slip sliding away

I'm just so tired of the battle. It has really got me worn down. I know though that I'm going to wake up tomorrow, go to work and put on my happy face but come home exhausted. I'm doing all the right things like seeing my psychiatrist regularly, always taking my meds, journaling. My therapist is out of town but I'm going to see her. I'm doing everything I should be doing, but I'm still depressed. Not just unhappy, but walking thru the muck and mire depressed. I am blessed with a great family and a job I like so I see no outside reason for my feelings. I feel as though I am being punished for some reason. I've waged this war before and I know I will again in the future but right now it seems to have the upper hand. When I go through a depression like this one, it always feels like it's the first time I've ever felt this way. I forget between episodes just how miserable it can make me feel. I don't know what else to do other than ride it out, waiting for the clouds to clear. In the meantime, I hurt mentally and emotionally. shaggy

(((((shaggy)))))---I'm pullin for ya....I love that song, by the way.

But I can identify with your misery----------------as you say, you'll come out of it again.......................in my thoughts and prayers------theo

I'm sorry that you feel this way. You say that you are meds. maybe they are not the right meds for you. What do you take? Have you tried a lot of different meds?

Hang in there.

I hear you!
You mentioned journaling. What does your journal tell you about previous depressive episodes? Have they all been the same? Are some worse than others? Have you come across anything that tends to shorten or mitigate the episodes?

We're with you, Shaggy Dog. Try to keep posting.

Sorry to hear things aren't going so well. Maybe talk to your pdoc about a different anti depressant. Maybe the one you are on just isn't working well for you.

SD,

So sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I can relate... depression can feel like dragging something very heavy. Sending my deepest good wishes your way. I'm glad you are able to see your T even thought she is going out of town. I have found it very hard when T is away. I act like it's nothing but it takes it's toll. The only thing that has been helping me is going to therapy 3x per week. I just feel like I have endless anger and sadness left over from age 1 to mid 30's that I never dealt with. I'm hoping it won't take forever. Has more therapy ever been helpful? Also, as Theo and Skully have mentioned, changing meds might help? One other thing, that new treatment? TMS. I have heard it can be very helpul... though the insurance thing is a pain right now as it is so new. I know someone who has been helped by it, though.

shaggy dog, tell your treatment team the treatment is not working. After over forty years of dealing with treatment for depression I no longer will suffer in silence.

It is true that depression is always a work in process. Our bodies build up a tolerance for the medications. The therapist runs out of ideas. Maybe some fresh faces are needed.

Good luck, shaggy dog. Tell them the way it is. You might even copy your post to show them.

Thanks for all the support and encouragement folks. Theo, thanks for the thought and prayers and being a Paul Simon fan. Maxime, Skully,and Elana05, thanks for the sympathy, you are all right maybe it is time for a med adjustment. Rohag, thanks for the support, one of the problems my journaling has highlighted was my faulty thinking. Maybe it is time to pull out the David Burns Feeling Good Handbook and brush up on my cognitive skills. TheByzantine, thanks for the jolt of reality. You're right, I should make some noise and maybe stir things up. Thanks again y'all are the best. shaggy

probably reading some self-help books for new ideas wouldnt hurt

Idk, I have found self help helpful in my life. I read Power of Positive Thinking (the oldie) when I was 19 and loved it. It indeed gave me some "fight." However, when I'm feeling really down it can turn 360 degrees into a way to put myself down for not trying hard enough or not being able to fix it on my own (ie. just cheer up). Hope you can take all of the good positive stuff away Shaggy, but never feel like you aren't trying hard enough. That's all. That's my own experience, please ignore this post if it isn't helpful to you...

E

Depression is an illness . You could also have all the money in the world and still be depressed. Just an example.
It takes lots of work to find something that works for you.
I hope you feel better soon shaggydog

SophiaG, Thanks for the good tip. You're right, it can't hurt. Elana05, Thanks again for the support and good post about sharing your experiences with me. Babysteps, thanks for the encouragement. shaggy

Thinking of you, shaggy dog. I have also found it to be incredibly frustrating when I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do (going to therapy, taking meds, exercising, spending time with friends, etc...) and still feel like crap. One thing that gets me through it is that I've had the experience of depression enough times to know that eventually it will lift a little, and that I've managed to get through it before. It sounds like you've had multiple episodes of depression as well? What has helped you to survive until the clouds lifted in the past? For me, at my worst moments, what has helped is figuring out how to get through a few minutes at a time, using distraction, calling my therapist and my friends, and trying to get outside when I can.
Take care. You are in my thoughts.
garden gal

Thank you so much garden gal for such a thoughtful post. Thanks for sharing your experience with me. Like you I've been bad enough to where I've had to take it minute by minute to get through a particularly bad spell. There have been times at work in which I would have to excuse myself to the restroom and then spend my time there crying. On those times my therapist tells me to try to wait a little bit longer each day before needing to cry, if only by 10 minutes until you can make it longer and longer. Again thanks for the encouragement and sorry about my rambling reply. shaggy