it is much easier to be depressed than angry or speak up! What I'm angry about right now can't even be addressed because I broke ties with the people that I'm angry with. That should have solved the problem - no more people, no more anger...but no, I'm still angry and depressed that I can't fix it - NOT EVER!

Flagwriter - no meds yet. It's gonna take a little time to sort out paperwork etc. I don't have a primary care doc - hated the one I had and refuse to go back. He just wanted to wean me off meds...take care of body and mind will follow kind of guy. If you are depressed, get over it kind of guy. No whining. He always made me feel guilty and uncomfortable - not good for a doc.

YES, I know exercise and diet can help. too depressed and asthmatic (at the moment) to exercise. When I get back on track, I'll start going to the gym regularly again. Ironic isn't it?

It is so much easier. I do feel that therapy is helping me to deal with that anger. I am in the same place, can't address the people that I am angry about but I can learn to use my anger going forward with people that are in my life due to therapy with my T. Also I am learning to get my anger out other ways for the people that are no longer in my life.

Good luck and I hope you can get the help you want.

I literally hate people who think the way you stated about your doctor! "Just snap out of it," they say...URGH! How ignorant can you be and still hold an MD???

Good idea to find a new doc!

((((englishteacher))))

Maybe the thought of wallowing in it is because for so long it was all we knew and somehow we had to find comfort in that very thing that kept repeating itself over and over again. Maybe wallowing is somehow a comfort because we learned to make it comfort because what else was there at the time. And finding that safety within what was happening is something we know.

So many times thinking about things that we wish would happen is a way to try to get back. Many times I get caught up in a cyclone and goes around and around until I exhaust myself. My friend will many times call me on it because I cannot see it as it is something that can hit before I really know it.

The thought of it is easier to be depressed than angry or speak up is true. We never could speak up and anger was just not acceptable. So backing down and not saying anything was the safest thing to do then. But is it so much safe now? Or can that hurt us even more? We are still allowing them to have that control in a essence.

To just get over it---would be so nice wouldn't it. I hate those very words. Been told that more times than not. But if it was so easy to do I think everyone would just do it. There are so many things we have to work through. Things that made no sense or things that we had no choice in. And sometimes still today have no choice in. But taking time to understand those things and feeling what you need to feel will allow ones' self to work through what is held deep within.

I hope you will try to journal. Writing things out for me is something that I have done for a long time. It is a way to get it out of my head and in a place that I have the choice to share or not. It gives me some sort of control as to being able to let go as much or as little as I want to. Sometimes when I am depressed I write. It may not always make sense to anyone but it is my thoughts and my feelings as I write. And it gives me a way to release what otherwise just keeps going around and around.

I do thank you for sharing. I understand what you are feeling. I hope you will keep posting and sharing. Know that we are listening and we do care. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

Thanks so much to all of you for the support. I used to journal, but stopped a long time ago. Maybe it is time to start again.

On the upside, I feel better - it's so odd though - like turning on and off a light with a switch. One second, I'm wallowing...the next, I'm wondering why I'm sitting here in the dark....chemicals in the brain...ugh!

Amen! to the chemicals in the brain! Glad you're feeling better today...hope tommorrow is even better